Children Of War Part 5

Haneen and her family are from Baghdad. Their lives have been in upheaval since before the invasion in 2003, and they left Iraq for good in 2007. They are now living in Canada.

We have been in Canada for three months. We were in Iraq until 2007, then we went to Jordan, then we came here. When we lived in Iraq, we lived in Baghdad.

Our mother and father thought we should leave because of all the shooting and bombing. We lived near a police station, and there was shooting around there a lot. One time, the shooting went on and on and it was almost like the sound of rain falling hard.

There was a car blown up in the road by our house, too. It made a very loud noise, and then there was screaming and shouting and sirens. There were always things like that happening.

We left Baghdad before the invasion because my parents thought we'd be safer in Anah, a city in Al Anbar Province. My grandparents had a house there, so we went there, but it wasn't safer. We saw US troops everywhere, in helicopters and in tanks.

Anah is a small city in the desert, with farms around it. There was a lot of bombing. I remember one night when the bombing was going on. We were all together a" my parents, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles and cousins. My parents were angry because they thought we would be safe, and everybody was crying except for my little sister and one of my younger cousins. They were laughing, not because they thought it was funny, but because they were so scared. They had lost control of themselves.

We heard all these explosions and everything shook. Gla.s.s broke out of the windows. I thought we would all die. But the night pa.s.sed, and in the morning when it was quiet, we went outside.

All the houses around our house were bombed. But the bombs missed us. Our house was the only one still standing.

I don't remember how long we stayed in Anah, but after a while we went back to Baghdad. Both my mother and father are pharmacists, and they had work to do. We didn't go back to school right away. I forget how long.

It was hard for us because there was no water and no electricity. We saw lots of US soldiers, but we didn't talk to them. We were too scared. A tank came really close to us one day. We saw tanks and soldiers and helicopters all the time. One of the good things about Canada is that there aren't helicopters flying around all the time. I hate that sound.

We did go back to school after a while, but we couldn't go every day. Sometimes there were a lot of shootings or soldiers around, and then we stayed home. On those days Mom would keep us busy playing games and doing things around the house so we wouldn't sit and worry. When the electricity came on we could watch TV, but it never stayed on for long and we never knew when we'd have it.

Then we went to Jordan, and we could go to school there. We learned some English, and played sports and did art. Then we came here.

The war happened because Iraq has oil. And there is a high building somewhere in America that was blown up. They thought Iraq blew it up, so that's why they blew up places in Iraq.

Maybe I'll go back to Iraq some day, if the war ends. Until then, I'll stay in Canada. We like everything in Canada, especially that there is no bombing. I miss things about Iraq, like my toys and my relatives, but Canada is much easier.

When I grow up, I'm going to be a dentist. My middle sister is going to be a surgeon, and my little sister is going to be a teacher. My parents expect us to work hard, but they want us to have fun, too.

S.W., 19.

The journey to safety can be a long and dangerous one. Getting the required papers and being in the right place at the right time are often as much a matter of luck as design. S.W. and her family applied for a visa seven years before they were finally allowed to come to Canada, where her uncle was living and working at two jobs to help support them while they waited for permission to immigrate.

I am old enough that I remember all the changes in my country. Certainly I remember life under Saddam. He was our leader, and I thought he would protect us. Everyone knew the Americans were coming, but Saddam said we would win the war. Saddam was our government, and we should support our government, like the Americans support their government. We wanted to believe that our government would not let another country come in and take us over.

Even up to the last moments of the war, I was one thousand percent sure that Saddam would do something to save us from the Americans. But it didn't happen.

I am from Baghdad, but we didn't stay in Baghdad during the invasion. My brother has allergies, and one of the things Saddam did was to dig big holes and fill them with oil and set them on fire. The smoke from the burning oil was supposed to confuse the Americans in their fighter planes. I could see the fires from my bedroom window. The air became very hard to breathe, and for my brother it was impossible. So we went to stay with my father's second uncle in Baqubah. We were there for three months and missed the bombing of Baghdad.

My father went back to check on our house almost every day, to make sure it hadn't been bombed or looted. There were people who would go around to homes when no one was there and steal everything.

But just because we didn't see much of the bombing doesn't mean we weren't scared. Staying at my uncle's house was a woman who was pregnant, and she was so scared all the time we thought she would lose the baby.

After three months we went back to Baghdad. It was a city for dead people. Everything was black, it seemed. There was only the army out on the streets. People stayed in their houses.

Sometimes we had to talk to the American soldiers so we could continue going down the street. I remember one of them who was very polite. We saw him a few times. He said, "Good morning," and "thank you." My mother said if we were nice to them, they would be nice to us. It was safer for us if we were polite.

Even then, with all the Americans in our streets, I thought Saddam was going to do something to let us win the war. But he was quiet for a long time. We didn't know where he was.

I wasn't surprised when he was arrested by the Americans, but I don't think they should have hanged him. Saddam killed a lot of people, and now he's resting in peace. If they had put him in jail for the rest of his life, at least he would have gotten a taste of what he had done to others. A lot of Iraqis don't like that he's resting in peace.

I don't hate him. I don't love him. I have no feelings for him. I'd rather not think about him. Most Arabs can't talk about their governments because their governments don't like other opinions. This is not because of Islam. Islam says there should be lots of opinions. It doesn't say governments should kill their own people.

We went back to our house in Baghdad. It had not been bombed, so we could live there. It was a big house with a beautiful garden, but I just stayed in my room, watching the cars go by on the highway from my bedroom window. It was too dangerous to walk in the streets because you could get killed. I felt like all the plans I had for my future were gone.

We had already applied to Canada because my mother has family here, so we thought we would go to Jordan and wait for the visa. We thought it would come soon. We went into Jordan on a three-month visa and stayed for one year. Every three months we'd have to go to Syria for a day and get another three-month visa for Jordan.

Even though my family said we were safe in Jordan, I was still scared all the time. It didn't help that I couldn't go to school. We couldn't afford it, and Jordan could kick us out at any time. So I had too many days with nothing to do but be scared and worried.

We left Iraq for Jordan on October 23, 2004, and we left Jordan for Iraq on October 23, 2005. Our money had run out.

We stayed in Iraq for six months. I couldn't go back to school because we got there in the middle of the school year and they wouldn't let me enroll.

We got a message that we'd missed our immigration interview so our visa application to Canada was denied. But we never got the message telling us to come to an interview. All those years of hoping to come to Canada, and the hope was gone in a moment.

But we had to keep trying. There was no life for us in Iraq. My mother, little brother and I packed a small bag, enough for three days, and went to Syria to try to get another appointment. My father stayed behind to watch our house. My older brother stayed with him. He had studied at home and had exams to write.

We ended up staying in Syria for three months, but we almost didn't get there.

To cross the border, first you go to the Iraqi border control. They stamped my mother's pa.s.sport and the driver's pa.s.sport, but they wouldn't stamp mine. "She should have a man traveling with her," they said. "She is a young girl. She should stay in Iraq, not travel to Syria without a man to protect her."

Mom felt that we had to get to Syria. It was our last chance to get into Canada. She didn't want to take us back to Baghdad. And she couldn't leave me at the border. There's nothing at the border! Just desert! So, what to do?

The driver found a police officer and gave him some money. The police officer went to the border guard, pa.s.sed the money along, and my pa.s.sport got stamped.

I was so angry by now. I thought, just hurry and give me my pa.s.sport so I never have to see your face again.

Then we got to the Syrian border, and the manager there was even worse. He insulted my father for allowing me to travel without a man. He told us to go back to Iraq. He was very mean. If I saw him today, I would kick him.

The whole thing made me very sad. The Syrians used to like us, because Saddam gave them oil, and he gave them electricity even when we didn't have any electricity in Baghdad. The Syrians blame us for not fighting hard enough to keep Saddam in power.

We managed to get our immigration file opened again, gave them lots of ways to contact us for an interview, went back to Iraq to sell all our things, then went back again to Syria.

All this time, we were living on money from my uncle in Canada. He is not a rich man. He was working two jobs, one to support his family, and one to support my family. He opened up a bank account for us in Canada, which meant that we could get credit cards, and we lived on those credit cards and whatever money my uncle could send. By the time we came to Canada, we owed the banks $60,000.

So we sold our things, found good people to look after our house a" which belongs to my mother's family, not to us a" and went back to Syria for another three months.

Finally, we got a call to go for the immigration interview. We got word to our father, who was still in Iraq, and he headed to Syria. His car was stopped along the highway by a gang of men with guns. He had bags of our stuff in the car with him. They stole all that, and they wanted money. He didn't have any. They got his cellphone and pretended to call my mother and say, "Give us money or we will kill your husband."

They put him in a hole in the ground, and put a machine gun to his head. It must have been a hole they'd used for killing before, because there were other body parts and heads down there.

"We're going to kill you," they kept on saying. Finally, my dad shouted, "Shut the h.e.l.l up! I don't have any money. My wife doesn't have any money. So go ahead and kill me." Then he said, "But after you kill me, take this bundle of papers to my wife in Syria, if you want to do something good in your life to make up for all the bad."

He didn't act scared, so they thought he was crazy. They stole his pa.s.sport, but they gave him ten thousand Iraqi dinars a" around five American dollars a" and let him get in the car and drive back to Baghdad.

He got back to Baghdad after dark, spent the night at a police checkpoint because he couldn't travel after curfew, then the next day went to see about getting a new pa.s.sport. That was a whole other long story, but he got it, got to Syria, we had our interview, and the day after we got the visa, we got on a plane and came to Canada.

I like being in Canada. Here, I feel good. Here, no one cares what you do. You can do what you want without being watched by your government or the police or people who are your enemy. Sure, sometimes here people are rude, like they are at times to my mother because she wears hijab, but mostly people are kind and let you live your life.

And I really need to live my life now. I saw things in the last five years that most people don't see even if they live to be ninety. I was put into grade nine when I came here, because I missed so much school and didn't know English, but I'm going into grade twelve in the fall. I'd like to go to college and be an eye doctor. I love so many things a" art, music, dancing, guitar, designing, computers and photography.

I want to press a delete b.u.t.ton on the last five years of my life, and erase all those unhappy memories.

There should not be any war. If George W. Bush had a problem with Saddam Hussein, they should have both been given a gun, told to take ten steps, then turn and shoot. They could have just killed each other instead of killing and hurting so many other people.

Huthaifa, 19, and Yeman, 13 Although Saddam Hussein was executed on December 30, 2006, Iraq is still torn by ongoing violence, as religious groups and others fight for power. One violent incident can spark a retaliation, and on it goes.

In June 2007, a revered s.h.i.+a shrine was blown up in Samarra, north of Baghdad, resulting in harsher curfews, retaliation killings of Sunni Muslims, and a new influx of American troops.

Huthaifa and Yeman are brothers who lived in the Ala Dhamiya section of Baghdad a" a mostly Sunni area where frequent attacks have taken place since the Samarra bombing. They came to Jordan on July 1, 2006, after a close friend of their father was abducted and killed.

HUTHAIFA a" We left Baghdad just four days after I finished high school. I got a chance to join a college here in Jordan for one year, at Amman University. I was studying in the biomedical engineering department. I studied for only two semesters. Then I had to leave because my family couldn't afford the tuition. Now I have no studying, and no job. It's kind of expensive to live here in Jordan.

I've applied to take several courses here that are offered by NGOs, for capacity-building, photography, media. Also, I play music. I've been playing guitar for five years now. My brother also plays. I'm teaching myself electric guitar. I play mostly progressive rock. Back in Baghdad I had friends who were also into music, and we would get together and play. We weren't a group. We just used to jam together.

YEMAN a" I am in grade eight, in a private school here, Terra Sancta College. I was just finis.h.i.+ng grade six when we left Baghdad.

People were very scared and nervous before the invasion. The American government kept saying scary things, and we were afraid of what they would do.

HUTHAIFA a" There was some talk that America would use atomic weapons in Iraq. They used them against j.a.pan, so we knew they weren't afraid to drop them on people. There was talk that they might do to Baghdad the same thing they did to Hiros.h.i.+ma.

Before the war, people were used to their lives. Because of sanctions, most people did not have a lot of extra money. They were used to not traveling abroad or doing very adventurous things, just staying in their areas.

Our father had a small video ca.s.sette shop, to rent and sell videos, mostly American movies, and music as well. We just went on with our daily lives. We would watch movies from my father's shop. My favorite was Sp.a.w.n. My brother's was Batman.

I attended the American-based Baghdad College High School. It is a very good school. Our father went there, too. I made a lot of friends at Baghdad College. They became my best friends, but unfortunately they are still back in Baghdad. I worry about them every day. We contact each other from time to time, but it's not the same.

During the sanctions sometimes we needed medications that we could not get. We needed things for our computers that were not available in the country. After the war, they became available.

YEMAN a" Before the war, I remember mostly my friends, my school days. We lived in an old neighborhood in the eastern part of Baghdad. The Tigris River wound through it very beautifully. It was a sort of island, the greenest part of Baghdad. A very good place to live.

My favorite thing to do was play computer games. Dead Man's Hand and Grand Theft Auto are the ones I like best. Plus, I play cla.s.sical guitar.

HUTHAIFA a" There was so much talk on the news of the war coming. We had a satellite dish. Even before the war when it was forbidden, we had one. We watched BBC and CNN and got many different points of view on whether the war would happen or not.

YEMAN a" It's complicated, the reasons why they wanted to bomb my country. We all know George Bush didn't like Saddam, but it was also that they wanted our oil. I think it was even more reasons than that, reasons we might not know about for a long time.

We heard the bombs and we saw them. Most of the explosions were far from our neighborhood. I think our neighborhood then was one of the safest places in the city, safest from the bombs. We could see the sky light up at night, and of course we heard the noise. Very loud noise. And our window gla.s.s got broken from the ground shaking.

When the bombing was happening, the sirens would go off. We were living in our house with eighteen other people. My grandparents and other relatives came to stay with us because their homes were in more dangerous places.

When the sirens went off we would all gather in one small place, because n.o.body wanted to be alone. The electricity stayed on for the first half of the bombing time, so we would be able to play computer games or watch TV, or listen to music really loud, to drown out the sound of the explosions. When the electricity stopped, we listened to a battery radio, or played cards, and lit candles.

There was also a lot of work to do in the house with all the people living there. We had to get clean water, prepare food, keep things clean.

Even when the bombs were falling, my parents would make jokes and encourage us to make music and play games and tell stories. I think that is the best way to be. Being scared and crying would not have protected us. So we tried to laugh.

HUTHAIFA a" I really thought I would die, but I was ready for it. I felt like an angel, without sins. But later, the war got worse, and then I became afraid.

After the war, the clashes between the militias started happening, and that affected our neighborhood.

YEMAN a" There was a car bombing at my school one day. I was walking along a corridor with gla.s.s all down the side of it. The bomb went off and the gla.s.s shattered all around me. I ran away as fast as I could. As the explosion happened, a song came into my mind, "I Disappear," by Metallica. It goes Do you bury me when I'm gone?

Do you teach me while I'm here?

Just as soon as I belong,

Then it's time I disappear.

I think it's on the soundtrack for Mission Impossible II, with the gla.s.s breaking. I felt like I was in a movie.

HUTHAIFA a" I had a lot of thoughts go through my head when we saw Saddam Hussein be executed. Saddam didn't mean anything to us. He did a lot of bad things, but he also did good things. Iraq had a very good education system, free for everyone. Even university was free.

When the Americans came and took Saddam from power, we thought that maybe it is the time for a new, bright Iraq. We were wrong. Many Iraqis would like to have the old days back, because at least then we could have our families together. So many families are separated and spread out far from each other.

For nine to twelve months after Saddam fell, things were kind of getting better. There was killing, but not the same as now. We used to go out and feel safe to stay out until 10 p.m. Then it gradually got earlier and earlier when we felt we needed to be at home.

When the bombing of the shrine in Samarra happened, I was in my last year of high school. It was the most important year in my life because the outcome of the examinations would decide what my future would be. A good average would mean a chance to go to a good university and study medicine or engineering. I had to study a lot. I also went to private lessons. These were held in different areas of Baghdad, so I had to travel around the city. The militias were everywhere in the street. You couldn't predict what was going to happen. We would see a checkpoint and we wouldn't know if it was the real army, or if it was the militia wearing army uniforms, wanting to rob us or kill us.

YEMAN a" There were many car bombings in our area. We got up every morning to learn that someone else was killed in a brutal way. My friends and I would talk about it. We decided the whole world had gone crazy.

HUTHAIFA a" I remember one of my father's friends predicting this. It was about five days after the fall of Saddam. This friend had a generator, so we could watch TV. I went to his house. He is a doctor and lives in Baghdad with his son, my friend. He said to us, "Don't be very much happy, because things will get worse. One day all of us will have to carry a weapon just to protect ourselves."

After the war, in October of 2003, our father got involved with LIFE, an American-based NGO. LIFE's mission is to rebuild schools, get children school supplies and uniforms, books and bags. There had to be new textbooks, not the ones that were used under Saddam. They do other amazing things, like fixing up the water supply.

Then his colleague at LIFE was abducted and killed. It was a terrible shock for everybody. This was a brilliant man, and a great friend to our father. They killed him the same day they abducted him. It was for sectarian reasons.

Our father decided not to take any more chances with our lives. He sent us out of the country, and he joined us two months later. He stayed on his own in Baghdad to finish up some work.

YEMAN a" First me, my brother and our mother moved to Syria to stay with my aunt and her children. I thought at first it was going to be a holiday. I didn't know we were leaving forever so I was able to enjoy being in Syria, away from the danger. Then my father called and said we should forget about Baghdad, that we would not be going back.

I cried for three days, because it meant I lost the chance to go to Baghdad College. I wanted to go there so much! It was the only high school in Baghdad that taught only in the English language. It had the most beautiful campus, the biggest in Baghdad, and it has a history of creating leaders. I think even the minister of health for the United Kingdom went there.

Praise G.o.d, though, that my father's LIFE office moved from Baghdad to here in Amman. So he has a job, and can continue his work.