The Gold of Chickaree Part 57

'Perhaps my questions were not very straight,' said Hazel, still arguing into the fire. 'But I really did bring two empty trunks from home for myself?and in all these days?'

It occurred to Rollo that he had heard and seen nothing of any purchases for herself.

'What in "all these days"?' The words look bare, but the gentle, fine intonation carried all of caressing tenderness that other people are wont to express more broadly.

'I have not known what to put in them.'

'How is that? You never found such a difficulty before?'

'No. Nor now. I could fill them both in one hour. But then if I did not want to take out what was there, I might as well have Prim's at once.'

'Why should you not wish to take the things out?' said Rollo, with an inward smile but perfect outward gravity.

'I made up my mind?last winter,' said Hazel rather low, 'that I should not always like what you like,?and that I would act as if I did.'

The first part of his answer Rollo did not trust to words; but presently he told her, half laughing, that he thought she was wrong in both her positions.

'You think I will?and you think I won't,' said Hazel. 'Is that it?'

'Not at all. Yes, half of it, the first. I think you will, as you say. But I never want you to act contrary to your own feeling; and if I can help it, I will not let you.'

Hazel laughed a laugh of frank amus.e.m.e.nt.

'Always excepting,' she said, 'the few occasions when my "feeling"

does not answer the helm! You see,' she added, growing grave again, 'I have all my life bought just what I liked, and as much as I liked, and _because_ I liked.'

'Precisely my own principle. I hope you will do it all the rest of your life, d.u.c.h.ess.'

'Because you hope my likings will be just right. Yes, but how shall I know? For to begin with, they are as wayward as a west wind.'

'Let us see. What is your motive of choice in buying?'

'Just that I said?what I like. I can tell in a minute what suits me.'

'Beauty, harmony, and fitness, being your guiding objects.'

'Well.'

"Well. You cannot be too beautiful, or too harmonious, for my delight.'

Hazel sat silent again, thinking, puzzling. 'I wonder if I understand you?' she said. 'O I have had plenty of comments made on me before,?I think I was a sort of shock to some people. Good people, you know,?at least the best I saw; nice quiet old ladies, and proper behaved young ones. But then?'

'Go on,' said Rollo smiling.

'Well, I used to think they did not know _what_ they were afraid of.

Twenty duck shot would not have mattered, if only the gun had been wrapped in green baize. It was just the glitter of lock, stock, and barrel. Even Prim would have been easy if I had worn things in a heap.'

'You must just reverse those conditions to express my feeling. I believe we ought to make ourselves as beautiful as we can, for the highest reasons. Only,?and here perhaps I shall touch the hidden point you have been feeling after,?there is one other thing which comes first.'

She looked up, waiting his answer. He looked deep into her eyes as he gave it, with a slight smile at the same time that was very sweet.

'Do you remember??"Seek _first_ the kingdom of G.o.d." Therefore, before even beauty and harmony. So, if I can secure these with one dollar, don't you see I must not spend two? The Lord wants the other dollar. He _may_ want both. But generally, for all the purposes of use and influence, I believe he means us carefully to make ourselves, so far as we may, lovely to look at.'

Hazel clasped and unclasped her fingers, working out her problem in the fire again.

'His kingdom in all the world,' she said slowly. 'The harmony having its keynote from heaven, and then finding its accord in all one's earthly life. I suppose that was what David meant?"O G.o.d, my heart is fixed; I will sing and give praise, even with my glory."

'?She laid her head down upon her arms and said no more.

'Is the tangle out?' said Rollo gently after a minute.

'That must be the right end of the thread,' said Hazel looking up. 'I ought to be able to find my way. But I shall have to send my boxes back empty, and take six months to find out what I want.'

'You do not know of anything that you want at present?'

'I thought I did!' said Hazel with a laugh,?'but how do I know?

Maybe I have enough,?maybe somebody else wants it more.

Olaf?is there an endless perspective of needy people in this world?'

'What if?' said Rollo. 'What if Life were one long day of ministry?

does that look like a worthy end of life? and does it look pleasant?'

'I think?it does,' said Hazel slowly. 'I mean, I think it will. I have not looked yet. But then, at that rate?'

'Yes?what at that rate?'

'At that rate,' said Hazel, raising her eyes to his face, 'you would want the b.u.t.tons off my gloves as well as off Prim's?'

His fingers were slowly, tenderly, pus.h.i.+ng back the curls from her temples and caressing the delicate brow as he spoke, and his eyes were grave now with thought and feeling.

'Hazel, I would like to pour flowers before your path all that long day, and to set you with jewels from head to feet. Diamonds could not be too bright, or roses too fair. And if the world were all right, I believe I should dress you so. But it is not all right. Suppose we were travelling in Greece, and I were captured by those brigands who fell upon the English party the other day; and suppose the ransom they demanded exceeded all you had in hand or could procure?how would you dress till my recovery was effected?'

'That would be you?' said Hazel quickly.

'And what is _this?_?Our Master, in captivity, hungry, sick, and naked,?literally and spiritually,?in the persons of his poor people. And the question is, how many can you and I save?'

Wych Hazel rested her chin in her hand and said nothing. She felt exceedingly like "a mortal with clipped wings." Not that she really cared so much about dress, or the various other gay channels wherein she had poured out her fancies; something better than fancy had stirred and sprung and answered Dane's words in her heart as he spoke them. And yet the sudden whirlabout to all her thoughts and habits and ways, was very confusing. So she sat thinking,?with every dress she had in the world gravely presented itself, like a spectre, and all the glove b.u.t.tons insisting upon being counted then and there. Suddenly, from the waves of blue silk a little foot started out into the firelight,?a foot half smothered in tr.i.m.m.i.n.g; rosetted, buckled, beribboned, belaced. Hazel gazed at it,?and then gave up, and broke into a clear soft laugh, hiding her face in her hands. But as the laugh pa.s.sed, she was very much ashamed to find that the hidden eyelashes were wet.

Rollo watched her a little anxiously, but waited.

'What can one do but laugh, when one gets to the end of one's wits?' said the girl, as if she thought it needed explanation. 'Olaf,?

do you remember the time when you drew my portrait as all hat and wild bushes? I begin to be afraid it was not a caricature, after all.'

'I am afraid it was. Your representative was hardly gracious or graceful, if I remember.'

'Didn't I know what you were thinking of me that day!' said Hazel smiling at the recollection. 'But in serious truth, that is what I have liked, and what I have done. I have been wayward and wild and untrained and unpruned,?and then, upon all that I have hung every pretty thing I could get together. And I don't know what will be left of me when I am made over all new. Olaf,' she went on gravely, 'I do understand your harmony,?I see how perfect it is, taking in all the lowest notes as well as the highest, whereas mine covered only the poor little octave of my own life. I do see that every part of one's life ought to be in tone with every bit of outside work and life-need and life-demand that can ever come. And I know that only _un_fixedness of heart can make any discord. But there my knowledge ends!' And Hazel leaned her cheek softly against his arm, and looked up wistfully.

'How much more knowledge do you want just now?'

'Where to begin.'