Murder With All The Trimmings Part 22

Alyce cored three more apples, then sliced them into thin rings. "Josie, who do you think killed Nate? He had a lot of unusual friends."

"Mitch wanted that storage-unit key," Josie said. "But he wouldn't kill Nate for it. He'd make sure Nate stayed alive until he found it. Harvey had his faults, but I don't think he's mean enough to kill. Besides, he's too drunk and disorganized."

"Then who wanted Nate dead?" Alyce said. "Who benefits?"

"I do," Josie said. "Or rather, my daughter does. My name is on a hundred-thousand-dollar life insurance policy, but it's really for our daughter. Nate wanted the money held in trust for Amelia's education."

"Is that in writing?" Alyce said.

"No," Josie said. "But I'll honor his wishes."

"I'm sure you will," Alyce said. "I'm more worried about what the police will think."

"Oh, my good neighbor Mrs. Mueller put the icing on that particular cake. She told the cops Nate was talking about taking Amelia back to Canada."

"Is that true?"

"Unfortunately, yes. And we were probably talking loud enough that she heard us. But I wouldn't have killed him over that. He would have never gotten his hands on Amelia."

"That old battle-ax is nothing but trouble." Alyce sliced an apple into thin, fine circles.

"Tell me about it," Josie said. "She also sicced the police on Mike as a possible murder suspect. Here's Mike's big crime: He drove a drunken Nate back to his hotel. I followed in Nate's rental car, and we took him upstairs to his room. Nate was well enough to drive his car the next day and create all kinds of havoc, but Mrs. M couldn't wait to tell the police that Mike and Nate had an 'altercation.' "

"So she has two men fighting over you," Alyce said. "I know you or Mike didn't kill Nate, but we're overlooking something major. What about the other woman who died of antifreeze poisoning? She was in that weight-loss contest on the radio. Maybe she was the real target, and Nate just died by accident. What do you know about her?"

"Nothing," Josie said, helping herself to an apple slice. "The news stories said she was fifty pounds overweight, on a diet, and lived in Maplewood. I think she was a widow with a grown daughter. My mom or Mrs. Mueller might have known her. Between the two of them, they know just about everyone in the neighborhood."

"She's worth checking out," Alyce said. "Did you ever wonder if Nate committed suicide when you wouldn't take him back?"

"Alyce, I'm not the sort of femme fatale that men kill themselves for," Josie said.

"Well, Nate was drunk," Alyce said.

"Thanks a lot," Josie said.

"I didn't mean that," Alyce said. "But alcohol can impair judgment. How does Mike's awful ex fit into this? Maybe Doreen killed Nate to get even with Mike. She wanted Mike blamed for the murder."

"Mike is her child-support gravy train," Josie said. "If he goes to prison, she doesn't get any more money for her nasty daughter, Heather. From what I can tell, Doreen is spending Mike's money on herself, not on Heather. If the accidental poisoning happened at Doreen's, that might make sense. Her shop was badly run, and Doreen and Heather were a surly pair. But Elsie was little, cute, and careful."

"Then why was Nate killed by poisoned chocolate from Elsie's Elf House?" Alyce asked.

"Maybe we should go there and see what we can find out," Josie said. "But we should make it soon, before both places close."

"Good," Alyce said. "This cookie batch should be baked in twenty minutes. We can stop by the Elf House and then go mystery-shopping."

"But what about the rest of your cookies?" Josie said. "You still have four more Martha Stewart batches."

"It's more important to keep you and Mike out of trouble," Alyce said. "Martha Stewart would understand. She's been in prison."

Chapter 25.

The three Christmas stores were huddled together like refugees in the dirty city snow. Their blinking lights were too bright. Their colors were too bold. Their forced cheerfulness made Josie want to run.

I have to do this, she told herself. I have too much at stake-my freedom and my future with Mike.

"It's hard to believe two people died because of that kitsch," Alyce said.

"Almost three," Josie said. "Don't forget that poor woman who was nearly killed by Santa. Is she still in a coma?"

"Don't know," Alyce said. "The media seem to have lost interest in her."

Naughty or Nice, Doreen's building with the steeply pitched roof and wooden icicles, was plastered with big red GOING OUT OF BUSINESS signs. The Santa b.u.t.t in the chimney was starting to deflate.

"What happened to Santa's rear end?" Alyce asked. "It's sadly diminished."

"Looks like Santa lost his a.s.s on this venture," Josie said.

"Maybe it's half off," Alyce said.

The stalwart flock of churchgoers still circled the sad little building with their signs, chanting slogans. Mrs. Claus winked lewdly at them.

"Those protesters are staying till the bitter end," Josie said.

"Which is soon, I hope. I'm glad that store is closing," Alyce said.

"You and a lot of other people," Josie said. "Doreen's p.o.r.nographic Christmas ornaments were nasty. I do feel sorry for Elsie. I liked her and her Elf House."

Elsie's fake Tudor cottage was also festooned with screaming GOING OUT OF BUSINESS! signs.

The two tiny shops were overshadowed by the huge and successful Christmas All Year Round, a big red box with a twenty-foot Santa waving from the roof. His mechanical "Ho, ho, ho" sounded mocking.

Intertwined with the hearty "hos" were the tinny sounds of competing Christmas songs from the dying stores. Madonna sang a whorish version of "Santa Baby" at Naughty or Nice. A syrupy "Little Drummer Boy" oozed out of Elsie's Elf House.

"I hope the drummer boy gets shot in the next battle," Josie said.

"Aren't you full of Christmas cheer," Alyce said.

"I know. I should be ashamed," Josie said. "But I've heard too many bad versions of that song. The only song more annoying is 'It's a Small World.' Might as well see Elsie before her store closes."

"You need to see the video where Bing Crosby and David Bowie sing 'Little Drummer Boy,' " Alyce said. "I promise you'll like the song again."

Josie pulled her car into a parking spot behind the Elf House.

"There's no problem finding a s.p.a.ce," Alyce said.

Elsie's lot was empty except for a rusty brown Toyota parked in the back. The bell on the door jingled merrily. The shelves were packed with Christmas ornaments and decorations, all sporting red discount stickers.

Elsie was one sad little elf. Her costume was wrinkled, her hat was askew, and her nose was as red as Rudolph's. She greeted them with a mouselike sneeze. "Sorry, ladies. I have a cold."

"And I'm sorry your store is closing," Josie said. "I liked it."

"I thought we were going to make it," Elsie said. "Early December sales were actually ahead of my projected business plan. Unfortunately, I didn't take into account the deaths of two customers."

"Any idea how they were poisoned?" Josie said. She decided she'd learn more if she didn't mention she knew Nate.

"I haven't the foggiest. I told the police that." Elsie gave another elfin sneeze. "Why would I want to kill my own store? If it didn't sound paranoid, I'd say that b-I mean that Doreen person next door did it. But her store is closing, too, so n.o.body benefited from those terrible deaths."

"Any details from the police?" Alyce said.

"Nothing except that it was ethylene glycol poisoning, which is regular old antifreeze. Lorraine Whuttner, the dead woman's daughter, raised such a fuss over the cake her mother ate that the cops came here and confiscated the sauce so no one else was killed. Thank the Lord for that. But I think the daughter is going to sue me, and I don't have a cent."

"Surely she can see that," Josie said.

"She's out for blood," Elsie said. "She was counting on half of her mother's fifty-thousand-dollar prize money."

"Ouch," Alyce said.

"Doreen's store wasn't closing at the time of the murders," Josie said. "Your Elf House was so successful, your customers were parking in her lot. Maybe Doreen thought if she put you out of business, her store would do better."

"Look, she's a witch," Elsie said, "but even I can't accuse the woman of killing my customers. She tried to make peace with me. She even gave me this poinsettia."

The peace offering was still blooming on the counter.

"Pretty color," Alyce said.

"They are pretty," Elsie said. "But Doreen doesn't belong in retail. She doesn't like people and doesn't have the personality for sales. I'm just sorry Mike was one of her investors."

"You know Mike?" Josie asked.

"Know him? Honey, I used to date him. He dropped me for Doreen."

Josie looked at Elsie. Her face was chapped and swollen from her cold, but she was a pretty woman and a lot more pleasant than Doreen.

"You're kidding," Josie said.

"When he knocked Doreen up, Mike did the right thing and supported the kid," Elsie said. "I admire him for that. He told me he was sorry about Doreen and wanted to go back with me, but I told him no. I knew once Doreen had her hooks in that man, she'd never let go. She'd be worse than a vindictive ex-wife.

"Then there's the daughter, Heather. That kid is heading for juvie, but her doting daddy believes she can do no wrong. Can I ask you something? Are you dating Mike?"

"Yes," Josie said.

"Well, let me give you a little advice, honey. He's a sweet man, but sometimes Mike shows poor judgment when it comes to women."

"Uh, you mean me?" Josie said.

"No, I'm talking about the night he got drunk and fell into bed with Doreen. There are some things you can't fix, and Doreen is one of them. Mike's a smart guy, until he has a few beers. Then he can get real stupid. He also has commitment issues. If you see him with another woman, turn a blind eye. He doesn't like it if he thinks you're possessive. He'll tell you it's just business."

Uh-oh. Josie remembered the night Mike was with the blonde at the bookstore, supposedly talking about kitchens. He'd been cool toward Josie ever since. Maybe that woman was the reason.

Elsie had another sneezing fit. "Sorry," she said. "I saw him with Doreen in a bar and asked him about her. He said he was working on her plumbing. He sure was. Too bad he forgot the condom."

Alyce's eyes widened in surprise, but Elsie kept talking.

"You want to hear the sad part? I wanted a kid with Mike. He said he wasn't ready for marriage. I told him I didn't want to get married. I hope I'm not shocking you, ladies, but sometimes a man gets in the way if you're not the marrying kind, and I'm definitely not."

"I understand," Josie said. Boy, did she.

"Mike said he didn't want a kid, and it didn't matter whether he was married or unmarried. I should have gone ahead and gotten pregnant. Instead, I respected his wishes, and turned my energies toward planning for this store. It took more than a decade to get it going, and one day to kill it. Now I don't have anything."

"I'm so sorry," Josie said.

"Not as sorry as I am," Elsie said. "My biological clock is ticking away. All I have to show for it is two dead customers and a looming lawsuit. I keep racking my brains to figure out who would kill those poor people, but I come up blank. I can't sleep at night, it's upset me so much. It's so sad. I didn't even know them and they're dead because of me."

Elsie wiped away a tear.

"It wasn't your fault," Josie said. "We want this solved as much as you do. Here's my cell phone number. Call me if you think of anything."

"Promise," Elsie said, and sneezed again.

On the walk to the car, Alyce said, "I think Doreen is the killer. She did it to ruin her enemy, Elsie. She poured antifreeze in that chocolate sauce."

"Right," Josie said. "Doreen, who doesn't speak to Elsie, waltzed over to the Elf House with a jug of antifreeze and poured it into the chocolate sauce. Somehow Elsie didn't notice. And how did one of the dead customers just happen to be Nate? He's the last person who would buy a snowman cake."

"Maybe Doreen saw him over at the store and wanted to get back at Mike by framing him for Nate's murder," Alyce said. "Unless Elsie knew Nate."

"No, she said she didn't know the two dead customers. I believe her. Don't you think Doreen framing Mike for Nate's death is a little convoluted?"

"Do you believe what Elsie said about Mike?" Alyce asked.

"Kinda sorta," Josie said. "Mike's been cool to me since I saw him with that blonde at the bookstore. They were supposed to be planning her kitchen."

"Maybe they were," Alyce said. "That bookstore is not a romantic spot."

"That's why it's a safe place for a first date-or to meet a married woman," Josie said. "I think I blew it, Alyce. I didn't call Mike about the cops interviewing me until late yesterday. By then they'd already seen him. I forgot to call him. Forgot! What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing. You were worried about your daughter."

"But Mike didn't give me a chance to tell him that."

"He will when he calms down," Alyce said. "If he doesn't, he's not worth marrying."

"I don't think we're going to marry," Josie said. "I've got my doubts about a man who would sleep with Doreen."