The Dodge Club Part 22

"All right," said b.u.t.tons.

"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!" said the others.

Now the Senator began to divulge his plan, and b.u.t.tons began to talk Italian, pretending to translate what the Senator said. To do this required much quickness, and a vivid imagination, with a sense of the ridiculous, and many other qualities too numerous to mention.

Fortunately b.u.t.tons had all these, or else the Club would not have acted precisely as it did act; and perhaps it might not have been able to move along in the capacity of a Club any longer, in which case it would, of course, have had no further adventures; and then this history would not have been written; and whether the world would have been better off or worse is more than I can say, I'm sure.

[What the Senator said.]

"Boys, look at these devils, one on each side of us. They have arranged some signal, and when it is given they will spring at us.

Look sharp for your lives, and be ready to do what I say. b.u.t.tons, listen, and when you don't hear look at me, and I'll repeat it."

[_Club_.--"Ha! hal ha! ha! ha!"]

[What b.u.t.tons said he said.]

"He says, most n.o.ble Captain, and gentlemen, that he is desperately hungry; that he can't get what he wants to eat. He generally eats dried snakes, and the supply he brought from the Great American desert is exhausted; he wants more, and will have it."

[Sensation among bandits.]

[What the Senator said.]

"My idea is to turn the tables on these varmints. They put themselves in our power. What they have arranged for themselves will do for us just as well as if we planned it all. In fact, if we had tried we could not have adjusted the present company better."

[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]

[What b.u.t.tons said he said.]

"He says he wouldn't have come out here to-day, but had a little difficulty just before he joined our party. He was landing from the American s.h.i.+p of war, and on stepping on sh.o.r.e a man trod on his foot, whereupon he put him into the water, and held him there till he was drowned."

[Bandits looking more respectfully.]

[What the Senator said.]

"Listen now, b.u.t.tons. We will arrange a signal, and at a certain word we will fall on our neighbors and do with them as they propose doing with us. But first let us arrange carefully about the signal; for every thing depends on that."

[_Club_--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]

[What b.u.t.tons said he said.]

"It makes him feel amused, he says, when he thinks how odd that guide looked at him when he made him go down into the crater of Vesuvius; gave him five minutes to say his prayers, and then lifted him up in the air and pitched him down to the bottom. He thinks he is falling still."

[Bandits exchange glances.]

[What the Senator said.]

"First, we must keep up our uproar and merriment to as great an extent as we can, but not very long. Let it be wild, mad, boisterous, but short. It will distract these vagabonds, and throw them off their guard. The first thing on the programme, then, is merriment. Laugh as loud and long as you can."

[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]

[What b.u.t.tons said he said.]

"He doesn't know but what he'll have a little trouble about a priest he killed last night. He was in a church, and was walking about whistling, when a priest came up and ordered him out; whereupon he drew his revolver, and put all six of the bullets in the priest's head."

[Bandits cross themselves, and look serious.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: The Bandits Captured.]

[What the Senator said.]

"The next thing is, to have some singing. They seem to like our glorious national songs. Give them some of them. Let the first one be 'Old Virginny.'"

[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]

[What b.u.t.tons said he said.]

"He heard that the priest was not dead. As he always makes sure work, he intends to look in the morning, and if he's alive, he'll cut his throat, and make all his attendants dance to the tune of 'Old Virginny.'"

b.u.t.tons had to work on that word "Old Virginny," for the quick ears of the Italians had caught it. Bandits cross themselves again.

_Captain_.--"I don't believe a word of it. It's impossible."

Bandit No. 6.--"He looks like it, any way."

In fact, the Senator did look like it. His hair tinged to an unnatural hue by the sulphur of Vesuvius, his square, determined jaw, his heavy, overhanging brow, marked him as one who was capable of any desperate enterprise.

[What the Senator said.]

"Next and last, d.i.c.k, you are to sing 'Yankee Doodle.' You know the words about 'coming to town riding on a pony.' You know that verse ends with an Italian word. I am particular about this, for you might sing the wrong verse. Do you understand, all of you? If so, wink your eyes twice."

[The Club all winked twice. Then, as usual: "Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]

[What b.u.t.tons said he said.]

"He says there is no danger for him, however, for foreigners are in terror of the tune of 'Yankee Doodle.' If he were arrested by the Government, the American Admiral would at once send ash.o.r.e a file of marines with an 'ultimatum,' a 'Columbiad,' a 'spanker boom,' a 'Webster's Unabridged,' and a 'brachycatalectic,' to demand his surrender at the cannon's mouth."