The Complete Works of William Shakespeare Part 355

MRS. FORD. [Aside to MRS. PAGE] Trust me, I thought on her; she'll fit it.

MRS. PAGE. You are come to see my daughter Anne?

QUICKLY. Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne?

MRS. PAGE. Go in with us and see; we have an hour's talk with you. Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and MISTRESS QUICKLY PAGE. How now, Master Ford!

FORD. You heard what this knave told me, did you not?

PAGE. Yes; and you heard what the other told me?

FORD. Do you think there is truth in them?

PAGE. Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it; but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service.

FORD. Were they his men?

PAGE. Marry, were they.

FORD. I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at the Garter?

PAGE. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage toward my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head.

FORD. I do not mis...o...b.. my wife; but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident. I would have nothing lie on my head. I cannot be thus satisfied.

Enter HOST

PAGE. Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes.

There is either liquor in his pate or money in his purse when he looks so merrily. How now, mine host!

HOST. How now, bully rook! Thou'rt a gentleman. [To SHALLOW following] Cavaleiro Justice, I say.

Enter SHALLOW

SHALLOW. I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? We have sport in hand.

HOST. Tell him, Cavaleiro Justice; tell him, bully rook.

SHALLOW. Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.

FORD. Good mine host o' th' Garter, a word with you.

HOST. What say'st thou, my bully rook? [They go aside]

SHALLOW. [To PAGE] Will you go with us to behold it? My merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places; for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be. [They converse apart]

HOST. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavaleiro.

FORD. None, I protest; but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him my name is Brook-only for a jest.

HOST. My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress- said I well?-and thy name shall be Brook. It is a merry knight. Will you go, Mynheers?

SHALLOW. Have with you, mine host.

PAGE. I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier.

SHALLOW. Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times you stand on distance, your pa.s.ses, stoccadoes, and I know not what. 'Tis the heart, Master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time with my long sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.

HOST. Here, boys, here, here! Shall we wag?

PAGE. Have with you. I had rather hear them scold than fight. Exeunt all but FORD FORD. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily. She was in his company at Page's house, and what they made there I know not. Well, I will look further into 't, and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed. Exit

SCENE 2.

A room in the Garter Inn

Enter FALSTAFF and PISTOL

FALSTAFF. I will not lend thee a penny.

PISTOL. I will retort the sum in equipage.

FALSTAFF. Not a penny.

PISTOL. Why, then the world's mine oyster. Which I with sword will open.

FALSTAFF. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to p.a.w.n. I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow, Nym; or else you had look'd through the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am d.a.m.n'd in h.e.l.l for swearing to gentlemen my friends you were good soldiers and tall fellows; and when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took 't upon mine honour thou hadst it not.

PISTOL. Didst not thou share? Hadst thou not fifteen pence?

FALSTAFF. Reason, you rogue, reason. Think'st thou I'll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you. Go-a short knife and a throng!- to your manor of Pickt-hatch; go. You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue! You stand upon your honour! Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the terms of my honour precise. I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of G.o.d on the left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your honour!

You will not do it, you!

PISTOL. I do relent; what would thou more of man?

Enter ROBIN

ROBIN. Sir, here's a woman would speak with you.

FALSTAFF. Let her approach.

Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY

QUICKLY. Give your wors.h.i.+p good morrow.

FALSTAFF. Good morrow, good wife.

QUICKLY. Not so, an't please your wors.h.i.+p.

FALSTAFF. Good maid, then.

QUICKLY. I'll be sworn; As my mother was, the first hour I was born.

FALSTAFF. I do believe the swearer. What with me?

QUICKLY. Shall I vouchsafe your wors.h.i.+p a word or two?

FALSTAFF. Two thousand, fair woman; and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing.

QUICKLY. There is one Mistress Ford, sir-I pray, come a little nearer this ways. I myself dwell with Master Doctor Caius.

FALSTAFF. Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say- QUICKLY. Your wors.h.i.+p says very true. I pray your wors.h.i.+p come a little nearer this ways.

FALSTAFF. I warrant thee n.o.body hears-mine own people, mine own people.

QUICKLY. Are they so? G.o.d bless them, and make them his servants!

FALSTAFF. Well; Mistress Ford, what of her?

QUICKLY. Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord, Lord, your wors.h.i.+p's a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray.

FALSTAFF. Mistress Ford; come, Mistress Ford- QUICKLY. Marry, this is the short and the long of it: you have brought her into such a canaries as 'tis wonderful.

The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman's heart; and I warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her.

I had myself twenty angels given me this morning; but I defy all angels, in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of honesty; and, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all; and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her.

FALSTAFF. But what says she to me? Be brief, my good she- Mercury.

QUICKLY. Marry, she hath receiv'd your letter; for the which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to notify that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven.

FALSTAFF. Ten and eleven?

QUICKLY. Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the picture, she says, that you wot of. Master Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas, the sweet woman leads an ill life with him! He's a very jealousy man; she leads a very frampold life with him, good heart.

FALSTAFF. Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will not fail her.

QUICKLY. Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to your wors.h.i.+p. Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too; and let me tell you in your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the other; and she bade me tell your wors.h.i.+p that her husband is seldom from home, but she hopes there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man: surely I think you have charms, la! Yes, in truth.

FALSTAFF. Not I, I a.s.sure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms.

QUICKLY. Blessing on your heart for 't!

FALSTAFF. But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife and Page's wife acquainted each other how they love me?

QUICKLY. That were a jest indeed! They have not so little grace, I hope-that were a trick indeed! But Mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page of all loves.

Her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page; and truly Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does; do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will; and truly she deserves it; for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy.

FALSTAFF. Why, I will.

QUICKLY. Nay, but do so then; and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and in any case have a nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and the boy never need to understand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness. Old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world.

FALSTAFF. Fare thee well; commend me to them both.

There's my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with this woman. [Exeunt QUICKLY and ROBIN] This news distracts me.

PISTOL. [Aside] This punk is one of Cupid's carriers; Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights; Give fire; she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all! Exit FALSTAFF. Say'st thou so, old Jack; go thy ways; I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee. Let them say 'tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no matter.

Enter BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH. Sir John, there's one Master Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your wors.h.i.+p a moming's draught of sack.