Airhead: Being Nikki Part 18

So if you loved me so much, I turned around to demand, why didnt you ever try to kiss me when I was in my old body?

Oh, my G.o.d, Christopher said, in a different voice, more like his normal one, no longer deep and gravelly, blinking at me from the bed. Even he couldnt believe what was happening. Are you seriously going there? Now?

Yeah, I said. I am. I mean, you never even noticed I existed until I died. Except as someone to play Journeyquest with. You never noticed me as a girl. I dont think its unreasonable that I ask for some kind of explanation for that. And just what do you mean Everythings going to be all right? How is everything going to be all right? Youre going to sweep in and take care of everything because youre some big man and Im just a delicate little girl and I cant handle the situation? I can a.s.sure you, Christopher, Im handling the situation.

Oh, yeah, Christopher said, sitting up. First you get your head cracked open with a plasma screen TV. Then you get your brain transplanted into a supermodels body. Youve been doing a great job so far, Em.

As great as it felt to hear him calling me Em again"as transporting an experience as that was"I wanted to smack him across the head for his sarcasm.

Oh, I said. Youre one to talk, with your stupid idea to hack Stark Enterprises. Like thats going to work.

As a matter of fact, it is working. I found out the truth about you, didnt I? And at least I had an idea, Christopher said. Whats your plan? Throw a party and invite Lauren Conrad and DJ Drama?

I crossed back over to the bed until I was standing in front of him. That wasnt my idea. And Ive been slightly preoccupied, trying to find Nikki Howards missing mom.

Did it ever occur to you, Christopher asked, ignoring me, that those two things might be connected?

I threw him a startled look.

What are you talking about?

Nikkis mom disappearing, Christopher said, and what happened to you.

I stared at him. This was something I, too, had considered. But Id never thought anyone but me would take the notion seriously. Well, and Steven.

Im sorry, I said. But I think you had one too many lycheetinis.

I didnt have any, Christopher said, looking devious, the way he used to when we were younger and wed try to pool our money and buy games marked ADULT ONLY from Kims Video down on St. Marks Place. And maybe Nikkis mom found out something she wasnt supposed to know. Have you ever considered the fact that maybe Nikki did, too?

Nikki? I tilted my head to look at him in the dim half-light that was streaming in through the ma.s.sive windows. You think Nikki"what are you talking about, Christopher?

Im saying there are no accidents, Em. His blue eyes searched my face intently. Does anyone really know what happened to Nikki that day? She went down and never got back up again. Stark says it was an aneurysmbut how do we know? Felix and I checked everywhere, but we couldnt find a medical file on heronly the one for you.

I opened my mouth. It seemed so strange to be having this conversation in my room with Christopher, of all people. Id missed him so much, and now, here he was, and finally, finally what Id never thought could happen was happening and we were having a fight.

Of course, we dont know the truth about what happened to Nikki that day, Christopher went on, before I had a chance to speak. Maybe we never will. We have to accept Starks word for it.

I shook my head. What are you saying? That she didnt have an aneurysm? Christopher, thats insane.

Except that Steven had said the exact same thing.

Christopher shrugged. There are no accidents. Nikki was the Face of Stark. They invested millions in her. She was too important for them to lose. As you know only too well. Especially with them doing this ma.s.sive rollout of PCs with the new software and new version of Journeyquest. But they didnt hire her for her brains, did they?

I bristled. Modeling isnt as easy as everyone thinks, I snapped. Its really hard work. You try pretending youre comfortable in a pair of skintight leather pants under a bunch of hot lights for hours on end"

Look, Stark Enterprisesthat whole organization is out of control. Christophers gaze on me was unsympathetic. I guess anyones would be. Getting paid thousands of dollars to stand in a pair of leather pants under some hot lights for a few hours wasnt that big a sacrifice. You do tend to lose your perspective pretty quickly after a while. unsecured wireless system, the whole network totally misconfigured. It just makes you wonder.

I thought about the computer Id found in Nikkis bedroom when Id first arrived. It had been infected with spyware. So, when Id checked it, had Lulus. I hadnt unpacked the new PC that Robert Stark had just given me from its box, but who knew what might be wrong with it.

You dont think I could barely breathe.

I dont know what to think, Christopher said. Except that theres something going on. Something they dont want anyone to know. Something I think Nikki"and now maybe her mom"found out about. And Stark tried to shut both of them up. And you were in the right place at the wrong time.

Wait a minute. I felt cold, and not just because the wind was blowing in from the open window. You think Stark killed Nikki? Because she knew something she wasnt supposed to?

They didnt kill her, did they? Christopher smiled at me grimly. Because shes sitting right in front of me.

I s.h.i.+vered. You know what I mean.

I know exactly what you mean, he said. And in answer to your question, I think its possibleeven likely, that they had her brain conveniently removed.

My G.o.d, I breathed.

It was so weird to be talking to Christopher again. Not that I hadnt talked to him lately. I had, obviously. But he hadnt known it was me. Now he did. Hed even touched me, knowing it was me. And he wanted to touch me again, I could tell, from the way his hand kept lifting and then at the last minute hed sweep his fingers through his hair or mess with the comforter on my bed instead.

I knew how he felt. But I wasnt going to go rus.h.i.+ng into anything. I had too many questions, the first of which he still hadnt answered.

But you think Nikkis mom is alive, I said. Thats what Felix told Steven.

Theres no reason to think shes dead, Christopher said.

So where is she? I asked.

Out there, he said, nodding toward the bright city lights s.h.i.+ning beyond my open window. No one can just disappear forever. Its really hard. Even when they give people in witness protection programs new ident.i.ties, they feel compelled to reach out to friends they knew before, at the risk of their own lives. Its force of habit. Everyone messes up eventually. You did it, with the dinosaur stickers. I was just too stupid to get it.

I felt myself blus.h.i.+ng. I still couldnt believe Id done that.

And now his words triggered a memory deep in the back of my brain. Its force of habit. Everyone messes up eventually.

Only what? What was I thinking of?

The thing is, Christopher said, reaching out to take my hand. Youre right. I was a jerk before. A jerk not to see what a great thing we had. I guess I just didnt know it until you were gone. And thenseriously, Em, part of me died, too. All I could think about after that was getting revenge on Stark"

But now that you know the truth, I said, pulling my hand gently from his, you see that you cant. You cant do anything to them, Christopher. Because theyve got my family in a stranglehold. And if what happened gets made public, Stark will take it out on my parents.

Well figure it out, Christopher said. He stood up and put both hands on my bare shoulders. I told you. Ill take care of everything.

I wanted so badly to believe him. It would have been bliss to have allowed myself to, to relax and let him take care of everything. As he pulled me toward him and laid the gentlest kiss on my forehead, I inhaled the scent of his leather jacket, felt the heat radiating from his strong body. It felt so nice, just for that minute or two, to have his arms around me, and to feel his heart beating against mine. For the first time in what seemed like the longest time, I knew I was protected and warm and not"well, alone.

Then a cold wind swept in from the open window, sending s.h.i.+vers up and down my spine.

A second later, the door to my room burst open, and a very male, very surprised voice asked, Nikki?

And I turned my head and saw Brandon standing there, staring at us in the half-light.

TWENTY.

BRANDON, I CRIED, LEAPING AWAY from Christopher as if his embrace had scorched me.

Dont ask me what instinct made me do this. But something told me being seen in the arms of another man would not sit well with Nikkis ex.

I neednt have worried, however. Brandon was wasted. He stood, wavering a little, in the doorway, squinting into my darkened room as if he couldnt see very well. I was more glad than ever that Christopher and I hadnt turned on the lights.

Uh, Brandon said, Nikki? Yeah, you better come.

Why? I asked, adjusting my halter top where I thought it might have slipped a little for reasons best left unmentioned.

Some girl said to get you. Brandon was squinting at Christopher now, trying to see if he recognized him in the halflight from the window. Since Christopher had never graced the pages of TMZ.com, Brandon surely couldnt place him. Some girl named Frida? Shes sick or something.

I was out of the room like a shot.

Where? I demanded in a tight voice. Where is she?

But Brandon just shrugged. He was so out of it. He had no idea where he was.

Out in the main part of the loft, the party was in full tilt"it was everything Lulu could have hoped for. There were so many gyrating bodies dancing"and sweating"in time to the music, you could hardly see from one end of the room to the other. Overhead, the girl on the trapeze had ditched her long red scarf and was performing almost fully naked. The music was so loud it seemed to pulse through my chest. I wondered if the other tenants in the building would call the cops"then realized Lulu had foreseen this problem by inviting the other tenantsI could have sworn I saw the guy who lived on the floor above us dancing with someone who looked a lot like Perez Hilton. Lulu, obviously, was a genius. It wouldnt surprise me if the cops themselves turned out to be here somewhere, dancing.

But I couldnt find Frida. Looking for her in that packed room of sweaty bodies was a nightmare. I had to shove past Moschino-clad guest after Moschino-clad guest, murmuring, Excuse me, again and again. And, of course, half of them"the male half"one after another, would reach out to grab my arm, crying, Nikki! Stay and dance! Come on, dont be a drag!

I cant, Id say regretfully. Im looking for someone.

Me, I hope. Some of the guys would leer.

Oh, ha-ha, Id say. Sorry. But Ill be back in a minute.

You better!

It wasnt pretty.

The truth was, I felt guilty. I never should have let Frida out of my sight in the first place. If it had been anyone but Christopher, I never would have. Of course, Id explicitly forbidden Frida to attend this party. Then againI should have known shed show up, anyway. Fridad always done precisely what I"or Mom and Dad"had asked her not to. Didnt all little sisters, intent on proving they were just as good as their big sisters? It was no surprise she was in trouble somewhere.

And when I found her, I knew what her excuse was going to be, too: But youre here, Em. Why cant I be? Just because youre olderIts not fair!

I stumbled across Lulu before I found Frida. Lulu was dancing with Steven, and she looked as if she was having the time of her life. Steven didnt look as if he was having a half bad time, either. But Lulus face was the one transported with joy. It brightened even more when she saw me, her dark eyes, rimmed with mascara that had gotten smudgy with perspiration, widening to their limits as she let go of Steven and hurried over to grasp my arm, standing up on tiptoes to whisper in my ear, Oh, Nikki! Can you believe it? Everyone showed up! Everyone! This is the best party ever! And can you believe it? Stevenyour brother? Hes a Libra!

I blinked down at her. Thatsthats amazing, I said.

No, you dont understand, she said, shaking me a little. My astrologer. She said Im supposed to end up with a Libra!

Oh, I said. Thats great. Have you seen Frida?

Lulus smile immediately vanished. Fridas here? I thought you told her she couldnt come. Her gaze flicked to someone behind me. Oh, hi, Christopher.

I turned my head. Hed followed me, of course. All those guys Id thought Id managed to put off with my bold a.s.sertiveness had actually been put off by a supervillains menacing glare. Great.

Hey, he said. Then he pointed. Isnt that her over there, with that Gabriel Luna guy?

I turned my head and saw Frida"or someone who looked like Frida, in her handkerchief dress"leaning perilously close to the open windows, with Gabriel Lunas arms around her shoulders. What was he doing? Knowing the depths of Fridas crush on him, whatever it was, I instantly a.s.sumed it was something inappropriate.

Hold on, I said, and stalked toward the two of them, ready to shove Gabriel out the window, if necessary, thats how huge my murderous rage toward him was for taking advantage of my little sister.

But when I got closer, I saw what was actually happening. Frida was retching out the window, which was tilted open, into the flower box"mercifully empty this time of year"and Gabriel was holding on to her as convulsive spasms clutched her body. He looked up as I approached and said, raising his voice to be heard above the pounding music, Shes a bit young to handle an open bar, I think.

Frida reached up with a trembling fist to wipe her mouth. I saw a caterer walking by with a tray of canapes, and so I grabbed a handful of napkins from it and pa.s.sed her those instead. Frida accepted them gratefully.

He said it was fruit punch, she said weakly as she sat back on her heels and looked up at us with big, mournful eyes.

Who said it was fruit punch? I asked her, picking up some of the extra napkins from the pile and dabbing at her face where shed missed.

He did. She pointed an indignant finger at a group of people dancing nearby. Justin Bay.

I turned my head and looked where she was pointing. Sure enough, Justin Bay, star of the movie version of Journeyquest (which sucked), stood nearby, swiveling his hips against some slinky-looking model types (not his girlfriend, Veronica), all of whom were wearing even less clothing than Frida, and even higher heels.

Lulu, whod walked up behind me, followed the direction of my gaze and gasped.

Who invited him? she demanded, looking furious.

Half the people here, Steven said, had invitations they printed off the Internet, according to the bouncers at the door. They did their best to screen, but after a while, it was too hard to tell the fakes from the real invites. Theres paparazzi all up and down the street as well, Steven went on. Your party may go down in the history booksnot the least for violating every fire code in Manhattan.

It wasnt really fruit punch, Frida said sadly. Was it?

I couldnt look away from Justin. There was just something about him"not the skintight black silk s.h.i.+rt he was wearing, or the multiple gold chains"that made it impossible for me to think about anything else.

No one can just disappear foreverEven when they give people in witness protection programs new ident.i.ties, they feel compelled to reach out to friends they knew before, at the risk of their own lives. Its force of habit. Everyone messes up eventually. You did it, with the dinosaur stickers. I was just too stupid get it.

Oh, my G.o.d. Of course.

It didnt seem possible. It was ridiculous. It was beyond insane.

But then, didnt that apply to everything that had happened to me so far?

I elbowed my way to where Justin was dancing and laid a hand on his arm. He opened his eyes to snakelike half slits and then slowed down his gyrating when he recognized me.

Oh, he said, with a lazy smile. Hey there, Nik.

Justin, I said, without smiling. I need to see your cell phone.

Now, thats a new one. He looked over his shoulder at the models he was semi-humping and started to laugh. They were all as wasted as he was and started laughing, too, none of them without pausing in their dancing. Ive heard some crazy come-ons in my day, but I need to see your cell phone has to take the cake.

In a flash, Christopher was at my left shoulder. Show it to her.