The Awakening of Spring Part 18

And, therefore, I hope with confidence that these words of mine will find you already in better spirits. Take up the matter as it stands.

In my opinion it is unwise to judge a young man by his school record.

We have too many examples of bad students becoming distinguished men, and, on the other hand, of brilliant students not being at all remarkable in life. At any rate, I can a.s.sure you that your misfortune, as far as it lies with me, shall make no difference in your a.s.sociation with Melchior. On the contrary, it will afford me the greatest pleasure to see my son going with a young man who, let the world judge him as it will, is able to win my fullest sympathy.

And, therefore, hold your head high, Herr Stiefel!----Such a crisis as this comes to all of us and will soon be surmounted. If all of us had recourse to dagger or poison in such cases, there would soon be no men left in the world. Let me hear from you right soon again, and accept the heartfelt greetings of your unchanged

Motherly friend,

f.a.n.n.y G.

SCENE SIXTH.

_Bergmann's garden in the morning sunlight._

WENDLA.

Why have you slipped out of the room?----To hunt violets!----Because Mother seems to laugh at me.----Why can't you bring your lips together any more?----I don't know.----Indeed I don't know, I can't find words----The path is like a velvet carpet, no pebbles, no thorns.----My feet don't touch the ground.----Oh, how I slept last night!

Here they are.----I become as grave as a nun at communion.----Sweet violets!----Peace, little mother, I will put on my long dress.----Oh G.o.d, if somebody would come upon whose neck I could fall and tell!

SCENE SEVEN.

_Evening twilight. Light clouds in the sky. The path straggles through low bushes and coa.r.s.e gra.s.s. The flow of the stream is heard in the distance._

MORITZ.

Better and better.----I am not fit. Another may be able to climb to the top. I pull the door to behind me and step into the open.----I don't care enough about it to let myself be turned back.

I haven't succeeded in forcing my way. How shall I force my way now!----I have no contract with G.o.d. Let them make out of the thing what they will. I have been forced.----I do not hold my parents answerable. At the same time, the worst must fall upon them. They were old enough to know what they were doing. I was a weakling when I came into the world----or else I would have been wise enough to become another being. Why should I be forced to pay for the fact that the others were here already!

I must have fallen on my head----If anybody makes me a present of a mad dog I'll give him back a mad dog. And if he won't take back his mad dog, then I am human and----

I must have fallen on my head!

Man is born by chance and should not, after mature consideration----It is to shoot oneself dead!

The weather at least has shown itself considerate. The whole day it looked like rain and yet it has held off.----A rare peace rules in nature. Nowhere anything dazzling, exciting. Heaven and earth are like a transparent fabric. And everything seems so happy. The landscape is as sweet as the melody of a lullaby.----"Sleep, little prince, sleep on," as Fraulein Snandulia sang. It's a shame she holds her elbows so awkwardly!----I danced for the last time at the Cacilienfest. Snandulia only dances with good matches.----Her silk dress was cut low in front and in the back. In the back, down to her girdle and in the front down----unconscionably low.----She couldn't have worn a chemise.------That might be something able to affect me yet.----More than half curiosity.----It must be a wonderful sensation----a feeling as if one were being carried through the rapids----I should never tell anybody that I was experiencing something untried before----I would act as if I had done it all.--There is something shameful in growing up to be a man without having learned the chief function of masculinity.----You come from Egypt, honorable sir, and have not seen the pyramids?!

I will not cry again to-day. I will not think of my burial again.----Melchior will lay a wreath on my coffin. Pastor Kahlbauch will console my parents. Rector Sonnenstich will cite examples from history.----It is possible that I shall not have a tombstone.

I had wanted a snow-white marble urn on a pedestal of black syenite.----Thank G.o.d, I shall not miss them. Monuments are for the living, not for the dead.

I should need a whole year to say farewell to everything in my thoughts. I will not cry again. I am so happy to be able to look back without bitterness. How many beautiful evenings I have pa.s.sed with Melchior!----under the osiers; at the forester's house; on the highway where the five lindens stand; on the Schlossberg, among the restful ruins of the Runenburg.----When the hour comes, I will think with all my might of whipped cream. Whipped cream doesn't stay firm.

It falls and leaves a pleasant after-taste.----I had thought men were infinitely worse. I haven't found one who didn't want to do his best.

Many have suffered with me on my own account.

I wander to the altar like the ancient Etrurian youth whose dying rattle bought his brothers' prosperity for the coming year.----I experience bit by bit the mysterious awe of liberation. I sob with sorrow over my lot.----Life has turned its cold shoulder to me. I see earnest, friendly glances luring me there in the distance, the headless queen, the headless queen--compa.s.sion awaiting me with open arms----Your commands concern minors; I carry my free ticket in myself. If the sh.e.l.l sinks, the b.u.t.terfly flits from it; the delusion no longer holds.----You should drive no mad bargain with the swindle!

The mists close in; life is bitter on the tongue.

ILSE.

(_In torn clothing, a bright cloth about her head, grabs him by the shoulder from behind._)

What have you lost?

MORITZ.

Ilse!

ILSE.

What are you hunting here?

MORITZ.

Why did you frighten me so?

ILSE.

What are you hunting?----What have you lost?

MORITZ.

Why did you frighten me so fearfully?

ILSE.

I'm coming from town.----I'm going home.

MORITZ.

I don't know what I've lost.

ILSE.

Then seeking won't help you.

MORITZ.

Sakerment, sakerment!

ILSE.

I haven't been home for four days.

MORITZ.

Restless as a cat!