The Complete Works of Josh Billings Part 78

I dont kno ov enny thing on the face ov this earth more remorseless, than 7 per cent interest.

Thare iz a grate deal ov difference between enduring misfortunes because we expekt to, and enduring them bekauze we are obliged to, one iz pashunce, and the other iz mere sullenness.

When i see an old man marry a young wife, i consider him starting out on a bust, for I am reminded ov the parable in the Bible, about new wine, and old bottles.

SAWS.

Thar iz no limit tew the vanity of this world, each spoke in the wheel thinks the whole strength ov the wheel depends upon it.

[Ill.u.s.tration: SAWS.]

The only claim enny man kan have upon the world, after he haz left it, iz for good examples.

Thare iz just az mutch difference between precept and example, az thare iz between a horn that blows a noize, and one that blows a tune.

Thare seems tew be a propriety in all things; late experiments in New York city, have proved, that religion in a rat pit iz a failure. Grate examples are no excuse for iniquity. Our Saviour thought so when he sed: "Git thee behind me, Satan."

Sin in the soul iz like a sliver in the flesh, mortification iz the natral way tew git rid ov it.

The man who dont praktiss what he preaches, iz no better than the rattlesnaik, who warns, and then strikes.

Fortune haz but little power over those who are not her suitors.

Man by natur luvs sosiety, and the more he luvs it, the more natral virtews he possesses--the most vicious amung the animals are thoze who liv the most sekluded.

Beware ov false friends,--yure dog wont desert yu when yure munny iz gone.

One reazon whi friends.h.i.+ps are so trans.h.i.+ent, is bekauze we so often mistake a companyun for a friend.

To know how to think, iz one ov the sciences.

Poor human natur iz too full ov its own grievances tew hav enny pitty to spare,--if yu show a man a big bile on yure arm, he will tell yu he had one twice az big az that, on the same spot, last year.

The thinking men outliv the labouring men.

The owl iz remarkable for hiz gravity, and also for his stupidity.

Flattery iz like molla.s.sis, a very little of it tastes sweet tew a wize man, and a good deal of it, tastes sweet tew a phool.

Politeness subsists upon politeness.

I like a hornet for one thing, they always attend tew their own bizzness, and wont let enny boddy else attend tew it.

Fools are alwus a looking ahead tew get wisdum, wize men look back.

It iz the eazyest thing in the world tew make a blunder, and the hardest thing tew own it.

I deskribe a kiss, az the time, and spot, whare aff.e.c.kshun c.u.ms tew the surface.

Man waz kreated a little lower than the angels, but while an infant, he fell one day out ov hiz kradle, and hain't struk bottom yet.

If a man iz very anxious tew kultivate a good opinyun ov human natur, he mustn't know too mutch ov it.

A phool iz not necessarily a man without enny sense, but one without the right kind ov sense.

When a man gits tew talking about himself, he seldum fails tew be eloquent, and often reaches the sublime.

Excellence in enny direction iz rare--even good clowns are ska.r.s.e.

Love generally changes coquettry to sense, and prudery to sillyness.

It iz only a step from cunning tew dishonesty, and it iz a step that a man iz liable at ennytime tew take.

Old age haz its priviliges--one iz tew find fault with everything.

_Weak_ and _wicked_ are the two worst things that ennyboddy can be charged with.

He who iz willing tew trust everyboddy, iz willing tew be cheated by everyboddy.

Whenever yu find a man, with an excentricity ov enny kind, which he brags ov, yu kan put that man down az a "_beat_," and charge it tew mi account.

A wise man iz never less alone than when alone.

A man may mistake hiz tallents, but he kant mistake hiz genius.

Tallent must hav memory, genius don't require it.

I don't beleave thare iz a human being on the face ov the earth, nor an angel in heaven, who are posatively proof against temptashun.

When a man measures out glory for himself he alwus heaps the half bushel.

A bile ain't a very sore thing after all, espes.h.i.+ly when it iz on sum other ph.e.l.low.

Pretty much all the philosophy in this world iz kontained in the following bracket--[_grin and bear it._]

I don't kno whitch haz done the most damage in this world, lazyness or malice, but i guess lazyness has.

If I had 4 fust rate dogs i would name the best one "Doubtful" and the other 3 "Useless."

Rumor iz like a swarm ov bees, the more yu fite them the less yu git rid ov them.

Virtew may konsist in never sinning, but the glory ov virtew konsists in repentance.

Fas.h.i.+on makes phools ov sum, sinners ov others, and slaves ov all.