The Young Gentleman and Lady's Monitor, and English Teacher's Assistant Part 27

certainly not. Observe then with care the operations of your own mind; and you may in a great measure read all mankind.

_I_ will allow that one bred up in a cloister or college, may reason well on the structure of the human mind; he may investigate the nature of man, and give a tolerable account of his head, his heart, his pa.s.sions; and his sentiments: but at the same time he may know nothing of him; he has not lived with him, and of course can know but little how those sentiments or those pa.s.sions will work; he must be ignorant of the various prejudices, propensities and antipathies, that always bias him and frequently determine him.

8. His knowledge is acquired only from theory, which differs widely from practice; and if, he forms his judgment from that alone, he must be often deceived; whereas a man of the world, one who collects his knowledge from his own experience and observation, is seldom wrong; he is well acquainted with the operations of the human mind, prys into the heart of man, reads his-words before they are utttered, sees his actions before they are performed, knows what will please, and what will displease; and foresees the event of most things.

9. Labour then to require this intuitive knowledge; attend carefully to the address, the arts and manners of those acquainted with life, and endeavour to imitate them. Observe the means they take to gain the favour, and conciliate the affections of those they a.s.sociate with; pursue those means, and you will soon gain the esteem of all that know you.

How often have we seen men governed by persons very much their inferiors in point of understanding, and even without their knowing it? A proof that some men have more worldly dexterity than others; they find out the weak and unguarded part, make their attack there, and the man surrenders.

10. Now from a knowledge of mankind we shall learn the advantage of two things, the command of our temper and our countenance: a trifling, disagreeable incident shall perhaps anger one unacquainted withlife, or confound him with same; shall make him rave like a madman, or look like a fool: but a man of the world will never understand what he cannot or ought not to resent. If he should chance to make a slip himself, he will stifle his confusion, and turn it off with a jest; recovering it with coolness.

11. Many people have sense enough to keep their own secrets; but from being unused to a variety of company, have unfortunately such a tell-tale countenance, as involuntarily declares what they would wish to conceal. This is a great unhappiness; and should as soon as possible be got the better of.

That coolness of mind and evenness of countenance, which prevents a discovery of our sentiments, by our words, our actions, or our looks, is too necessary to pa.s.s unnoticed.

12. A man who cannot hear displeasing things, without visible marks of anger or uneasiness; or pleasing ones, without a sudden burst of joy, a cheerful eye, or an expanded face, is at the mercy of every knave: for either they will designedly please or provoke you themselves, to catch your unguarded looks; or they will seize the opportunity thus to read your very heart, when any other shall do it. You may possibly tell me, that this coolness must be natural, for if not, you can never acquire it.

13. I will admit the force of const.i.tution, but people are very apt to blame that for many things they might readily avoid. Care, with a little reflection, will soon give you this mastery of your temper and your countenance. If you find yourself subject to sudden starts of pa.s.sion, determine with yourself not to utter a single word till your reason has recovered itself; and resolve to keep your countenance as unmoved as possible.

14. As a man who at a card-table can preserve a serenity in his looks, under good or bad luck, has considerably the advantage of one who appears elated with success, or cast down with ill fortune, from our being able to read his cards in his face; so the man of the world, having to deal with one of these babbling countenances, will take care to profit by the circ.u.mstance, let the consequence, to him with whom he deals, be as injurious as it may.

15. In the course of life, we shall find it necessary very often to put on a pleasing countenance when, we are exceedingly displeased; we must frequently seem friendly when we are quite otherwise. I am sensible it is difficult to accost a man with smiles whom we know to be our enemy: but what is to be done? On receiving an affront if you cannot be justified in knocking the offender down, you must not notice the offence; for in the eye of the world, taking an affront calmly is considered as cowardice.

16. If fools should at any time attempt to be witty upon you, the best way is not to know their witticisms are levelled at you, but to conceal any uneasiness it may give you: but, should they be so plain that you cannot be thought ignorant of their meaning, I would recommend, rather than quarrel with the company, joining even in the laugh against yourself: allow the jest to be a good one, and take it in seeming good humour. Never attempt to retaliate the same way, as that would imply you were hurt. Should what is said wound your honour or your moral character, there is but one proper reply, which I hope you will never be obliged to have recourse to.

17. Remember there are but two alternatives for a gentleman; extreme politeness, or the sword. If a man openly and designedly affronts you, call him oat; but if it does not amount to an open insult, be outwardly civil; if this does not make him ashamed of his behaviour, it will prejudice every by-stander in your favour, and instead of being disgraced, you will come off with honour. Politeness to those we do not respect, is no more a breach of faith than _your humble servant_ at the bottom of a challenge; they are universally understood to be things of course.

18. Wrangling and quarreling are characteristics of a weak mind: leave that to the women, be _you_ always above it. Enter into no sharp contest, and pride yourself in shewing, if possible, more civility to your antagonist than to any other in the company; this will infallibly bring over all the laughter to your side, and the person you are contending with will be very likely to confess you have behaved very handsomely throughout the whole affair.

19. Experience will teach us that though all men consist princ.i.p.ally of the same materials, as I before took notice, yet from a difference in their proportion, no two men are uniformly the same: we differ from one another, and we often differ from ourselves, that is, we sometimes do things utterly inconsistent with the general tenor of our characters.

The wisest man will occasionally do a weak thing: the most honest man, a wrong thing; the proudest man, a mean thing; and the worst of men will sometimes do a good thing.

20. On this account, our study of mankind should not be general; we should take a frequent view of individuals, and though we may upon the whole form a judgment of the man from his prevailing pa.s.sion or his general character, yet it will be prudent not to determine, till we have waited to see the operation of his subordinate appet.i.tes and humours.

21. For example; a man's general character maybe that of strictly honest; I would not dispute it, because I would not be thought envious or malevolent; but I would not rely upon this general character, so as to entrust him with my fortune or my life. Should this honest man, as is not common, be my rival in power, interest, or love, he may possibly do things that in other circ.u.mstances he would abhor; and power, interest, and love, let me tell you, will often put honesty to the severest trial, and frequently overpower it. I would then ransack this honest man to the bottom, if I wished to trust him, and as I found him, would place my confidence accordingly.

22. One of the great compositions in our nature is vanity, to which, all men, more or less, give way. Women have an intolerable share of it. So flattery, no adulation is too gross for them; those who flatter them most please them best, and they are most in love with him who pretends to be most in love with them; and the least slight or contempt of them is never forgotten. It is in some measure the same with men; they will sooner pardon an injury than an insult, and are more hurt by contempt than by ill-usage. Though all men do not boast of superior talents, though they pretend not to the abilities of a _Pope_, a _Newton_, or a _Bollingbroke_, every one pretends to have common sense, and to discharge his office in life with common decency; to arraign therefore, in any shape, his abilities or integrity in the department he holds, is an insult he will not readily forgive.

23. As I would not have you trust too implicitly to a man, because the world gives him a good character; so I must particularly caution you against those who speak well of themselves. In general, suspect those who boast of or affect to have any one virtue above all others, for they are commonly impostors. There are exceptions, however, to this rule, for we hear of prudes that have been made chaste, bullies that have been brave, and saints that have been religious. Confide only where your own observation shall direct you; observe not only what is said, but how it is said, and if you have penetration, you may find out the truth better by your eyes than your ears; in short, never take a character upon common report, but enquire into it yourself; for common report, though it is right in general, may be wrong in particulars.

24. Beware of those who, on a slight acquaintance, make a tender of their friends.h.i.+p, and seem to place a confidence in you; 'tis ten to one but they deceive and betray you: however, do not rudely reject them upon such a supposition; you may be civil to them, though you do not entrust them. Silly men are apt to solicit your friends.h.i.+p, and unbosom themselves upon the first acquaintance: such friends cannot be worth hearing, their friends.h.i.+p being as slender as their understanding; and if they proffer their friends.h.i.+p with a design to make a property of you, they are dangerous acquaintance indeed.

25. Not but the little friends.h.i.+ps of the weak may be of some use to you, if you do not return the compliment; and it may not be amiss to seem to accept those of designing men, keeping them, as it were, in play, that they may not be openly your enemies; for their enmity is the next dangerous thing to their friends.h.i.+p. We may certainly hold their vices in abhorrence, without being marked out as their personal enemy.

The general rule is to have a real reserve with almost every one, and a seeming reserve with almost no one; for it is very disgusting to seem reserved, and very dangerous not to be so. Few observe the true medium.

Many are ridiculously misterious upon trifles and many indiscreetly communicative of all they know.

36. There is a kind of short-lived friends.h.i.+p that takes place among young men, from a connection in their pleasures only; a friends.h.i.+p too often attended with bad consequences. This companion of your pleasures, young and unexperienced, will probably, in the heat of convivial mirth, vow a perpetual friends.h.i.+p, and unfold himself to you without the least reserve; but new a.s.sociations, change of fortune, or change of place, may soon break this ill-timed connection, and an improper use may be made of it.

27. Be one, if you will, in young companies, and bear your part like others in the social festivity of youth; nay, trust them with your innocent frolics, but keep your serious matters to yourself; and if you must at any time make _them_ known, let it be to some tried friend of great experience; and that nothing may tempt him to become your rival, let that friend be in a different walk of life from yourself.

Were I to hear a man making strong protestations, and swearing to the truth of a thing, that is in itself probable, and very likely to be, I shall doubt his veracity; for when he takes such pains to make me believe it, it cannot be with a good design.

28. There is a certain easiness or false modesty in most young people, that either makes them unwilling, or ashamed to refuse any thing that is asked of them. There is also an unguarded openness about them, that makes them the ready prey of the artful and designing. They are easily led away by the feigned friends.h.i.+ps of a knave or a fool, and too rashly place a confidence in them, that terminates in their loss, and frequently in their ruin. Beware, therefore, as I said before, of these proffered friends.h.i.+ps; repay them with compliments, but not with confidence. Never let your vanity make you suppose that people become your friends upon a slight acquaintance: for good offices must be shewn on both sides to create a friends.h.i.+p; it will not thrive, unless its love be mutual; and it requires time to ripen it.

29. There is still among young people another kind of friends.h.i.+p merely nominal, warm indeed for the time, but fortunately of no long continuance. This friends.h.i.+p takes its rise from their pursuing the same course of riot and debauchery; their purses are open to each other, they tell one another all they know, they embark in the same quarrels, and stand by each other on all occasions. I should rather call this a confederacy against good morals and good manners, and think it deserves the severest lash of the law; but they have the impudence to call it friends.h.i.+p. However, it is often as suddenly dissolved as it is hastily contracted; some accident disperses them, and they presently forget each other, except it is to betray and laugh at their own egregious folly.

In short, the sum of the whole is, to make a wide difference between companions and friend; for a very agreeable companion has often proved a very dangerous friend.

_Choice of Company._

1. The next thing to the choice of friends is the choice of your company.

Endeavour as much as you can to keep good company, and the company of your superiors: for you will be held in estimation according to the company you keep. By superiors I do not mean so much with regard to birth, as merit and the light in which they are considered by the world.

2. There are two sorts of good company; the one consists of persons of birth, rank, and fas.h.i.+on; the other of those who are distinguished by some peculiar merit, in any liberal art or science; as men of letters, &c. and a mixture of these is what I would have understood by good company; for it is not what particular sets of people shall call themselves, but what the people in general acknowledge to be so, and are the accredited good company of the place.

3. Now and then, persons without either birth, rank, or character, will creep into good company, under the protection of some considerable personage; but, in general, none are admitted of mean degree, or infamous moral character.

In this fas.h.i.+onable good company alone, can you learn the best manners and the best language, for, as there is no legal standard to form them by, 'tis here they are established.

It may possibly be questioned whether a man has it always in his power to get into good company: undoubtedly, by deserving it, he has; provided he is in circ.u.mstances which enable him to live and appear in the style of a gentleman. Knowledge, modesty, and good-breeding, will endear him to all that see him; for without politeness, the scholar is no better than a pedant, the philosopher than a cynic, the soldier than a brute, nor any man than a clown.

4. Though the company of men of learning and genius is highly to be valued, and occasionally coveted, I would by no means have you always found in such company. As they do not live in the world, they cannot have that easy manner and address which I would wish you to acquire. If you can bear a part in such company, it is certainly adviseable to be in it sometimes, and you will be the more esteemed in other company by being so; but let it not engross you, lest you be considered as one of the _literati_, which, however respectable in name, is not the way to rise or s.h.i.+ne in the fas.h.i.+onable world.

5. But the company, which, of all others, you should carefully avoid, is that, which, in every sense of the word, may be called _low_; low in birth, low in rank, low in parts, and low in manners; that company, who, insignificant and contemptible in themselves, think it an honour to be seen with _you_, and who will flatter your follies, nay, your very vices, to keep you with them.

6. Though _you_ may think such a caution unnecessary, _I_ do not; for many a young gentleman of sense and rank has been led by his vanity to keep such company, till he has been degraded, villified and undone.

The vanity I mean, is that of being the first of the company. This pride, though too common, is idle to the last degree. Nothing in the world lets a man down so much. For the sake of dictating, being applauded and admired by this low company, he is disgraced and disqualified for better. Depend upon it, in the estimation of mankind you will sink or rise to the level of the company you keep.

7. Be it then your ambition to get into the best company; and, when there, imitate their virtues, but not their vices. You have no doubt, often heard of genteel and fas.h.i.+onable vices. These are whoring, drinking, and gaming. It has happened that some men even with these vices, have been admired and esteemed. Understand this matter rightly; it is not their vices for which they are admired; but for some accomplishments they at the same time possess; for their parts, their learning, or their good-breeding. Be a.s.sured, were they free from their vices, they would be much more esteemed. In these mixed characters, the bad part is overlooked, for the sake of the good.

8. Should you be unfortunate enough to have any vices of your own, add not to their number by adopting the vices of others. Vices of adoption are of all others the most unpardonable, for they have not inadvertency to plead. If people had no vices but their own, few would have so many as they have.

Imitate, then, only the perfections you meet with; copy the politeness, the address, the easy manners of well-bred people; and remember, let them s.h.i.+ne ever so bright, if they have any vices, they are so many blemishes, which it would be as ridiculous to imitate, as it would to make an artificial wart on one's face, because some very handsome man had the misfortune to have a natural one upon his.

_Laughter._

1. Let us now descend to minuter matters, which, tho' not so important as those we have mentioned, are still far from inconsiderable. Of these laughter is one.