Witchful Thinking Part 16

aJolie?a aOh my G.o.d,a I muttered. aI really canat think right now.a With another chuckle, he removed his fingers and slid my panties off, spreading my legs again as he settled himself between them. The head of his erection perched at my opening.

aAre you able to think now?a I leaned on my elbows and glanced up at him. aAre you sure you arenat a demon whose sole intention is to drive me to insanity?a aQuite sure,a he answered with the epitome of a demonic smile. aAnswer the question.a I thought back, remembering the feel of Rand inside me, and the memory of our bonding rained down on me as if it had happened only yesterday. aWe started bonding once you were aa I cleared my throat and felt myself blush. aUm, once you were in me. It happened right as we were both coming.a He didnat respond right away so I glanced up at him to find him staring down at me, lovingly.

aDonat look away,a he said. Before I could question him he drove himself into me. Gasping at the feel of his invasion, I arched up and clenched my eyes shut.

aNo, look at me, Jolie.a I opened my eyes and focused on him. He was watching me like a hawk as he pulled out, only to push back into me again. I wrapped my legs around him and he pushed harder.

And suddenly it was as if Iad been transported back in time, as if my Rand of 1878 was making love to me. That was when the beauty of the moment dawned on me. Rand loved me and I loved hima"today, in the here and now. We were destined for each other and in a few momentsa time, we would be bonded again. I finally had the man Iad wanted for so long. Rand was mine, body and soul, and Iad kept my promise.

I was surprised when something inside my throat constricted and tears started in my eyes. I couldnat even control myself as they fell onto my pillow.

aJolie, am I hurting you?a Rand said and immediately stilled within me.

I shook my head and held him to me, embraced him like Iad never held him before.

aNo,a I said. aIam just so incredibly happy. I love you so much and now youare actually mine.a Rand chuckled but lifted me into his arms, holding me tightly as he began pus.h.i.+ng into me again. I gasped beneath him.

aYes, I am yours,a he whispered. aI love you, Jolie, and I promise to protect you forever.a I could feel myself growing wetter, hotter. I was going to come soon, I could feel it.

aIam close, Rand.a aThatas right,a he said between clenched teeth, and pushed into me with renewed zest.

I arched up and threw my head back, screaming out as bliss captured me, transporting me to a place that defied words. Randas grasp on my shoulders tightened and I opened my eyes to find his firmly shut. With a groan, Rand thrust inside me once more and then collapsed against me, his chest rising and falling in time with my heart.

I swallowed hard and wondered which one of us would bring up the obvious first.

aI didnat feel it,a Rand said as he kissed the side of my face. There was something in his eyesa"surprise warring with disappointment and concern.

I sighed. aI didnat feel it either.a And then I was left wonderinga"wondering why wead just had the best s.e.x of my life, and yet we hadnat bonded.

JOURNAL ENTRY.

Wow, Diary, I donat even really know what to say or where to begin. I guess Iam still reeling over the fact that for the first time in the last two years, well, really, for the first time since I met Rand, I donat have this insatiable need burning inside mea"this question constantly plaguing me about whether or not Rand loves me, whether or not we will be togethera"a plague of questions that used to drive me insane.

Now my emotional seas are no longer turbulenta"instead, theyare calm and peaceful.

The man Iave loved since the moment he first walked into my store loves me. The man Iave dreamed about, the man Iave l.u.s.ted after, the man who has owned my heart a wants to be with me a forever. Itas a feeling thatas difficult to explain, a sense of absolute bliss, of complete and total happiness.

Well, I guess I canat go that far. There is one little thing that is bothering me and I know it bothers Rand tooa"that whole little sticking point about why we didnat bond when we had s.e.x last night. And I do have to admit, ahem, that after that first mind-blowing session, we stayed up for the rest of the night and did it five more times. Five more times! Can you even believe that? I guess I canat call myself the Virgin Queen any longer a And as to Rand and his s.e.x drive a I never really had any idea how completely insatiable my warlock is. Heas so funny, Diary, because he said he was just as s.e.xually frustrated as Iad been over these last two years. Well, even more so, because at least I had that little session in 1878 to relieve me. Well, granted, Rand did too, but he couldnat remember it and it had been over one hundred years ago for him. Of course, Iam not about to believe that poor Rand hasnat gotten any in over one hundred years, but thatas not a thought that pleases me so Iall move on a So back to this whole bonding deal (or not-bonding deal in our case a). As I mentioned earlier, we had s.e.x a total of six times and still nothing. No fireworks, no blinding lights, no sudden unexplainable feelings, no random thoughts or words in my head a nothing. And Iave been sitting here, at my desk in my room at Kinloch, wondering why. In fact, I canat get any of this out of my head.

I wonder if traveling out of 1878 and Rand nearly dying and Mathilda having to wipe me clear out of his brain somehow messed things up, somehow un-bonded us. And if it did un-bond us, could that bond ever exist again?

I mean, really, not being able to bond shouldnat matter that much. Itas not like Rand and I would stop loving each other just because we canat bond. And furthermore, Rand said there wasnat a requirement for witches to bond in order to be together forever and he was insistent on the fact that he and I were meant to be together and that head abe d.a.m.ned if not bonding would keep me away from the woman I love.a I have to admit Iam gus.h.i.+ng over his words right now, gus.h.i.+ng over the memories of last night. Iam like a silly girl with a high school crush. Hmmm a Jolie Balfour. That looks pretty freaking awesome a So Iave decided to shelve the whole bonding issue for now. One of the life lessons Iave learned is that when things defy explanation, itas sometimes better just to set them aside and move on rather than dwell on them and drive yourself crazy. So, bonding situation, Iam leaving you and Iam moving on. I will not let you get in the way of my complete and total happiness regarding the fact that Rand Balfour is really mine. Finally.

In other Jolie Wilkins thoughts of late, Iam nervous about Sinjin. That is to say, I know I have to tell him Iam with Randa"I simply wonat put up with his apparent jealousies or his constant flirty attentions. It wouldnat be right or fair to Rand. Yes, there was a part of me and there still is a part of me that cares about Sinjin, and probably always will, but Iam not in love with him and I never have been. I wonder if I might have loved Sinjin if Rand had never been in the picture a but Iam not sure. Maybe I would have. Of course, that really doesnat matter now.

Nope, now Iam attached, spoken for, and I have to tell Sinjin as much. I just hope he takes it well, that it doesnat completely destroy him. Regardless of his reaction, I absolutely have to tell him. In fact, when the sun sets, that will be my mission. Iall tell Sinjin and then Iall return to Pelham Manor this evening for bonding attempt number two. Ha ha ha.

So, moving on to other topics, namely, my position as monarch of the Underworld, things seem to be at a standstill as far as the Lurkers go. Mercedes reported just this morning that our Lurker task force was still attempting to Lurker-nap one of them and that so far theyave been unsuccessful. There also havenat been any other attacks to report, thankfully.

So, like that old Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald song, things are looking up. It is a great little world we live in, and that part about four-leaf clovers? Yep, thatas true too.

Iam in love with a man who loves me, really, a man who adores me. Iam Queen of the Underworld and even though I was really never happy with my destiny, I can say Iam happy now. In fact Iam happier than Iave ever been.

Six hours later, the sun was saying its last goodbye before it retired for the evening and handed over the reins to the dark cloak of night. And my heartbeat increased as I prepared myself for the fact that I was going to have to do something that I knew would hurt Sinjin. I wasnat sure at what level it would hurt him but I hated the idea nonetheless.

Feeling like I had the weight of the Underworld on my shoulders, I left the safety of my bedroom and ventured downstairs, to the bas.e.m.e.nt. I wasnat sure if Sinjin was in his room or already out and about, but I figured his bedroom was a good place to start.

I swallowed hard as I arrived at his door and taking a deep breath, knocked. There wasnat an answer, so after another three seconds, I knocked again.

aLooking for someone?a I turned around and faced Sinjin, who was leaning against the wall and regarding me with amus.e.m.e.nta"a raised brow and half smile. But even though he seemed his usual, flirty self, there seemed to be a harder edge just beneath the surfacea"a reminder that our last run-in had been less than friendly.

aUh, yeah, Iam looking for you actually,a I said with what I hoped was a warm smile, a smile that said our past argument was forgiven and forgotten.

Sinjin nodded, but continued lounging casually against the wall as his gaze traveled down my body from my bust to my hips.

aWhy are you dressed up?a he asked.

Due to the fact that Iad planned to see Rand this evening, I was wearing tight black pants and a fitted white angora sweater that ended just at my waist.

aUm, I, uh, Iam going somewhere later,a I responded shakily.

Sinjinas eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened. aI see.a I felt my heartbeat increase and I was sure it had everything to do with the fact that Sinjin was looking at me like I was a piece of prime rib.

aUm, Sinjin, I a wanted to talk with you,a I started.

He shrugged, his eyes still razor sharp. aThen talk.a I swallowed, glancing around myself. aUm, can we talk somewhere else? Somewhere a little more private?a I definitely didnat want spectators if this whole situation erupted into something ugly.

aWe can discuss your concerns in my bedroom,a Sinjin said before a wicked smile overtook his lips. aPerhaps in my bed?a He stood up straight and took a few steps toward me. aOr perchance you would like to have this conversation while my face is buried in your lovely b.r.e.a.s.t.s?a I backed up. aSinjin, stop talking like that.a He smiled but it was acidic. It suddenly dawned on me that he knew why I was herea"he had to know. Head never treated me so callously before. It was as if head given up on whatever hopes head harbored for us.

aLike what, love?a he asked and strode past me, opening his bedroom door and disappearing inside. I looked down the hallway and, figuring that I didnat want to get into an unpleasant conversation in the middle of my house, followed him, closing the door behind me.

aAs your Queen, I demand you treat me with respect,a I finished angrily.

Sinjin chuckled, but the sound was icy. aAs you wish, my monarch.a So he was going to play the game of aSinjinas being an a.s.shole,a was he? Whatever. I had one thing to say and dammit all, I was going to get it out.

aI came to tell you a,a I started.

Sinjin suddenly closed his eyes and opened his mouth, lifting his nose into the air as if head caught a whiff of something and, judging by the expression on his face, it was a whiff of something incredibly a good.

aWhat the h.e.l.l are you doing?a I asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable as I witnessed the expression of ecstasy that was in the process of pasting itself all over his face. I wrapped my arms around myself.

He opened his eyes and their usual ice blue had deepened into something darker, something pa.s.sionate. aI can smell your desire, your need.a aOh my G.o.d,a I said but the rest of the sentence fell off my tongue when he stood up and inhaled deeply again.

aI have smelled you before, love, but never anything as heady as this, as intoxicating.a He took another four steps, erasing any distance between us, and I found myself instinctively retreating until my back and calves met the wall. But Sinjin continued coming and when he was directly in front me, he braced his palms against the wall, trapping me between them.

aKeep away from me,a I whispered as fear began to snake through me.

Sinjin smiled, his fangs cresting his lower lip. aYour blood is calling to me, poppet.a And then I suddenly wondered if he was picking up on my desire for Rand. Iad always known that vampires had an uncanny sense when it came to reading the emotions of their prey, and it appeared Sinjin was now reading my a l.u.s.tful needs. What he hadnat realized was that they werenat intended for him.

aSinjin,a I started and pushed him away from me.

aLet your fears go, love, I will not hurt you.a And he pushed his face into my neck, slamming his body into mine as I struggled to release myself.

aGet away from me, Sinjin,a I spat out, but it was as if he hadnat even heard me. aIam in love with Rand, dammit!a I yelled finally, thinking it might be the only way to get him off me.

In an instant Sinjin pulled away from me. He seemed to study me, almost as if he were debating over whether or not I was being truthful. His eyes were livid, riddled with angst, and his fangs were longer than I ever remembered them.

aI a I came to tell you as much,a I said much more softly, my sentence an apology in itself. I dropped my gaze to the lush carpet so I wouldnat have to witness the pain evident in Sinjinas eyes.

He pulled away from me. I glanced up to find that his fangs had retracted.

aThis is not news.a I nodded and smoothed my sweater and pants down even though they really didnat need it. aYes, Iam aware of that but if youad allowed me to finish, I would have told you that aa I took a deep breath and raised my chin. aI would have told you that Rand loves me as well and that we are a now a together.a Sinjin merely nodded. There was no sign that my words had, in any way, upset him. Instead he just seemed casuala"detached and indifferent.

aThen your l.u.s.t is for him?a he asked and swallowed hard, his eyes suddenly boring into mine.

I didnat say anything; simply nodded. Sinjin responded by raising a brow before turning away from me and starting for the door.

aIf that is all you came to tell me, please feel free to leave.a aSinjin,a I said and started toward him. aI didnat want to aa aNo,a he answered and shook his head as if he didnat want to hear any more. But he was going to hear more. There was one more thing I had to tell him, one more subject I had to get out in the open.

aI care about you, Sinjin, Iave always cared about you.a I paused and glanced at the floor again, summoning up my courage, forcing the words to my tongue. I looked up at him again. aI never wanted to hurt you.a aHurt me?a he asked and threw his head back, laughing as if Iad just told him the best joke head ever heard.

aYes,a I said, my voice betraying my confusion over his bizarre response.

He stopped laughing and narrowed his gaze on mine. aYou have not been paying attention, poppet.a aPaying attention?a I repeated. aPaying attention to what?a He shook his head like the joke was on me, like head just not only turned the tables but turned them upside down. aHow many times did I tell you not to paint me with your ideals of who and what I should be?a I shook my head. aI donat understand, Sinjin.a aThat is quite apparent. It appears you never did.a I swallowed hard. aSinjin, what the h.e.l.l are you talking about?a His jaw tightened and he was quiet for a few seconds before he turned the full extent of his blazing eyes on me. aI am not hurt nor was I ever hurt by any of your actions.a I felt relief bubble up inside me. aOh, I a Iam happy to hear that. I was just concerned that maybe I aa He chuckled and shook his head, as if to say he wasnat finished. aYou misunderstood me all along, it seems.a aMisunderstood what?a I asked again, starting to get irritated by his att.i.tude.

Sinjin glared at me. aIn order for me to be hurt by your admission, that would require me to care about youa"to have invested feelings and emotions into you, poppet. But what I have been alluding to all along, and what you have seemingly never understood, is that I do not form attachments to women, not even you.a I felt my stomach drop. Granted, Iad hoped not to hurt Sinjin, but I hadnat considered the fact that he might hurt me. And the truth of the matter was that his words stung me to my core because I had cared about him and still did.

aButa"a I quickly stopped myself. I didnat need to get into the hows and whys of it because none of that mattered anyway. All that did matter was that Rand loved me and I loved him.

aDo not misunderstand me, poppet.a Sinjin reached for my hand, pulling me against his chest. aYes, I have always wanted to penetrate you, and yes, I desire your body even at this moment.a I pulled my hand out of his and pushed him away. aYouave said enough,a I spat out and started for the door, suddenly feeling sick.

aDo not be alarmed concerning my welfare, love,a Sinjin continued and chuckled again, calling out to me from his stance in the middle of the room. aI do not care if you love the warlock or if you love the fairy, the wolf, or any other creature. You can love them all at the same time for all I care.a I didnat say anything else but ran the remaining few feet to the door and threw it open, slamming it behind me as I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. It hurt to know that Sinjin had never given a ratas a.s.s about me. But more than that, I was floored, wounded by the fact that head just made a total fool of me, that head just attempted to cut me down into nothing a that all head ever wanted from me was s.e.x. What really hurt the most was that our friends.h.i.+p had never meant anything to him.

An hour later I was sitting in my room and thinking about how Sinjin had turned out to be such an a.s.shole. Iad never seen it coming even though he had warned me all along. Head told me not to paint him into something I wanted him to be, not to believe him to be a good and honorable person. And Iad stupidly attributed him with characteristics I wanted him to havea"maybe to make the fact that I did like him more bearable, more easily digestible. Iad been so stupid, so incredibly stupid.

Well, I needed to stop thinking about it, I told myself resolutely. Instead Iad focus on the fact that I was almost packed for my weekend trip to Pelham Manor, where Rand would no doubt alleviate my hurt feelings with just a kiss. The need to see him was suddenly overwhelming, suffocating.

Screw Sinjina"he could continue living like the j.e.r.k.-.o.f.f. that he was, but he was going to do it outside Kinloch Kirk. There was no way I was going to let him continue serving as my protector after all the nasty things head just said to me. Maybe Klaasje would be willing to do the job herself. And on that point, I was sure Rand would be more than pleased. After all, Rand had always barely tolerated Sinjina"truly, he had been right all along. Head always seen Sinjin for what he wasa"a self-centered, egotistical, childish jerk.

I threw my backpack over my shoulder and opened my bedroom door, walking down the hallway. I took the stairs two at a time, the need to see Rand consuming me. I couldnat wait to feel his warmth, to snuggle into his broad chest and feel his incredibly muscular arms around me. I couldnat wait to smell him, to taste his lips, and feel him inside me. I opened the front doora"and Plum darted out in front of me before I could stop her.

aDammit!a I yelled and ran after her as she hightailed it down the driveway and disappeared into the undergrowth just beside the drive. And like the responsible cat owner I was, I followed her into the savagery of the woods, trying to avoid the twigs and tree limbs as they reached out and seemed intent on snagging my brand-new sweater.

aHere kitty kitty,a I called in a soft voice that hopefully didnat sound annoyed or angry.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of something that looked like a flash lighting up the otherwise dark background of the beach just beyond Kinloch. I glanced down as Plum wove herself between my legs. Picking her up, I decided to further investigate the strange light. I forced my way through more trees, eventually emerging on the other side, where a strong wind blew through the Scottish moors.

And there on the beach were Sinjin and Mercedes. And it looked like they were up to absolutely no good, partially hidden by the rocks of the coastline. They appeared to be in the midst of some sort of ritual or charm. I watched Mercedes close the circle shead been drawing in the sand around both of them with a long, pointed stick. Then she closed her eyes and held her hands up toward the heavens, her lips moving like she was chanting. She opened her eyes and dropped her hands, at the same time glancing over at Sinjin and reaching for his hand.

And that was when I realized what the h.e.l.l was going on. I had seen this beforea"the drawing of the circle, Mercedes facing north, west, east, and south. Iad watched Mercedes cast the same spell in 1878, moments before shead sent me back to my own time.

I dropped the cat, who responded with an angry meow. But I wasnat concerned with Plum at the moment. My heart thudded in my chest and my breathing came in short, shallow pants. I had a I had to tell someone. I needed help. I couldnat handle this on my own.

Rand! I screamed his name in my head as I turned around and started running for the tree line. I thought about running down to the beach and trying to stop Mercedes but I knew I wouldnat make it in time. Jolie, are you all right? Whatas wrong? Randas voice responded in my head, his tone fringed with worry.

Rand, I need you to do as I say as quickly as you can. You canat ask any questions because we donat have time. I need you to go to Mathilda.

Jolie a, Rand started and I was suddenly scared to death that he was going to drill me on the specifics. We didnat have time for specifics.

Find Mathilda!

Okay, just answer me this a are you hurt?

I felt my heart begin to calm and I tried to think without the hysteria that had accompanied my previous thoughts. No, Iam not hurt, Rand. Iam fine but I need you to find Mathilda as quickly as you can. I took a deep breath. I a I know why Sinjin has been meeting with Mercedes.

Sinjin meeting with Mercedes? Rand repeated. What the b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l are you talking about?

I had forgotten the fact that Iad never told Rand that Sinjin and Mercedes had been having secret meetings. Dammit.

Never mind that now, Rand. Just go to Mathilda. Iam on my way as well. I took a deep breath as a thought suddenly occurred to me, one that scared me to death. If I donat get there in time a Jolie, are you in trouble? For G.o.das sake, tell me! Rand sounded as if he was a step away from inconsolable. I could only imagine the thoughts that were going through his mind. Of course, whatever was going through his mind was probably not as bad as what was happening in reality.

Rand, please a What the b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l is going on? If something has happened to you, tell me. I will be there momentarily.

Rand, I donat have time for your questions! I took a deep breath. Do whatever Mathilda says you must, even if I donat get there in time. And I want you to know that whatever happens, I love you and I will always love you.

My G.o.d, Jolie, if anything happens to you a Rand, you must tell Mathilda that Mercedes is in the process of a of sending Sinjin back in time a aSo what did you think of Owen?a Christa asked as she leaned against the front counter lazily.

The truth was I didnat think of Owen. Christa had made it her own personal mission to see to it that I had a date after a six-month-long dry spell. So shead skimmed through her Roll-a-Date of men shead casually gone out with (some of whom shead slept with a well, most of whom shead slept with), and for some reason or another shead fixated on Owen.

aI talked to him on the phone for maybe fifteen minutes, Chris. What could I really think of him from fifteen minutes?a I asked, looking up from sweeping the floor.

aI can find out a lot about a man in fifteen minutes,a she argued, her nose turned up defensively, as she started thumbing through the bills in the cash register and then summed them up on the spreadsheet Iad just printed out.

aIn fifteen minutes, I can find out what his favorite color is, what his favorite food is, what his favorite position in bed is aa She looked up at me with a smile.

aOh G.o.d.a I shook my head.

aCome on, Jules, you gotta give me something here. Did you at least like his voice?a I shrugged as I pulled the trash bag out of the can and tightened the drawstrings, ready to drop it off in the trash bins just outside. aCan you hand me a trash bag, please?a Christa sighed. aNot until you tell me what you thought of Owenas voice.a But she bent down and grabbed a bag from the roll underneath the counter as if to say I didnat really have to answer her question.

aI just wasnat that impressed with him. I mean, his voice was okay, maybe a little too high-pitched.a Christa frowned and handed me the bag while I shook it out and placed it neatly inside the bin.