The Colloquies of Erasmus Part 85

_Pa._ I lik'd them all well enough, if I might but presently have gone to Trading; but I consider'd in my Mind, I must labour a long Time in the Choir, before I could be qualified for the Trust: So now I began to think how I might get to be made an Abbot: But, I thought with myself, _Kissing goes by Favour_, and it will be a tedious Pursuit: So having spent eight Years after this Manner, hearing of my Father's Death, I return'd Home, and by my Mother's Advice, I marry'd, and betook myself to my old Business of Traffick.

_Gl._ Prithee tell me, when you chang'd your Habit so often, and were transform'd, as it were, into another Sort of Creature, how could you behave yourself with a proper Decorum?

_Pa._ Why not, as well as those who in the same Comedy act several Parts?

_Eu._ Tell us now in good earnest, you that have try'd every Sort of Life, which you most approve of.

_Pa. So many Men, so many Minds:_ I like none better than this which I follow.

_Eu._ But there are a great many Inconveniences attend it.

_Pa._ There are so. But seeing there is no State of Life, that is entirely free from Incommodities, this being my Lot, I make the best on't: But now here is _Eusebius_ still, I hope he will not think much to acquaint his Friends with some Scenes of his Course of Life.

_Eu._ Nay, with the whole Play of it, if you please to hear it, for it does not consist of many Acts.

_Gl._ It will be a very great Favour.

_Eu._ When I return'd to my own Country, I took a Year to deliberate what Way of Living to chuse, and examin'd myself, to what Employment my Inclination led me, and I was fit for. In the mean Time a Prebendary was offered me, as they call it; it was a good fat Benefice, and I accepted it.

_Gl._ That Sort of Life has no good Reputation among People.

_Eu._ As human Affairs go, I thought it was a Thing well worth the accepting. Do you look upon it a small Happiness to have so many Advantages to fall into a Man's Mouth, as tho' they dropt out of Heaven; handsome Houses well furnish'd, a large Revenue, an honourable Society, and a Church at Hand, to serve G.o.d in, when you have a Mind to it?

_Pa._ I was scandaliz'd at the Luxury of the Persons, and the Infamy of their Concubines; and because a great many of that Sort of Men have an Aversion to Learning.

_Eu._ I don't mind what others do, but what I ought to do myself, and a.s.sociate myself with the better Sort, if I cannot make them that are bad better.

_Po._ And is that the State of Life you have always liv'd in?

_Eu._ Always, except four Years, that I liv'd at _Padua_.

_Po._ What did you do there?

_Eu._ These Years I divided in this Manner; I studied Physick a Year and a half, and the rest of the Time Divinity.

_Po._ Why so?

_Eu._ That I might the better manage both Soul and Body, and also sometimes be helpful by Way of Advice to my Friends. I preached sometimes according to my Talent. And under these Circ.u.mstances, I have led a very quiet Life, being content with a single Benefice, not being ambitiously desirous of any more, and should have refus'd it, if it had been offered me.

_Pa._ I wish we could learn how the rest of our old Companions have liv'd, that were our Familiars.

_Eu._ I can tell you somewhat of some of them: but I see we are not far from the City; therefore, if you are willing, we will all take up the same Inn, and there we will talk over the rest at Leisure.

_Hugh. [a Waggoner.]_ You blinking Fellow, where did you take up this Rubbish?

_Harry the Waggoner._ Where are you carrying that Harlottry, you Pimp?

_Hugh._ You ought to throw these frigid old Fellows somewhere into a Bed of Nettles, to make them grow warm again.

_Harry._ Do you see that you shoot that Herd of yours somewhere into a Pond to cool them, to lay their Concupiscence, for they are too hot.

_Hugh._ I am not us'd to overturn my Pa.s.sengers.

_Harry._ No? but I saw you a little While ago, overturn Half a Dozen Carthusians into the Mire, so that tho' they went in white, they came out black, and you stood grinning at it, as if you had done some n.o.ble Exploit.

_Hugh._ I was in the Right of it, they were all asleep, and added a dead Weight to my Waggon.

_Harry._ But these old Gentlemen, by talking merrily all the Way, have made my Waggon go light. I never had a better Fare.

_Hugh._ But you don't use to like such Pa.s.sengers.

_Harry._ But these are good old Men.

_Hugh._ How do you know that?

_Harry._ Because they made me drink humming Ale, three Times by the Way.

_Hugh._ Ha, ha, ha, then they are good to you.

_The FRANCISCANS,_ [Greek: Ptochoplousioi], _or RICH BEGGARS._

The ARGUMENT.

_The_ Franciscans, _or rich poor Persons, are not admitted into the House of a Country Parson_. Pandocheus _jokes wittily upon them. The Habit is not to be accounted odious. The Life and Death of the_ Franciscans.

_Of the foolish Pomp of Habits. The Habits of Monks are not in themselves evil. What Sort of Persons Monks ought to be. The Use of Garments is for Necessity and Decency.

What Decency is. Whence arose the Variety of Habits and Garments among the Monks. That there was in old Time no Superst.i.tion in the Habits._

CONRADE, _a Bernardine_ Monk, _a_ Parson, _an_ Inn-Keeper _and his_ Wife.

_Con._ Hospitality becomes a Pastor.

_Pars._ But I am a Pastor of Sheep; I don't love Wolves.

_Con._ But perhaps you don't hate a Wench so much. But what Harm have we done you, that you have such an Aversion to us, that you won't so much as admit us under your Roof? We won't put you to the Charge of a Supper.

_Pars._ I'll tell ye, because if you spy but a Hen or a Chicken in a Body's House, I should be sure to hear of it to-Morrow in the Pulpit.

This is the Grat.i.tude you shew for your being entertain'd.

_Con._ We are not all such Blabs.

_Pars._ Well, be what you will, I'd scarce put Confidence in St.

_Peter_ himself, if he came to me in such a Habit.

_Con._ If that be your Resolution, at least tell us where is an Inn.