Time Enough For Love Part 38

"Certainly, Lazarus. Every word you've spoken since Ira rescued you-"

"Not 'rescued,' dear. Kidnapped."

"Revision.-since Ira kidnapped you from that flophouse, and all your earlier memoirs."

"Thanks, dear. You see, Justin? If you must must do b.u.t.tonsorting, do it here. Unless you have unfinished business on Secundus? Family, or such?" do b.u.t.tonsorting, do it here. Unless you have unfinished business on Secundus? Family, or such?"

"No family. Grown children but no wife. My deputy is doing my job, and I've nominated her as my successor-subject to approval by the Trustees. But I find myself startled. Uh . . how about my s.h.i.+p?"

"My s.h.i.+p, you mean. I don't mean my yacht 'Dora' but that one-man autopacket you arrived in. The 'Homing Pigeon.' Belongs to a corporation owned by another corporation of which I am major stockholder. I'll accept delivery and that saves Arabelle half the lease time."

"So? Madam Chairman Pro Tem did not lease that autopacket, Lazarus; she requisitioned it for public service."

"Well, well!" Lazarus grinned. "Maybe I'll sue her. Justin, there is nothing in the Articles of Contract under which Secundus was colonized that permits requisition of private property by the state. Correct, Ira?"

"Technically correct, Lazarus. Although there is long precedent for eminent domain in land."

"Ira, I'd argue even that. But have you ever heard of it being applied to s.p.a.ces.h.i.+ps?"

"Never. Unless you count the 'New Frontiers.'"

"Ouch! Ira, I didn't requisition the 'New Frontiers'; I stole it to save our skins."

"I was thinking of Slayton Ford's part in it, not yours. Constructive requisitioning, perhaps?"

"Mmm-It's pretty small of you to bring it up a couple of thousand years after his death. Furthermore, had Slayton not done what he did, I wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be here. Nor any of us. d.a.m.n you, Ira."

"Get your feathers down, Grandfather. I was just pointing out that a head of state sometimes has to do things he would never do as a private individual. But if Arabelle can requisition the 'Homing Pigeon' when it sits on Secundus, then you can do the same on Tertius. You are each head of state of an autonomous planet. Teach her a lesson."

"Uh . . Ira, don't tempt me. It happened to me once. If it got to be a habit, it would put a stop to interstellar travel. I won't touch that bucket under any such flimsy legality. But I do own it, indirectly, and if Justin wants to stay, he can turn it over to me, and I'll return it to Transport Enterprises. Let's get back to that list. See what the old bat wants? The times and places she wants me to report on?"

"Looks like an interesting itinerary."

"It does, eh? Then you do it. 'Battle of Hastings-First, Third, and Fourth Crusades-Battle of Orleans-Fall of Constantinople-French Revolution-Battle of Waterloo.' Thermopylae and nineteen other encounters between rough strangers. I'm surprised she didn't ask me to referee the bout between David and Goliath. I'm chicken, Ira. I fight when I can't run-how does she think think I managed to live so long? Bloodshed is not a spectator sport. If history says that a battle took place at a given location on a particular day, then I'll be somewhere-or somewhen-far away, sitting in a tavern, drinking beer and pinching the barmaids. Not dodging mortar fire to feed Arabelle's ghoulish curiosity." I managed to live so long? Bloodshed is not a spectator sport. If history says that a battle took place at a given location on a particular day, then I'll be somewhere-or somewhen-far away, sitting in a tavern, drinking beer and pinching the barmaids. Not dodging mortar fire to feed Arabelle's ghoulish curiosity."

"I tried to suggest that," said Justin. "But she said that this was an official Families' project."

"The h.e.l.l it is. I told her about it simply to be sure of the Delay Mail setup. I'm a coward by trade . . and not working for her. I'll go where and when I please, see what I want to-and try not to antagonize local yokels. Especially those fighting each other; it makes 'em trigger-happy."

"Lazarus," said Ira Weatheral, "you never have said what you do plan to see."

"Well-No battles. Battles are well enough reported for my taste. But there are lots of interesting things in Terran history-peaceful things not well reported because they were peaceful. I want to see the Parthenon at the peak of its glory. Cruise down the Mississippi with Sam Clemens as pilot. Go to Palestine in the first three decades of the Christian Era and try to locate a certain carpenter turned rabbi-settle whether there ever was such a man."

Justin Foote looked surprised. "You mean the Christian Messiah? Admittedly many stories about him are myths, but-"

"How do you know they are myths? But that he ever lived is the point that has never been established. Take Socrates, four centuries earlier-his historicity is as firmly established as that of Napoleon. Not so with the Carpenter of Nazareth. Despite the care with which the Romans kept records and the equal care with which the Jews kept theirs, historicity is as firmly established as that of Napoleon. Not so with the Carpenter of Nazareth. Despite the care with which the Romans kept records and the equal care with which the Jews kept theirs, none none of the events that of the events that should should be on record can be found in contemporary records. be on record can be found in contemporary records.

"But if I devoted thirty years to it, I could find out. I know Latin and Greek of that time and I'm almost as conversant with cla.s.sic Hebrew; all I would have to add is Aramaic. If I found him, I could follow him around. Take down his words with a microrecorder, see if they match what he is alleged to have said.

"But I won't take any bets. The historicity of Jesus is the slipperiest question in all history because for centuries the question couldn't be raised. They would hang you for asking -or burn you at the stake."

"I'm amazed," said Ira. "My knowledge of Earth's history isn't as thorough as I thought it was. However, I concentrated on the period from Ira Howard's death to the founding of New Rome."

"Son, you didn't even sample it. But aside from this one weird story-'weird' because most major religious leaders are heavily doc.u.mented whereas this one remains as elusive as the King Arthur legends-I'm not going after great events. I'd rather meet Galileo, get a look at Michelangelo at work, attend a first performance of one of old Bill's plays at the Globe Theater, things like that. I'd particularly like to go back to my own childhood, see if things look as I recall them."

Ira blinked. "Run a chance of running into yourself yourself?"

"Why not?"

"Well . . there are paradoxes, are there not?"

"How? If I'm going to, then I did. That old cliche about shooting your grandfather before he sires your father, then going fuff! fuff! like a soap bubble-and all descendants, too, meaning both of you among others-is nonsense. The fact that I'm here and you're here means that I like a soap bubble-and all descendants, too, meaning both of you among others-is nonsense. The fact that I'm here and you're here means that I didn't didn't do it-or won't do it; the tenses of grammar aren't built for time travel-but it does do it-or won't do it; the tenses of grammar aren't built for time travel-but it does not not mean that I never went back and poked around. I haven't any yen to look at mean that I never went back and poked around. I haven't any yen to look at myself myself when I was a snot-nose; it's the era that interests me. If I ran across myself as a young kid, he-I-wouldn't recognize me; I would be a stranger to that brat. He wouldn't give me a pa.s.sing glance; I know, I when I was a snot-nose; it's the era that interests me. If I ran across myself as a young kid, he-I-wouldn't recognize me; I would be a stranger to that brat. He wouldn't give me a pa.s.sing glance; I know, I was was he." he."

"Lazarus," put in Justin Foote, "if you intend to visit that era, I'd like to invite your attention to one thing Madam Chairman Pro Tern is interested in-because I I am interested. A recording of exactly what was said and done at the Families' Meeting in 2012 A.D." am interested. A recording of exactly what was said and done at the Families' Meeting in 2012 A.D."

"Impossible."

"Just a moment, Justin," Ira put in. "Lazarus, you have refused to talk about that meeting on the grounds that the others who were there can't dispute your version. But a recording would be fair to everyone."

"Ira, I didn't say that I would would not; I said it was not; I said it was impossible." impossible."

"I don't follow you."

"I can't make a recording of that meeting because I was not there."

"You lost me again. All the records-and your own statements-show that you were there."

"Again we don't have language adequate for time travel. Surely, I was there as Woodrow Wilson Smith. I was there and made a hairy nuisance of myself and offended a lot of people. But I did not not have a recorder on me. Let's say that Dora and the twins drop me back there- have a recorder on me. Let's say that Dora and the twins drop me back there-me, Lazarus Long, not that younger fellow-and that Ishtar has equipped me with a recorder implanted behind my right kidney, with its minimike surfacing inside my right ear. Okay, let's a.s.sume that with such equipment I won't be noticed making a record.

"But, Ira, what you don't understand, despite having chaired many Families' Meetings, is that I would not get inside the hall. In those days an executive meeting of the Families was harder to get into than an esbat of witches. The guards were armed and eager; it was a rough period. What ident.i.ty could I use? Not Woodrow Wilson Smith; he was there. Lazarus Long? There was no 'Lazarus Long' on the Families' rolls. Try to fake it as someone eligible but not able to attend? Impossible. There were only a few thousand of us then, and every member was known to a large percentage of the rest; a man who couldn't be vouched for ran a nasty chance of being buried in the bas.e.m.e.nt. No unidentified person ever did did get in; we had too much at stake. Hi, Minerva! Come in, honey." get in; we had too much at stake. Hi, Minerva! Come in, honey."

"Hi, Lazarus. Ira, am I intruding?"

"Not at all, dear."

"Thank you. h.e.l.lo, Athene."

"h.e.l.lo, my sister."

Minerva waited to be introduced. Ira said, "Minerva, you remember Justin Foote, Chief Archivist."

"Certainly, I've worked with him many times. Welcome to Tertius, Mr. Foote."

"Thank you, Miss Minerva." Justin Foote liked what he saw-a tall, slender young woman with an erect carriage, a small, firm bust, long chestnut hair worn in a part and brushed straight down, a sober, intelligent face, handsome rather than pretty, but which blossomed into beauty each time she gave one of her quick smiles. "But, Ira, I must hurry back to Secundus and apply for rejuvenation. This young lady has worked with me 'many times'-yet I've grown so senile I can't place the occasions. Forgive me, dear lady."

Minerva flashed him another of her smiles, then instantly was sober. "My fault, sir; I should have explained at once. When I worked with you, I was a computer. Executive computer of Secundus, serving Mr. Weatheral, then Chairman Pro Tem. But now I'm a flesh-and-blood, and have been for the past three years."

Justin Foote blinked. "I see. I hope I do."

"I am a proscribed construct, sir, not born of woman. A composite clone of twenty-three donor-parents, forced to maturity in vitro. But the I' that is me, my ego, was the computer who used to work with you when the Archives computers needed a.s.sistance from the executive computer. Have I made it clear?"

"Uh . . all I can say, Miss Minerva, is that I am delighted to meet you in the flesh. Your servant, Miss."

"Oh, don't call me 'Miss,' call me 'Minerva.' I shouldn't be called 'Miss' anyhow; isn't that honorific reserved for virgins among flesh-and-bloods? Ishtar-one of my mothers and my chief designer-deflowered me surgically before she woke me."

"And that ain't all!" came the voice from the ceiling.

"Athene," Minerva said reprovingly. "Sister, you're embarra.s.sing our guest."

"I'm not, but maybe you are, sister mine."

"Am I, Mr. Foote? I hope not. But I'm still learning to be a human being. Will you kiss me? I'd like to kiss you; we've known each other almost a century and I've always liked you. Will you?"

"Now who's embarra.s.sing him, sister?"

"Minerva," said Ira.

She suddenly sobered. "I shouldn't have said that?"

Lazarus cut in. "Pay no attention to Ira, Justin; he's an old stick-in-the-mud. Minerva is a 'kissin cousin' to most of the colony; she's making up for lost time. Furthermore, she is some sort of cousin to practically all of us through her twenty-three parents. And she's learned how how-kissing her is a treat. Athene, let your sis be while she adds on another kissing cousin."

"Yes, Lazarus. Ol' Buddy Boy!"

"Teena, if I could reach through that string of wires, I'd spank you." Lazarus added, "Go ahead, Justin."

"Uh . . Minerva, I haven't kissed a girl in many years. Out of practice."

"Mr. Foote, I do not mean to embarra.s.s you. I am simply delighted to see you again. You need not kiss me. Or if you are willing to kiss me in private, you are most welcome."

"Don't risk it, Justin," advised the computer. "I'm your friend."

"Athene!"

"I was about to add," said the Chief Archivist, "that I probably need practice in 'learning to be a human being' more than you do. If you'll put up with my rustiness, Cousin, I accept your sweet offer. Brace yourself."

Minerva smiled quickly, went into his arms, flowed up against him like a cat, closed her eyes, and opened her mouth. Ira studied a paper on his desk. Lazarus did not even pretend not to watch. He noted that Justin Foote put his heart into the matter-the old buzzard might be out of practice, but he hadn't forgotten the basics.

When they broke, the computer gave a respectful whistle. "Wheeee . . ooooo! Justin, welcome to the Club."

"Yes," Ira said dryly, "a person can't be said to be officially on Tertius until he or she has been welcomed with a kiss from Minerva. Now that protocol is satisfied, sit down. Minerva, my dear, you came for some purpose?"

"Yes, sir." She settled down by Justin Foote on a couch facing Ira and Lazarus-took Justin's hand. "I was in the 'Dora' with the twins, and Dora was drilling them in astrogation, when the packet showed up in our sky and-"

"Hold it," Lazarus interrupted. "Did the brats track it?"

"Certainly, Lazarus. A live exercise?-Dora would never miss such a chance. She split herself instantly and made each of them track it independently. But once the autopacket grounded I asked Dora to ask Athene who was in it-and as soon as the pod opened, my sisters told me, Justin"-she squeezed his hand-"and I hurried to greet you. And to offer some arrangments. Ira, has Justin been provided for? A place to sleep, things like that?"

"Not yet, my dear. We were just starting to talk-he's barely had time to shake off the anesthetic."

Foote remarked, "I think the antidote has taken hold."

The computer added, "Cousin Justin just had a second dose, Ira. Pulse fast but steady."

"That's enough, Athene. Were you going to suggest something, my dear?"

"Yes. I swung past the house and spoke with Ishtar. We are in agreement. Subject to approval of you and Lazarus."

"You mean we get a vote?" Lazarus put in. "Justin, this planet is run by its women."

"Isn't that true everywhere?"

"No, just most of them. I remember a place where a wedding ceremony always concluded by killing the bride's mother if she hadn't been used up earlier. I thought that was overdoing it, but it did tend to-"

"Stow it, Grandpappy," Ira said mildly. "Justin would have to edit it out. Justin, what Minerva has been saying is that our house is yours. Lazarus?"

"Certainly. It's a madhouse, Justin, but the cooking is okay, and the price is right. Free, that is. It's just your nerves that pay."

"Really, I have no intention of imposing. Isn't there someone who can rent me a room? Not for money-I a.s.sume that Secundus money is not negotiable here-but for artifacts I've fetched, things you don't make as yet."

Lazarus answered, "You can negotiate Secundus money through me if you need to. As for artifacts, you may be surprised at what we are making."

"I might not be; I know that a universal pantograph was moved here. So I fetched new creative items, mostly entertainments-solly cubes and such. Musicalarkies, p.o.r.nies, dreams, other sorts-all published since you folks left Secundus."

"Well planned." Lazarus added, "I think colonizing was more fun back when pioneers had no choice but to step in and slug it out and you weren't sure who was going to win, you or the planet. The way we do it now is like swatting an insect with a sledgehammer. Justin, your creepies will fetch a high price-but sell them in dribbles . . because each one will be copied as soon as you turn it loose. No copyright, there's no way to enforce it. But it still won't rent you a room; we're at the staying-with-kinfolk stage. You'd best accept our offer; it rains 'most every night this time o' year."

Justin Foote looked baffled. "I have misgivings about invading your privacy. Ira, could I borrow this couch I'm sitting on? For a short time? Then-"

"Stow it, Justin." Lazarus stood up. "Son, you're suffering from big-city att.i.tudes. You're welcome for a week or a century. You're not only my lineal descendant-through Harriet Foote, I think-but you're a kissin' cousin of Minerva's. Let's take him home, Minerva. What did you do with my h.e.l.lions?"

"They're outside."

"Trust you staked 'em down."

"No, but they were somewhat miffed."

"Good for their metabolism. Ira, declare a holiday."

"I will-as soon as I've gone over the ore converter plans with Athene."

"Meaning you're going to find out from her what's she's decided."

"You can say that again!" said the computer.

"Teena," Lazarus said mildly, "you've been a.s.sociating with Dora too much. When Minerva had your job, she was sweet, gentle, respectful, and humble."

"Any complaints about my work, Grandpappy?"

"Just your manners, dear. In the presence of a guest."