Potash & Perlmutter Part 62

"We got blocked at Flatbush Avenue this morning," he said to Abe, "and----"

But Abe was paying no attention to his partner's excuses. Instead he thrust a morning paper at Morris and with a trembling forefinger indicated the following scarehead:

RICH GIRL WEDS OWN CHAUFFEUR PFINGST FAMILY SHOCKED BY JULIA'S ELOPEMENT PAIR REPORTED IN SOUTH HEIRESS WAS ABOUT TO WED WEALTHY MERCHANT BEFORE FLIGHT OCCURRED

"What d'ye think of that, Mawruss," Abe cried.

Morris read the story carefully before replying.

"That's a hard blow to Kleebaum and old man Pfingst, Abe," he said.

"I bet yer," Abe replied, "but it ain't near the hard blow it's going to be to a couple of concerns what you and me know, Mawruss. Klinger told me only yesterday that Kleebaum would get twenty thousand with that girl, Mawruss, and I guess he needed it, Mawruss. Moe Rabiner says that they got weather like January already out in Minnesota, and every retail dry-goods concern is kicking that they ain't seen a dollar's worth of business this spring."

"But Kleebaum's got a tremendous following in Minneapolis, Abe," Morris said. "He's got an oitermobile delivery system."

"Don't pull that on me again, Mawruss," Abe broke in. "Women ain't buying summer garments in cold weather just for the pleasure of seeing the goods delivered in an oitermobile, which reminds me, Mawruss: Did Pfingst deliver you his oitermobile yet?"

Morris blushed.

"It was delivered yesterday, Abe," he replied. "But the fact is, Abe, I kinder changed my mind about that oitermobile. With oitermobiles I am a new beginner already, so I figure it out this way. Why should I go to work and try experiments with a high price car like that Pfingst car?

Ain't it? Now, you take a feller like Fixman who is already an expert, y'understand, and that's something else again. Fixman tried out the car last night, Abe, and he thinks it's an elegant car. So I made an arrangement with him that he should pay me fifteen hundred dollars cash and I would swap the Pfingst car for a 1907 model, Appalachian runabout.

That's a fine oitermobile, Abe, that Appalachian runabout. In the first place, it's got a detachable tonneau and holds just as many people as the Pfingst car already, only it ain't so complicated. Instead of a six cylinder engine, Abe, it's only got a two cylinder engine."

"Two is enough for a start, Mawruss," Abe commented.

"Sure," Morris agreed, "and then again instead of a double chain drive its only got a single chain drive, y'understand."

Abe nodded. To him planetary and selective transmission were even as conic sections.

"Also it's got dry battery ignition, Abe," Morris concluded triumphantly, "instead of one of them--now--magneto arrangements, which I ain't got no confidence in at all."

Abe nodded again.

"I never had no confidence in dagoes neither," he said. "Fellers which couldn't speak the English language properly, y'understand, is bound to do you sooner or later."

"So Fixman and me goes around last night to see a feller what lives out in Johnsonhurst by the name Eleazer Levy which Fixman got it for a lawyer, and we drew a bill of sale then and there, Abe, and Fixman give me a check for fifteen hundred dollars on the Koscius...o...b..nk."

"Was it certified?" Abe asked.

"Well, it _wasn't_," Morris replied, "but I stopped off at the Koscius...o...b..nk this morning and----"

"You done right, Mawruss," Abe interrupted. "The first thing you know Fixman would claim that the oitermobile ain't the same shade of red like the sample, Mawruss, and stops the check."

"Fixman ain't that kind, Abe," Morris retorted. "The only reason I certified the check was that I happened to be in the neighborhood of the bank, because when you are at the Bridge, Abe, all you got to do is to take a Third Avenue car up Park Row to the Bowery and transfer to Grand Street. Then you ride over ten blocks and get out at Clinton Street, y'understand, and walk four blocks over. So long as it's so convenient, Abe, I just stopped in and got it certified."

"A little journey like that I would think convenient, too, if I would got to travel to Johnsonhurst every day, Mawruss," Abe commented, "and anyhow, Mawruss, in a swap one of the fellers is always got an idee he's stuck."

"Well, it ain't me, Abe," Morris protested, "and just to show you, Abe, me and Minnie wants you and Rosie you should come out and take dinner with us on Sunday, and afterwards we could go out for a ride in the runabout."

"_Gott soll huten_," Abe replied piously.

"What d'ye mean!" Morris cried. "You wouldn't come out and have dinner with us?"

"Sure, we will come to dinner, Mawruss," Abe said, "but if we want to go for a ride, Mawruss, a trolley car is good enough for Rosie and me."

Nevertheless the following Sunday found Abe and Rosie snugly enclosed in the detachable tonneau of the Appalachian runabout, while Morris sat at the tiller with Minnie by his side and negotiated the easy grades of rural Long Island at the decent speed of ten miles an hour.

"Ain't it wonderful," Abe exclaimed, "what changes comes about in a couple of years already! Former times when a lodge brother died, I used to think the ride out to Cypress Hills was a pleasure already, Mawruss, but when I think how rotten the roads was and what poor accommodations them carriages was compared to this, Mawruss, I'm surprised that I could have enjoyed myself at all. This here oitermobile riding is something what you would call really comfortable, Mawruss."

But Abe's observations were ill-timed, for hardly had he finished speaking when the runabout slowed down to the accompaniment of loud explosions in the m.u.f.fler. Rosie's shrieks mingled with Abe's exclamations, and when at length the car came to a stand-still and the explosions ceased Abe scrambled down and helped out the half-fainting Rosie.

"Any car is liable to do that," Morris explained as Minnie searched for a bottle of liquid restorative. "I could fix it in five minutes."

At length Minnie found the bottle in the tire box, which contained, instead of a tire, two dozen sandwiches, eight cold frankfurters, some dill pickles and a _ringkuchen_, for they did not contemplate returning to Johnsonhurst until long past supper time.

Morris' estimate of the repair job's duration proved slightly inaccurate. He messed around with his tool bag and explored the carburetter again and again until two hours had elapsed without result.

During this period only a few motor cars had pa.s.sed, for the road was not a popular automobile thoroughfare. At length a large red car bore down on them, and as it came within a hundred yards it slowed down and came to a stop beside the Appalachian runabout.

"Well, well," cried a familiar voice, "if this ain't the whole firm of Potash & Perlmutter."

Abe looked up.

"Hallo, Kleebaum," he exclaimed, "I thought you was home in Minneapolis. What are you doing in New York?"

"This ain't New York by about forty miles," Kleebaum replied. He was seated at the side of a square-jawed professional chauffeur who eyed with ill-concealed mirth Morris' very unprofessional handling of automobile tools.

"Lemme look at it," the chauffeur said, as he climbed from his seat. He gave a hasty glance at the dry battery ignition and laughed uproariously.

"You'se guys will stay here till Christmas if you expect to get that car into running condition," he said. "The only thing for you'se to do is to let me give you a tow into Jamaica. They'll fix you up at the garage there."

"I'm much obliged to you," Morris replied.

"Don't mention it," the chauffeur went on. "I won't charge you unreasonable. Ten dollars is my figure."

"What!" Abe and Morris cried with one voice.

"Why, you wouldn't charge these gentlemen nothing," Kleebaum said with a violent wink. "They're friends of mine."

"I know they was friends of yours," the chauffeur replied, "and that's why I made it ten dollars. Anyone else I'd say twenty."

For almost half an hour Abe and Morris haggled with the chauffeur. They were vigorously supported by Kleebaum, who punctuated his scathing condemnation of the chauffeur's greed with a series of surrept.i.tious winks which encouraged the latter to remain firm in his demand. Finally Morris peeled off two five-dollar bills and an hour later the Appalachian runabout was ignominiously hauled into a Jamaica garage.

The chauffeur alighted from his car and drew the proprietor of the garage aside into his private office.

"Billy," he said in a hoa.r.s.e whisper, "this here baby carriage is got the oldest brand of dry battery ignition and one of the wires has come loose from the binding screw. It'll take about a minute and a half to fix."

The proprietor nodded and pa.s.sed over a dollar bill. Then he sprang out onto the floor of the garage.

"Ryan," he bellowed to his foreman, "get the big jack, and tell Schwartz to start up the motor lathe."