A Live Coal in the Sea Part 21

Years later Camilla still remembered Dr. Edison carrying Frances out to the yard and pointing out the constellations, holding the baby up as though she could see and understand.

Raffi was six months old rather than six weeks when Camilla carried her out onto the beach in front of a rented summer cottage. 'And here,' she pointed, remembering Dr. Edison, 'are the Pleiades.'

Thessaly stood by her. 'WheregV 'There.'

'That little sort of blob of stars?'

'Familiarly known as the Seven Sisters, although-' She A Live Coal in the Sea187 stopped as Thessaly started to dance, leaping from the softer sand near the cottage to the firm sand by the water, dancing to Camilla and the baby and the stars, twirling, leaping, her white cotton nightgown fluttering delicately with her movements.

It was a time of peace and joy, as the first weeks with Frances were times of peace and a kind of precarious joy.

Dr. Edison, arriving one afternoon with some new records, asked, 'Do you know what you are doing, Camilla, agreeing to take another baby?'

Camilla, holding Frances against her shoulder, patting her to help her burp, shook her head. 'No, dear Dr. Edith, of course I don't know what I'm doing.

One.baby has already changed our lives considerably. But what else can we, do?'

'I suppose I think you could say no,' Dr. Edison said. 'I know he's your brother, but it distresses me to see your father abdicating all sense of responsibility for his son.'

Camilla was silent. She did not know how to defend Rafferty. Had Taxi been his own child, surely he would not have wanted to hand him over to Camilla and Mac.

'He has asked it of you,' Dr. Edison said, 'and I applaud your willingness to accept this burden, but I am also fearful for you.'

'Oh, I'm fearful, too,' Camilla agreed. 'And I do count on your friends.h.i.+p and support.'

'That you have, and will have. But please do have second thoughts.'

-Second thoughts, third thoughts, fourth thoughts ...

Frances was a healthy, contented baby. She woke once during the early hours to nurse, and that was a happy time, the baby in bed with Camilla and Mac. 'A trinity of joy,' Mac murmured.

Madeleiitie L'Engle188 One evening after dinner, Olivia asked if she could put Frances to bed. 'Gofor a walk. Get some fresh air. You're being smothered with all that's happening.

And I would rejoice in some time with my precious grandbaby.'

They accepted her offer gratefully, and after a brief walk went to their favorite spot under the pine tree. Mac took off his coat and spread it out for them to lie on. Camilla put her hands under her head and looked up at the stars, which seemed to twinkle directly onto the branches.

Mac's gaze followed hers. 'The stars make me grateful that Corinth is a small town without many streetlights.' 'Perspective,' Camilla said. 'They give us perspective.' 'Are all astronomers star lovers?'

'In a mathematical sense, certainly. Maybe it's more than that for me because I.

was a city girl. No tree houses. No gardens. Only one or two of the brightest stars-or planets-at night. Ptolemy said, "Mortal though I be, yea, ephemeral, if but a moment I gaze up at night's starry domain of heaven, then no longer on earth I stand: I touch the Creator and my lively spirit drinketh immortality."'

'Who said that?V 'Ptolemy. Second century. You remember, with earthcentered orbits of sun, moon, and stars-'

Mac ran his finger over her lips, then drew her eyebrows, her nose. 'I'm glad I.

married such a well-educated wife.' 'Mm.'

'You know a lot more theology than you think you do.' She was too relaxed to protest, murmuring, 'Ptolemy wasn't a Christian, was he?'

'Don't worry, my darling. He isn't left out.' 'Is anybody?'

'No.'

'Not anybody, no matter what?'

A Live Coal in the Sea-189 'Darling,' he said, 'you're feeling guilty, aren't you? About your father?'

The November evening was warm, and Camilla wore only a cardigan over her dress, but she s.h.i.+vered. 'I don't know.' She lay with her head on Mac's lap. 'I don't think it's guilt. I didn't do anything to cause this situation. I just resent this intrusion on our first weeks with Frances. I want to focus on the baby, and on us, and when Father calls I'm all torn apart with what he's having to go through. It was one thing for Mother to be unfaithful, but for her to have a baby that wasn't his- I think he's terribly angry, and why wouldn't he be?V 'But he's also grieving for her,' Mac pointed out. He pushed his fingers through her dark hair, gently, soothingly. Quantum came leaping toward them, sprang onto Camilla's lap, and purred contentedly.

'Mother's baby-what is it going to do to our lives?'

Raffi sat in Dr. Rowan's office. "Our lives get so messed up. How do we escape from each other?"

"Do we need to escape?" "From being hurt? Don't we?" "What kind of hurt, Raffi?"

"You know."

"No. You have to tell me."

Raffi tossed her head impatiently. "Listen, I'm not into this abuse thing.

It's the in thing now. You're n.o.body if you haven't been abused."

"Oh?"

"I think my father abuses my mother, but she doesn't see it that way. There's something in him that likes to hurt." "You?"

"Is laughing at me whenever I talk about working in the theatre abuse?"

"Is it?"

Madeleine L'Engle190 "Mom says he's only trying to protect me, that the theatre is such a tough world. But last year at school in the senior play when I was Viola in Twelfth Night he made fun of my performance, and I was good, Dr. Rowan, I was good."

"Yes, your grandmother told me how splendid you were." "She's my grandmother, and she's on my side. But Dad's the one who knows about theatre, and all he did was criticize. Said I didn't know how to use my body. Said my love scenes were laughable. Said he was only trying to help. Is Mom right? Is he trying to protect me? Or is he afraid maybe I might be good enough to be compet.i.tion?"

"You're a lovely young girl, Raffi. Can you be compet.i.tion to a mature actor at the height of his powers?"

"In the theatre, anyone who gets attention is compet.i.tion. Oh, Dr. Rowan, right now I don't think my father knows who he is, and so I don't know who I am, either."

Camilla, nursing Frances, felt wholly and supremely herself, as she often did when she plunged into the world of astronomy, where the movement of the galaxies was beyond ordinary mathematics.

Rafferty had left Paris and brought the baby back to Chicago, where he found an English nurse. It would be easier to care for Taxi, as the nurse called the child, in Chicago than in Paris, 'where I'm known as a cuckold,' he said, his voice on the phone sounding thick with anger.

'Father, people don't think in terms of cuckolds nowadays.'

'Oh, don't they? Even if they don't use the word, they still think it. The baby's fretful and cries at night. But he's a pretty little thing, looks very much the way you did at his age. Black hair and great, s.h.i.+ning eyes. Your eyes, that strange mix of green and silver and sometimes blue. I look at him and he could almost be you. That hurts, Camilla, that hurts.' 'Father, I'm sorry.'

A Live Coal in the Sea191 'I'll send you some pictures,' he said. 'The nurse insists that I'll want them later. You'll see what I'm talking about.' When the pictures arrived, Camilla and Mac looked at them, bemused. Although Taxi was four months older than Frances, the picture might almost have been of the little girl. 'They surely look like siblings,' Mac said.

'He's smaller than Frances. He isn't any bigger than she is right now.' .

'I don't think I mind calling him Taxi,' Camilla said. 'I'm glad the nurse thought of it.'

They sent pictures of both babies to the bishop. Camilla's favorite was one of Frances asleep on Mac's shoulder, with Quantum perched on his knee.

In the same mail with the snapshots was a cream-colored envelope, the kind used for wedding invitations. The return address was Wickoff, on East 81st Street in New York. 'Who on earth?' Camilla asked.

'Open it,' Mac suggested.

It was, in fact, a wedding invitation. Camilla read it aloud, frowning in puzzlement: 'Dr. and Mrs. James Ansley Wickoff request the pleasure of your presence at the wedding of their daughter, Elizabeth March Wickof to Andrew Murphy Grange- oh! It's Noelle's brother, Andrew.'

Mac raised his eyebrows. 'I didn't know you knew him that well.'

'I don't. Remember-Noelle brought him by while he was doing a residency at Grady. Quantum loved him. I thought he was nice.! , 'So did I,' Mac said, 'when he came to the Church House with Noelle. Decent and kind. Does he still stutter?'

'It seems to come and go. Do you think we ought to send them a wedding present?'

'A token, maybe. I'm glad he's found himself a nice girl. At least, I hope she's nice.'

They heard Frances upstairs, calling from her crib,.not crying, but making her own special chirrupy noises.

Madeleine L'Engle19,1 'I'll get her,' Mac said.

'She'll probably need changing.'

'I'm a master diaper-changer,' Mac called as he hurried upstairs.

As soon as Frances was six weeks old, Rafferty was on the phone, wanting to send Taxi, with the nurse, to Corinth. Olivia, getting ready to go back to Florida, took the phone from Camilla. 'Not yet, Rafferty. I'm leaving tomorrow.

Camilla will be back in the kitchen again, and taking full care of the baby and the house. Wait until Frances is three months old. By then Camilla will be back in the swing of things.' She came downstairs, carrying Frances. 'I'll get Art to call Rafferty. He'll listen to Art. Oh, my dear, that poor man doesn't realize what he's asking of you. He's so eager to stop being reminded by Taxi of everything that's happened that he's forgotten that Frances is his grandchild.'

'Taking on another baby is a very big thing. Will Mac-?' Camilla could not finish.

Olivia said, 'Mac won't walk out on this. He did his walking out when he went to England for Frank's wedding.' 'Are you sure?V 'No one can ever be sure of anything. But I'm his mother, and that's my hunch.

I.

can't promise you he'll never walk out again when things get rough. But I don't think he'll walk out on this.'

And what was Rafferty doing, if not walking out? Who was giving Taxi love during his first months? The nurse? Thinking of this, Camilla nearly picked up the phone to tell her father to bring them the baby, but Mac stopped her, and so did Art and Olivia.

She knew they were right. And wrong.

How many rights add up to a wrong? And vice versa?

A Live Coal in the Sea193 7 x 7 = 49. 8 x 6 = 48. Numbers are not ambiguous. But what about Mach's theory?

Do the fixed stars play a part in this story?

She received an invitation to Noelle's wedding, with a handwritten letter: 'I know you can't come all the way North. I wanted to ask Mac to come back to campus and marry me, but then I thought that was terrifically selfish when Andrew's friend says you have a brand-new baby, and anyhow, Mom really likes the new rector here, and I'd like Ferris's and my wedding to be a good time for her.

'By the way, I asked Andrew's Liz to send you an invitation to their wedding.

Andrew wasn't sure it was appropriate, but I a.s.sured him it was fine. He's deliriously happy. Liz is a brilliant doctor and also a love, and her father seems to think that Andrew was a gift sent him directly from heaven. I'm happy for him. I hope I won't give Ferris the h.e.l.l Dad and Mom are giving each other.

Andrew's not a bit like Dad. Sometimes I wonder if I am, and it worries me.

But I can't imagine being unfaithful to Ferris.', Camilla folded the letter. 'Thank G.o.d she didn't ask you to do the wedding.

Would you have felt that you had to?' she asked Mac.

'I'm not sure. Fortunately it's a question I don't have to ask myself, so I can forget it. We have the most beautiful baby in the world; she's gloriously healthy; she thrives on her mother's mar velous milk. A year ago Christmas you lost a baby. This year we're baptizing one, and that's all we should think about. It's Christmas Eve, my darling, and we're celebrating birth.'

Dr. Edison said, 'Since Mr. and Mrs. Bishop are otherwise gainfully employed at the Cathedral in Jacksonville, I will be the member of the older generation for Frances.'

Camilla put the baby in Dr. Edison's outstretched arms.

Madeleine L'Engle194 'We're so glad you can be with us tonight. And we'll all drive together to Florida for the baptism.'

'We'll take my car,' Dr. Edison p.r.o.nounced. 'It's heavier, and the tires are better.'

'Frances says thank you to her G.o.dmother.'

'I'm a little old to do my proper duty by that blessed child.'

'Mac says a girl baby is allowed two G.o.dmothers; I've asked my old friend Luisa, and she can't get away, so you'll have to stand in for both of you.'

Dr. Edison kissed the top of Frances's dark head. 'It will be my joy.'

'Hey, Camilla,' Luisa had said, 'you know I don't believe in all this religion stuff, but I'm honored to be Frances's G.o.dmother. I may not be able to do much for her soul, but I'll do my best for the rest of her. Thanks. Thanks for asking me.'

The church was beautiful, decorated with holly and pine branches, with poinsettias banked about, both scarlet and white. Everyone in the congregation had a candle, and the light glowed against the dark wood, against the walls, which were to be painted early in the new year.

The youth group moved about the nave of the church, lighting candles, until the loveliness of light brought tears to Camilla's eyes.

'Behold the light of the world,' Dr. Edison whispered. Freddy Lee read from Isaiah, the great rolling verses of "Comfort ye, my people," and then Pinky stood and sang, "For He Shall Feed His Flock," her singing voice pure andsweet and in startling contrast to her daily speech. Frances slept through the entire service, despite Dr. Edison's occasional anxious cluckings, which Camilla was sure would disturb the baby. But Frances slept on, unperturbed.

It was after midnight when they got home and opened the bottle of champagne Dr.

Edison had brought.

'To peace at Christmas, and in our hearts,' Mac toasted.

A Live Coal in the Sea-195 They drank. 'Can we say peace in the world?' Dr. Edison asked. 'Do we ever learn? There is still war and prophesies of war, and what would the Prince of Peace think of that?V 'Peace in our hearts,'. Camilla said. 'No matter what.' 'It's a big no matter what,' Dr. Edison said, 'just in your own little household.' She held up her gla.s.s. 'To peace, -then, peace for ourselves, peace for the world.'

Dr. Edison drove them to Jacksonville.