The Complete Works of Josh Billings Part 65

It seems very natral for all ov us to think that the world would git along very poorly, if it want for _us_, and if thare want but one man left on the face ov the earth, he would think just so too.

The luxurys ov life, which are so often reprimandid, are after all the prinsipal promoters ov industry.

Munny ain't ak.u.mulated so mutch tew satisfy wants, as tew kreate them.

It iz a very wize man who is able tew hide his ignorance.

Wisdum iz another name for genius, and both are the gift of G.o.d.

A man kant learn tew be wize, enny more than he kan learn tew be hansum.

One man, of good 40 hoss power common sens, iz worth more in the world than a whole drove of geniuses.

Fools and drunken men alwus make this mistake, the one thinks they are sensible, and the other alwus think they are sober.

Deference iz the best kard i know ov tew play, it iz not only eazier, but a grate deal more profitable to make 10 men think they are abuv you, than tew make one think you are abuv him.

Don't forgit, yung man, that excesses in youth are a mortgage in favor ov disseaze by and by, which will not fail to forclose and enter on the premises.

I hav made a kluss kalkulashun on it, and i find that there aint more than 3 men, now on earth, nor never haint been, who kan kultivate an excentricity with suckcess.

I hate a crowd, bekauze crowds are made up ov people who aint ov much ackount, only tew help make up a crowd.

Don't borry nor lend, but if you must do one, _lend_.

Giv me an ink.u.m ov 10 thousand, 500 a year, and i will agree tew be a philosopher the rest ov mi days.

He whom prosperity humbles, and adversity strengthens, is the true hero.

Faith beats both wisdum and learning.

Envy and jealousy are two pashunz, which no man haz ever yet been free from, and yet no man ever admits he iz possessed of them.

Take all the good luk out ov this world, and millionaires and heroes would be dredful ska.r.s.e.

Genius, like the yung eagle, don't hav tew make enny trial trips, but when it iz full fledged, pushes boldly out, even towards the sun.

Fortune iz represented az blind, and thoze who receive most ov her favours _go it blind_.

If thare want no evil in this world, thare wouldn't be much wisdum, i suppoze.

It iz the little things ov life that makes the burden heavy--to carry a hundred weight at once iz no grate load, but tew hav it put on our backs, a pound at a time, iz.

Men are often praized for their saga.s.sity, but all the fore-sight in the world kant tell a dubble yelked egg untill it iz broken.

Haven't yu ever seen a little child tri tew pik up four apples with its little hands at once, and spill at least two ov them? Men are konstantly trieing the same game, with the same kind ov suckcess.

One way tew define love iz, that it makes us pheal phunny and akt phoolish.

Love feeds on hopes and fears, and, like the chameleon, takes its color from what it feeds on.

Silence makes but phew blunders, and thoze it kan easily korrekt.

Thare iz hardly enny man so wicked but that he respekts virtew for the protekshun it affords him.

The further advances a man makes in knowledge, the less satisfied he iz with what he knows.

Gallantry may possibly be defined az the politeness ov flattery.

My yung friend, don't forgit one thing--however cunning yu may be, the eazyest man in all the world for yu tew cheat iz yureself.

Az good a way az i kno ov tew git at enny man's honesty, iz tew divide what he claims tew hav by four, and then guess at what's left.

The text which haz been most preached from by the human family iz vanity.

Thare are az menny old phools in this world az yung ones, and the old ones are the sillyest.

The publik judge ov a man by his suckcess.

Avarice eats up everything, even ekonemy.

Hope iz a blind guide, but whare will you find a better one?

I like a wide-awake christian, one whoze virtew has got some kayenne pepper in it.

Indolence may not be a crime, but it iz liable tew be at enny time.

I am satisfied thare is more imaginary trouble in this world than real.

Most ov us, when we repent ov our sins, think it iz a change ov heart, when in fakt, it iz only a fear ov punishment.

I hav sumtimes thought that the man with menny vices, was safer than with one, for the menny vices often wear each other out, while the one wears the man out.

Thare iz a time for all things, thare is a time tew pray, and thare iz a time to say _amen_, rool up yure sleeves and pitch in.

"_Reform! Reform!_" this iz too often the watchword ov mere charlatans.

Thare iz but very phew men whoze wisdum lasts them their lives out.

Thare iz hipokrits in vice az well az in virtew; i have seen men affekt the rake and the roue, whoze best holt waz the katekism.

It iz hard work for us tew luv a man who haz no faults nor failings.

He who sues for suckcess don't git it so often az he who demands it.

Suckcess iz a coquet, and a bashful lover never wins her.

No woman yet waz ever satisfied to be a prude, who could be a suckcessfull coquet.