The Complete Works of William Shakespeare Part 366

FALSTAFF. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross, o'er-reaching as this?

Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? Shall I have a c.o.x-comb of frieze? 'Tis time I were chok'd with a piece of toasted cheese.

EVANS. Seese is not good to give putter; your belly is all putter.

FALSTAFF. 'Seese' and 'putter'! Have I liv'd to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of l.u.s.t and late-walking through the realm.

MRS. PAGE. Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to h.e.l.l, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?

FORD. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?

MRS. PAGE. A puff'd man?

PAGE. Old, cold, wither'd, and of intolerable entrails?

FORD. And one that is as slanderous as Satan?

PAGE. And as poor as Job?

FORD. And as wicked as his wife?

EVANS. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles?

FALSTAFF. Well, I am your theme; you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me; use me as you will.

FORD. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one Master Brook, that you have cozen'd of money, to whom you should have been a pander. Over and above that you have suffer'd, I think to repay that money will be a biting affliction.

PAGE. Yet be cheerful, knight; thou shalt eat a posset tonight at my house, where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee. Tell her Master Slender hath married her daughter.

MRS. PAGE. [Aside] Doctors doubt that; if Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this, Doctor Caius' wife.

Enter SLENDER

SLENDER. Whoa, ho, ho, father Page!

PAGE. Son, how now! how now, son! Have you dispatch'd'?

SLENDER. Dispatch'd! I'll make the best in Gloucesters.h.i.+re know on't; would I were hang'd, la, else!

PAGE. Of what, son?

SLENDER. I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy. If it had not been i'

th' church, I would have swing'd him, or he should have swing'd me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir!-and 'tis a postmaster's boy.

PAGE. Upon my life, then, you took the wrong.

SLENDER. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl. If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had him.

PAGE. Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you how you should know my daughter by her garments?

SLENDER. I went to her in white and cried 'mum' and she cried 'budget' as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a postmaster's boy.

MRS. PAGE. Good George, be not angry. I knew of your purpose; turn'd my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is now with the Doctor at the dean'ry, and there married.

Enter CAIUS

CAIUS. Vere is Mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened; I ha'

married un garcon, a boy; un paysan, by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page; by gar, I am cozened.

MRS. PAGE. Why, did you take her in green?

CAIUS. Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy; be gar, I'll raise all Windsor. Exit CAIUS FORD. This is strange. Who hath got the right Anne?

PAGE. My heart misgives me; here comes Master Fenton.

Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE

How now, Master Fenton!

ANNE. Pardon, good father. Good my mother, pardon.

PAGE. Now, Mistress, how chance you went not with Master Slender?

MRS. PAGE. Why went you not with Master Doctor, maid?

FENTON. You do amaze her. Hear the truth of it.

You would have married her most shamefully, Where there was no proportion held in love.

The truth is, she and I, long since contracted, Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us.

Th' offence is holy that she hath committed; And this deceit loses the name of craft, Of disobedience, or unduteous t.i.tle, Since therein she doth evitate and shun A thousand irreligious cursed hours, Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.

FORD. Stand not amaz'd; here is no remedy.

In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state; Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.

FALSTAFF. I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanc'd.

PAGE. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!

What cannot be eschew'd must be embrac'd.

FALSTAFF. When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chas'd.

MRS. PAGE. Well, I will muse no further. Master Fenton, Heaven give you many, many merry days!

Good husband, let us every one go home, And laugh this sport o'er by a country fire; Sir John and all.

FORD. Let it be so. Sir John, To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word; For he, to-night, shall lie with Mistress Ford. Exeunt

THE END

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1596

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM

by William Shakespeare

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

THESEUS, Duke of Athens EGEUS, father to Hermia LYSANDER, in love with Hermia DEMETRIUS, in love with Hermia PHILOSTRATE, Master of the Revels to Theseus QUINCE, a carpenter SNUG, a joiner BOTTOM, a weaver FLUTE, a bellows-mender SNOUT, a tinker STARVELING, a tailor

HIPPOLYTA, Queen of the Amazons, bethrothed to Theseus HERMIA, daughter to Egeus, in love with Lysander HELENA, in love with Demetrius

OBERON, King of the Fairies t.i.tANIA, Queen of the Fairies PUCK, or ROBIN GOODFELLOW PEASEBLOSSOM, fairy COBWEB, fairy MOTH, fairy MUSTARDSEED, fairy

PROLOGUE, PYRAMUS, THISBY, WALL, MOONs.h.i.+NE, LION are presented by: QUINCE, BOTTOM, FLUTE, SNOUT, STARVELING, AND SNUG

Other Fairies attending their King and Queen Attendants on Theseus and Hippolyta

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SCENE: Athens and a wood near it

ACT I. SCENE I.