Enquire Within Upon Everything Part 158

1982. Artificial Manners.

Artificial manners, and such as spring from good taste and refinement, can never be mistaken, and differ as widely as gold and tinsel. How captivating is gentleness of manner derived from true humility, and how faint is every imitation! That suavity of manner which renders a real gentlewoman courteous to all, and careful to avoid giving offence, is often copied by those who merely subject themselves to certain rules of etiquette: but very awkward is the copy. Warm professions of regard are bestowed on those who do not expect them, and the esteem which is due to merit appears to be lavished on every one alike. And as true humility, blended with a right appreciation of self-respect, gives a pleasing cast to the countenance, so from a sincere and open disposition springs that artlessness of manner which disarms all prejudice. Feeling, on the contrary, is ridiculous when affected, and, even when real, should not be too openly manifested.

Let the manners arise from the mind, and let there be no disguise for the genuine emotions of the heart.

1983. Hints upon Personal Manners.

It is sometimes objected to books upon etiquette that they cause those who consult them to act with mechanical restraint, and to show in society that they are governed by arbitrary rules, rather than by an intuitive perception of what is graceful and polite.

1984. Unsound Objection.

This objection is unsound because it supposes that people who study the theory of etiquette do not also exercise their powers of observation in society, and obtain, by their intercourse with others, that freedom and ease of deportment which society alone can impart.

[BETTER GO TO BED SUPPERLESS THAN RISE IN DEBT.]

1985. Books upon Etiquette.

Books upon Etiquette are useful, inasmuch as they expound the laws of polite society. Experience alone, however, can give effect to the _precise_ manner in which those laws are required to be observed.

1986. Simple Hints.

Whatever objections may be raised to the teachings of works upon etiquette, there can be no sound argument against a series of simple and brief hints, which shall operate as precautions against mistakes in personal conduct.

1987. No Gossip.

Avoid intermeddling with the affairs of others. This is a most common fault. A number of people seldom meet but they begin discussing the affairs of some one who is absent. This is not only uncharitable, but positively unjust. It is equivalent to trying a _cause in the absence of the person implicated_. Even in the criminal code a prisoner is presumed to be innocent until he is found guilty. Society, however, is less just, and pa.s.ses judgment without hearing the defence. Depend upon it, as a certain rule, _that the people who unite with you in discussing the affairs of others will proceed to your affairs and conduct in your absence_.

1988. Consistent Principles.

Be consistent in the avowal of Principles. Do not deny to-day that which you a.s.serted yesterday. If you do, you will stultify yourself, and your opinions will soon be found to have no weight. You may fancy that you gain favour by subserviency; but so far from gaining favour, you lose respect.

1989. Avoid Falsehood.

Avoid falsehood. There can be found no higher virtue than the love of truth. The man who deceives others must himself become the victim of morbid distrust. Knowing the deceit of his own heart, and the falsehood of his own tongue, his eyes must be always filled with suspicion, and he must lose the greatest of all happiness--confidence in those who surround him.

1990. Elements of Manly Character.

The following elements of manly character are worthy of frequent meditation:

i. To be wise in his disputes.

ii. To be a lamb in his home.

iii. To be brave in battle and great in moral courage.

iv. To be discreet in public.

v. To be a bard in his chair.

vi. To be a teacher in his household.

vii. To be a council in his nation.

viii. To be an arbitrator in his vicinity.

ix. To be a hermit in his church.

x. To be a legislator in his country.

xi. To be conscientious in his actions.

xii. To be happy in his life.

xiii. To be diligent in his calling.

xiv. To be just in his dealing.

xv. To do whatever he doeth as being done unto G.o.d, and not unto men.

1991. Good Temper.

Avoid Manifestations of Ill-temper. Reason is given for man's guidance. Pa.s.sion is the tempest by which reason is overthrown. Under the effects of pa.s.sion, man's mind becomes disordered, his face disfigured, his body deformed. A moment's pa.s.sion has frequently cut off a life's friends.h.i.+p, destroyed a life's hope, embittered a life's peace, and brought unending sorrow and disgrace. It is scarcely worth while to enter into a comparative a.n.a.lysis of ill-temper and pa.s.sion; they are alike discreditable, alike injurious, and should stand equally condemned.

1992. Be Humble.

Avoid Pride. If you are handsome, G.o.d made you so; if you are learned, some one instructed you; if you are rich, G.o.d gave you what you own.

It is for others to perceive your goodness; but you should be blind to your own merits. There can be no comfort in deeming yourself better than you really are: that is self-deception. The best men throughout all history have been the most humble.

1993. Affectation is a Form of Pride.

It is, in fact, pride made ridiculous and contemptible. Some one writing upon affectation has remarked as follows:

"If anything will sicken and disgust a man, it is the affected, mincing way in which some people choose to talk. It is perfectly nauseous. If these young jackanapes, who screw their words into all manner of diabolical shapes, could only feel how perfectly disgusting they were, it might induce them to drop it. With many, it soon becomes such a confirmed habit that they cannot again be taught to talk in a plain, straightforward, manly way. In the lower order of ladies' boarding-schools, and indeed, too much everywhere, the same sickening, mincing tone is too often found. Do, pray, good people, do talk in your natural tone, if you don't wish to be utterly ridiculous and contemptible."

1994. Vulgarity.