Godfrey Marten, Undergraduate Part 38

"You'll get as fat as Collier if you aren't careful, and it wouldn't suit you a bit," I replied, and stayed in my chair.

"Port doesn't make people fat," but he spoke doubtfully.

"You know best, but I should advise you to be careful. What's the rag?"

He shot his cuffs down and stroked his upper lip, as he always did when he was going to say anything which he thought interesting.

"Dennison is getting it up, which means that it will be jolly well done. He has found out that Thornton knows nothing, so he is teaching him a lot. To begin with, he has invented a society called 'The Hedonists,' which is supposed to get pleasure out of anything extraordinary, and he has filled up Thornton with the idea that he is the very man to be President if we can get him elected."

"Does he believe all that?"

"He believes it all right; Dennison is splendid at that sort of thing.

But we must make some opposition, or Thornton might think it was too easy a job, so we are getting Webb to stand against Thornton, and Dennison and I want you to propose him. We thought it would be a chance to show that you didn't mean all that rot you talked about us last year."

"I meant every word of it," I replied, but Lambert shook his head.

"Really you didn't," he said. "Dennison declares that you hate smugs and prigs and the sort of men who wear red ties and baggy trousers.

Besides, you have fair rows with the dons yourself. You are made to enjoy yourself; that's all about it, and it is time some benefactor told you so."

"I shan't have anything to do with this rag; it seems to be playing a pretty low-down game on a fresher, and if I can stop it I shall. Tell Dennison that from me," I replied.

Lambert got up and put his fingers into the pockets of his waistcoat.

"Don't be a fool, Marten," he said sadly, "if you had thought of this yourself you would have been delighted with the idea; it's so funny."

"Ask Jack Ward to help you."

"Ward! Between ourselves Dennison and I think that Ward is rather a bounder."

"I'll tell him; he will be glad to hear it."

"You make me ill; can't you see that this is too good to miss?"

"You'd better leave this wretched lunatic alone; but if you stand there talking until you spoil the pockets of your waistcoat I shan't help you."

He took his fingers from his pockets and rearranged his tie. "You disappoint me greatly," he said, and strode out of the room.

Our footer match that afternoon was against Oriel, who play soccer better than rugger, so we beat them without much trouble. Fred didn't play for them, because the captain of the 'Varsity team objected to his team playing in college matches, but he watched the game and came back to tea with me afterwards. I wanted to give him a cheque for the fifty pounds I still owed him, for I had just got my year's allowance, and I thought I ought to pay him. But he would not listen to what I said, and only tore up my cheque when I gave it to him. "It's no use," he said, "you will only be short at the end of the year."

That, I knew, was the truth, for economy was a thing which evaded me, however zealously I pursued it.

"But I hate owing you money," I said, "and by the end of the year something may have happened."

He only laughed, and told me that if I couldn't borrow money, which he did not want, from him, I must be a fool, and before I could say any more Jack Ward appeared. Fred and he did not seem to be very pleased to see each other again, and since they always got on my nerves I went into my bedder to finish dressing.

"Been staying with G.o.dfrey this vac?" I heard Jack ask.

"No; have you?" Fred answered.

"Rather not," Jack said; "I've had no time to stay with anybody. I'm trying to become a decent oar, and reading history--it simply takes all the time I've got. I rowed a bit at school, but have never touched an oar for two years until last July."

"It's rather a grind, isn't it?" Fred said; but from that moment he seemed to change his opinion of Jack, and if I could be a fool about some things I feel quite certain that Fred had been bothering his head about nothing for a very long time, which was not very sensible of him.

I don't believe that Jack ever understood why Fred disliked him, and after he had pulled Nina out of the river the second time, I think he began to regard her solely as a safe and easy way to a Humane Society's medal. If Fred would only have believed that there are some things which cannot stand repet.i.tion, I should have been saved a lot of trouble.

When I went back to my sitter I found that the blight which had always settled upon them when they were together was disappearing quickly.

They were talking quite amiably, and although I should have been glad to have said something to show that I noticed the change, I expect that it was prudent of me to be silent. For the first time, as far as I could remember, we met without wondering how soon we could separate, and I had the sort of feeling which I should think a great-grandfather must have when he is celebrating his ninetieth birthday in the presence of his not too numerous descendants. I just sat and felt placid for some time, until I woke up and told Fred that we were supposed to have a mad fresher in college.

"You are always getting hold of freaks," he answered, and I asked him what he meant.

"You've got about half-a-dozen men here whose names look as if they have been turned hind-before; St. Cuthbert's has always been a home for a peculiar brand of potentate."

"Potentate!" I said scornfully; "besides, colour is not everything."

"Prince, if you like." But I knew that he was trying to draw me on, so I said nothing. To hear me in defence of my own college was, I am sorry to say, a great pleasure to him.

"Do you know how this report of Thornton being mad began?" Jack asked.

"I'm rather keen on this, and believe it can be made into a much better rag than Lambert and Dennison think. It may be a chance to squash them altogether."

"Lambert has been trying to persuade me to help," I said. "I told him I would have nothing to do with his blessed rag."

"The best of the whole thing is that I don't believe Thornton is a lunatic. Collier says he isn't, and both Learoyd and Murray say he's not mad, but awfully clever or a humorist."

"Murray!" I exclaimed, but Jack was losing the power to astonish me very much.

"He's all right, I met him in Learoyd's room," Jack said, and began to laugh.

"So Thornton isn't mad after all, and you needn't talk about freaks," I told Fred.

"Do you mind hearing about this?" Jack asked him; "it will be splendid if it only comes off. It's like this: Lambert and Dennison are always looking out for freaks"--I wished he would not give Fred such chances to grin at me--"and Thornton's hair sticks up on end, and he never seems to know what he is going to do next. Murray told me that he is like a very good pianist he met once, except that he can't play the piano. At any rate he's odd, and that was the reason why Dennison asked him to lunch. And Lambert, do you know him?"

Fred shook his head.

"He is the kind of man who is built for processions and platforms and Lord Mayors' Shows," Jack explained; "he's gorgeous altogether."

"I saw him at your smoker," Fred said.

"He's one of the sights of the place, and he began to talk to Thornton about champagne."

"He always talks about clothes or wine," I put in.

"Thornton pretended--at least, I'll bet he pretended--to know nothing about champagne. So Lambert told him the best brand was Omar Khayyam of '78, and that by a stroke of luck it could still be got at a place in the High. They thought Thornton swallowed that all right, so Dennison told him that if he couldn't get Omar Khayyam he must get some Rosbach of '82. After that they asked what sort of fly he used for quail; of course the man must have been simply too sick of them to say anything."

"Lambert never told me anything about the champagne," I said.

"I expect that was because he and Dennison nearly had a row about it; he swore that he thought about Omar Khayyam, and Dennison swore that he did--a rotten sort of thing to quarrel about, anyway. I never heard of the man until yesterday. I've often heard of Rosbach," he added.

"What's going to happen now?" Fred asked, and from some cause or other he was shaking with laughter.

Jack told him about the Hedonists, and finished up by saying that he must go to see Thornton.