Little, Big Part 23

"Tangled," Alice said, her eyes drifting closed. "Lilac, for instance." A lot of wine and sun, Smoky thought, or she wouldn't have let that name fall so casually. "A double dose; a double cousin, sort of. Cousin to herself."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, you know, cousins of cousins."

"I don't," Smoky said, puzzled. "You mean by marriage?"

"What?" She opened her eyes. "Oh! No. No, of course not. You're right. No." Her eyes closed again. "Forget it."

He looked down at her. He thought: follow one hare, and for sure you'll start another; and while you watch that one scamper out of sight, the first one gets away, too. Forget it. He could do that. He stretched himself beside her, propping his head on one arm; they were posed like lovers then, head to head nearly, he above looking down, she basking in his regard. They had married young; they were still young. Only old in love. There was a tune: he raised his eyes. On a rock not quite out of earshot, Tacey sat playing her recorder; now and then she stopped to remember notes, and to brush from her face a long curl of blond hair. At her feet Tony Buck sat, with the transfigured look of a convert to some just-revealed religion, unaware that Lily and Lucy a ways off whispered about him, unaware of anything but Tacey. Should girls as skinny as Tacey, Smoky wondered, and with legs as long, wear shorts that short and tight? Her bare toes, already sun-browned, kept the rhythm. Green grow the rushes-o. And all the hills around them danced.

A Getaway Look Doc meanwhile had also drifted away from his wife's discourse, leaving her only Sophie (who was asleep) and Great-aunt Cloud (who was also asleep, though Momdy didn't know it). Doc went with Auberon following the toiling caravan of ants bearing goodies to their hill: a good big new one, when they found it.

"Stocks, supplies, inventory," Doc translated, a look of quiet absorption in his face and his ear c.o.c.ked to the little city. "Watch your step, watch your back. Routes, work-loads, chain of command, upper echelons, front-office gossip; drop it, forget it, circular file, pa.s.s the buck, wander off, let George do it; back in line, the old salt mines, in harness, in and out, lost and found. Directives, guidelines, grapevine, schedules, check in, knock off, out sick. Much the same." He chuckled. "Much the same."

Auberon, hands on his knees, watched the miniature armored vehicles (driver and vehicle in one, and radio antenna too) tumble in and out. He imagined the congress within: endless busyness in the dark. Then he half-saw something, as though there were a darkness or a brightness in the corner of his vision, gathering until it was large enough for him to notice. He looked up and around.

What he had seen or noticed was not something, but something missing. Lilac was gone.

"Now up, or down, at the Queen's, that's very different," Doc said.

"Yeah, I see," Auberon said, looking around. Where? Where was she? Though there were often long periods when he didn't exactly notice her presence, he had always been aware of her, had always sensed she was there by him somewhere. Now she was gone.

"This is very interesting," Doc said.

Auberon caught sight of her, down the hill, just going around a group of trees antechamber to the woods. She looked back for a moment, and (seeing that he saw her) hurried out of sight. "Yes," Auberon said, sidling away.

"Up at the Queen's," Doc said. "What is it?"

"Yes," Auberon said, and ran, racing toward the place where Lilac had disappeared, apprehension in his heart.

He didn't see her when he entered that stand of trees. He had no idea which way to follow further, and a panic seized him: that look she had given him as she turned away into the woods had been a getaway look. He heard his grandfather's voice calling him. He stepped carefully. The beechwood he stood in, smooth-floored and regular as a pillared hall, showed him a dozen vistas down which she could have fleda .

He saw her. She stepped out from behind a tree, quite calmly, she even had what appeared to be a bunch of dog-tooth violets in her hand, and seemed to be looking around herself for more. She didn't look back at him, and he stood confused, knowing deeply that she had run away from him, though she didn't look now like she had, and then she was gone again, she'd tricked him with the bouquet into standing still one moment too long. He raced to the place she'd disappeared, knowing even as he ran that she was gone for goodnow, but calling: "Don't go, Lilac!"

The woods into which she had escaped were various, dense and briary, dark as a church, and showed him no prospects. He plunged in blindly, stumbling, torn at. Very quickly he found himself deeper in The Wood than he had ever been, as though he had shot through a door without noticing that it opened on a flight of cellar stairs to pitch him headlong down. "Don't," he called out, lost. "Don't go." An imperious voice, such as he had never used to her before, such as he had never had to, such as she could not conceivably have refused. But nothing answered him. "Don't go," he said again, not imperiously, afraid in the dark of the wood and more bereft more suddenly than his young soul could have conceived possible. "Don't go. Please, Lilac. Don't go, you're the only secret I ever had!"

Gigantic, aloof, not much disturbed but quite interested, old ones looked down like trees at the small one who had so suddenly and fiercely come in among them. Hands spread on their enormous knees, they considered him, insofar as they could consider someone or something so minute. One put his finger to his lips; silently they watched him stumble amid their toes; they cupped huge hands behind their ears, and with eavesdroppers' slight smiles they heard his cry and his grief, though Lilac could not.

Two Beautiful Sisters "Dear Parents," Auberon in the Folding Bedroom wrote (typing featly with two fingers on an old, old machine he had discovered there), "Well! A winter here in the City is going to be quite an experience! I'm glad it won't last forever. Though today temp. is 25, and it snowed again yesterday. No doubt it's worse where you are, ha ha!" He paused, having made this gay exclamation carefully out of the single-quote mark and the period. "I've been twice now to see Mr. Petty at Petty, Smilodon Ruth, Grandpa's lawyers as you know, and they've been kind enough to advance me a little more against the settlement, but not much, and they can't say when the darn thing will be straightened out at last. Well Im sure everything will turn out fine." He was not sure, he raged, he had shouted at Mr. Petty's automaton of a secretary and nearly balled up the paltry check and thrown it at her; but the persona whacking out this letter, tongue between teeth and searching fingers tense, didn't make admissions like that. Everything was fine at Edgewood; everything was fine here too, Everything was fine. He made a new paragraph. "I've already about worn out the shoes I came in. Hard City streets! As you know, things have got very expensive here and the quality is no good. I wonder if you could send the pair of tall lace-up ones in my closet. Theyre not very dressy but anyway I'll be spending most of my time working here at the Farm. Now that winters here theres a lot to do, cleaning up, stableing the animals and so on. George is pretty funny in his galoshes. But hes been very good to me and I appreciate it even if I do get blisters. And there are other nice people who live here." He stopped, as before a precipice he was about to tumble over, his finger hovering above the S. The machine's ribbon was old and brownish, the pale letters staggered drunkenly above and below the line they should be walking. But Auberon didn't want to display his school hand to Smoky; it had degenerated, he had lately taken up ball-points and other vices; what now about Sylvie? "Among them are:" He ran down in his mind the current occupancy of Old Law Farm. He wished he hadn't taken this route. "Two sisters, who are Puerto Rican and very beautiful." Now what the h.e.l.l had he done that for? An old secret-agent obfuscation inhabiting his fingers. Tell them nothing. He sat back, unwilling to go on; and at that moment, there was a knock at the door of the Folding Bedroom, and he drew the page out, finish it later (though he never did) and wenta"two steps across the floor was all it took his long legsa"to admit the two beautiful Puerto Rican sisters, wrapped into one and all his, all his.

But it was George Mouse who stood on the threshold. (Auberon would soon learn not to mistake anyone else at the door for Sylvie, because Sylvie instead of knocking always scratched or drummed at the door with her nails; it was the sound of a small animal wanting admission.) George had an old fur coat over his arm, an antique lady's peau-de-soi black hat on his head, and two shopping bags in his hands. "Sylvie not here?" he said.

"No, not just now." With all the practiced skills of a secretive nature Auberon had managed to avoid George Mouse for a week in his own farm, coming and going with a mouse's forethought and haste. But now here he was. Never had Auberon experienced such embarra.s.sment, such a terrible caught-out feeling, such an awful sense that no common remark he could make would not carry a load of hurt and rejection for another, and that no pose, solemn, facetious, offhand, could mitigate that. And his host! His cousin! Old enough to be his father! Usually not at all intensely aware of the reality of others or of others' feelings, Auberon just then felt what his cousin must feel as though he inhabited him. "She went out. I don't know where."

"Yeah? Well, this stuff is hers." He put down the shopping bags and plucked the hat from his head. It left his gray hair standing upright. "There's some more. She can come get it. Well, a load off my mind." He tossed the fur coat over the velvet chair. "Hey. Take it easy. Don't hit me, man. Nothing to do with me."

Auberon realized he had taken a rigid stance in a corner of the room, face set, unable to find an expression to suit the circ.u.mstance. What he wanted to do was to tell George he was sorry; but he had just enough wit to see that nothing could be more insulting. And besides, he wasn't sorry, not really.

"Well, she's quite a girl," George said, looking around (Sylvie's panties were draped over the kitchen chair, her unguents and toothbrush were at the sink). "Quite a girl. I hope yiz are very happy." He punched Auberon's shoulder, and pinched his cheek, unpleasantly hard. "You son of a b.i.t.c.h." He was smiling, but there was a mad light in his eye.

"She thinks you're terrific," Auberon said.

"Izzat a fact."

"She said she doesn't know what she would have done without you. Without your letting her stay here."

"Yeah. She said that to me too."

"She thinks of you like a father. Only better."

"Like a father, huh?" George burned him with his coaly eyes, and without looking away began to laugh. "Like a father." He laughed louder, a wild staccato laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" Auberon asked, not certain he was meant to join, or whether it was he who was being laughed at.

"Why?" George laughed all the harder. "Why? What the h.e.l.l do you want me to do? Cry?" He threw back his head, showing white teeth, and roared. Auberon couldn't help joining in then, though tentatively, and when George saw that, his own laugh diminished. It went on in chuckles, like small waves following a breaker. "Like a father, huh. That's rich." He went to the window and stared out at the iron day. A last chuckle escaped him; he clasped his hands behind his back and sighed. "Well, she's a h.e.l.l of a girl. Too much for an old fart like me to keep up with." He glanced over his shoulder at Auberon. "You know she's got a Destiny?"

"That's what she said."

"Yeah." His hands opened and closed behind him. "Well, it looks like I ain't in it. Okay by me. Cause there's a brother in it, too, with a knife, and a grandmother and a crazy mother a And some babies." He was silent awhile. Auberon almost wept for him. "Old George," George said. "Always left with the babies. Here, George, do something with this. Blow it up, give it away." He laughed again. "And do I get credit? d.a.m.n right I do. You son of a b.i.t.c.h, George, you blew up my baby."

What was he talking about? Had he slipped into madness under the pressure of grief? Would losing Sylvie be like that, would it be so awful? A week ago he wouldn't have thought so. With a sudden chill he remembered that the last time Great-aunt Cloud had read the cards for him, she had predicted a dark girl for him; a dark girl, who would love him for no virtue he had, and leave him through no fault of his own. He had dismissed it then, as he was in the process of dismissing all of Edgewood and its prophecies and secrets. He dismissed it now again, with horror.

"Well, you know how it is," George said. He pulled a tiny spiral notebook from his pocket and peered in it. "You're on for the milking this week. Right?"

"Right."

"Right." He put away the book. "Hey listen. You want some advice?"

He didn't, any more than he wanted prophecy. He stood to receive it. George looked at him closely, and then around the room. "Fix the place up," he said. He winked at Auberon. "She likes it nice. You know? Nice." He began to be caught by a fit of laughing again, which burbled at the back of his throat as he took a handful of jewelry from one pocket and gave it to Auberon, and a handful of change from another and gave him that too. "And keep clean," he said. "She thinks us white people are a little on the foul side most of the time." He headed for the door. "A word to the wise," he said, and chuckling, left. Auberon stood with jewels in one hand and money in the other, hearing, down the hall, Sylvie pa.s.s George on her way up; he heard them greet each other in a volley of wisecracks and kisses.

It often happens that a man cannot recall at the moment, but can search for what he wants and find ita .

For this reason some use places for the purposes of recollecting. The reason for this is that men pa.s.s rapidly from one step to the next: for instance from milk to white, from white to air, from air to damp; after which one recollects autumn, supposing that one is trying to recollect that season.

a"Aristotle, De anima Ariel Hawksquill, greatest mage of this age of the world (and a match, she was not too modest to think, of many great ones of the so-called past, with whom she now and then discoursed), possessed no crystal ball; judicial astrology she knew to be a fraud, though she had uses for the old pictured heavens; she disdained spells and geomancies of all kinds, except at great need, and the sleeping dead and their secrets she let sleep. Her one Great Art, and it was all she needed, was the highest Art of all, and required no vulgar tools, no Book, no Wand, no Word. It could be practiced (as, on a certain rainy afternoon of the winter in which Auberon came to Old Law Farm, she was practicing it) before the fire, with feet up, and tea and toast at hand. It required nothing but the interior of her skull: that and a concentration and an acceptance of impossibility which saints would have found admirable and chess masters difficult.

The Art of Memory, as it is described by ancient writers, is a method by which the Natural Memory we are born with can be improved tremendously, beyond recognition in fact. The ancients agreed that vivid pictures in a strict order were the most easily remembered. Therefore, in order to construct an Artificial Memory of great power, the first step (Quintillian and other authorities agree on this, though they diverge at other points) is to choose a Place: a temple, for instance, or a city street of shops and doorways, or the interior of a housea"any place that has parts which occur in a regular order. This Place is committed to memory carefully and well, so well that the rememberer can scurry around it backwards, forwards, any which way at will. The next step is to create vivid symbols or images for the things one wishes to remembera"the more shocking and highly-colored the better, according to the experts: a ravished nun, say, for the idea of Sacrilege, or a cloaked figure with a bomb for Revolution. These symbols are then cast onto the various parts of the memory Place, its doors, niches, forecourts, windows, closets, and other s.p.a.ces; and then the rememberer has simply to go around his memory Place, in any order he wishes, and take from each spot the Thing which symbolizes the Notion which he wishes to remember. The more one wishes to remember, of course, the larger the house of memory must be; it usually ceases to be an actual place, as actual places tend to be too plain and incommodious, and becomes an imaginary place, as large and varied as the rememberer can make it. Wings can be added at will (and with practice); architectural styles can vary with the subject-matter they are meant to contain. There were even refinements of the system whereby not Notions but actual words were to be remembered by complex symbols, and finally individual letters: so that a collection of sickle, millstone, and hacksaw instantly brings the word G.o.d to mind when gathered from the appropriate mental nook. The whole process was immensely complicated and tedious and was for the most part rendered obsolete by the invention of the filing-cabinet.

The Art of Memory But the greatest pract.i.tioners of the old art discovered some odd things about their memory houses the longer they lived in them, and modern pract.i.tioners (or pract.i.tioner, really, there being only one of any skill, and she keeps it to herself) have improved on and even further complicated the system for reasons of their own.

It was discovered, for instance, that the symbolic figures with vivid expressions, once installed in their proper places, are subject to subtle change as they stand waiting to be called forth. That ravished nun who meant Sacrilege might, when one pa.s.ses her again, have acquired a depraved air about the mouth and eyes one hadn't thought he had bestowed on her, and something wanton about her deshabille that looks Somehow purposeful rather than forced: and Sacrilege changes to Hypocrisy, or at least borrows some of its aspects, and thus the memory she symbolizes alters perhaps in instructive ways. Also: as a memory house grows, it makes conjunctions and vistas that its builder can't conceive of beforehand. When out of necessity he throws up a new wing, it must abut the original place in some way; so a door in the original house that previously opened on a weedy garden might suddenly blow open in a draught and show its astonished owner his grand new gallery full of just-installed memories from the backside, so to speak, at a left-hand turning, facing in the wrong directiona"also instructive; and that new gallery might also turn out to be a shortcut to the ice-house where he had put a distant winter once and then forgot.

Yes, forgot: because another thing about a memory house is that its builder and occupier can lose things in it just as you can in any housea"the ball of string which you were certain you kept either with the stamps and the tape in the desk-drawer or in the hall closet with the tackhammer and the picture-wire, but which isn't in either place when you go to look for it. In the ordinary or Natural Memory such things can simply vanish; you don't even remember you forgot them. The advantage of a memory house is that you know it's in there somewhere.

So it was that Ariel Hawksquill was rooting around in one of the oldest attics of her memory mansions, looking for something she had forgotten but knew was there.

She had been re-reading an ars memorativa of Giordano Bruno's called De umbris idearum, a huge treatise on symbols and seals and signs to be used in the highest forms of the art. Her first-edition copy had marginal notes in a neat Italic hand, often illuminating but more often puzzling. On a page where Bruno treats of the various orders of symbols one might use for various purposes, the commentator had noted: "As in ye cartes of ye returne of R.C. are iiiij Personnes, Places, Thynges c., which emblemes or cartes are for remembering or foretelling, and discoverie of smalle worldes." Now this "R.C." could stand for "Roman Church", ora"just possiblya" "Rosicrucian." But it was the persons and places and things that had rung a distant bell: a bell here, she thought, where she had stored her distant childhood long ago.

She moved carefully but with increasing impatience through the miscellany there, her dog Spark, a trip to Rockaway, her first kiss; she became intrigued with the contents of chests and went off down useless corridors of reminiscence. In one place she had put a battered cowbell, why she at first had no idea. Then she rang it tentatively. It was the bell she had heard, and instantly she remembered her grandfather (whom the cowbell wasa"of course !a"to represent, since he had been a farm laborer in England till he emigrated to this vast and cowless city). She saw him distinctly now, where she had put him, below the mantel with the Toby jugs on it which resembled him, in a battered armchair; he turned the cowbell in his hands as he had used to turn his pipe.

"Did you," she questioned him, "tell me once about cards, with persons and places and things?"

"I might have."

"In what connection?"

Silence. "Well, small worlds then."

It grew clearer in that attic, lit with a past sun, and she sat at Grandpa's feet in the old apartment. "It was the only thing I ever found had any value, like," he said, "and I threw it away on a silly girl. Would've brought twenty bob in any dealer's, I can tell you that, they were that old and fine. I found them in an old cottage that the squire wanted pulled down. And she was a girl who said she saw fairies and pixies and such, and her father was another like her. Violet her name was. And I said, *Tell my fortune then with these if you can.' And she like riffled through thema"there were pictures on them of persons and places and thingsa"and she laughed and said I'd die a lonely old man on a fourth storey. And wouldn't give me back the cards I'd found."

There it was then. She put the cowbell back in its place in the order of her childhood (put it next to a well-thumbed deck of Old Maid cards from the same year, just to keep the connection clear) and shut up that room.

Small worlds, she thought, staring out the rain-crazed window of her parlor. To discover small worlds. In no other connection had she ever heard of these cards. The persons and places and things were reminiscent of the Art of Memory, in which a place is established, and a vivid person imagined, holding his emblematic things. And "the return of R. C.": if that meant the "Brother R. C." of the Rosicrucians, it would place the cards in the first flush of Rosicrucian enthusiasms; whicha"she pushed away the tray of tea and toast, and wiped her fingersa"might make some sense of the small worlds, too. The arcane thought of those years knew of many.

The athenor of the alchemists, for instance, the Philosopher's Egg within which the transformation from base to gold took placea"was it not a microcosm, a small world? When the black-books said that the Work was to be begun in the sign of Aquarius and completed in Scorpio, they meant not those signs as they occurred in the heavens, but as they occurred in the universe of the world-shaped, world-containing Egg itself. The Work was not other than Genesis; the Red Man and the White Lady, when they appeared, microscopic in the Egg, were the soul of the Philosopher himself, as an object of the Philosopher's thought, itself a product of his soul, and so on, regressus ad infinitum, and in both directions too. And the Art of Memory: had not the Art introjected into the finite circle of her, Hawksquill's, skull the mighty circles of the heavens? And did not that cosmic engine within then order her memory, thus her perception, of things sublunar, celestial, and infinite? The immense laughter of Bruno when he understood that Copernicus had inverted the universea"what was it but joy in the confirmation of his knowledge that Mind, in the center of all, contains within it all that it is the center of? If the Earth, the old center, now was seen truly to revolve somewhere halfway between the center and the outside; and the Sun, which before had revolved on a path halfway to the outside, were now the center, then a half-turn like that in a Mbbius strip was thrown into the belt of the stars: and what then became of the old circ.u.mference? It was, strictly, unimaginable: the Universe exploded into infinitude, a circle of which Mind, the center, was everywhere and the circ.u.mference nowhere. The trick-mirror of finitude was smashed, Bruno laughed, the starry realms were a jewelled bracelet in the hand.

Well, all that was old. Every schoolboy (in the schools that had schooled Hawksquill) knew small worlds were great. If these cards were in her hands, she had no doubt she could quickly learn just what small worlds they were intended to discover: had little doubt that she herself had traveled in them. But were these cards the cards her grandfather had found and lost? And were they as well the cards Russell Eigenblick claimed to be in? A coincidence of that magnitude didn't seem inherently unlikely to Hawksquill; there was no chance in her universe. But she had no idea how further to search for them, and learn. In fact that alley seemed just at the moment so blind that she decided to walk no further up it. Eigenblick was no Roman Catholic, and the Rosicrucians, as everybody knows, were invisiblea"and whatever else Russell Eigenblick was, he was very visible. "The h.e.l.l with it," she was saying under her breath when the doorbell rang.

She consulted her watch. The Maid of Stone still slept, though the day was already as dark as night. She went to the hall, took a heavy stick from the umbrella-stand, and opened the door.

Overcoated and broad-hatted, windblown and rainswept, the black figure on her doorstep momentarily frightened her.

"Winged Messenger Service," he said. "h.e.l.lo, lady."

"h.e.l.lo, Fred," Hawksquill said. "You gave me a start." For the first time she had understood the pejorative "spook." "Come in, come in."

He would come no further than the vestibule, because he dripped; he stood dripping while Hawksquill fetched him a wine-gla.s.s of whiskey.

"Dark days," he said, taking it.

"St. Lucy's," Hawksquill said. "Darkest of all."

He chuckled, knowing very well she knew he meant more than the weather. He drained his gla.s.s at a gulp, and drew from his plastic-sheathed carrier a thick envelope for her. It bore no sender's address. She signed Fred Savage's book.

"Bad day to be working," she said.

"Neither rain nor sleet nor snow," said Fred, "and the owl for all his feathers was a-cold."

"You won't stay a moment?" she said. "The fire's lit."

"If I stayed a moment," Fred Savage said, leaning to one side, "I'd stay an hour," leaning to the other side, rain running from his hat; "and thad be that." He straightened, and bowed out.

No man more faithful, when he was working, which wasn't often. Hawksquill shut the door on him (thinking of him as a dark shuttle or bobbin st.i.tching up the rainy City) and returned to her parlor.

The fat envelope contained a deck of new bills in large denominations, and a brief note on the stationery of the Noisy Bridge Rod and Gun Club: "Payment per agreement in the matter of R. E. Have you come to any conclusions?" It was unsigned.

She dropped this note on the open folio of Bruno she had been studying, and was going back to the fire, counting her huge and as yet unearned fee, when a lurking connection was made within her consciousness. She went to the table, turned on a strong light, and looked closely at the marginal note which had originally stoked this long train of thought, a train which had just been shunted by the note from the Club.

The Italic hand is notable for its legibility. Yet now and then the swash capitals, if written quickly, can confuse. And yes: looked at closely there was no doubt that what she had read as "the return of R. C." should be read "the return of R. E.".

Where on earth, if on earth at all, were those cards?

A Geography As she grew older, Nora Cloud seemed to those around her to take on greater ma.s.s and solidity. To herself alsoa"though she gained no physical weighta"she seemed to grow great. As her age reached toward three digits and she moved slowly through Edgewood on two canes to support her ma.s.sy years, she benta"so it seemeda"less from weakness than to accommodate herself in the narrow corridors of the house.

She came with four-footed deliberateness down from her room toward the drum-table in the many-sided music-room, where beneath a bra.s.s and green gla.s.s lamp the cards in their bag in their box waited for hera"and where Sophie, these several years her student, waited too.

Cloud let herself down into her chair, her sticks rattling and the bones of her knees popping. She lit a brown cigarette and placed it in a saucer beside her, where its smoke rose ribbony and curling like thought. "What's our question?" she asked.

"Like yesterday," Sophie said. "Just to continue."

"No question," Cloud said. "All right."

They were silent awhile together. A moment of silent prayer, Cloud had been delighted and surprised to hear Smoky describe this as; a moment for considering the question, or no question, as today.

Sophie with her long soft hand over her eyes thought of no question. She thought of the cards, dark in their bag in their box. She didn't think of them as units, as individual pieces of paper, could no longer think of them that way even if she chose to. She didn't think of them either as notions, as persons, places, things. She thought of them as one thing, like a story or an interior, something made of s.p.a.ce and time, lengthy and vast but compact; jointed, dimensional, ever-unfolding.