Dinner At The Homesick Restaurant Part 4

"Well, help me get these drawers back in," he said to Ezra.

It was a two-man job. The drawers were oak, c.u.mbersome and inclined to stick. Cody and Ezra grunted as they fitted them into the bureau. Jenny traveled around the room collecting her clothes. Tears had filled her eyes, and she kept dabbing at her nose with one or another rolled pair of socks. "Stop that," Cody told her. "She'll do it all again, if she finds snot on your socks."

He and Ezra gathered slips and hair ribbons, shook out blouses, tried to get the dresses back on their hangers the way they'd been before. Some were hopelessly wrinkled, and those they smoothed as best they could and hid at the rear of the wardrobe. Meanwhile Jenny knelt on the floor, sniffling and folding unders.h.i.+rts.

"I wish we could just go off," Ezra said, "and not come back till it's over."

"It won't be over till she's had her scene," Cody told him. "You know that. There's no way we can get around it."

"I wish Daddy were here."

"Well, he's not, so shut up."

Ezra straightened a sash.

After they'd put everything in order, the three of them sat in a row on Jenny's bed. The sounds from the kitchen were different now-cutlery rattling, gla.s.sware clinking. Their mother must be setting the table. Pretty soon she'd serve supper. Cody had such a loaded feeling in his throat, he never wanted to eat again. No doubt the others felt the same; Ezra kept swallowing. Jenny said, "Let's run away from home."

"We don't have anyplace to run to," Cody said.

Their mother came to the foot of the stairs and called them. Her voice was thin, like the sound of a gnat. "Children."

They filed down, dragging their feet. They stopped at the first-floor bathroom and meticulously scrubbed their hands, taking extra pains with the backs. Each one waited for the others. Then they went into the kitchen. Their mother was slicing a brick of Spam. She didn't look at them, but she started speaking the instant they were seated. "It's not enough that I should have to work till five p.m., no; then I come home and find nothing seen to, no ch.o.r.es done, you children off till all hours with disreputable characters in the alleys or wasting your time with school chorus, club meetings; table not set, breakfast dishes not washed, supper not cooked, floors not swept, mail in a heap on the mat...and not a sign of any of you. Oh, I know what's going on! I know what you three are up to! Neighborhood savages, that's what you are, mingling with each and all. How am I supposed to deal with this? How am I expected to cope? Useless daughter, great unruly bruising boys...I know what people are saying. You think my customers aren't glad to tell me? Coming in simpering, Well, Mrs. Tull, that oldest boy of yours is certainly growing up. I saw him with a pack of Camels in the street in front of the Barlow girl's house.' And I have to smile and take it. Have to stand there on exhibit while they're all thinking, 'Poor Mrs. Tull, I don't know how she can hold her head up. It's clear she doesn't have the least ability to handle those children; look at how they're disgracing her.' Sticking potatoes on people's exhaust pipes and letting the air out of tires and shooting at streetlights with BB guns and stealing hubcaps and making off with traffic signs and moving Mrs. Correlli's madonna to Sonny Boy Brown's kitchen stoop and hanging around the hydrants with girls no better than tramps, girls in tight sweaters and ankle chains, oh, I hear about it everywhere..."

"But not me, Mama," Jenny said.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I don't do those things."

Well, of course she didn't (only Cody did), but she shouldn't have pointed that out. Now she'd drawn attention to herself. Pearl turned, gathered force, and plunged. "You! I know about you. I couldn't believe my ears. What should I be doing but coming down the church steps Sunday when I see you with that Melanie Miller from your Bible cla.s.s. 'Oh, Melanie ...'" She made her voice shrill and prissy, nothing like Jenny's, really. "'Melanie, I just love your dress. I wish I had a dress like that.' Understand," she said, turning to the boys, "this was a cheap little number from Sears. The plaid wasn't matched; there was a ruffle at the hem like a...square dance outfit and a bunch of artificial flowers pinned to the waist. A totally inappropriate dress for a nine-year-old, or for anyone. But 'Oh, I wish I had that,' your sister says, so everyone thinks, 'Poor Mrs. Tull, she can't even afford a Sears and Roebuck dress with artificial flowers; I don't know how she manages, slaving away at that grocery all day and struggling over her budget at night, cutting here and cutting there, wondering will she sc.r.a.pe by, hoping n.o.body runs up a doctor bill, praying her children's feet will stop growing ...'

"And Melanie's mother, well, it's just like opening the door to such a person. First thing you know she'll be walking in here big as life: 'Mrs. Tull, I happen to have the catalogue we ordered Melanie's dress from, if you would care for one for Jenny.' As if I'd want to dress my daughter like an orphan! As if I'd like for her to duplicate some other child! 'No, thank you, Mrs. Miller,' I'll say. 'I may not be able to afford so very much but at least when I do buy, I buy with finished seams. No, Mrs. Miller, you keep your so-called wish book, your quarter-inch hem allowances, smashed felt flowers ...' What's wrong with us, I'd like to know? Aren't we good enough for my own blood daughter? Doesn't she feel I'm doing my best, my level best, to provide? Does she have to pick up riffraff? Does she have to bring home sc.u.m? We're a family! We used to be so close! What happened to us? Why would she act so disloyal?"

She sat down serenely, as if finished with the subject forever, and reached for a bowl of peas. Jenny's face was streaming with tears, but she wasn't making a sound and Pearl seemed unaware of her. Cody cleared his throat.

"But that was Sunday," he said.

Pearl's serving spoon paused, midway between the bowl and her plate. She looked politely interested. "Yes?" she said.

"This is Wednesday."

"Yes."

"It's Wednesday, dammit; it's three days later. So why bring up something from Sunday?"

Pearl threw the spoon in his face. "You upstart," she said. She rose and slapped him across the cheek. "You wretch, you ugly horror." She grabbed one of Jenny's braids and yanked it so Jenny was pulled off her chair. "Stupid clod," she said to Ezra, and she took the bowl of peas and brought it down on his head. It didn't break, but peas flew everywhere. Ezra cowered, s.h.i.+elding his head with his arms. "Parasites," she told them. "I wish you'd all die, and let me go free. I wish I'd find you dead in your beds."

After that, she went upstairs. The three of them washed the dishes, dried them, and put them away in the cupboards. They wiped the table and countertops and swept the kitchen floor. The sight of any crumb or stain was a relief, a pleasure; they attacked it with Bon Ami. They pulled the shades in the windows and locked the back door. Outside, the neighborhood children were organizing a game of hide-and-seek, but their voices were so faint that they seemed removed in time as well as in s.p.a.ce. They were like people from long ago, laughing and calling only in memory, or in one of those eerily lifelike dreams that begin on the edge of sleep.

Shortly before Thanksgiving, a girl named Edith Taber transferred to their school. Cody had been new to so many schools himself, he recognized that defiant tilt of her head when she stepped into his homeroom. She carried a zippered notebook that wasn't the right kind at all, and over her skirt she wore what appeared to be a grown man's s.h.i.+rt, which no one had ever heard of doing. But she had thick black hair and the kind of gypsy look that Cody liked; and he was also drawn by the proud and scornful way she walked alone to her cla.s.ses-as friendless as Cody was, he thought, or at least, as friendless as he felt inside. So that afternoon he walked a short distance behind her (it turned out she lived just one block north of him), and the next afternoon he caught up and walked beside her. She seemed to welcome his company and talked to him nearly nonstop, every now and then clutching her coat collar tight against her throat in a gesture that struck him as sophisticated. Her brother was in the navy, she said, and had promised to bring her a silk kimono if he made it through the war. And she didn't find that Baltimore was very cosmopolitan, and she thought Miss Saunders, the English teacher, resembled Lana Turner. She said she felt it was really attractive when boys didn't slick their hair back but let it fall over their foreheads, straight, the way Cody did. Cody raked his fingers through his hair and said, well, he didn't know about that; he'd always sort of supposed that girls preferred a little wave or curl or something. She said she just despised for a boy to have curls. They walked the rest of the way without speaking, although from time to time Cody whistled parts of the only tune that came to his mind, which happened to be "The Ash Grove."

He couldn't walk her home on Wednesday because he had to stay late for detention, and the following day was Thanksgiving. There wouldn't be any more school till Monday. All Thursday morning, he hung around the front porch in the damp November chill, gazing northward to Edith's street and then wheeling away and taking midair punches at a cus.h.i.+on from the glider. Finally his mother emerged, rosy from the kitchen, and coaxed him inside. "Cody, honey, you'll freeze to death. Come and sh.e.l.l me some pecans." They were having a meager meal-no turkey-but she'd promised to make a pie for dessert. Already the house smelled different: spicier, more festive. Cody would have stayed on the porch forever, though, if he'd thought there was a chance of seeing Edith.

After dinner they all played Monopoly. Generally, Cody's family didn't allow him in their games; he had this problem with winning. He absolutely insisted on winning any game he played. And he did win too-by sheer fierceness, by caring the most. (Also, he'd been known to cheat.) Sometimes, he would even win when no one else suspected it was a contest. He would eat more peanuts, get his corn shucked the fastest, or finish his page of the comics first. "Go away," his family would say when he approached (nonchalantly shuffling cards or tossing a pair of dice). "You know what we said. Never again!" But this afternoon, they let him play. He tried to hold back, but once he'd bought a hotel on the Boardwalk, things got out of hand. "Oh, my, I should have remembered," his mother said. "What's he doing in this game?" But she was smiling. She wore her blue wool dress and her hair was coming out of its bun, which made her look relaxed. Her token was the flatiron. She skipped right over the Boardwalk, but Ezra was next and he hit it. He didn't have anywhere near enough money. Cody tried to lend him some; he hated it when people just gave up. He liked to get everybody thousands of dollars in debt, struggling to the bitter end. But Ezra said, "No, no, I quit," and backed off, holding up one palm in that old-mannish way he had. So Cody had to go on with just Jenny and his mother, and eventually with just his mother. They played right down to the line, when she landed on the Boardwalk with three dollar bills to her name. As a matter of fact, Cody had a pretty good time.

Then the younger two talked Cody and Pearl into putting on their old skit: "The Mortgage Overdue." "Oh, come on! Please! It wouldn't feel like a holiday without it." Cody and Pearl ended up agreeing to it, even though they were rusty and Cody couldn't remember the dance step that came at the finish. This was something salvaged from his mother's girlhood, the kind of piece performed at amateur recital contests or campfire circles. Pearl played Ivy, the maiden in distress, and Cody was the villain twirling his waxed mustache. "Ivy, sweet sweet Ivy, lean upon my arm," he cajoled her with an evil leer, while Pearl rolled her eyes and shrank into a corner. She could have been an actress, her children thought; she had it letter-perfect, the blus.h.i.+ng gaze and the old-fas.h.i.+oned singsong of her responses. At the end the hero came and rescued her. Ezra and Jenny always claimed to be too shy, so Cody had to take the hero's part as well. "I will pay the money for the mortgage on the farm, will pay the money for the mortgage on the farm," he told the maiden, and he danced her into the dining room. The dance step came back to him after all, but his mother's tongue got twisted and instead of wedded life wedded life she said she said leaded wife leaded wife and collapsed in a heap of giggles. Jenny and Ezra gave them three curtain calls. and collapsed in a heap of giggles. Jenny and Ezra gave them three curtain calls.

That evening, Cody went out to the porch and looked northward some more in the twilight. Ezra came too and sat in the glider, pus.h.i.+ng back and forth with the heel of one sneaker. "Want to walk toward Sloop Street?" Cody asked him.

"What's on Sloop Street?"

"Nothing much. This girl I know, Edith Taber."

"Oh, yes. Edith," Ezra said.

"You know who she is?"

"She's got this whistle," Ezra said, "that plays sharps and flats with hardly any extra trouble."

"Edith Taber? Taber?"

"A recorder."

"You're thinking of someone else," Cody told him.

"Well, maybe so."

Cody was silent a moment, leaning on the porch railing. Ezra creaked companionably in the glider. Then Cody said, "A black-haired girl. Ninth-grader."

"New in town," Ezra agreed.

"When'd you see her?"

"Just yesterday," Ezra said. "I was walking home from school, playing my whistle, and she caught up with me and said she liked it and asked if I wanted to see her recorder. So I went to her house and I saw it."

"To her house? house? Did she know you were my brother?" Did she know you were my brother?"

"Well, no, I don't think so," Ezra said. "She has a parakeet that burps and says, 'Forgive me.' Her mother served us cookies."

"You met her mother?"

"It would be nice to have a recorder, someday."

"She's too old for you," Cody said.

Ezra looked surprised. "Well, of course," he said. "She's fourteen and a half."

"What would she want with a little sixth-grader?"

"She wanted to show me her whistle," Ezra said.

"Shoot," said Cody.

"Cody? Are we going to walk toward Sloop Street?"

"Nah," said Cody. He kicked a pillar.

"If I asked Mother," Ezra said, "do you think she would get me one of those recorders for Christmas?"

"You dunce," said Cody. "You raving idiot. Do you think she's got money to spare for G.o.dd.a.m.n whistles? whistles?"

"Well, no, I guess not," Ezra said.

Then Cody went into the house and locked the door, and when Ezra started pounding on it Cody told their mother it was only Mr. Milledge, having one of his crazy spells.

Monday morning, he looked for Edith on the way to school but he didn't see her. As it turned out, she was tardy. She arrived in homeroom just after the bell. He tried to catch her eye but she didn't glance his way; only gazed fixedly at the teacher all during announcements. And when the first bell rang she walked to cla.s.s with Sue Meeks and Harriet Smith. Evidently, she was no longer friendless.

By third period, it was clear she was avoiding him. He couldn't even get near her; she had a constant bodyguard. But what had he done wrong? He cornered Barbara Pace-a plump, cheerful redhead who served as a kind of central switchboard for ninth-grade couples. "What's the matter with Edith?" he asked.

"Who?"

"Edith Taber. We were getting along just fine and now she won't speak."

"Oh," she said. She s.h.i.+fted her books. She was wearing a man-sized s.h.i.+rt with the tails out. Come to think of it, so were half the other girls. "Well," she said, "I guess she likes somebody else now."

"Is it my brother?" Cody asked.

"Who's your brother?"

"Ezra. My brother, Ezra."

"I didn't know you had a brother," she said, peering at him. didn't know you had a brother," she said, peering at him.

"Well, she liked me well enough last week. What happened?"

"See," she told him patiently, "now she's been to a couple of parties and naturally she's developed new interests. She's got a sort of...broader view, and also she didn't realize about your reputation."

"What reputation?"

"Well, you do drink, Cody. And you hung around with that cheap Lorena Schmidt all summer; you smell like a walking cigarette; and you almost got arrested over Halloween."

"Did my brother tell her that?"

"What's this about your brother? Everybody told her. It's not exactly a secret."

"Well, I never claimed to be a saint," Cody said.

"She says you're real good-looking and all but she wants a boy she can respect," said Barbara. "She thinks she might like Francis Elburn now."

"Francis Elburn! That fairy."

"He's really more her type," said Barbara.

"His hair is curly."

"So?"

"Francis Elburn; Jesus Christ."

"There's no need to use profanity," Barbara told him.

Cody walked home alone, long after the others had left, choosing streets where he'd be certain not to run into Edith or her friends. Once he turned down the wrong alley and it struck him that he was still an outsider, unfamiliar with the neighborhood. His cla.s.smates had been born and raised here, most of them, and were more comfortable with each other than he could ever hope to be. Look at his two best friends: their parents went to the movies together; their mothers talked on the telephone. His His mother...He kicked a signpost. What he wouldn't give to have a mother who acted like other mothers! He longed to see her gossiping with a little gang of women in the kitchen, letting them roll her hair up in pincurls, trading beauty secrets, playing cards, losing track of time-"Oh, goodness, look at the clock! And supper not even started; my husband will kill me. Run along, girls." He wished she had some outside connection, something beyond that suffocating house. mother...He kicked a signpost. What he wouldn't give to have a mother who acted like other mothers! He longed to see her gossiping with a little gang of women in the kitchen, letting them roll her hair up in pincurls, trading beauty secrets, playing cards, losing track of time-"Oh, goodness, look at the clock! And supper not even started; my husband will kill me. Run along, girls." He wished she had some outside connection, something beyond that suffocating house.

And his father: he had uprooted the family continually, tearing them away as soon as they were settled and plunking them someplace new. But where was he now that Cody wanted wanted to be uprooted, now that he was saddled with a reputation and desperate to leave and start over? His father had ruined their lives, Cody thought-first in one way and then in another. He thought of tracking him down and arriving on his doorstep: "I'm in trouble; it's all your fault. I've got a bad name, I need to leave town, you'll have to take me in." But that would only be another unknown city, another new school to walk into alone. And there too, probably, his grades would begin to slip and the neighbors would complain and the teachers would start to suspect him first when any little thing went wrong; and then Ezra would follow shortly in his dogged, earnest, devoted way and everybody would say to Cody, "Why can't you be more like your brother?" to be uprooted, now that he was saddled with a reputation and desperate to leave and start over? His father had ruined their lives, Cody thought-first in one way and then in another. He thought of tracking him down and arriving on his doorstep: "I'm in trouble; it's all your fault. I've got a bad name, I need to leave town, you'll have to take me in." But that would only be another unknown city, another new school to walk into alone. And there too, probably, his grades would begin to slip and the neighbors would complain and the teachers would start to suspect him first when any little thing went wrong; and then Ezra would follow shortly in his dogged, earnest, devoted way and everybody would say to Cody, "Why can't you be more like your brother?"

He let himself into the house, which smelled of last night's cabbage. It was almost dark and the air seemed thick; he felt he had to labor to move through it. He climbed the stairs wearily. He pa.s.sed Jenny's room, where she sat doing her homework in a tiny dull circle of yellow from the lamp. Her face was thin and shadowed and she didn't bother greeting him. He climbed on up to his own room and flicked on the light switch. He had set his books on the bureau before he realized Ezra was there. Asleep, as usual-curled on his bed with a sheaf of homework papers. Oh, Ezra was so slow and dazed; he could sleep anytime. His lips were parted. His cat, Alicia, lay in the crook of his arm, purring and looking self-satisfied.

Cody knelt beside his bed and pulled from beneath it a half-filled bottle of bourbon, an empty gin bottle, five empty beer bottles, a crumpled pack of Camels, and a box of pretzels. He strewed them around Ezra, arranging them just right. He went to the hall storage closet and took out his father's Six-20 Brownie camera. In the doorway of his room, he aimed and paused and clicked the shutter. Ezra didn't wake, amazingly enough. (The light from the flashgun was so powerful, you'd see swimming blue globes for minutes after being photographed.) But the cat seemed mildly disturbed. She got to her feet and yawned. What a yawn!-huge and disdainful. It would have made a wonderful picture: deadbeat Ezra and his no-account cat, both with gaping mouths. Cody wondered if she'd do it again. "Yawn," he told her, and he advanced the film for another photo. "Alicia? Yawn." She only smirked and settled down again. He yawned himself, demonstrating, but apparently cats didn't find such things contagious. He lowered the camera and came closer to pat her head, scratch beneath her chin, stroke her throat. Nothing worked. "Yawn, dammit," he said, and he tried to pry her teeth apart by force. She drew up sharply, eyes wide and glaring. Ezra woke.

"Your cat is r.e.t.a.r.ded r.e.t.a.r.ded," Cody told him.

"Huh?"

"I can't get her to yawn."

Ezra reached over, matter-of-factly, and circled the cat with his arm. She gave a luxurious yawn and nestled down against him, and Ezra went back to sleep. Cody didn't try for another picture, though. He'd never seen anyone take the fun out of things the way Ezra could.

Cody and Ezra and Jenny went shopping for a Christmas present for their mother. Each of them had saved four weeks' allowance, which meant forty cents apiece, and Cody had a dollar extra that he'd taken from Miss Saunders's center desk drawer. That made two dollars and twenty cents-enough for some winter gloves, Cody suggested. Jenny said gloves were boring and she wanted to buy a diamond ring. "That's really stupid," Cody told her. "Even you ought to know you can't buy a diamond ring for two-twenty."

"I don't mean a real one, I mean gla.s.s. Or anything, just so it's pretty and not useful."

They were forced to shop in the stores near home, since they didn't want to spend money on carfare. It was mid-December and crowds of other people were shopping too-plowing past with their arms full of packages, breathing white clouds in the frosty air. Further downtown the department store windows would be as rich and bright as the insides of jewel boxes, and there'd be carols and clanging bra.s.s bells and festoons of tinsel on the traffic lights, but in this neighborhood the shops were smaller, darker, decorated with a single wreath on the door or a cardboard Santa Claus carrying a carton of Chesterfield cigarettes. Soldiers on leave straggled by in clumps, looking lost. The shoppers had something grim and determined about them-even those with the gaudiest packages. They seemed likely to mow down anyone in their path. Cody took a pinch of Jenny's coat sleeve so as not to lose her.

"I'm serious," she was saying. "I don't want to get her anything warm. Anything necessary. Anything-"

"Serviceable," Ezra said.

They all grimaced.

"If we bought her a ring, though," Ezra said, "she might feel bad about the wastefulness. She might not really enjoy it."

Cody hated the radiant, grave expression that Ezra wore sometimes; it showed that he realized full well how considerate he was being. "What do you you want for Christmas?" Cody asked him roughly. "World peace?" want for Christmas?" Cody asked him roughly. "World peace?"

"World what? I'd like a recorder," Ezra said.

They crossed an intersection with a swarm of sailors. "Well," said Cody, "you're not getting one."

"I know that."