Classified (The Godmothers) Part 17

They all laughed.

"Okay, then, I'm going to check on Mom now. She's in the office. I'll see you two later."

In unit three, Toots was busy answering the phone and taking messages. She had a pile of pink slips waiting for Abby as soon as she walked through the door. "You're going to have a zoo here if the phone calls are any indication. We've got more animals coming in tomorrow. Two cats and a rabbit."

"A rabbit, huh? Well, we are prepared to take in almost any animal. Dr. Carnes is in surgery now. Sophie says the doxies will make a full recovery." Abby dropped down in one of the plastic chairs. "She told me this earlier. I believe her, too."

"You should, as she's rarely wrong."

"Mom, did Phil spend the night last night?" Abby asked.

"Yes, he did, and that's all I'm telling you," Toots said with a grin. "Neither of us got much sleep."

"Hmm, that explains the glow on your face and the gleam in your eyes."

"Let's talk about the baby. I don't want to speak of s.e.x in his or her presence."

"Just exactly how do you suppose this baby came about? The stork? A magic rock? Come on, Mom, give me a break. This kid was conceived in a lot of love. Don't go getting all old-fas.h.i.+oned and grandmotherly on me. I want you to be yourself. Though I don't want to be near you when you smoke. Sophie either. And I will not let you smoke around the baby. Or kiss him or her if you've smoked."

"Abby! I wouldn't dare do that, and Sophie either. I can't believe you would say that."

"Oh, s.h.i.+t, Mom, come on. I know you won't. I'm a mother now, too. We have to say this stuff, right?"

Toots chuckled. "I suppose you're right. I thought you would at least wait until the baby arrived. Have you made an appointment with the doctor yet?"

The phone rang. Toots took down all the required information, then ended the call. "A rooster and one hen. Tomorrow. Now answer me. Did you schedule an appointment with your OB-GYN yet?"

"Mom, I just found out I was pregnant last night. Today is a big day for 3Ds-so, no, I haven't called the doctor, but I will later this afternoon. I promise."

"Good. I just want you and my grandbaby to be healthy, that's all. Abby, there's something I need to tell you. I want you to hear it from me and keep it to yourself. You can tell Chris."

"Okay, sure, whatever you want. What is it? I know you didn't tell Phil about your 'wicked' "-Abby made air quotes with her hands-" 'past' because you slept with him. So, what's to tell?"

"Phil asked me to marry him."

Abby looked at her mother, then said, "And?"

"Well, that's all. I just wanted you to know. I haven't accepted, but it's something I am considering. Now, I know I said there would never be a number nine. But I've eaten my words so many times, it's a miracle that I haven't choked on them. Just whatever you do, don't say this to Ida. I plan to tell Sophie and Mavis, but not now."

"I can't say I'm surprised. Phil has it bad for you. I knew that when I met him in California. L-O-V-E was written all over his face then."

Toots shot her daughter the bird for the very first time.

Both cracked up laughing. "Mom, you can't do that, either. I don't want my son or daughter thinking the bird is a proper form of communication."

"Did I do that to you when you were little?" Toots asked.

"Not that I recall."

"Well, I do, and I didn't. I don't know how that got started." Toots paused, then continued. "As a matter of fact, I do remember how that got started. It was Sophie! In the seventh grade. We'd just met-it was our first day of school. Seventh grade at St. Mary's, what fun we had. Anyway, Sophie was in math cla.s.s, and we were seated next to each other. Sister Theresa was our math teacher. Meaner than a snake, too. She'd called on one of the girls, and she wasn't one of the brightest kids in the cla.s.s. I can't remember what she asked her, but the girl didn't know the answer. The sister kept at her until the girl started to cry. I'm sure she was embarra.s.sed. As a mother, I would have asked that she be removed from that cla.s.s, but I wasn't a mother then. Sophie, being Sophie, raised her hand, and, of course, she spoke before she was called on. She said she knew the answer to the mathematical question. To this day, I don't remember what the answer was, though I'm sure Sophie does. Long story short, Sophie stuck her middle finger high in the air and kept repeating, 'It's number one. It's number one.' Most of those in cla.s.s knew that wasn't the answer. Later, I asked her if she wanted the correct answer. She looked at me as though I'd lost my mind. Told me she knew the correct answer, but I was as stupid as the teacher. It was then that Sophie explained the middle finger meant 'f.u.c.k you.' And that's how it all started."

"Amazing what a good piece of a.s.s brings out in one's mother," Abby said, and then burst out laughing. "I swear you are an ornery old woman!"

"I am, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are, and I wouldn't have you any other way. You're a fantastic mom, and a sneak."

" 'A sneak'? Why would you say that? You obviously know I've slept with Phil. I am not hiding it. I just don't want Ida knowing."

"Not that. I'm talking about your buying The Informer, keeping it a secret for as long as you did. I think that was pretty darn sneaky, but in a good-way sneaky. Josh is doing a fantastic job. He e-mails me daily."

"Yes, that was pretty sneaky, but we're over that, right?"

"Mom, you know I was okay with your buying the paper. I thought it was the greatest thing-well, one of the greatest things you've done for me. I'm glad you did. Ever think of selling out?"

Toots doodled on a pad of paper that had cat and dog heads on the border. "Not seriously. Maybe later when I have time on my hands, but for now I plan to let you and Josh make all the decisions. Of course, if you want me to sell out, I will."

"It doesn't matter to me anymore. I'll always have the newspaper business in my blood, but now I want to focus on 3Ds and my pregnancy, and Chris. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it wouldn't bother me one way or the other. It's yours to do with as you please."

The phone rang again. Toots answered, took the required information, then resumed her conversation. "Like I said, when I have the time to really sit down and weigh the pros and cons, I will. Until then, I'm happy being here with you and Chris."

Dr. Wright, the female half, stopped in the office. "I just wanted to let you know the surgeries are finished. Both dogs came through with flying colors. The female had a little problem. There was more disc damage than what showed up on the MRI, and it was fortunate that Ms. Manchester warned us about potential disc problems. Dr. Carnes seems to think she got the excess disc fluid out," Susan Wright explained.

"Wonderful! This is great. Can we see them before we go home?" Toots asked.

"Sure, but they're out cold. But sure, come on, and we'll go together."

Ten minutes later, they all remarked over the perfectly straight incision Dr. Carnes had made on the dachshunds' long spines. Both dogs were expected to make a full recovery.

"It's time for the second round of volunteers. Why don't we all head to the house. I could use something to eat and a gla.s.s of ice tea."

All three doctors agreed.

"I'll see you at the house. You can come in through the back door," Abby said.

Twenty minutes later, an exhausted group of animal lovers and professionals met in Abby's formal dining room, where she served them ice tea, along with ham-and-cheese sandwiches.

Dr. Carnes's return flight had been canceled, but much to her surprise, she received an emergency call from Naples. "I need to get back to Florida as soon as possible. I've got another dachshund with back troubles."

"Give me ten minutes and I'll have a Flexjet waiting to take you home," Abby said.

Forty-five minutes later, Dr. Carnes was on a private jet heading home to Naples.

Finally, at the end of a very long day, everyone gathered at Toots's house for dinner. Bernice and Mavis spent the evening cooking and baking. Robert directed them and read the recipes as needed.

All in all, it ranked high on Toots's growing list of the best days ever.

Chapter 28.

"You're sure I don't look like a s.l.u.t in this dress," Sophie asked Toots.

"No, you look like a cheap two-dollar hooker, you s.l.u.t."

"b.i.t.c.h," Sophie shot back.

"You two, stop it right now. It's Sophie's wedding day. You both should show some respect. I bet Goebel isn't cussing and carrying on with the guys. You look like a fairy princess in that dress," Mavis said.

"Well, I am a G.o.dmother, so why not add fairy to the t.i.tle? And I'm sure Goebel isn't cussing, either. He's probably worried about his sore back. He's really worked his a.s.s off on the lawn. Poor guy probably hated to stop just to run and get hitched. The painters are supposed to finish the outside today. I told Goebel that was our wedding gift to the neighbors. I don't think I could stand another day of that purple s.h.i.+t."

"Sophie, watch your mouth," Mavis reminded her.

"Kiss my old a.s.s, Mavis. I plan to cuss like a sailor today and smoke like a locomotive. It's my wedding day-I can do whatever I d.a.m.n well please."

Mavis smiled and shook her head. "Oh, I suppose you're right, but once that justice of the peace arrives, I wouldn't cuss too much. Don't they have the power to arrest people?"

"Oh, Gawd, Mavis. You're as naive as a newborn babe," Ida said. "Of course, they can't arrest you." Ida looked like the famous cosmetic queen that she was. Her skin was as smooth as a pearl; her hair sleek and straight. She'd applied her makeup, and looked as glamorous as a Hollywood starlet. She wore a pale peach skirt and matching silk top. Her shoes matched, too.

"Yeah, you better hope not! Because if that's the case, Ida, you're liable to be arrested for robbing the cradle." Sophie cackled as Toots zipped her dress.

"You're just jealous," Ida replied smartly.

"I don't think so. Daniel is a great guy-I'll give you that. I just don't see what he sees in your old a.s.s. Bernice hates you, you know that, right?" Sophie barked. "She really thinks you're too old for Daniel. We all do."

"That's not true, Sophie, and you d.a.m.n well know it," Toots interjected. "I've said a million times, if they're happy with one another, so be it. 'Love the one you're with.' My sister-in-law Mary used to tell me that."

"And you took it to heart. Eight times," Ida answered in a singsong voice.

"Oh, f.u.c.k off, Ida. I think you're still p.i.s.sed because I married Jerry, and he left me all that cold, hard cash."

They all laughed, even Ida. The subject of Jerry had been a longtime war between them. Ida swore Toots stole him away. And Toots swore that Ida was just jealous.

"I'm over it, trust me."

"Then get your a.s.s over here and fix my face. Toots, you watch her just to make sure she doesn't paint t.i.ts and d.i.c.ks on my forehead."

Ida had her case of "magic," as she called it, with her. They were all upstairs in Toots's bedroom. As promised, Toots had planned every single detail for Sophie's wedding day, right down to the silk panties the bride wore. Toots was a pro at weddings, too. Mavis had sewn her dress, a low-cut cream-colored sheath that fit Sophie like a glove.

"I ought to paint your face like Bette Davis's in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? All that lipstick outside the lip line. Eyeliner so thick it covered her entire creepy eyelid. I laugh every time I see that movie."

Sophie perked up. "Me too. I like the scene where she throws her sister down the staircase and feeds her the dead bird."

"Sophie, you're much more nasty than you've been in a while," Toots commented as Ida did her eyes.

"Yeah, I've been too nice. Now that I've found a man to marry me and take care of me, I've decided to revert back to my normal behavior."

"Be still, or I'll poke your eye out," Ida said as she expertly lined the not-so-blus.h.i.+ng bride's eyes.

"You're just happy because you know you'll be getting laid for the rest of your life," Toots added.

"Like you're not," Sophie challenged.

"Tell it to the world, why don't you! Yes, Phil and I are s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g. d.a.m.n near daily. My twinkle is sore 'cause we've gone at it so much. Best piece of a.s.s I've ever had. And Phil doesn't need v.i.a.g.r.a or a p.e.c.k.e.r pump. Is that enough detail for you?"

"What the f.u.c.k is a 'twinkle'?" Sophie asked, laughing so hard that Ida had to stop lining her eyes.

"Yes, I'd like to know that, too," Mavis said. "I've never heard of that before."

They all turned to stare at Mavis.

"It's her thing, Mavis," Sophie said bluntly.

It took a minute for Mavis to understand what they were referring to. When she finally comprehended, her face turned bright pink. "You girls are so . . . nasty. Promise me you won't say these things in front of Wade. It would embarra.s.s him to no end."

"We promise, okay? Now let's hurry up and get this show on the road. I want a cigarette before I head down the aisle. h.e.l.l, maybe I'll let one dangle out the side of my mouth as I'm walking down the aisle. What do you think, Ida? Cla.s.sy or trashy?"

"I think it's so you, Soph. That's what I think," Ida said as she made the finis.h.i.+ng touches to Sophie's makeup. "Now look in the mirror and tell me what you think."

Sophie whirled around to see Ida's artistry. "Cla.s.sy, Ida. Very cla.s.sy."

And it was. Ida had enhanced Sophie's dark features without making her look made-up. Toots inspected Ida's handiwork. "You look like Sophia Loren, only better. On the other hand, the Italian bombsh.e.l.l does have bigger b.o.o.bs."

Sophie flipped Toots the bird.

"Did I tell you I told Abby the middle-finger story? She'll be a mother soon. She needs to be prepared for things like that. Kids learn quickly these days."

"Spare me the details, I was there. Now come on"-Sophie looked at the new Rolex on her wrist, a gift from Ida-"it's time for me to get hitched."

"Wait!" Toots called out before they left her room. "We need to do something to mark this as an extra special day. For Sophie."

They all knew what Toots referred to. It had been their special way of acknowledging momentous times in the past. They'd started the tradition in the seventh grade and continued it as adults. No one said a word, as each knew what to do.

Toots held out her right hand. Mavis placed her hand on top of Toots's. Ida placed her hand on top of Mavis's; then Sophie added her hand to theirs.

"On the count of three," Toots instructed. "One, two, three!"

" 'When you're good, you're good!' " They tossed their hands high in the air. This was the secret handshake, meaning everything that happened among the four stayed among them.

"Now, let's not keep my future husband waiting. You girls ready?"

"Let's go," Toots said, and led the other three downstairs.

Toots had arranged for a pianist and violinist to play music on the back lawn, where Abby and Chris had married. Sophie had wanted a simple wedding, but Toots had to add something special, hence the musicians. All of Sophie's favorite flowers were placed in giant urns along the pathway that led to the splendid garden. Giant oak trees provided shade. The gardenias were in bloom, and traces of night-blooming jasmine still lingered in the afternoon breeze. At the end of the path, Toots had placed a simple archway made from bits and pieces of wood from Sophie and Goebel's new home. Goebel had given them to her, asking her to do something special with them, as he wanted something sentimental to add to the ceremony. She'd hired a team of Charleston's best carpenters. Their work was perfect. Mavis and Abby wove flowers from all the gardens through the s.p.a.ces provided. Toots thought it resembled a wild tree of sorts, with wildflowers growing randomly from its branches.