The Comedies of William Congreve Part 41

Say, thou dear dying man, when, where, and how. Ah, there's Sir Paul.

CARE. 'Slife, yonder's Sir Paul, but if he were not come, I'm so transported I cannot speak. This note will inform you. [_Gives her a note_.]

SCENE III.

LADY PLYANT, SIR PAUL, CYNTHIA.

SIR PAUL. Thou art my tender lambkin, and shalt do what thou wilt. But endeavour to forget this Mellefont.

CYNT. I would obey you to my power, sir; but if I have not him, I have sworn never to marry.

SIR PAUL. Never to marry! Heavens forbid! must I neither have sons nor grandsons? Must the family of the Plyants be utterly extinct for want of issue male? O impiety! But did you swear, did that sweet creature swear? ha! How durst you swear without my consent, ah? Gads-bud, who am I?

CYNT. Pray don't be angry, sir, when I swore I had your consent; and therefore I swore.

SIR PAUL. Why then the revoking my consent does annul, or make of none effect your oath; so you may unswear it again. The law will allow it.

CYNT. Ay, but my conscience never will.

SIR PAUL. Gads-bud, no matter for that, conscience and law never go together; you must not expect that.

LADY PLYANT. Ay, but, Sir Paul, I conceive if she has sworn, d'ye mark me, if she has once sworn, it is most unchristian, inhuman, and obscene that she should break it. I'll make up the match again, because Mr.

Careless said it would oblige him. [_Aside_.]

SIR PAUL. Does your ladys.h.i.+p conceive so? Why, I was of that opinion once too. Nay, if your ladys.h.i.+p conceives so, I'm of that opinion again; but I can neither find my lord nor my lady to know what they intend.

LADY PLYANT. I'm satisfied that my cousin Mellefont has been much wronged.

CYNT. [_Aside_.] I'm amazed to find her of our side, for I'm sure she loved him.

LADY PLYANT. I know my Lady Touchwood has no kindness for him; and besides I have been informed by Mr. Careless, that Mellefont had never anything more than a profound respect. That he has owned himself to be my admirer 'tis true, but he was never so presumptuous to entertain any dishonourable notions of things; so that if this be made plain, I don't see how my daughter can in conscience, or honour, or anything in the world--

SIR PAUL. Indeed if this be made plain, as my lady, your mother, says, child--

LADY PLYANT. Plain! I was informed of it by Mr. Careless. And I a.s.sure you, Mr. Careless is a person that has a most extraordinary respect and honour for you, Sir Paul.

CYNT. [_Aside_.] And for your ladys.h.i.+p too, I believe, or else you had not changed sides so soon; now I begin to find it.

SIR PAUL. I am much obliged to Mr. Careless really; he is a person that I have a great value for, not only for that, but because he has a great veneration for your ladys.h.i.+p.

LADY PLYANT. O las, no indeed, Sir Paul, 'tis upon your account.

SIR PAUL. No, I protest and vow, I have no t.i.tle to his esteem, but in having the honour to appertain in some measure to your ladys.h.i.+p, that's all.

LADY PLYANT. O law now, I swear and declare it shan't be so; you're too modest, Sir Paul.

SIR PAUL. It becomes me, when there is any comparison made between--

LADY PLYANT. O fie, fie, Sir Paul, you'll put me out of countenance.

Your very obedient and affectionate wife; that's all. And highly honoured in that t.i.tle.

SIR PAUL. Gads-bud, I am transported! Give me leave to kiss your ladys.h.i.+p's hand.

CYNT. That my poor father should be so very silly! [_Aside_.]

LADY PLYANT. My lip indeed, Sir Paul, I swear you shall. [_He kisses her_, _and bows very low_.]

SIR PAUL. I humbly thank your ladys.h.i.+p. I don't know whether I fly on ground, or walk in air. Gads-bud, she was never thus before. Well, I must own myself the most beholden to Mr. Careless. As sure as can be, this is all his doing, something that he has said; well, 'tis a rare thing to have an ingenious friend. Well, your ladys.h.i.+p is of opinion that the match may go forward.

LADY PLYANT. By all means. Mr. Careless has satisfied me of the matter.

SIR PAUL. Well, why then, lamb, you may keep your oath, but have a care about making rash vows; come hither to me, and kiss papa.

LADY PLYANT. I swear and declare, I am in such a twitter to read Mr.

Careless his letter, that I can't forbear any longer. But though I may read all letters first by prerogative, yet I'll be sure to be unsuspected this time, Sir Paul.

SIR PAUL. Did your ladys.h.i.+p call?

LADY PLYANT. Nay, not to interrupt you, my dear. Only lend me your letter, which you had from your steward to-day; I would look upon the account again, and may be increase your allowance.

SIR PAUL. There it is, madam, do you want a pen and ink? [_Bows and gives the letter_.]

LADY PLYANT. No, no, nothing else, I thank you, Sir Paul. So, now I can read my own letter under the cover of his. [_Aside_.]

SIR PAUL. He? And wilt thou bring a grandson at nine months end--he? A brave chopping boy. I'll settle a thousand pound a year upon the rogue as soon as ever he looks me in the face, I will, gads-bud. I'm overjoyed to think I have any of my family that will bring children into the world.

For I would fain have some resemblance of myself in my posterity, he, Thy? Can't you contrive that affair, girl? Do, gads-bud, think on thy old father, heh? Make the young rogue as like as you can.

CYNT. I'm glad to see you so merry, sir.

SIR PAUL. Merry, gads-bud, I'm serious; I'll give thee five hundred pounds for every inch of him that resembles me; ah, this eye, this left eye! A thousand pounds for this left eye. This has done execution in its time, girl; why, thou hast my leer, hussey, just thy father's leer.

Let it be transmitted to the young rogue by the help of imagination; why, 'tis the mark of our family, Thy; our house is distinguished by a languis.h.i.+ng eye, as the house of Austria is by a thick lip. Ah! when I was of your age, hussey, I would have held fifty to one, I could have drawn my own picture--gads-bud I could have done--not so much as you, neither; but--nay, don't blush.

CYNT. I don't blush, sir, for I vow I don't understand.

SIR PAUL. Pshaw, pshaw, you fib, you baggage, you do understand, and you shall understand; come, don't be so nice. Gads-bud, don't learn after your mother-in-law my lady here. Marry, heaven forbid that you should follow her example; that would spoil all indeed. Bless us! if you should take a vagary and make a rash resolution on your wedding night, to die a maid, as she did; all were ruined, all my hopes lost. My heart would break, and my estate would be left to the wide world, he? I hope you are a better Christian than to think of living a nun, he? Answer me?

CYNT. I'm all obedience, sir, to your commands.

LADY PLYANT. [_Having read the letter_.] O dear Mr. Careless, I swear he writes charmingly, and he looks charmingly, and he has charmed me, as much as I have charmed him; and so I'll tell him in the wardrobe when 'tis dark. O criminy! I hope Sir Paul has not seen both letters. [_Puts the wrong letter hastily up_, _and gives him her own_.] Sir Paul, here's your letter; to-morrow morning I'll settle accounts to your advantage.

SCENE IV.

[_To them_] BRISK.

BRISK. Sir Paul, gads-bud, you're an uncivil person, let me tell you, and all that; and I did not think it had been in you.