According To Jane Part 3

Sam's eyes sparked with blue fire. Guess he'd overheard some of our conversation. Oops.

He speared me with a glare, then turned to his girlfriend. "Seems Ellie has become a bitter, spiteful person who never forgets the stupid things that happened in the past, and she can't see beyond her own issues and biases. Oh, and-" he said and glowered at me again, "she has a history of l.u.s.ting after loser guys like Jason Bertignoli, for G.o.d's sake, so her judgment is questionable."

Every syllable leaving his mouth jabbed me like a stiletto to the heart. He thought our night together was a "stupid thing." G.o.d d.a.m.n him. But, yeah, he was right about my judgment being bad. After all, I'd practically fallen in love with him.

He returned his gaze to Camryn. "So, regardless of what she's told you, just because she and I had no way of working things out four f.u.c.king years ago-" He paused to frown at me. "It doesn't mean it'll be the same with us." He reached for Camryn's arm.

She s.n.a.t.c.hed her arm away. "What went wrong?" she asked him.

"What?"

"'Four f.u.c.king years ago,' Sam. What went wrong? How did it end?"

"Yeah, Sam," I chimed in. "Tell her. Please. And, while you're at it, I'd appreciate an illuminated recap because I was kind of deprived of your high-level reasoning back then." I drained my drink, set the gla.s.s on the counter and crossed my arms to keep them from trembling. "Whenever you're ready."

Sam looked between us, an expression of incredulousness on his handsome face. "I can't believe this," he muttered. "I am not doing this. Here. Now. With either of you."

"So, she wasn't lying then," Camryn said, her voice turning several degrees colder. "You really did something to warrant her anger and total b.i.t.c.hiness."

Total b.i.t.c.hiness? "Hey," I said. "I'm not being-"

She pointed a well-manicured fingernail at me. "You shut up. You've caused enough trouble."

Then she scowled at Sam. "Were you planning to break up with me this month? Is that why, no matter how many times I asked you about Labor Day plans or whose house we'd meet at for Thanksgiving, you kept putting me off? Is that why you couldn't commit to going to my brother's wedding in October? Why you kept saying, 'We'll see, Camryn,' every time I brought it up?"

Sam stared at her. So did I.

"Answer me, dammit!" she shrieked.

He exhaled long and hard. "Camryn, please. Let's go somewhere else and discuss this rationally. I don't want-"

"No! I want to know now. I don't want you trying to weasel out of it again."

Sam shrugged, but his shoulders looked so stiff I thought they'd crack from the motion.

"Okay, fine," he told her. "The thing is, I don't know about the wedding. I don't have a clue what our schedules are going to look like then. We'll both probably be up to our ears in work. You know as well as I do that's what med school is all about."

"We're talking about two national holidays, Sam, and one once-in-a-lifetime event. Three lousy days out of four months." She twisted her fingers together into a warped steeple. "I told my family all about you. They wanted to meet you. I told them you might be someone they'd be glad they got to know. Someone I might have in my life..." A few tears dropped from her eyes, making the green even brighter. She swiped them away viciously and bit her lower lip.

I took a step away from the two of them. I didn't belong in the middle of this and, I'll admit, I was beginning to feel a few pinches of remorse for my-how did Camryn put it? Oh, yes. My anger and total b.i.t.c.hiness.

I took another step back but, in a flash, I was pulled nose-to-nose with Sam.

"Don't. You. Dare. Leave," he said in a low, very dangerous voice, his clenched fist full of my pink light-knit s.h.i.+rt. "If we're having a public confession session, you're d.a.m.n well going to be a part of it, Ellie Barnett."

I swallowed and looked into his enraged face. He hadn't changed much, really, in the years since I'd last seen him this close up. His skin was a little tauter now, perhaps. His bone structure a bit more defined. His hair a fraction shorter. His muscles a tad firmer. His eyes were the same cool blue, though, with maybe a hint more malice.

Jane cried out, Make him release you. Insufferable man!

"Let go of my s.h.i.+rt, Sam," I managed to say in what I hoped was a composed and level voice. Inside, though, every part of me quivered, and I couldn't figure out the reason. Fear? Shame? Anger? Jane's unaltered disdain? All of the above or something else entirely?

Sam released me, but his eyes didn't let me go. They trained on me with a wrath I hadn't been the recipient of since, well, since high school.

Camryn's response to this little scene bespoke a different reaction altogether. She no longer looked infuriated, just deflated. Disappointed. Sad and kind of hurt. "You don't love me, Sam. And you're not going to, are you?" She didn't wait for his answer. "I'll take a cab home."

"Aw, Camryn, c'mon." Sam tried to touch her again and, again, she pulled away.

"No," she said.

"Can't we at least talk? Can I call you tonight? Tomorrow?"

She gave a short, humorless laugh. "We'll see, Sam." She turned and marched out of the bar.

Sam stared after her in stunned silence.

I should've shut up, but I was slightly toasted. So, I said, "Well? Get going. Aren't you gonna run after her? Aren't you gonna tell her you love her and that you really do want to go with her to her brother's stupid wedding?"

My hands shook. To stop them, I squeezed my fists so hard my fingernails dug deep into my palms. I looked at them and saw those familiar crescent-shaped welts. Visible signs of a habit I'd never broken.

"I don't love her."

"What?" I glanced up from my hands to study Sam's face, now shuttered against all emotion.

"I'm not going to run after her because I don't love her. But"-he gave me a frozen glare-"I really did like her. She's bright, funny, a little high-maintenance, maybe, but a good person underneath the cool exterior. And you had no business at all doing what you did. That was heartless, Ellie."

My breath caught in my esophagus. "I'm heartless? Me? Screw you, Sam-"

He raised a brow. "So, your relations.h.i.+p with that Dominic dude is real wonderful, eh?" he said, implying with a tilt of his head that he didn't think so. "You two have got it all together? You're happy?"

"It-it's pretty good," I lied.

His eyes traveled down my body and then back up again. "How good?"

Intolerable rudeness, Jane muttered, along with a few other choice phrases.

I mentally turned down the volume on her complaints and swallowed. "Don't be an a.s.s," I said to Sam.

"Don't sidestep the question," Sam shot back.

"It's better than it was with you," I retorted before I lost my nerve. No doubt I'd burn in h.e.l.l for all the lies I'd been telling, but I couldn't let Sam know the truth. He already had too much dirt on the real me.

Sam pressed his lips together until they were nearly colorless. He then focused the intensity of his gaze on Dominic, whom we spotted chugging the last of his beer and b.u.mming a smoke off of Mick.

"Hey, Dominic!" Mick called out, too loudly because he was, as usual, thoroughly smashed. "Maybe you can score some more cash off your girlfriend and get us another coupla beers." He blindly looked around. "Where is Miss Moneybags anyway? She didn't take off on you again, did she?"

I sucked in some air and hoped, no, prayed that Dominic would take offense at Mick's words. That he'd say, even if only for appearances' sake, that he appreciated lots of qualities in me, not just my willingness to share my paycheck.

But Dominic said, also too loudly, "By the bar, I think. I'll go ask her in a sec."

As their voices floated back to Sam and me, I closed my eyes. I had to block out Sam's steady gaze. I didn't want to see that look of his, be it retribution or pity.

"So, that's how it is," Sam whispered, not unkindly, just very matter-of-fact.

My injured pride made me want to lash out at someone. At Sam. At Dominic. At anyone who crossed my path. Being that Sam was my only choice at present, I started with him.

"You know," I said in the iciest tone I could produce, "it's amazingly hypocritical of you, doing the medicine thing. I mean, I always thought doctors had to take an oath-'First, do no harm,' or something like that." I shook my head. "That's gonna be a tough one for you, considering your tremendous skill in hurting people."

I glanced at him once to see if I'd hit my target. I had. His face colored red and his jaw turned even more rigid. At first I thought he merely looked angry, but then I looked again. The expression in his blue eyes exposed as much worry as it did offense. I guessed I'd found a way to blister one of his insecurities while meting out my revenge.

Unfortunately, it didn't make me feel any better.

"When did you turn into this, this...person, Ellie?" he asked softly. "You're not who I remember. G.o.d, this can't all be because of me or what happened between us. Because I hurt you once, can it?"

I forced myself to stand up straighter. "Hey, you were the one who called what happened between us a 'stupid thing' from the past. What makes you think it'd affect me or that I'd care about it now?"

"Jesus, Ellie." His expression turned to one of pure pain. "I meant my idiotic reaction in school after what happened. That was the stupid thing you wouldn't forget..."

Sam's words still dangled in the air between us as Dominic jogged up ten seconds later. "Hey, darlin'," he said. "Seeing as how you're having a deep discussion of your own right now, maybe we could hang out here a little longer?"

My mind, reeling from Sam's revelation and the consequent reinterpretation of those end-of-high-school memories, couldn't s.h.i.+ft gears so quickly. I knew Dominic wanted something, as usual, but I was in no mood to offer a light, agreeable response. I just stared at him.

Dominic glanced between Sam and me, but received only silence back from us. "Hmm. Are you getting hungry?" He studied his watch. "We've kinda missed our dinner reservation, but I'll order us up some nachos at the bar. Maybe a few beers, too."

"Thanks," I said flatly. After all these weeks he still didn't remember that I detested beer.

"But, uh-"

"Yeah?" I wanted to hear him ask for it this time. I wasn't just going to hand him another twenty.

Dominic turned to Sam. "Could you excuse us a minute? I need to talk to Ellie privately."

Sam raised both eyebrows and folded his arms across his broad chest. He didn't budge from his spot.

I silently blessed him for this, and even Jane, to my shock, murmured, Correctly done, Mr. Blaine. For once.

Dominic squinted at him and said, "Okaaaay" under his breath. Then he tugged on my arm. "Can we go over there for a sec-"

"I don't think so," I told him.

Dominic looked confused. "What? You don't think you can talk to me alone for a minute?"

"That's right." I sighed. It was crash-and-burn time for Type #4 (yes, I had categories for the men I dated), but a woman had to know when she couldn't fake it anymore. Since Sam had already guessed the truth, I'd been defeated on all fronts. No use pretending.

Dominic sputtered out a few incoherent syllables, but he finally managed to say, "What the h.e.l.l?"

I let out a long, slow breath-one I'd been holding for about four years. "I'm sorry, Sam," I said.

Sam's eyes met mine. He half nodded and whispered, "Me, too. Really."

I then returned my attention to Dominic, who was staring at me like I'd just sprouted horns and was brandis.h.i.+ng a sharp-'n'-s.h.i.+ny pitchfork.

"I'm not your chauffeur, your mommy or your meal ticket," I told him. "Get yourself a job and buy your own d.a.m.n beer. And, in case there's any doubt, no, I'm not driving you home and, yes, this is goodbye. Have a nice life."

"Wait! Is this because I didn't buy you a birthday gift?" Dominic demanded. "Ellie, I told you I'd take you out to dinner. We were just running a little late tonight. It's not like we won't go sometime soon-"

I lifted my hand in a parting wave to Sam, who returned it. Then I gave Dominic the finger.

"Happy birthday to me," I said to myself as the bar doors swung shut behind me. I inhaled the warm Chicago night air and escaped into my car, planning to drive only a block or two so Dominic couldn't find me. I needed to sit somewhere for an hour and let everything wear off.

Happy birthday, Ellie, Jane's voice echoed in my mind. And good for you. Your life is just beginning.

Yes, it was. Finally.

I blinked back a tear, hummed a few bars of Boston's "Don't Look Back" and hit the gas pedal.

2.

There is nothing like dancing after

all...one of the first refinements of

polished societies.

-Pride and Prejudice To know what, exactly, I wasn't looking back on and to understand the intricacies of my relations.h.i.+ps with my sister Diana, my brother Gregory and my cousin Angelique, you'd need a detailed chronicle of our family dynamics. I don't have the patience (or the lifespan) to be that comprehensive.

Let's just say, though, that while Jane's appearance added a new zing to my home/school existence and bestowed upon me an amazing best friend, it made life instantly tougher for me, too.

The weekend after Jane's arrival, I was awakened early by a jostling-or, more accurately, a violent shaking-of my rib cage.