Monsieur De Pourceaugnac Part 12

MR. POUR. They are a few words I remember from reading novels.

SBRI. Ah! I see.

MR. POUR. To show you that I understand nothing of chicane, I beg of you to take me to a lawyer to have advice upon this affair.

SBRI. Willingly. I will take you to two very clever men; but, first, I must tell you not to be surprised at their manner of speaking. They have contracted at the bar a certain habit of declaiming which looks like singing, and you would think all they tell you is nothing but music.

MR. POUR. It does not matter how they speak, as long as they tell me what I wish to know!

SCENE XIII.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI, TWO LAWYERS, TWO ATTORNEYS, TWO SERGEANTS.

1ST LAWYER (_drawling out his words_).

Polygamy's a case, you find, A case of hanging.

2ND LAWYER (_singing and speaking very fast_).

Your deed Is plain and clear, And all the gear Of wigs and law Upon this flaw One verdict bear.

Consult our authors, Legislators and glossators, Justinian, Papinian, Ulpian and Tribonian, Fernand, Rebuffe, Jean Imole, Paul Castro, Julian Barthole, [15]

Jason, Aloyat, and Cujas That mighty mind!

Polygamy's a case, you'll find, A case of hanging.

BALLET, _while the_ 2ND LAWYER _sings as before_.

All nations civilised, French, Dutch, and English, Portuguese, Germans, Flemish, Italians and Spanish, By wisdom's sceptre swayed, For this the self-same law have made.

The affair allows no doubt, Polygamy's a case, A case of hanging.

(MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, _irritated, drives them all away._)

ACT III.

SCENE I.--eRASTE, SBRIGANI.

SBRI. Yes; everything is succeeding splendidly; and as his knowledge of things is very shallow, and his understanding of the poorest, I put him in such a terrible fright at the severity of the law in this country, and at the preparations which were already set on foot to put him to death,[16] that he is determined to run away, and in order the better to escape from the people who, I have told him, are placed at the city gates to stop him, he has decided upon disguising himself as a woman.

ERA. How I should like to see him dressed up in that way!

SBRI. Take care you carry out the farce properly; and whilst I go through my parts with him, you go and ... (_Whispers to him._) You understand, don't you?

ERA. Yes.

SBRI. And when I have taken him where I mean.... (_Whispers._)

ERA. All right.

SBRI. And when the father has been forewarned by me....

(_Whispers._)

ERA. Nothing could be better.

SBRI. Here is our young lady. Go quickly; she must not see us together.

SCENE II.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC (_as a lady_), SBRIGANI.

SBRI. For my part, I don't think any one can know you, and you look exactly like a lady of birth.

MR. POUR. I am so astonished that in this province the forms of justice should not be observed.

SBRI. Yes; as I have already told you, they begin by hanging a man, and try him afterwards.

MR. POUR. What unjust justice!

SBRI. It is devilishly severe, particularly on this kind of crime.

MR. POUR. Still, when one is innocent?

SBRI. Ah me! They care little for that, and, besides, they have here a most intolerable hatred for the people of your province; and nothing gives them more pleasure than to hang a man from Limoges.[17]

MR. POUR. What have the people from Limoges done to them?

SBRI. How do I know? They are downright brutes, enemies to all the gentility and merit of other cities. For my part, I am in the greatest fear on your account, and I should never comfort myself if you were hanged.

MR. POUR. It is not so much the fear of death that urges me to fly as the fact of being hanged, for it is a most degrading thing for a gentleman, and would ruin one's t.i.tle of n.o.bility.

SBRI. You are right; after such a thing they would contest your right of bearing a t.i.tle of n.o.bility.[18] But, be careful, when I lead you by the hand, to walk like a woman, and to a.s.sume the manners and the language of a lady of quality.

MR. POUR. Leave that to me; I have seen people of high standing in the world. The only thing that troubles me is that I have somewhat of a beard.

SBRI. Oh! it's not worth mentioning. There are many women who have as much. Now, let us just see how you will behave yourself. (MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC _mimics a lady of rank._) Good.

MR. POUR. Why, my carriage is not here! Where is my carriage? Gracious me! how wretched to have such attendants! Shall I have to wait all day in the street? Will not some one call my carriage for me?

SBRI. Very good.

MR. POUR. Soho! there, coachman. Little page! Ah! little rogue, what a whipping you will get by and by! Little page-boy! little page-boy!

Where in the world is that page-boy? Will that little page never be found? Will n.o.body call that little page for me? Is my little page nowhere to be found?

SBRI. Marvellous! But there is one thing that I see does not do. This hood is a little too thin; I must go and fetch you a thicker one, to hide your face better in case of any accident.

MR. POUR. What shall I do in the meantime?

SBRI. Wait for me here. I will be back in a moment; you have only to walk about.

(MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC _walks forward and backward on the stage, mimicking the lady of rank._)