Ice Planet Barbarians: Barbarian's Redemption Part 9

I watch my mate go back to the village without me at her side, and I feel...frustration. Anger. Sorrow. Longing.

This 'shunning' is nothing but stupidity. I can lurk around the village as much as I want, and all they do is pretend not to see me there. They will take my food I bring, my fuel for their fires, but they will not speak to me? It is childish nonsense, a game to them.

Meanwhile, my mate lives with another and I must see her only when she slips away from the others.

Patience, I remind myself. This is good for Ell-ee even if it makes my spirit hurt. In the days that I have left the village and the humans have been settling in, I have seen the hunted look fade from Ell-ee's eyes. Her shoulders are a little straighter when she walks. She is less fearful overall, though she is still filthy and too thin.

Perhaps soon I will see her smile. Hear her laughter and her sweet voice for myself.

Until then, I must wait.

I take my kill to my sister's hut, where her mate sc.r.a.pes hides near their door, his daughter Esha helping him. He looks surprised to see me, and I raise a hand. "Do not get up. I am not staying. I only bring food for my sister's family."

Kashrem frowns, then glances around to see if anyone is near. "I thank you, brother."

I grunt at his polite words and duck into the hut.

As the tribe's healer, Maylak has a slightly larger hut than most, with a small, comfortable area near the front intended for guests who drop in, complaining of aches and pains. Harrec is there now, lounging on furs, his hand extended and his face carefully averted. My sister's fingers press against Harrec's palm, and her eyes are slightly brighter in that way that tells me that she is using her healing. "What did you do this time, Harrec?" I ask as I greet my sister with a tweak to her braids and then head to the slab in the back of her hut where she prepares her food.

"Fish hook," Harrec says, voice faint. He doesn't look at his hand at all; Harrec gets ill at the sight of his own blood. "I was trying to teach Kate how to fish."

I snort at that. The big hunter has made it quite clear that he is interested in Kate, even if she is frustrated by him. I have seen him seated close to her near fires at night. I shake my head. "You will impress her more if you do not faint at your own injury."

"Go away before I shun you," he calls out grumpily, and my sister chuckles. Of all of the tribe, the unmated hunters and my sister do not pay attention to the shunning. They respect the chief's wishes, and I keep my visits brief so as to not put her into an awkward situation, but I make sure to stop by daily.

It is someone to talk to, and sometimes my own thoughts are not enough.

Right now, though, my thoughts are focused on one person and one person alone. "When you are finished, I would speak with you, my sister."

Maylak glances up at me and then nods. "We are done here." She reaches into a small pot and slathers a poultice of crushed herbs over his hand, then wraps a long strip of leather around it. With a pat, she releases him. "Keep that covered for the next day and it should be fine afterward."

"My thanks, healer," he says, shaky as he gets to his feet.

"Go sit near the fire in the long-house until you recover," she tells him in a firm voice. "No matter where Kate is."

Harrec just grins and wobbles out the door.

When the flap drops, she turns to me and gives a little shake of her head. "You would think that someone who hates the sight of his own blood so much would be less clumsy."

"It is Harrec," I say with a shrug, as if that explains it all.

"Mm. What troubles you today, brother?" She washes her hands in a water-bowl and then gets to her feet. Maylak regards me with calm eyes, her manner soothing. She is easy to be around, my sister.

I scrub a hand over my face. "It is my mate-Ell-ee. I worry she is unwell."

"Because she is...small?"

"She is thin. I worry she does not eat. I feel I should be here to take care of her, and yet I cannot stay long because I am forbidden." Just thinking about the unfairness of it makes my fists clench with anger. "It is not right to keep a hunter separated from his mate."

"Perhaps not, but many are still upset over what you did."

I stare at my sister, aghast. "You take their side?"

"I take the tribe's side, brother." Maylak's smile is gentle. "The humans are very sensitive about certain things, and your actions have upset them greatly. When you apologize, all will be forgiven."

I snort. "There is nothing to apologize for. I asked for mates to be brought to our people, and they were brought. If anything, they should be thanking me."

"That is not how the humans see it. And they are just as much a part of our tribe as you."

This is a futile discussion. "I just want to know about Ell-ee. Is she well? Have you treated her?"

Maylak shrugs lightly. "She will not let me touch her. She will not let anyone touch her. Perhaps in time she will trust us, but for now, I must a.s.sume that her khui is taking care of her. The other humans are quite healthy, though."

I care nothing for the other humans. Only one consumes my thoughts. "Can you not...do something about that?" I throw my hands up. "Force her to come see you."

"Shall I tackle her to the ground as you did?"

I am in no mood for my sister's teasing. I growl at her and stalk out of her hut, ignoring her faint laughter. I do not like that she is right, but I also do not like that no one seems to be worrying about my mate. Does no one see how fragile Ell-ee is? She is fire and strength in her spirit, but her body does not seem to realize this.

I will just have to stay closer to the village, I realize. Hunt the valley closest to the gorge and remain nearby at all times. Perhaps she is not eating because she does not like the food that is prepared for her. I know the new humans cannot hunt for themselves, so Stay-see and the others feed them the cooked meat they enjoy. Maybe my Ell-ee likes hers raw and full of blood.

I ponder this as I head toward the outskirts of the village, my thoughts full of how to feed and please my mate. I am so wrapped in thoughts of Ell-ee and her big eyes that I nearly step on Erevair as he rushes up to me, little spear in hand. "Bek! There you are!" He looks delighted to see me.

I cannot help myself; I pick him up and swing him into my arms, grinning. I have always thought of this one as my own kit. Perhaps someday soon he will be able to play with my son...or daughter. The thought makes a knot form in my throat. "Where is your mama, Erevair?"

"She is in the long-house. I am playing a game of hide and seek with her."

I can only imagine the terror in Claire's face when she realizes her son has wandered so far away. "You should hide closer to your mama. She will not like you out here by yourself." I poke his round belly. "Or that you are talking to me. I am shunned, you know."

He rolls his eyes with exaggeration. "It is so silly. How can I pretend you are not here when you are?"

Wise words from a kit. I set him down and point at the long-house. "Go. You do not want to get in trouble."

Erevair's small face scrunches up. "You said you would take me hunting soon, remember?"

"I remember," I tell him, and ruffle his hair. His little horns are still not more than nubs, and I wonder if they will always be small because of his human heritage. "But many things have happened, and I cannot keep my promise yet."

"How long do I have to wait?"

"It might be a long time," I admit to him. I do not know how long it will take for Vektal-and the humans-to forgive my actions, especially when I am not sorry for them. I cannot pretend something I do not feel.

"How long is a long time?"

I see a glimpse of Ell-ee in the archway of the long-house, and my khui begins to purr. Hot need pours through me. "I must go."

"Where are you going?"

"Back to the hunter cave I am living in," I tell him absently, though I doubt I will go that far. I will make a camp closer, I think, so I can be close to Ell-ee. Perhaps by the dirt-beak nests...but they squawk all night long and smell terrible. Perhaps not.

"If I come to your cave, can you take me hunting?"

"Of course," I tell him, my mind on other things. I ruffle his hair again. "But it will be a long time before your mama allows that." I give him a gentle nudge toward the long-house. "Go surprise her. Show her how clever you are by finding her first."

He grins at me and races back toward the long-house, pleased at the change in his game. I rub my chest, ignoring the ache in my heart-and the one in my groin-as Ell-ee pauses in the doorway, gazing out at me. She says nothing and makes no gesture that she sees me.

But I think she does. My khui sings a little louder, and I remind myself that they cannot keep us apart forever.

Patience.

8.

ELLY.

The stew simmering on the fire smells incredible. I can't make myself walk away, even though I know I won't eat a bite. Stacy's making it for freezing in mine and Gail's hut's cold storage, and that means no one else will be taking a mouthful. That means it's not safe. I'm so hungry, but I can't make myself ask for a bowl. I wish I were braver, and then maybe my stomach wouldn't feel as if it's gnawing itself from the inside.

Stacy and Claire sit by the fire, nursing their younger children as they talk. Nora and an elder named Vadren sit nearby, making nets with the help of a few of the older children. Gail isn't around-Vaza showed up with a pile of plants in his arms and said something about "No Poison" and kissing, and I left the hut fast. I think Gail likes all the attention Vaza gives her, and he treats her well. He doesn't seem to mind that she won't resonate.

I'm envious of Gail. She's happy, and she doesn't have to worry about resonating. I rub my own chest, feeling betrayed by my cootie. Did it have to pick someone out so fast? Couldn't it have given me time? No one else has even come close to resonating-just me. The others are free to flirt and go about to their heart's content.

My stomach knots up as I think of Bek. The moment I think of him, I get aroused. I don't know what to do about it, and it feels like it gets worse every day. He watches me from afar when I'm in the village, but instead of making me feel weird, it makes me feel...seen.

No one else notices me, not really. Gail tries to include me, but it's hard to include someone when they don't speak. I'm just like a dirty shadow lingering on the sidelines. Even now, I'm in the main long-house by the fire, and there are other women here, and I don't feel included. I know all it would take is a word or two, but I can't make those words come out of my throat. I want to have friends, too. I just...can't make myself say anything to them. So I lurk and smile when they smile at me, and that's it.

But Bek sees me. He doesn't make me feel forgotten. He makes me feel like I have a spotlight on me...and sometimes I think I hate it.

Sometimes I don't.

I still war with feeling safe here. Even though the others rea.s.sure me that no aliens are coming back, that we're not slaves, I feel lost. Alone. Having Bek nearby helps, strangely enough. It's like he's got my back. Gail's nice, and we're friends-as much as I have any friends-but she couldn't protect me from the slavers.

Bek could.

I hate that I find him appealing even after all of this. I'm sure a lot of it is the cootie's influence on me. It wants us to make babies, so it's going to do its best to make sure that I think about making babies all the time. And boy, do I think about s.e.x a lot. But it's more than that, I think. It's the way Bek walked at my side without trying to grab me. He hasn't said anything about my dirt or tried to push me into having s.e.x. It's like he's waiting for me to realize he's right there. That it's my call, even if my cootie's already decided.

And that raises him a notch or two in my mind.

"I want to go see Bek, Mama," a little voice says, and I'm drawn out of my thoughts. I look over and see it's Erevair, holding his little spear and tugging on the hem of his mother's tunic. "You said I could."

"Not right now, baby," Claire tells him, switching Relvi to her other breast and adjusting her tunic. "Mama's busy. Go play with Anna and Elsa." It's clear she's not listening to him, because her attention is focused on Stacy, who's whispering about something in a low voice. A secret, perhaps.

"Mama," Erevair says again. "Bek said I could see him in his cave. Can I go?"

Claire glances over at her son and smooths his messy hair. "Erevair, honey, I said go play with Anna and Elsa, okay?"

"Can I go?" he asks again.

The baby at Claire's breast starts to cry, and her attention is drawn to it. She fusses over her daughter, even as Erevair continues to yank on her tunic.

"Mama," he says again, a whine in his voice.

"Yes, yes, you can go," Claire tells him absently as the baby continues to hiccup and cry. "Just go play."

A look of delight crosses Erevair's face, and he runs out of the long-house. I watch him go, curious. He seemed eager to see Bek-does that mean Bek likes children? Why does the thought make me feel warm inside? I can't even imagine having a child of my own, but I like the thought of someone as big and strong-and capable of brutality-as Bek being kind and patient with little kids.

Maybe he'd be kind and patient with me, too.

Disgusted that I even entertain the thought, I get to my feet and head for my hut. Maybe I'll see if Gail and Vaza have finished making out and I can go take a nap.

"Erevair?" Claire's frantic voice rouses me from a restless nap.

I sit up in my furs, rubbing at my eyes, and glance around. I'm alone in the hut I share with Gail. The fire's out, and it's dark in here, but not so dark that it means that it's nighttime.

"Erevair? Where are you, baby? Come out. Mama's tired of playing." Claire's voice is so loud it hurts my ears. She must be standing right outside of the hut.

I slip my boots on and pull my fur wraps over my body, then head outside. There are people everywhere, which makes me shrink back a little, and everyone seems to be combing the village looking for something. Claire stands near my door, her hands cupped to her mouth, her face pale and pinched.

"Erevair?" she calls again, and then notices me. "Oh. Elly. You haven't seen Erevair, have you?" Her lower lip wobbles. "I think he's playing hide and seek again, but I can't find him."

Behind her, Georgie, Stacy, and Marlene are checking inside other huts, and I see Gail and Vaza opening the lids of baskets. Everyone's looking for Erevair.

I shake my head at Claire, wis.h.i.+ng I had better news for her.

She nods slowly and gives a loud sniff. "If you see him, please tell him I'm looking for him." She wanders away a little further and then cups her hands to her mouth again. "EREVAIR!"

With a sick feeling, I remember the little boy's conversation from earlier. He wanted to find Bek. I wonder if Claire realizes this. She'd been distracted. I look around the village, searching for a familiar large blue form that always seems to be lurking a short distance away when I'm out, but Bek is nowhere to be seen.

He must be hunting.

I rack my brain, trying to recall what Erevair had said about visiting him. Something about...a cave? I should tell Claire. I hurry forward and try to get her attention. She turns to me, worry and stress stamped on her features. "What is it?"

I open my mouth to speak...but nothing comes out. The words are lodged in my throat. Oh G.o.d. I can't do it. I want to, but I can't. It's like my brain is totally blocked. Nothing comes out but a squeak.

Claire bites her lip. "What is it, Elly?" She looks around, twitchy and impatient, and I know she wants nothing more than to find her child.

And I'm sitting here, mute and unhelpful. I shake my head.