Hacker: Hardpressed Part 19

"To what?"

"To me having to tell you all this. Patty made me promise to never tell you. Until recently I kept that promise easily because you never really asked. Now you're asking me to go against her wishes after all these years?"

Nothing mattered more now than getting to the bottom of who Daniel really was. What made him tick, who mattered most. I had to figure out how to reason with such a ruthless and uncompromising man. I pushed on, unwilling to let guilt mix into what I was feeling right now.

"You're not going against her wishes. I already know who he is. I did that all by myself. Now all I need is for you to help me fill in the blanks."

"That d.a.m.n picture." She mumbled a curse under her breath. She rarely cursed. She sighed again. "They were in love. Any stranger could see that. I told you once that everyone loved Patty. That's true. She was pretty, of course, but warm and charismatic too. She had a beautiful energy that drew people to her, and Daniel saw that. Like a moth to a flame, he had to have her. He pursued her, pulled out all the stops. Romantic as h.e.l.l really, and it didn't take long before she was head over heels for him too. After a matter of months, they were inseparable."

"So what went wrong?"

"The school year was coming to a close. Obviously she wanted to know where the relations.h.i.+p was going and if they had a future. Every time she asked him about it, he'd dodge the question. He'd put her off, saying they'd didn't need to worry about it right now. They'd talk about it when the time came. Of course the time came when she realized she was pregnant. She needed answers. Now or never, she had to know if they were going to be together."

"Did he end it?"

"No, he sent her back to her family in Chicago after graduation. Told her he had to try to work it out with his family. A high-powered staunchly political family like his was bound to have strong opinions about the situation. It didn't matter that she came from a good family. He could play around all he wanted, but they expected him to marry someone strategic, someone who could bring value to the family and the Fitzgerald name."

"Sounds like an old-fas.h.i.+oned notion."

"Hardly. Not when money and power are at stake, trust me."

"So what happened?"

"She came back home and waited. Weeks went by. Finally, he called her and told her that it wasn't going to work out between them. He'd be starting law school in the fall, and having a wife and a baby simply didn't play into those plans. His family wouldn't have any part of it."

"He ended it, just like that?"

"He said he loved her, truly did. She said he seemed sorry, for what it's worth, but he was like a puppet in that family. So dependent on the wealth, slave to the expectations. He had a future all planned out for him that he had to live up to. She, and you, didn't fit into that plan."

I knew the story well, but to imagine Daniel-intimidating, powerful Daniel-like that seemed strange. He'd been like half the people I'd gone to school with at Harvard, independent and c.o.c.ky as h.e.l.l until parents' weekend, and then how quickly they fell in line. They couldn't risk losing Mommy and Daddy's financial support.

"Wow."

Who knew how he really felt, but Marie had completely discredited what he'd told me.

"Did he know she was going to keep me?"

"No. He told her she should end the pregnancy, but Patty never told him what she planned to do. They never spoke again, so he might have a.s.sumed that she did."

I thought back to our brief time at his house on the Cape, when I'd asked him why my mother had never told me about him. After she went back to Chicago, I a.s.sumed she was going to take care of it. I didn't hear from her, and I didn't want to reach out and raise suspicions with her family.

Dirty f.u.c.king liar.

I sat in stunned silence, trying to wrap my head around why he would possibly want anything to do with me now after cutting us off so coldly before. His life was following the grand plan that had been laid out for him years ago. What was so different that I now fit into it?

Marie came over to sit next to me and took my hands in hers. "This is why she never told you, baby. Do you hate me for telling you?"

"Of course not. I should know this. Really. It just doesn't make a lot of sense that he wants to know me now." I shook my head.

"Erica, I don't know what's happened to change his mind about having you in his life, other than the circ.u.mstance of you finding him. But I truly hope he deserves you now, after what he did."

I leaned in to hug Marie. She held me tight, stroking my hair like my mother used to. I sagged into her thin frame, wis.h.i.+ng I could cry. I held back, knowing that if I started up again, I'd probably never stop. My brief control on my emotions was slipping. I gave her a kiss good night and excused myself for the night, promising her that I was fine. I was just fine.

I made myself comfortable in Marie's guest bedroom. I'd taken the half empty wine gla.s.s with me and decided to empty it all at once. To h.e.l.l with Daniel. To h.e.l.l with this terrible f.u.c.king day.

I set the gla.s.s on the bed stand and unpacked my suitcase. I never minded staying with Marie, but these circ.u.mstances weren't exactly what they'd used to be. Summer breaks, holiday weekends. Now I was running away from my life with no ideas about where I'd land next.

I glanced at my phone, and against my better judgment, I picked it up and read a text from Blake.

Call me. Let me fix this. I love you.

I barely made it to work on time. I had loosely considered taking the day off, but I had a whole team of people at the office while I wasn't. I'd cried myself to sleep after seeing Blake's text. If texts could kill, his words would have sliced right through me. I turned my phone off after that, determined not to turn it back on until I could get a handle on myself. This crying s.h.i.+t had to stop.

I waved to the crew upon my arrival and disappeared into my office. Risa was immediately there giving me an update, which involved me prepping more contracts for her and coordinating the new account a.s.sets with the guys. For once I was grateful for her boundless energy and relentless work ethic. Even though I was exhausted, she threw me right into work, which is really where my focus should have been for the past couple weeks.

My mind had too often been someplace else. Thinking of Blake, worried about Mark, but today I dove into the day's work with a kind of fervor that made everything else blur into the background. If I couldn't make it go away, I'd settle for blurry.

James had mapped out a few campaign options for us over the weekend. The three of us spent most of the afternoon trying to agree on a direction. I wanted to give Risa's opinion more weight, but despite her gusto when it came to landing new accounts, she seemed to go a little soft around James. Whenever he spoke, she emphatically agreed. When he leaned in to point something out, so did she, taking every possible opportunity to touch him casually.

When I finally gave her another task that took her out of my office, James seemed to visibly relax. We talked through the rest of the notes and the conversation was easier. But I caught him giving me questioning looks.

"You okay?"

I tried to avoid his eyes. They bore into me with an intensity I was growing used to. "I'm fine." I plastered on a fake smile.

"You seem tired."

"I am," I admitted, feeling the exhaustion a little more acutely.

"How were things with you and Landon after the other night?"

I closed my eyes for a moment, pus.h.i.+ng down the surge of emotion that came with the mention of his name.

"I think we're all set with these graphics, James. Just take care of the few little tweaks we discussed and we should be ready to roll these out."

Anything else was none of his d.a.m.n business. I didn't want to talk about Friday's weird showdown between him and Heath, or my relations.h.i.+p ending with Blake, or the way he touched me the other night as if we'd known each other far longer and better than we did. I was going to stuff all that right down with the rest of the feelings I didn't feel like facing right now.

"That's not really an answer."

I sighed and leaned back in my chair. "We broke up this weekend, if you must know."

"Does that affect the business with him being an investor?"

"No, he's a silent investor and he can't call the loan, not that he would anyway. Regardless, I'd like to pay him back as soon as we're able to so we can be independent again."

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," I lied. I was grateful that he cared, but I worried that wasn't all he felt.

"I hope you know that you can talk to me. I'm right here."

"Thanks, James."

"Excuse me."

My gaze darted to where Blake now stood at the edge of my office s.p.a.ce. He glanced to me briefly before fixing his gaze on James. James met the look with a steely one of his own that I'd never seen before. Holy s.h.i.+t, this wasn't good.

No one moved.

Blake looked back to me, barely able to mask the irritation in his voice. "Can I speak with you, privately?"

I opened my mouth to speak but James spoke first.

"We're in a meeting." He leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms, as if he meant to stay.

"I wasn't talking to you." Blake wasn't masking his irritation anymore. He took a threatening step, prompting James to rise too. They were a few feet apart staring each other down. Blake had some height on James, but James was thicker, stockier by nature. They could be evenly matched, but I'd seen Blake in action before. The way he'd lashed out when protecting me was a wild card that James couldn't begin to fathom.

I rose quickly and grabbed Blake's arm, urging him away from this standoff with James. "Blake, let's go talk outside." He stood still, his muscles taut and unmoving. Finally he relaxed enough to turn and leave the office with me. I led him down the hallway, thankful that we were far enough from the office to have some privacy, even if our words became heated.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked him tensely.

"Why don't we start with him? What went down this weekend? Did you f.u.c.k him?"

I gasped at the accusation, my anger now matching his own. "No! I told you he's a friend. He's just being protective."

"What makes him think that you need protecting?"

"You seem to think I do pretty regularly, so maybe it's an epidemic. Maybe I'm the kind of girl that screams damsel in distress. I don't f.u.c.king know, but right now I don't need you coming in here and causing problems. This is where I work. If you want to talk, we can do that, but not here. You can't come here like this."

"I'm not allowed to come here now?"

I hesitated, briefly considering whether that was an appropriate concession to make. Seeing him under any circ.u.mstances was risky though. "I don't think it's a good idea, Blake."

"Let me get this straight. You're breaking up with me, for no reason other than you need s.p.a.ce to figure out your life. And now you're cutting me out of the business that I've invested four million dollars into, and you're expecting me to just back off? No questions asked?"

I leaned back into the wall, the exhaustion taking its hold on me again. "You're not here on business. If you were, we'd be having a very different conversation."

"You're right. I'm not."

"Then you should go."

I turned my head, avoiding his eyes. He lifted his hand slowly and turned me back, forcing me to meet his gaze, intense and full of determination.

"You're running away from something. Maybe me, but guess what? I'm not letting you this time. You need time to figure things out? Fine, but we're figuring them out together. Let's go back home and talk this out."

Panic welled up. I'd never survive one-on-one with him like that, telling half-truths until he was somehow convinced. He'd keep on this way, stopping in on me, tracking me down until I gave him an answer that made sense. The more we hashed this out, the weaker my arguments would feel and sound. He needed to believe me, once and for all because if Daniel saw us together... I couldn't go there.

"I don't need time to figure out what I already know." I brushed his hand away. "There's nothing you can say to change how I feel. I'm going to pay you back as soon as I can, but I can't have you involved with the business right now. I'll talk to Sid about taking over the lease as soon as possible, but you'll get your rent either way." I made myself believe it and met his gaze. I couldn't let him doubt it, risking everything because I couldn't end this right.

He bridged the distance between us, catching my face in his palm with renewed determination. My breath caught, and I fought every instinct not to kiss him. His lips were so close. His ragged breathing matched my own.

"You love me." He clenched his teeth as he uttered the words, as if they burned him.

I went to war with the magnetic force between us even as I felt myself slipping, losing control. You have to protect him, I reminded myself. His life depended on it.

"If you love me, you'll let me go." My heart broke at Daniel's words used against the man I loved.

Tracing the hard line of his jaw, I felt it soften under my touch. I pressed up on to my toes to kiss him gently. One last kiss. He angled to deepen the kiss, but I pushed him back before he could.

"Goodbye, Blake."

I was all the way down the hall when he finally spoke.

"Don't come back, Erica."

His words leveled me. My insides twisted at the possibility of losing any chance for our future. I turned to face him, scared of what I'd see in his eyes. His hands fisted at his sides and his jaw clenched tight, the muscles bulging.

"If you end this now, don't bother coming back."

With trembling hands, I opened the door to the office and disappeared inside, closing the door on everything that was most precious to me.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN.

The rest of the week pa.s.sed in a blur. I barely left the office. My once welcomed focus on work had degraded into a compulsion to keep moving forward despite my lack of sleep. Even when I was sleeping, the visions that haunted me weren't conducive to real rest.

Somehow, the fatigue and the pressure I put on myself to keep working masked a lot of the pain. The giant gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be didn't seem so devastating when all I pretended to care about were numbers and lists and driving the business forward with breakneck speed. Everyone at work was keeping up. At this rate, maybe I wouldn't need Daniel's money after all. I'd wanted to pay Blake back as quickly as possible in any case.

I was in the middle of a meeting with Risa when Daniel called. I let her know I needed to take this and waited to pick up until she had gone.

"h.e.l.lo."

"Erica, I'm downstairs. I'd like to speak with you." His voice was cold and commanding. "Come out the back."

I hung up and let Risa know I was leaving for an early lunch. I pushed the back door open and found Connor at the wheel of the Lincoln idling in the alleyway. Daniel was leaning against the hood smoking a cigarette, wearing his usual dark suit and white collared s.h.i.+rt. The picture of the politician, I thought, as my mind raced through the reasons for his being here. Marie, Blake... I couldn't speak for the fear that had gripped me then.

"You hungry?"

I shook my head, more out of confusion than to really answer him. "What's wrong?"