Monsieur De Pourceaugnac Part 5

SCENE VIII.--eRASTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY, COUNTRYMAN, COUNTRYWOMAN.

C. MAN. Sir, he can hold out no longer; he says he feels the greatest pains imaginable in his head.

1ST PHY. The patient is a fool; for in the disease by which he is attacked it is not his head, according to Galen, but the spleen, which must give pain.

C. MAN. However this may be, Sir, he has had for the last six months a laxity with it.

1ST PHY. That's right. It is a sign that his body is clearing. I will go and see him in two or three days; but if he dies before, mind you do not forget to give me notice, for it is not proper that a doctor should go to visit a dead man.

C. WOM. (_to_ PHYSICIAN). My father, Sir, is getting worse and worse.

1ST PHY. It is no fault of mine; I send him remedies; why does he not get better? How many times has he been bled?

C. WOM. Fifteen times, Sir, in twenty days.

1ST PHY. Fifteen times?

C. WOM. Yes.

1ST PHY. And he does not get better?

C. WOM. No, Sir.

1ST PHY. It is a sign that the seat of the malady is not in the blood. He must be purged as many times, to see if it is in the humours; and if this does not succeed, we will send him to the bath.

APO. This is the _beau-ideal_ of physic.

SCENE IX.--eRASTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY.

ERA. (_to the_ PHYSICIAN). It was I, Sir, who sent to you few days ago about a relation of mine who is not quite right in his mind; and I want him to live in your house, as it would be more convenient for you to attend to him, and to prevent him from being seen by too many people.

1ST PHY. Yes, Sir, I have got everything ready; and I will take the utmost care of him.

ERA. Here he is.

1ST PHY. That is most fortunate; for I have with me just now an old physician, a friend of mine, with whom I should be glad to consult concerning this disorder.

SCENE X.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, eRASTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY.

ERA. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). I am obliged to leave you a moment for a little affair which requires my presence; (_showing the_ PHYSICIAN) but this person, in whose hands I leave you, will do for you all he possibly can.

1ST PHY. I am bound by my profession to do so; and it is enough that you should lay this duty upon me.

MR. POUR. (_aside_). It is his steward, no doubt; he must be a man of quality.

1ST PHY. (_to_ eRASTE). Yes, Sir; I a.s.sure you that I shall treat this gentleman methodically, and in strict accordance with the rules of our art.

MR. POUR. Indeed, I do not ask for so much ceremony; and I have not come here to trouble you so.

1ST PHY. Such a duty is a pleasure to me.

ERA. (_to_ 1ST PHYSICIAN). Nevertheless, here are ten pistoles beforehand, as an earnest of what I have promised you.

MR. POUR. No, if you please; I won't hear of your spending anything on my account, nor do I wish you to send for anything particular for me.

ERA. Ah, pray, do not trouble yourself; it is not for that you imagine.

MR. POUR. I beg of you to treat me only as a friend.

ERA. It is exactly what I mean to do. (_Aside to the_ PHYSICIAN) I particularly recommend you not to let him slip out of your hands, for at times he tries to escape.

1ST PHY. You need not fear.

ERA. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Pray excuse the incivility I commit.

MR. POUR. Don't mention it. You are really too kind.

SCENE XI.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, 1ST PHYSICIAN, 2ND PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY.

1ST PHY. It is a great honour to me to be chosen to do you a service.

MR. POUR. I am your servant.

1ST PHY. Here is a clever man, one of my brethren, with whom I will consult concerning the manner of our treating you.

MR. POUR. There is no need of so much ceremony, I tell you; I am easily satisfied.

1ST PHY. Bring some seats. (_Servants come in and place chairs._)

MR. POUR. (_aside_). These servants are rather dismal for a young man.

1ST PHY. Now, Sir; take a seat, Sir. (_The two_ PHYSICIANS _make_ MR.

DE POURCEAUGNAC _sit between them_.)

MR. POUR. (_seated_). Your very humble servant. (_Each_ PHYSICIAN _takes one of his hands, and feels his pulse._) What are you about?

1ST PHY. Do you eat well, Sir?

MR. POUR. Yes; and drink still better.

1ST PHY. So much the worse! That great craving for cold and wet is a sign of the heat and aridity that is within. Do you sleep well?

MR. POUR. Yes; when I have made a hearty supper.

1ST PHY. Do you dream much?