Our Deportment Part 16

Good-breeding and the appearance of good temper are inseparable.

It is not necessary for a gentleman to bow to his partner after a quadrille; it is enough that he offers his arm and walks at least half way round the room with her. He is not obliged to remain beside her unless he wishes to do so, but may leave her with any lady whom she knows.

Never be seen without gloves in a ball-room, or with those of any other color than white, unless they are of the most delicate hue.

Though not customary for a married couple to dance together in society, those men who wish to show their wives the compliment of such unusual attention, if they possess any independence, will not be deterred from doing so by their fear of any comments from Mrs. Grundy.

The sooner that we recover from the effects of the Puritanical idea that clergymen should never be seen at b.a.l.l.s, the better for all who attend them. Where it is wrong for a clergyman to go, it is wrong for any member of his church to be seen.

In leaving a ball room before the music has ceased, if no members of the family are in sight, it is not necessary to find them before taking your departure. If, however, the invitation is a first one, endeavor not to make your exit until you have thanked your hostess for the entertainment. You can speak of the pleasure it has afforded you, but it is not necessary that you should say "it has been a grand success."

Young ladies must be careful how they refuse to dance, for unless a good reason is given, a gentleman is apt to take it as evidence of personal dislike. After a lady refuses, the gentleman should not urge her to dance, nor should the lady accept another invitation for the same dance.

The members of the household should see that those guests who wish to dance are provided with partners.

Ladies leaving a ball or party should not allow gentlemen to see them to their carriages, unless overcoats and hats are on for departure.

When b.a.l.l.s are given, if the weather is bad, an awning should be provided for the protection of those pa.s.sing from their carriages to the house. In all cases, a broad piece of carpet should be spread from the door to the carriage steps.

Gentlemen should engage their partners for the approaching dance, before the music strikes up.

In a private dance, a lady cannot well refuse to dance with any gentleman who invites her, unless she has a previous engagement. If she declines from weariness, the gentleman will show her a compliment by abstaining from dancing himself, and remaining with her while the dance progresses.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

CHAPTER XII.

Etiquette of the Street.

The manners of a person are clearly shown by his treatment of the people he meets in the public streets of a city or village, in public conveyances and in traveling generally. The true gentleman, at all times, in all places, and under all circ.u.mstances, is kind and courteous to all he meets, regards not only the rights, but the wishes and feelings of others, is deferential to women and to elderly men, and is ever ready to extend his aid to those who need it.

THE STREET MANNERS OF A LADY.

The true lady walks the street, wrapped in a mantle of proper reserve, so impenetrable that insult and coa.r.s.e familiarity shrink from her, while she, at the same time, carries with her a congenial atmosphere which attracts all, and puts all at their ease.

A lady walks quietly through the streets, seeing and hearing nothing that she ought not to see and hear, recognizing acquaintances with a courteous bow, and friends with words of greeting. She is always un.o.btrusive, never talks loudly, or laughs boisterously, or does anything to attract the attention of the pa.s.sers-by. She walks along in her own quiet, lady-like way, and by her pre-occupation is secure from any annoyance to which a person of less perfect breeding might be subjected.

A lady never demands attention and favors from a gentleman, but, when voluntarily offered, accepts them gratefully, graciously, and with an expression of hearty thanks.

FORMING STREET ACQUAINTANCES.

A lady never forms an acquaintance upon the street, or seeks to attract the attention or admiration of persons of the other s.e.x. To do so would render false her claims to ladyhood, if it did not make her liable to far graver charges.

RECOGNIZING FRIENDS IN THE STREET.

No one, while walking the streets, should fail, through pre-occupation, or absent-mindedness, to recognize friends or acquaintances, either by a bow or some form of salutation. If two gentlemen stop to talk, they should retire to one side of the walk. If a stranger should be in company with one of the gentlemen, an introduction is not necessary. If a gentleman meets another gentleman in company with a lady whom he does not know, he lifts his hat to salute them both. If he knows the lady, he should salute her first. The gentleman who accompanies a lady, always returns a salutation made to her.

A CROWDED STREET.

When a gentleman and lady are walking in the street, if at any place, by reason of the crowd, or from other cause, they are compelled to proceed singly, the gentleman should always precede his companion.

INTRUSIVE INQUIRIES.

If you meet or join or are visited by a person who has any article whatever, under his arm or in his hand, and he does not offer to show it to you, you should not, even if it be your most intimate friend, take it from him and look at it. That intrusive curiosity is very inconsistent with the delicacy of a well-bred man, and always offends in some degree.

THE FIRST TO BOW.

In England strict etiquette requires that a lady, meeting upon the street a gentleman with whom she has acquaintance, shall give the first bow of recognition. In this country, however, good sense does not insist upon an imperative following of this rule. A well-bred man bows and raises his hat to every lady of his acquaintance whom he meets, without waiting for her to take the initiative. If she is well-bred, she will certainly respond to his salutation. As politeness requires that each salute the other, their salutations will thus be simultaneous.

ALWAYS RECOGNIZE ACQUAINTANCES.

One should always recognize lady acquaintances in the street, either by bowing or words of greeting, a gentleman lifting his hat. If they stop to speak, it is not obligatory to shake hands. Shaking hands is not forbidden, but in most cases it is to be avoided in public.

[Ill.u.s.tration: GENTLEMAN MEETING A LADY.]

BOWING TO STRANGERS WITH FRIENDS.

If a gentleman meets a friend, and the latter has a stranger with him, all three should bow. If the gentleman stops his friend to speak to him, he should apologize to the stranger for detaining him. If the stranger is a lady, the same deference should be shown as if she were an acquaintance.

DO NOT LACK POLITENESS.

Never hesitate in acts of politeness for fear they will not be recognized or returned. One cannot be too polite so long as he conforms to rules, while it is easy to lack politeness by neglect of them.

Besides, if courtesy is met by neglect or rebuff, it is not for the courteous person to feel mortification, but the boorish one; and so all lookers-on will regard the matter.

TALKING WITH A LADY IN THE STREET.

In meeting a lady it is optional with her whether she shall pause to speak. If the gentleman has anything to say to her, he should not stop her, but turn around and walk in her company until he has said what he has to say, when he may leave her with a bow and a lift of the hat.

LADY AND GENTLEMAN WALKING TOGETHER.

A gentleman walking with a lady should treat her with the most scrupulous politeness, and may take either side of the walk. It is customary for the gentleman to have the lady on his right hand side, and he offers her his right arm, when walking arm in arm. If, however, the street is crowded, the gentleman must keep the lady on that side of him where she will be the least exposed to crowding.

OFFERING THE ARM TO A LADY.