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"That's terrible!" said Joan. The child with her lovely face set like flint in the room, the mother creeping out of the house and stumbling alone into the fly at the door--the picture was vivid before her eyes.
Joan wrung her hands with a little helpless gesture, and a moan upon her lips. Almost it seemed that these sad things were actually happening to _her_; so poignantly she felt them.
"Oh, and you had all that long journey back to London, the journey you had dreamt of for eleven months with your baby at your side--you had now to take it alone."
Stella Croyle shook her head.
"No! There was just one and only one of my friends--and not at all a great friend--who had the imagination to understand, as you understand too, Joan, just what that journey would have meant to me, if anything had gone wrong, and the kindness to put himself out to make its endurance a little easier."
Joan drew back quickly.
"Harry Luttrell," she whispered.
"Yes. He had once been stationed at Exeter. He knew Robert Croyle and the sisters. He guessed what might happen to me. Perhaps he knew that it was going to happen."
So, when Stella, having pulled down her veil that none might see her face, was stumbling along the platform in search of an empty carriage, a hand was very gently laid upon her and Harry Luttrell was at her side.
He had come all the way from London to befriend her, should she need it.
If he had seen her with her little girl, he would have kept out of sight and himself have returned to London by a later train.
"That was fine," cried Joan.
"Fine, yes!" answered Stella. "You realise that, Joan, and you have never been in real trouble, or known what men are when kindness interferes with their comfort. I am not blaming people, but women do get the worst of it, if they are fools enough--wicked enough if you like, to do as I did. I knew men--lots of them. I was bound to. I was fair game, you see."
Joan's forehead wrinkled. The doors of knowledge had been opening very rapidly for her during the last few minutes. But she was still often at a loss.
"Fair game. Why? I don't understand."
"I had been divorced. Therefore I wasn't dangerous. Complications couldn't follow from a little affair with me." Stella explained bitterly. "I had men on my doorstep always. But not one of these men who protested and made love to me, would have put themselves out to do what Harry Luttrell did. It was fine--yes. But for three years I have been wondering whether Harry Luttrell would not really have been kinder if he had thought of his own comfort too, and had never travelled to Exeter to befriend me."
"Why?" asked Joan.
"I should have thrown myself out of the carriage and saved myself--oh, so much sorrow afterwards," Stella Croyle answered in so simple and natural a voice that Joan could not disbelieve her.
Joan clasped her hands before her eyes and then gazed again at Stella sitting in front of her, with pity and wonder. It was so hard for her to understand that this pretty woman, who made it her business to be gay, whom she had met from time to time in this house and had chatted with and forgotten, had pa.s.sed through so dreadful an ordeal of suffering and humiliation. She was to look closer still into the mysteries which were being revealed to her.
Harry Luttrell had held Stella in his arms just as if she had been a child herself whilst the train rushed through the bleak winter country.
Stella had behaved like a child, now sobbing in a pa.s.sion of grief, now mutinous in a pa.s.sion of rage, now silent and despairing under the weights that nothing, neither sympathy, nor grief, nor revolt, can lift.
"He took me home. He stayed with me. Oh, it wasn't love," cried Stella.
"He was afraid."
"Afraid!" asked Joan. She wished to know every least detail of the story now.
"Afraid lest I should take--something ... as I wished to do ... as during the trouble of the divorce I learned to do."
She related little ridiculous incidents which Joan listened to with a breaking heart. Stella could not sleep at all after her return. She lived in a little house with a big garden on the northern edge of London, and all night she lay awake, listening to the patter of rain on melancholy trees, and thinking and thinking. Harry Luttrell kept her from the drugs in her dressing-case. She had no anodyne for her sorrows--but one.
"You will laugh," said Stella with a little wry smile of her own, "when I tell you what it was. It was a gramophone. I got Harry to set it going, whilst I lay in bed--to set it playing rag-time. While it was playing, I stopped thinking. For I had to keep time in my brain with the beat of the tune. And so, at last, since I couldn't think, or remember, I fell asleep. The gramophone saved me"; and again Joan was smitten by the incongruity of Stella with her life. She had eaten of all that nature allots to women--love, marriage, the birth of children, the loss of them--and there she was, to this day half-child, and quite incompatible with what she had suffered and endured.
"After a fortnight I got quieter of course," said Stella. "And suddenly a change sadder than anything I have told you took place in me. I suppose that I had gone through too much on baby's account for me. I lost something more than my baby, I lost my want to have her with me."
She remained silent for a little while reviewing the story which she had told.
"There, that's all," she said, rising suddenly. "It's no claim at all, of course. I know that very well. Harry left me at Stockholm four years ago;" and suddenly Joan's face flushed scarlet. She had been absorbed in Stella's sorrows, she had admired that kind action of Harry Luttrell's which had brought so much trouble in its train. It needed that reminder that Harry had only left Stella Croyle at Stockholm to bring home the whole part which Harry had taken in the affair. Now she understood; a flame of sudden jealousy confused her; and with it came a young girl's distaste as though some ugly reptile had raised its head amongst flowers.
"I never saw Harry again until this week, except for a minute outside a shop one morning in Piccadilly. But he hasn't married during those four years, so I always kept a hope that we should be somewhere together again for a few days, and that afterwards he would come back to me."
"That's why you chose this week to come to Rackham Park?"
"Yes," answered Stella Croyle; and she laughed harshly. "But I hadn't considered you."
Joan looked helplessly at her companion. Stella had not one small chance of the fulfilment of her hope--no, not one--even if she herself stood a million miles away. Of that Joan was sure. But how was she to say so to one who was blind and deaf to all but her hope, who would not listen, who would not see? Mario Escobar had left his gloves behind him on a couch. Joan saw them, and remembered to whom they belonged, and her thoughts took another complexion. Harry Luttrell! What share had she now in his life? She rose abruptly and pushed back her chair.
"Oh, I'll stand aside," she said, "never fear! We are to talk things over to-night. I shall say 'No.'"
She had turned again to the window, but a startled question from Stella Croyle stayed her feet.
"Harry has asked you to marry him?"
"He was going to," Joan faltered. The sense of her own loss returned upon her, she felt utterly alone, all the more alone because of the wondrous week which had come to so desolate an end to-night. "Here in this little room, not two hours ago. But I asked him to wait until supper time to-night. Here--it was here we stood!"
Joan looked down. Yes, she had been standing in this very spot, the table here upon her left, that chair upon her right, that trifolium in the pattern of the carpet under her feet, when Harry Luttrell had taken her in his arms. What foolish thing was Stella Croyle saying now?
"I take back all that I have said to you. If Harry has spoken to you already I have lost--that's all. I didn't know," she said. Her cheeks were white, her eyes suddenly grown large with a horror in them which Joan could not understand.
"Yes, it's all over. I have lost," she kept repeating in a dreadful whisper, moistening her dry lips with her tongue between her sentences.
"Oh, don't think that I am standing aside out of pity," Joan answered her. "To-morrow I shall be impossible as a wife for Harry Luttrell." The words fell upon ears which did not hear. It would not have mattered if Stella had heard. Since Harry Luttrell was that night asking Joan to marry him, the hopes upon which she had so long been building, which Jenny Prask had done so much to nurse and encourage, withered and crumbled in an instant.
"I must go back and dance," said Joan with a s.h.i.+ver.
She left Stella Croyle standing in the room like one possessed with visions of terrible things. Her tragic face and moving lips were to haunt Joan for many a month afterwards. She went out by the window and ran down the drive to the spot where she had left Miranda's car half-way between the lodge and the house. The gates had been set open that night against the return of the party from Harrel. Joan drove back again under the great over-arching trees of the road. It was just ten o'clock when she slipped into the ball-room and was claimed by a neighbour for a dance.
CHAPTER XXVII
THE RANK AND FILE
Martin Hillyard crammed a year's enjoyment into the early hours of that night. He danced a great deal and had supper a good many times; and even the girl who had pa.s.sed the season of 1914 in London and said languidly, "Tell me more," before he had opened his mouth, failed to ruffle his enjoyment.
"If I did, you would scream for your mother," he replied, "and I should be turned out of the house and Sir Chichester would lose his position in the county. No, I'll tell you less. That means we'll go and have some supper."
He led a subdued maiden into the supper-room and from that moment his enjoyment began to wane. For, at a little table near to hand, sat Joan Whitworth and Harry Luttrell, and it was clear to him from the distress upon their faces that their smooth courts.h.i.+p had encountered its obstacles. A spot of anger, indeed, seemed to burn in Joan's cheeks.
They hardly spoke at all.
Half an hour later, he came face to face with Joan in a corridor.