Assassins: Slow Agony Part 28

"What's the rush, Griffin?"

"I need to know," he said, and he was gone.

I sat alone in the waiting room. I'd been alone before when he and Christa had been with his mother. I'd paged through most of the magazines in here already. I picked one up again half-heartedly. The front cover said that I could lose stubborn belly fat with simple exercises. I threw the magazine aside.

If I was pregnant, I was going to get really huge. And no exercising would stop it. My body would never be the same.

I knew it was wrong to worry or to care about that, but it scared me. I was frightened of the idea of morphing into something else. I didn't remember my own mother, not really. Whenever I'd seen pregnant women as a small child, they'd always seemed somewhat monstrous and alien. I was afraid of becoming that.

I didn't want to voice those fears to Griffin, though. I was afraid he would be disgusted by them.

Maybe the test would be negative. Maybe I wouldn't have to worry about it, after all.

Was that what I wanted?

I picked the magazine back up again. I liked the idea of babies. I thought having my own would be nice, actually. It was the pregnant part that scared me. And the labor part. All the pain.

But having a baby? A baby that was partly Griffin and partly me? That sounded wonderful. And I thought we were responsible enough and financially secure enough to be able to take care of a baby.

So...

I wanted a baby, but I was afraid of being pregnant.

I paged through the magazine. I didn't want to think about this anymore. I engrossed myself in an article about a celebrity's new television show and why she found the role so expansive. And when thoughts of the pregnancy test Griffin was going to get surfaced, I squished them down to the bottom of my brain. I didn't want to think about them. At all.

"Hey," said Griffin's voice, and I jumped. He was standing next to me, holding a plastic grocery bag. "You were really into that article, huh?"

I closed the magazine. "Did you find it?" I almost hoped he would say that he hadn't.

He handed me the bag. "Yeah."

I stood up. My mouth felt dry. "I, um, guess I should find a bathroom."

"I'll come with you," he said. "I mean, not in the bathroom, but... to the bathroom."

"I knew what you meant." I started to move, but the muscles in my legs felt stiff, like I was forcing myself forward.

Griffin came with me, but we didn't touch each other. We didn't speak.

The hospital hallway looked bland. The tile floor was white with flecks of blue and green in it. The windows were letting in streams of bright Texas light. But inside here, everything was solemn and austere.

We turned the corner to another similar hallway. There was a set of elevators on the left. A sign on the wall marked them for staff use only.

We turned to the right.

There was the bathroom.

It was a one-room unis.e.x bathroom. Handicap accessible.

I turned to Griffin. "I'll go in now."

"Do you, um, need something to keep time with?" he asked.

I dug out my phone from my pocket.

"Oh. Good." He nodded. He looked at his shoes.

"I'll just, you know, do my business on it, and then I'll open the door, and we can time it together," I said. "I mean, if you want."

He looked at me. He was nervous. "Yeah, that would be good."

"Okay." I shut the door after myself.

I fumbled with the packaging of the pregnancy test. I remembered the last time I'd taken one of these, all alone in the apartment in Thomas. I remembered looking at the two pink lines and sobbing my eyes out. I remembered wis.h.i.+ng that Griffin had been there.

I read the directions on the test. I did my best to follow them.

Then I recapped the wick on the plastic container, checked the time on my phone, and let Griffin into the bathroom with me.

He wouldn't look at me. He looked down at the test. "Is it working?"

"It's moving up the wick, see," I said, showing him. "When it gets to this part, it will either be one line or two."

"Which is which?"

"One line is negative," I said. "Two is positive."

"Okay." He jammed his hands in his pockets and glared down at the test.

We were quiet. We were waiting.

I hugged myself. "Griffin, if you don't want me to have a baby-"

"Shh, the line's coming in."

I bit my lip. I looked down at the test. My heart stuttered.

Chapter Twelve.

I covered my mouth with one hand. "Oh G.o.d."

"What did two lines mean?" Griffin asked me.

I tried to swallow, but I didn't seem to have enough saliva in my mouth. "It's positive," I said hoa.r.s.ely. "I'm pregnant."

"But that line's not as dark as the other one."

"Doesn't matter." I leaned back against the wall of the bathroom. "Geez. If I'm not a n.a.z.i with my birth control, I'm apparently ridiculously fertile."

Griffin picked up the test. "Should we wait longer? Will it change?"

"No," I said. "I'm pregnant." Oh G.o.d. I bit down on my lower lip as hard as I could.

He set it back down on the sink.

I wished he would say something. Or look at me. Or both.

"Okay," he said quietly. "Okay."

Okay? What did that mean?

And then he turned to me, and gathered me into his arms, and kissed me hard.

I melted into his embrace, only Griffin and the wall behind me holding me up. My legs had given out beneath me. I couldn't hold up my own weight.

His mouth left my lips. He kissed the tip of my nose. Then my forehead. "This is good, doll. It's good news."

"Do you really think that?"

"Yes."

I kissed him again.

He pulled back. "Do you?"

"Yes," I said. "But... I'm afraid."

"That's okay," he said, brus.h.i.+ng my hair away from my face. "I'm afraid too." He clutched me tighter.

I buried my face in his chest, and we just stayed like that, holding each other, for what seemed like a very long time.

"Where have you guys been?" Christa demanded as we walked back into the waiting room, arm in arm. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"We were, um..." Griffin paused. "We have some news."

She glared at us. "Did you guys go make out in the bathroom or something?"

"No," I said, maybe a little too quickly.

"Whatever," she said. "Just come on. Mom's awake."

"She is?" said Griffin, dropping his grip on me and starting forward.

"I already talked to her," said Christa. "You guys go ahead."

He grabbed his sister in a big hug and planted a kiss on top of her head. "She's awake."

Christa smiled up at him. "She's talking and everything. She's asking for you."

He reached back for me.

I put my hand in his and he tugged me along with him.

"Oh," said Griffin, looking back at Christa, "we're having a baby."

"What?" she said.

Griffin and I walked into the hallway. He hit the b.u.t.ton to be allowed into intensive care.

Christa had followed us out there. "When did you find this out?"

I took the pregnancy test out of my pocket. "A few minutes ago."

"Holy c.r.a.p," she said. "I'm going to be an aunt."

The door opened. Griffin and I went through it.

"Congratulations!" she called after us.

"I'm so sorry, Ma," said Griffin, squeezing Beverly's hand.

She was sitting up in bed, her eyes bright. She was smiling. "Oh, h.e.l.l, Griffin. I'm glad to be out of that bas.e.m.e.nt, even if I did have to get shot to do it."

"Don't joke about it," he said. "We were so worried."

"Takes a lot more than that to hurt me," she said. "But, Griffin, your sister's right. It's time we went to the authorities with this."

"We can talk about that later," he said. "You're safe for now, and that's all that matters."

Suddenly, I had a horrible thought. Was she safe? Could Marcel get into the hospital and hurt her if he wanted? I hoped he would stay clear. The man was a monster, an unpredictable, evil, horrible man. There was no way to be sure what he would do next.

"What's the news on my impending grandchild?" she said, eyes twinkling.

"Can't you worry about yourself for a few minutes?" said Griffin.

"No," she said. "Let me know the news. Are you pregnant or not? Don't tell me you haven't taken the test yet."

"Um, I am," I said quietly. I could tell she was excited about it. I was too, but I felt overwhelmed by all of it at the same time.