I'll Leave It To You Part 23

Perhaps you'd better sound the gong again, Bobbie, he might not have heard it.

(BOBBIE _crossing in front of table goes to the gong and bangs savagely on it. Every one stops up their ears._)

MRS. DERMOTT. You seem to have taken a dislike to that gong, darling. We must start without him, that's all. Do sit down, Oliver, you're much too big to pace backwards and forwards like that. Pour out the coffee, Sylvia dear, if it's ready.

(OLIVER _sits on_ EVANGELINE'S _left._ BOBBIE _sits again at the foot of the table._ JOYCE _drops her fork with a loud clatter--every one jumps._ SYLVIA _pours out coffee._)

EVANGELINE. If you'd endeavour to cultivate a little more repose, Joyce dear, it would be an advantage.

JOYCE (_truculently_). I couldn't help it.

MRS. DERMOTT (_brightly_). Fancy--f.a.n.n.y Harris is engaged.

BOBBIE (_gloomily_). What fun.

MRS. DERMOTT. It may not be fun to you, but it will be most amusing to Mrs. Harris. I do wish Daniel would come in. Where can he be?

BOBBIE. No one cares, anyhow.

MRS. DERMOTT. How can you be so horrid, Bobbie--I did think you'd have recovered from your silly temper before this. Fancy not being able to take a joke.

OLIVER. It wasn't a joke, it was true.

MRS. DERMOTT. You really are utterly absurd. Pa.s.s me the toast. I wouldn't have believed you could all have been so silly. I expect Uncle Daniel is just laughing at you.

OLIVER. Yes, that's just what he _is_ doing.

MRS. DERMOTT. I really think, Oliver, that you, as the eldest, ought to set a little better example. And the marmalade--thank you. After all, considering how good he's been to us, we might allow him to have a little joke without becoming disagreeable--even if it doesn't amuse us very much. Why, I----

JOYCE. But, mother, I tell you it isn't a joke--it's the gospel truth.

MRS. DERMOTT. I've never known such a set of maddening children. Pa.s.s me the paper, will you, Sylvia? I wish to read it.

(SYLVIA _hands her newspaper from window seat and she opens it out and reads it, ignoring the family altogether. Telegraph--with extra pages inserted._)

OLIVER (_breaking the silence_). Has any one seen my tennis racquet?

JOYCE. Bobbie had it yesterday.

BOBBIE. No, I didn't.

JOYCE. Yes, you did, you and Faith--I saw you.

OLIVER. Well, where is it now?

SYLVIA (_ruminatively_). I did see a racquet behind the summer house this morning. Would that be it?

OLIVER (_furiously_). Look here, Bobbie, if you go leaving my racquet out all night again I'll punch your head....

BOBBIE (_rising, flaring up_). I tell you I never touched your d.a.m.ned racquet--I've got one of my own. (_Knocks his chair over._)

JOYCE. A jolly rotten one, though.

BOBBIE. Shut up, Joyce, and mind your own business.

EVANGELINE. Don't speak to Joyce like that, Bobbie. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

BOBBIE. I'll speak how I like.

OLIVER (_rising_). Not while I'm here, you won't.

BOBBIE (_jeeringly_). Come on, oh strong and silent elder brother, let's be manly and knock one another about.

OLIVER. A little more of that would do you a lot of good.

BOBBIE. Well, you'd better not try it.

(OLIVER _knocks a plate on to the floor, breaking it._)

There, that's what happens when you let elephants loose in the house.

(_Picks up his chair._)

(_During this_, MRS. DERMOTT _does comic business with newspaper, repeatedly dropping sheets and attempting to fold the paper._)

MRS. DERMOTT. Oliver, if you and Bobbie can't stop quarrelling you'd better both leave the table. I can't think what's the matter with you all. Just because Uncle Daniel chose to have a little fun with you, you all behave like bears with sore heads.

(BOBBIE _and_ OLIVER _re-sit and continue eating._)

EVANGELINE. Uncle Daniel meant every word he said, mother. He hasn't got a penny in the world.

MRS. DERMOTT. Nonsense, Evangeline. How do you suppose he could get backwards and forwards to America and send me large cheques and things?

JOYCE. He wins a little from time to time by horse-racing.

MRS. DERMOTT. Rubbish. No one can ever win at horse-racing. I never did.

The bookies and jockeys and people don't let you.

EVANGELINE. Mother dear, how _can_ you be so obstinate. I tell you he told us all about it in here yesterday afternoon--gave us his solemn word----

MRS. DERMOTT. But only in fun, darling, only in fun--he's obviously a very rich man.

OLIVER. Hah!

MRS. DERMOTT. By the by, I wish one of you would just go into the garden and find him. The mushrooms will be ruined.

SYLVIA. He isn't in the garden at all, mother, he's gone to the _Green Hart_.

(_All look surprised._)