Doctor Who_ Slow Empire Part 14

9. There is strong evidence to suggest, at times, that Jamon de la Rocas had a penchant for devising fabulous beasts that never have existed, and never will, off the top of his head and from the whole cloth.

10. To get a feel for these perambulations, one should simply imagine the bustle of the palace kitchens, say, or a bathing chamber in which a number of servants are taking some brief measure of respite from their duties. Then the Doctor and his friends run through, much to the consternation and momentary chaos of all concerned. Repeat as many times as you feel is really necessary.

11. Fitz had always regretted the fact that, as Larkin so memorably said, they had invented s.e.x in 1963, just at the point where, by being spirited away originally by the TARDIS, he had missed it. It was on the whole fortunate that he had, nevertheless, managed to pursue his own private researches in that area from time to time. All the same, in some respects he was still very much a child of his particular time. More cosmopolitan than otherwise he might be for the most part, but his att.i.tude to the matters that might be handily summed up as being encapsulated by Cosmopolitan Cosmopolitan magazine were sometimes those of what, by the turn of the twenty-first century, would be a man of a 'certain' age. magazine were sometimes those of what, by the turn of the twenty-first century, would be a man of a 'certain' age.

12. The language of the Empire, rather like its G.o.ds, had over the millennia become markedly standardised even on an isolated world like Thakrash. There were local variations in dialect, of course, and linguistic hangovers from a root language that, so legend had it, had been used in the Old Days, before the advent of Transfer. In these latter cases, for the purposes of translation, we have merely transposed these utterances into a Latinate equivalent.

13. She was using her snake to spell things out in the air, with a coal in its mouth, in much the same way as a child might do with a sparkler. Unfortunately, since these words were in the local language, none of the Doctor's companions would ever appreciate the sheer beauty of the poetry thus spontaneously and ephemerally composed.

14. Once, in the time when musical recordings were commonly sold on vinyl, an advertising agency decided to market some product or other by way of a 45-r.p.m. single cover-mounted on a magazine. This being an advertising agency, of course, the first point of business was that they all sit around in a room and discuss what colour it should be. At the end of several hours, a young creative mind, thinking in purely graphical terms, opined that a really stylish and cla.s.sy-looking colour to use might be black...

None of which is strictly relevant, but it goes some way to explaining how Anji felt when she remembered that Gawain and Parsifal were actually, in legendary terms, the same person.

15. During the comparatively recent years of his mental recovery, the Doctor would occasionally lapse into a state that was not precisely dementia he would remain lucid and indeed highly, almost inhumanly, intelligent but that seemed by its specificality to be an actual and physical malfunction in his brain rather than a mere mental aberration. Specifically, he was simply unable to distinguish between the fact and fiction of a moving image. During these times he'd had to be forcibly restrained from watching a popular British soap opera, say, for fear that he would instantly be about slitting his wrists at the sheer futility and misery of life. Additionally, during these times, he was seriously considering the acquisition of a pair of spectacles, to prevent any malign force he might find himself up against from learning his true ident.i.ty. And certain incidents concerning the relative position of the trousers and underpants are best, on the whole, glossed completely over.

16. The very fine novel Heart of TARDIS Heart of TARDIS (ISBN 0 563 5596 3) contains a slightly less partial description of the Collectors and their modus operandi, including their use of s.h.i.+ps fitted with 'hyperwobble' drives, the erratic nature of which has been known to give the defence-nets of the most technologically advanced planets the catastrophic equivalents of nervous breakdowns. The Collectors, says (ISBN 0 563 5596 3) contains a slightly less partial description of the Collectors and their modus operandi, including their use of s.h.i.+ps fitted with 'hyperwobble' drives, the erratic nature of which has been known to give the defence-nets of the most technologically advanced planets the catastrophic equivalents of nervous breakdowns. The Collectors, says Heart of TARDIS Heart of TARDIS, would later become known, with a surfeit of originality, as 'the creatures who had once been known once been known as the Collectors', and set up shop in their Big Museum-type Thing full of Interesting and Valuable Stuff. The Collector here, it seems, originated from before that time though quite how long, given the temporally ambivalent nature of the Empire as a whole, is anyone's guess. as the Collectors', and set up shop in their Big Museum-type Thing full of Interesting and Valuable Stuff. The Collector here, it seems, originated from before that time though quite how long, given the temporally ambivalent nature of the Empire as a whole, is anyone's guess.

17. Having tried and failed to find any other reference to a publication of this name, we the compilers must conclude that Anji was making it up in a moment of bad-tempered pique.

18. As will be noted by any moderately attentive reader, Anji's adventures immediately prior to those detailed in this chronicle were still somewhat preying on her mind, to surface in subtly unconscious ways like this.

19. This being a misquote from Lewis Carroll and not, as some ill-read readers sometimes seem to think, from the popular author Douglas Adams, who similarly quoted it.

20. Being somewhat geographically as well as sartorially challenged, our hypothetical arboreal might have been originally looking for the London Planetarium, naturally.

21. It occurs to the compilers that, at this point in the narrative, certain inferential information might have been available to Fitz, upon waking up on Goronos, to ascertain how long he had been under the influence of the Cyberdyne. After giving the matter due consideration, we the compilers have decided that we simply don't want to know that much...

22. And this is Dave, here, speaking directly. You know how it is, or possibly you wouldn't, but there comes or should come a time in the writing of any fiction when the characters take on a life of their own and say things the writer himself would not ordinarily say. At some point the Doctor, for example, will make some moral p.r.o.nouncement, some connection between the elements of life as it is and how it should be lived, that would never occur in a million years to one who, quite frankly, spends most of his time wrangling the beer vouchers and thinking up things to say to the people he fancies. Or he'll make an obvious connection that one has completely and utterly missed, on the conscious level.

This was one of those times. The moment the Doctor said it, I looked at it and went, 'Oh, dear G.o.d, have I really built an entire book book on an appalling pun like that?' And of course, I had. Oh, well. It's too late now, what with the advance having long since been spent on an incredibly enjoyable holiday in LA, where the money lives, so all I can do is apologise and promise that it'll never, ever happen again. Honest. on an appalling pun like that?' And of course, I had. Oh, well. It's too late now, what with the advance having long since been spent on an incredibly enjoyable holiday in LA, where the money lives, so all I can do is apologise and promise that it'll never, ever happen again. Honest.

23. At a certain point in her life, much later than the events detailed in this chronicle, Anji would realise just how many of her thoughts and reactions were based on having watched televisual and cinematic sci-fi a genre that she had never particularly liked in and of itself. Of course, the simple fact of zooming around the galaxy and travelling in time could not but help to call to mind the science fiction of Earth, but she knew that the specifics specifics of that knowledge that the security officer on the stars.h.i.+p of that knowledge that the security officer on the stars.h.i.+p Voyager Voyager was a Vulcan named Tuvok, say were due to all the time spent watching such things out of love for her boyfriend Dave, before he had died. When she realised this, and realised that we can lock the doors and windows against old grief we thought long gone, but it can find a way up through the waste-disposal and fling itself at you again, from a direction never previously thought of, her reaction was such that we the compilers simply do not have the heart to detail it. was a Vulcan named Tuvok, say were due to all the time spent watching such things out of love for her boyfriend Dave, before he had died. When she realised this, and realised that we can lock the doors and windows against old grief we thought long gone, but it can find a way up through the waste-disposal and fling itself at you again, from a direction never previously thought of, her reaction was such that we the compilers simply do not have the heart to detail it.

About the Author.

DAVE S STONE is a notorious and unconscionably indolent slug-abed with little or no achievement of merit to his name. Save perhaps for the inventing and scriptwriting of is a notorious and unconscionably indolent slug-abed with little or no achievement of merit to his name. Save perhaps for the inventing and scriptwriting of Armitage Armitage, for the comics publication Judge Dredd the Megazine Judge Dredd the Megazine, in which he delineated and developed the city of London in that futuristic and somewhat casually violent shared world. And possibly his novels in the Judge Dredd line from Virgin Books, being Deathmasques Deathmasques, The Medusa Seed The Medusa Seed and and Wetworks Wetworks. And possibly any amount of other comics-related material to boot.

And his work for Virgin Books' New Adventure and Missing Adventure lines, come to think of it, including Sky Pirates!, Death and Diplomacy, Burning Heart Sky Pirates!, Death and Diplomacy, Burning Heart, and for their continuation (starring one-time companion Bernice Summerfield), s.h.i.+p of Fools, Oblivion, The Mary-Sue Extrusion s.h.i.+p of Fools, Oblivion, The Mary-Sue Extrusion and and Return to the Fractured Planet Return to the Fractured Planet. Each and every one a fine and puissant piece of literature, so all in all it is a bit unfortunate that at least half of them are no longer in print.

For the BBC he has written the novel Heart of TARDIS Heart of TARDIS, the short story Moon Graffiti Moon Graffiti, subsequently released as one half of a BBC Radio Collection audio disc, and the very volume you currently hold, quite lovingly, in your hands. His work on Bernice, incidentally, continues more-orless simultaneously with the release of the Big Finish novel The Infernal Nexus The Infernal Nexus.

Mr. Stone is currently working, such as of which he is capable, on a series of original novel and script projects, including a situation comedy and a blockbusting sci-fi movie which no b.u.g.g.e.r will ever be able to afford to shoot, even with the extensive use of CGI. He is seriously considering spending more time in Los Angeles, where, as he so rightly says, the money lives.