Once Upon A Dyke Part 10

At least this time I woke to the now-familiar, simple and understood surroundings of another forest, complete with trees and birds chirping. I was face down in gra.s.s. My clothes seemed clean, yet again, and leather intact, as if I had taken another shower between adventures and been dry cleaned.

It was like I had woken having to pee really bad. You know how sometimes that just wakes you up? That pressure in your bladder? You don't know why you're awake, but then you realize you had better hightail it to the bathroom?

So that was how this felt. Being awoken by bladder pressure. But when I thought about it, I didn't have to pee. So what woke me?

And that was when I heard the voices in the distance. The voices were what actually woke me.

"Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to-"

"Get our nails done!" one voice cried above the others.

"Wench! That's not our song, and you know it!"

"I really don't care anymore, l.u.s.t. My nails are a wreck from all of this low-paid grunge work. Don't you just wish for a real manicurist?"

"That's not how we do things around here." This time it was a butch voice. Deep and guttural. I hated it immediately. In the rule book of Cody's Fairy-Tale Land, it's one butch per dream.

"So, okay, like we spend all our days digging around in dark, dirty-"

"Buggy-"

"Buggy places, looking for valuable stuff, like gold and silver and-"

"Diamonds!" came a swooning voice.

"But how do we eat? What keeps food in our mouths and a roof over our heads?"

"Don't ever ask such questions!"

"Diamonds! Don't you just love how glittery and pretty they are?" It was the swooning voice again, but this time not so much on the swooning. "I just don't understand what you keep b.i.t.c.hing about, Wench. At least we're after something worthwhile."

"We're in dank and disgusting places all day long, l.u.s.t. Getting our nails and 'dos all messy and icky. Where is the bright side here?"

"Money. And bright, sparkly objects that are pretty," l.u.s.t replied.

I did a slow push-up, trying to raise myself from the forest floor.

And that was when I saw it. Big and hairy and all glossy-eyed.

I swear it was the biggest spider I had ever seen. Really, you had to have seen this monster. Especially up close, when you first wake up. Right in your face. Big, black hairy. It was awful. Truly scary. Terribly icky.

Confronted with such a horrid beast, I did the only thing natural: I screamed. I don't care who says I shrieked, it was a scream, or maybe a bellow, but regardless, it wasn't a screech. It was a deep, butchly yell.

But anyway, a voice I hadn't heard before said, "What was that?"

"What was what, Sleepy?"

"Someone shrieked," Sleepy replied, yawning.

"I didn't hear anything," l.u.s.t answered.

"Nor did I," Wench added.

"Girls, girls, let's not get into some sort of a cat-fight," Butch said, just before muttering under her breath, "It's just like any other day. Why do we always have to go through the same old s.h.i.+t?"

"I heard that, Doc," someone else said. Then, resigned, "Why is every day just like every other day?"

"Okay, Lace, Doc, we all know we do the same thing over and over again. Wench complains about our work and we all end up arguing. Can we just try to do something different for a change?"

"Urn, l.u.s.t...? I... I..."

Oh, for f.u.c.k's sake, where's a score card already? How many of these chicks were there? I carefully crawled through the brush trying to see them, but this time I was careful of noises. And big, hairy spiders. Even c.o.c.kroaches. Or Killer Slugs From h.e.l.l.

"Bashful! Could you get it out already?"

Great, just what I need, yet another name. I needed to place the names with the faces or I'd never keep them straight. I had a procedure for remembering these things, and I needed to stick to it or... ACK! Was that a slug?

"I... I think Sleepy was kinda breaking our entire routine by hearing that strange noise." Bashful again.

It was a slug!

I brushed it off with my hand. It got stuck. To my hand. "EeeeYack!" I screamed, in a good, deep, butch voice, shaking it off me as I plummeted through the brush and shrubs and trees to land directly at the feet of...

Six incredibly beautiful women, femmes all. And one butch who didn't seem to be too happy with me. Okay, fine, the butch was... well, she wasn't that tall, or that rugged.

But when I say six incredibly beautiful femmes, I mean these babes were All That topped with a lemon and salt around the rim. Long legs, exposed by modest, knee-length dresses, with slits up to their hips. Their bodices revealed bountiful cleavages, suckable collar bones, and tanned, shapely bodies. It was like being on the set of Xanadu, times six.

I didn't care if I was dead. I could be dead, for all I knew. I mean, I had gone down on a forest floor. I had bitten the dust in the forest, and I kept having forest-based dreams. Except for those that weren't.

But did any of that really matter? Here I was, lying at the feet of these gorgeous women, and almost no matter what my taste, I would find something for my appet.i.te here. Busty, l.u.s.ty, curvaceous, slender, blonde, brunette, redhead. Oh, it was a veritable buffet for a butch. Pick and choose, pick and choose ...

"Who are you?" It was the butch, Doc. Her arms were crossed in front of her, and she stared down at me. She didn't look real happy. And why should she be? Another butch had just invaded her turf.

Served her right, keeping such goodies all to herself.

"Oh, you're a cute one now, aren't you?" said one of the femmes, in a voice I didn't recognize, as she reached down toward me, offering me a hand up.

"Sleepy, I guess you were right," Doc said. I realized she had thick arms, broad shoulders, narrow hips, thick quads, short black hair, and deep blue eyes. I could see why she could keep this many femmes happy.

But still, she really wasn't all that rugged. She wasn't all that. Not really.

I took the offered hand, which helped bring me to my feet, under Doc's watchful eye. Or eyes, really, since she had two of them. Both of which were fixed on me.

The important thing was that she wore really heavy boots. One of which quickly hit the side of my head. I did what anyone else would: I blacked out.

Those were heavy boots, I thought, as I tried to swim back up toward consciousness.

My head was pillowed on something soft and warm. Delicate hands stroked my forehead. It occurred to me that Doc was probably thinking she had put down a potential rival, but she had miscalculated.

It had taken me years to learn what Doc had yet to realize: femmes wear the real pants in the family-they control what goes on. If Doc kicked me off a cliff, her harem was likely to kick her off right after me.

These luscious women were surrounding me when I came to, b.u.t.ting between me and Doc, all but swooning over me. Making me lightheaded with views of their ample cleavage and long legs in their slitted skirts.

"Be careful," Doc warned them. I didn't blame her. I'd want to keep this bunch for myself, if I could.

"Oh, she's coming to!"

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"What's your name?"

"Are you okay?"

"H...H...How are you d..."

"Hot d.a.m.n, you're cute."

"Cody, and I think I'm okay," I said, focusing on Cleavage's... well... cleavage. G.o.d, I wanted to feel those b.r.e.a.s.t.s in my hands. Funny how I was able to identify voices with names now.

Cleavage pulled my head against her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, while l.u.s.t checked my head, more stroking my hair than checking, really. All of the other girls had at least one hand on me. As if they wanted me, or I was a curiosity.

They'd apparently had just one butch for quite a while, so I was different. But I glanced up at Doc's watchful eyes, paying especial attention to her powerful arms, and realized I wasn't so much a diamond in a forest of coal, as, perhaps, maybe ... Well, f.u.c.k, I couldn't think of the a.n.a.logy. Doc and I were equals and (okay, maybe she was a bit more of a prize than I), but still, they were interested in me.

She was much more the butch than I, but I was different.

I gave it up and lay there, quite comfortable despite the monster headache (f.u.c.k, I'm a butch, I was enjoying the view), when I realized all of the women surrounding me were wearing bodices and laces right out of some Renaissance Pleasure Faire. At least that's what I thought they reminded me of.

Why'd I have to keep falling into fairy tales? Why not a good p.o.r.no flick for a change of pace?

I had to think past the boot-induced concussion I was still recovering from. A bunch of really h.o.r.n.y girls and one butch. Girls names, let's see. Bashful, Sleepy, Cleavage, Wench, Lace, and l.u.s.t. Oh, and of course, Doc.

Doc... Doc... that wasn't in Grimm or Hans Christian Andersen... that was pure Disney.

Considering the day I had, I knew where I had to go. I looked up and beyond l.u.s.t's bust and said, "Take me to Snow White."

"How-"

"What-"

"Who-"

"Snow... Beautiful... White as... Black as... Shames us all. Doc..." All the words melded into one. I couldn't tell one word, one woman's voice, from any other.

"Enough!" Doc yelled. Always the butch top. I could see the veins pop on her forearms.

I rose with the gentle a.s.sistance of about ten soft, womanly hands, walked around the cleavage that separated us, and looked Doc in the eye. "She's in trouble, and I can help."

The femme babble erupted again. "Trouble...? We knew that... What's going on...? Who is this woman...? G.o.d, she's handsome... It must be that woman... We can protect her... What does this woman know?"

"You know her, and where she's at," I said.

Doc harrumphed and grumped quite realistically, looking around at her little harem and gaining their consent first, and then she looked at me. "Snow White is at our cottage. She is quite safe there."

"Except from the evil queen, her stepmother."

"I knew she had to be a princess... Royalty...! She's special...! We knew that....! Snow White...? She likes to lead... Why does she keep grabbing Doc's attention...? Anything for a new... Please tell me she ain't a butch who likes other butches... I... I... I think..."

Then, as one, they all said, "What is it, Bashful?"

"I think we should trust her," Bashful said all in a rush before blus.h.i.+ng and looking down.

"No way in h.e.l.l!" Doc crossed her thick arms in front of her and put her foot down. Hard. So it stomped. I liked her boots.

G.o.dd.a.m.n, I wanted to show Doc who was boss. I wanted to pound her down into the ground and beat her till she bled.

Alas, I knew who would win if we fought, and it wasn't me.

"You just want to keep Snow all for yourself," Wench said to Doc.

"Do not!"

"The rest of us could use a bit more attention, you know," Cleavage said, giving me a slow once over before wrapping her arms around me and pus.h.i.+ng the ample reason for her name against me.

Needless to say, although I'm no Albert Einstein, I didn't argue. Of course, maybe he might have. I, on the other hand, had a real brain. So I smiled stupidly down into Cleavage's uh, er, cleavage. I could get lost in there and never be seen again.

Sounded like a great way to spend the rest of my life. Where's a snorkel-cause I'd dive right in!

"Oh, no Cleavage, down girl-you try to grab everyone just for yourself!" l.u.s.t said, coming up on my other side.

"Like you're not trying the exact same thing!" Lace now.

"Not before me!" l.u.s.t.

{Yawn} "You're cute."

"I... I... I like her, too."

They were surrounding me, all trying to touch me, to seduce me, to take me. Oh, this was nice-Butch's choice of a bevy of beautiful babes? After Rapunzel's innocence, a no-need-to-explain-just-f.u.c.k-me-baby-till-I-cry orgy sounded really good. Works for me.

"Girls, girls, girls! There's plenty of me to go around!" Then I looked over at Doc and saw she was way not happy, which reminded me that my purpose here wasn't to have a lot of fun, although I wouldn't s.h.i.+rk my duty to these lovely la.s.ses who were so obviously in need. I was really here to help Snow White.

Which could wait, couldn't it?

I looked over at Doc. "Quite a handful you've got here," I said, wrapping an arm around the two nearest femmes, and pulling them in for a kiss one at a time. One tasted like strawberries, the other like mint. Cleavage was already undoing her bodice, and Lace and l.u.s.t were undoing each other, squirming to get out of their clothes as quickly as possible.

Doc was fully glowering at me by now, wholly unheeded by the l.u.s.ty wenches surrounding me, including l.u.s.t and Wench. I sure wasn't winning any friends in the Doc camp, which could be really detrimental to my mission here, so the best way to begin was by offering an olive branch.