The Works of Charles and Mary Lamb Volume IV Part 57

SCENE II.--_A Butcher's Shop._

CUTLET. BEN.

CUTLET Reach me down that book off the shelf, where the shoulder of veal hangs.

BEN

Is this it?

CUTLET No--this is "Flowers of Sentiment"--the other--aye, this is a good book.

"An Argument against the Use of Animal Food. By J.R." _That_ means Joseph Ritson. I will open it anywhere, and read just as it happens. One cannot dip amiss in such books as these. The motto, I see, is from Pope.

I dare say, very much to the purpose. (_Reads_.)

"The lamb thy riot dooms to bleed to-day, Had he thy reason, would he sport and play?

Pleas'd to the last, he crops his flowery food, And licks the hand"--

Bless us, is that saddle of mutton gone home to Mrs. Simpson's? It should have gone an hour ago.

BEN I was just going with it.

CUTLET Well go. Where was I? Oh!

"And licks the hand just raised to shed its blood."

What an affecting picture! (_turns over the leaves, and reads_).

"It is probable that the long lives which are recorded of the people before the flood, were owing to their being confined to a vegetable diet."

BEN The young gentleman in Pullen's Row, Islington, that has got the consumption, has sent to know if you can let him have a sweetbread.

CUTLET Take two,--take all that are in the shop. What a disagreeable interruption! (_reads again_). "Those fierce and angry pa.s.sions, which impel man to wage destructive war with man, may be traced to the ferment in the blood produced by an animal diet."

BEN The two pound of rump-steaks must go home to Mr. Molyneux's. He is in training to fight Cribb.

CUTLET Well, take them; go along, and do not trouble me with your disgusting details.

[_Exit Ben._]

CUTLET (_Throwing down the book._) Why was I bred to this detestable business?

Was it not plain, that this trembling sensibility, which has marked my character from earliest infancy, must for ever disqualify me for a profession which--what do ye want? what do ye buy? O, it is only somebody going past. I thought it had been a customer.--Why was not I bred a glover, like my cousin Langston? to see him poke his two little sticks into a delicate pair of real Woodstock--"A very little stretching ma'am, and they will fit exactly"--Or a haberdasher, like my next-door neighbour--"not a better bit of lace in all town, my lady--Mrs.

Breakstock took the last of it last Friday, all but this bit, which I can afford to let your ladys.h.i.+p have a bargain--reach down that drawer on your left hand, Miss Fisher."

(_Enter in haste, Davenport, Marian, and Lucy._)

LUCY This is the house I saw a bill up at, ma'am; and a droll creature the landlord is.

DAVENPORT We have no time for nicety.

CUTLET What do ye want? what do ye buy? O, it is only you, Mrs. Lucy.

_Lucy whispers Cutlet._

CUTLET I have a set of apartments at the end of my garden. They are quite detached from the shop. A single lady at present occupies the ground floor.

MARIAN Aye, aye, any where.

DAVENPORT In, in.--

CUTLET Pretty lamb,--she seems agitated. _Davenport and Marian go in with Cutlet._

LUCY I am mistaken if my young lady does not find an agreeable companion in these apartments. Almost a namesake. Only the difference of Flyn, and Flint. I have some errands to do, or I would stop and have some fun with this droll butcher. _Cutlet returns._

CUTLET Why, how odd this is! _Your_ young lady knows _my_ young lady. They are as thick as flies.

LUCY You may thank me for your new lodger, Mr. Cutlet.--But bless me, you do not look well?

CUTLET To tell you the truth, I am rather heavy about the eyes. Want of sleep, I believe.

LUCY Late hours, perhaps. Raking last night.

CUTLET No, that is not it, Mrs. Lucy. My repose was disturbed by a very different cause from what you may imagine. It proceeded from too much thinking.

LUCY The deuce it did! and what, if I may be so bold, might be the subject of your Night Thoughts?

CUTLET The distresses of my fellow creatures. I never lay my head down on my pillow, but I fall a thinking, how many at this very instant are peris.h.i.+ng. Some with cold--

LUCY What, in the midst of summer?

CUTLET Aye. Not here, but in countries abroad, where the climate is different from ours. Our summers are their winters, and _vice versa_, you know.

Some with cold--

LUCY What a canting rogue it is! I should like to trump up some fine story to plague him. [_Aside._]

CUTLET Others with hunger--some a prey to the rage of wild beasts--

LUCY He has got this by rote, out of some book.

CUTLET Some drowning, crossing crazy bridges in the dark--some by the violence of the devouring flame--

LUCY I have it.--For that matter, you need not send your humanity a travelling, Mr. Cutlet. For instance, last night--

CUTLET Some by fevers, some by gun-shot wounds--

LUCY Only two streets off--