Our Deportment Part 14

If a person wishes to be served with more tea or coffee, he should place his spoon in his saucer. If he has had sufficient, let it remain in the cup.

If by chance anything unpleasant is found in the food, such as a hair in the bread or a fly in the coffee, remove it without remark. Even though your own appet.i.te be spoiled, it is well not to prejudice others.

Always make use of the b.u.t.ter-knife, sugar-spoon and salt-spoon, instead of using your knife, spoon or fingers.

Never, if possible, cough or sneeze at the table.

At home fold your napkin when you are done with it and place it in your ring. If you are visiting, leave your napkin unfolded beside your plate.

Eat neither too fast nor too slow.

Never lean back in your chair, nor sit too near or too far from the table.

Keep your elbows at your side, so that you may not inconvenience your neighbors.

Do not find fault with the food.

The old-fas.h.i.+oned habit of abstaining from taking the last piece upon the plate is no longer observed. It is to be supposed that the vacancy can be supplied, if necessary.

If a plate is handed you at the table, keep it yourself instead of pa.s.sing it to a neighbor. If a dish is pa.s.sed to you, serve yourself first, and then pa.s.s it on.

The host or hostess should not insist upon guests partaking of particular dishes; nor ask persons more than once, nor put anything on their plates which they have declined. It is ill-bred to urge a person to eat of anything after he has declined.

When sweet corn is served on the ear, the grain should be pared from it upon the plate, instead of being eaten from the cob.

Strive to keep the cloth as clean as possible, and use the edge of the plate or a side dish for potato skins and other refuse.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

CHAPTER XI.

Receptions, Parties and b.a.l.l.s.

Morning receptions, as they are called, but more correctly speaking, afternoon parties, are generally held from four to seven o'clock in the afternoon. Sometimes a sufficient number for a quadrille arrange to remain after the a.s.semblage has for the most part dispersed.

THE DRESS.

The dress for receptions is, for men, morning dress; for ladies, demi-toilet, with or without bonnet. No low-necked dress nor short sleeves should be seen at day receptions, nor white neck-ties and dress coats.

The material of a lady's costume may be of velvet, silk, muslin, gauze or grenadine, according to the season of the year, and taste of the wearer, but her more elegant jewelry and laces should be reserved for evening parties.

THE REFRESHMENTS.

The refreshments for "morning receptions" are generally light, consisting of tea, coffee, frozen punch, claret punch, ices, fruit and cakes. Often a cold collation is spread after the lighter refreshments have been served, and sometimes the table is set with all the varieties, and renewed from time to time.

INVITATIONS.

Invitations to a reception are simple, and are usually very informal.

Frequently the lady's card is sent with the simple inscription, "At Home Thursday, from four to seven." No answers are expected to these invitations, unless "R.S.V.P." is on one corner. One visiting card is left by each person who is present, to serve for the after call. No calls are expected from those who attend. Those who are not able to be present, call soon after.

MUSICAL MATINEES.

A _matinee musicale_ partakes of the nature of a reception, and is one of the most difficult entertainments attempted. For this it is necessary to secure those persons possessing sufficient vocal and instrumental talent to insure the success of the entertainment, and to arrange with them a programme, a.s.signing to each, in order, his or her part. It is customary to commence with a piece of instrumental music, followed by solos, duets, quartettes, etc., with instrumental music interspersed, in not too great proportions. Some competent person is needed as accompanist. It is the duty of the hostess to maintain silence among her guests during the performance of instrumental as well as vocal music. If any are unaware of the breach of good manners they commit in talking or whispering at such times, she should by a gesture endeavor to acquaint them of the fact. It is the duty of the hostess to see that the ladies are accompanied to the piano; that the leaves of the music are turned for them, and that they are conducted to their seats again. When not intimately acquainted with them, the hostess should join in expressing gratification.

The dress at a musical matinee is the same as at a reception, only bonnets are more generally dispensed with. Those who have taken part, often remain for a hot supper.

PARTIES IN THE COUNTRY.

Morning and afternoon parties in the country, or at watering places, are of a less formal character than in cities. The hostess introduces such of her guests as she thinks most likely to be mutually agreeable. Music or some amus.e.m.e.nt is essential to the success of such parties.

SUNDAY HOSPITALITIES.

In this country it is not expected that persons will call after informal hospitalities extended on Sunday. All gatherings on that day ought to be informal. No dinner parties are given on Sunday, or, at least, they are not considered as good form in good society.

FIVE O'CLOCK TEA, COFFEE AND KETTLE-DRUMS.

Five o'clock tea, coffee and kettle-drums have recently been introduced into this country from England. For these invitations are usually issued on the lady's visiting card, with the words written in the left hand corner.

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Five o'clock tea, Wednesday, October 6._]

Or, if for a kettle-drum:

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Kettle-drum, Wednesday, October 6._]

No answers are expected to these invitations, unless there is an R.S.V.P. on the card. It is optional with those who attend, to leave cards. Those who do not attend, call afterwards. The hostess receives her guests standing, aided by other members of the family or intimate friends. For a kettle-drum there is usually a crowd, and yet but few remain over half an hour--the conventional time allotted--unless they are detained by music or some entertaining conversation. A table set in the dining-room is supplied with tea, coffee, chocolate, sandwiches, buns and cakes, which const.i.tute all that is offered to the guests.

There is less formality at a kettle-drum than at a larger day reception.

The time is spent in desultory conversation with friends, in listening to music, or such entertainment as has been provided.

Gentlemen wear the usual morning dress. Ladies wear the _demi-toilet_, with or without bonnets.

At five o'clock tea (or coffee), the equipage is on a side table, together with plates of thin sandwiches, and of cake. The pouring of the tea and pa.s.sing of refreshments are usually done by some members of the family or friends, without the a.s.sistance of servants, where the number a.s.sembled is small; for, as a rule, the people who frequent these social gatherings, care more for social intercourse than for eating and drinking.

MORE FORMAL ENTERTAINMENTS.

Evening parties and b.a.l.l.s are of a much more formal character than the entertainments that have been mentioned. They require evening dress. Of late years, however, evening dress is almost as much worn at grand dinners as at b.a.l.l.s and evening parties, only the material is not of so diaphanous a character. Lace and muslin are out of place. Invitations to evening parties should be sent from a week to two weeks in advance, and in all cases they should be answered immediately.