The Pacha of Many Tales Part 35

"Enough," replied the host, pacified with the pretended humility of the vizier. "Silence, and listen. Do you see that skin which hangs over my head?" The caliph and his companions looked up and perceived the tanned skin of a young ox, which appeared to have been used for carrying water.

"It is that by which I gain my daily bread. I am Yussuf, son of Aboo Ayoub, who dying some five years ago, left me nothing but a few dirhems and this strong carca.s.s of mine, by which to gain a livelihood. I was always fond of sports and pastimes--overthrew every body who wrestled with me; nay, the man who affronts me, receives a box on the ear which makes it ring for a week afterwards."

"Allah preserve us from affronting him," whispered the caliph.

"When old Aboo died, I perceived, if I did not speedily turn my strength to some account, I should starve; so it struck me that there were no people more merry than the water-carriers, who supply for a few paras to the houses of this city the soft water of the river. I resolved to become one, but instead of going backwards and forwards with a goat-skin on my shoulders, I went down to the curriers, and selected the soft skin of the young ox which hangs above me, fitted it to my shoulders, and filling it at the river, marched up to the bazaar. No sooner did I appear than all the water-carriers called out, 'That villain, Yussuf, is about to take away our bread. May s.h.i.+tan seize him. Let us go to the cadi and complain.' The cadi listened to their story, for they accused me of witchcraft, saying that no five men could lift the skin when it was full. He sent one of his beeldars to summon me before him. I had just filled my skin at the river, when the officer came from this distributor of bastinadoes. I followed him to the court, laden as I was. The crowd opened to let me pa.s.s, and I appeared before the cadi, who was much astonished at my showing so little inconvenience from such an enormous burthen. 'Oh! Yussuf,' cried he, 'hear and answer; thou art accused of witchcraft.' 'Who accuses me, O cadi?' replied I, throwing down my skin of water. Whereupon two hang-dogs stepped forward, and cried with loud voices, 'Behold us here, O wise and just one.' The cadi put one aside, and questioned the other, who swore on the book, that the devil had given me a _pig's_ skin, and had promised that as long as I served the followers of the Prophet out of the unclean vessel, he would enable me to carry as much as ten men. The second witness confirmed this evidence; and added, that he heard me talking with the devil, who offered to turn himself into a yaboo, and carry water for me, which I had civilly declined, for what reason he knew not, as he did not hear the rest of the conversation.

"At this evidence, the cadi and mollahs who sat with him, turned up their eyes with horror, and proceeded to discuss the degree of punishment, which so enormous a crime deserved, quite forgetting to ask me if I had any thing to offer in my defence. At last they settled that, as a commencement, I should receive five hundred bastinadoes on the soles of my feet; and, if I lived, about as many more on my belly.

The cadi was about to p.r.o.nounce his irrevocable _fetva_, when I took the liberty of interrupting this rapid course of justice. 'O cadi,' said I, 'and ye, mollahs, whose beards drop wisdom, let your slave offer, at the footstool of justice, the precious proofs of innocence.' 'Produce them quickly then, thou wedded to s.h.i.+tan and Jehanum,' replied the cadi.

Whereupon I loosened the string which attached the mouth, and allowed all the water to run out of the skin. I then turned the skin inside out, and showing to them the horns of the young ox, which fortunately I had not cut off, I demanded of the cadi and of the mollahs, if any of them had ever seen a pig with horns. At this they every one fell a laughing, as if I had uttered a cream of a joke. My innocence was declared, and my two accusers had the five hundred bastinadoes shared between them. The water-carriers were too much alarmed at the result of this attempt to attack me any more, and the true believers, from the notoriety of the charge, and my acquittal of having rendered them unclean, from the use of swinish skin, all sought my custom. In short, I have only to fill my skin, to empty it again, and I daily realise so handsome an income, that I have thrown care to the dogs, and spend in jollity every night what I have worked hard for every day. As soon as the muezzin calls to evening prayers, I lay aside my skin, betake myself to the mosque, perform my ablutions, and return thanks to Allah. After which I repair to the bazaar, purchase meat with one dirhem, rakee with another, others go for fruit and flowers, cakes, sweetmeats, bread, oils for my lamps, and the remainder I spend in wine. As soon as all is collected, I arrive at my own house, put every thing in order, light up my lamps, and enjoy myself after my own fas.h.i.+on. So now you know all I choose to tell you, and whether you are merchants or spies in disguise, I care not. Be satisfied and depart, for the dawn is here."

The caliph, who had been much amused with Yussuf's account of himself, replied, "In truth, you are a wonderful man, and it must be allowed that, in separating yourself from your fellows, you escape many troubles and inconveniences."

"Ay," replied Yussuf; "thus have I lived for five years. Every night has my dwelling been lighted up as you see it, and my fortunate stars have never suffered me to go without meat and drink, such as you three now smell and long for, but shall not put your fingers to."

"But, friend Yussuf," observed Giaffar, "suppose that to-morrow, the caliph should issue a decree, putting an end to the trade of supplying with water, and declare that whoever was found with a skin-full should be hanged. In such a case, what would you do? You could not light up your lamps; you could not enjoy your kabobs and pillau, neither would you be able to purchase fruits, sweetmeats, or a drop of wine."

"May s.h.i.+tan seize your unlucky soul, you tun-bellied beast of ill-omen!

for the bare supposition of such a thing; depart--depart quickly, and never let me see you again."

"My good friend, Yussuf, I did but jest; five years, as you observe, have pa.s.sed away without a day's intermission of your enjoyment, nor is it probable that the caliph will ever issue such a ridiculous and unheard-of decree. I only observed, that supposing he did, what could you do, never leaving a single asper for the next day's provision?"

At the repet.i.tion of the vizier's speech, Yussuf became highly exasperated. "You dare to repeat to me your unlucky words and ill-omens,--and you ask me what I shall do! Now hear me: by the beard of the Prophet, should the caliph issue such a decree, with this good cudgel I will search all Bagdad, until I find you all. You, and you,"

continued Yussuf, looking fiercely at the caliph and the vizier, "I will beat until you are as black as he is, (pointing to Mesrour), and him I will cudgel until he is as white as the flesh of the kid I have been regaling on. Depart at once, you shall no longer pollute my roof."

The caliph was so much diverted with the anger of Yussuf, and yet in such dread of showing it, that he was obliged to thrust the end of his robe into his mouth, as they walked out under a shower of curses from the water-carrier.

"By the sword of the Prophet, but they were well out of this sc.r.a.pe!"

observed the pacha. "May the grave of the rascal's mother he defiled!

to offer to cudgel the vice-gerent of the Prophet."

"The caliph was in disguise, and Yussuf knew him not," replied Mustapha.

"Those who threaten me in disguise, will find that no excuse, we swear by our beard," replied the pacha. "Proceed Menouni."

It was daylight before the great Haroun re-entered the secret gate of the seraglio, and retired to his couch. After a short slumber he arose, performed his ablutions, and proceeded to the divan, where he found the princ.i.p.al officers of his court, the viziers, omras, and grandees, a.s.sembled to receive him: his imagination, however, still dwelt upon the events of the preceding night; and after the ordinary business of the day had been transacted, and the pet.i.tioners who attended had been dismissed, he called for his grand vizier, who presented himself with the customary obeisances.

"Giaffar," said the caliph, "issue a decree to the governor of the city that it be proclaimed throughout the streets of Bagdad, that no person whatever, shall, for the s.p.a.ce of three days, carry water from the river to the bazaars for sale; and that whoever trespa.s.ses shall be hanged."

The governor, Khalid hen Talid, immediately that he received the fetva, took the proper measures to have it promulgated. Heralds were despatched throughout the various quarters of the city, who proclaimed the will of the caliph. The people wondered, but submitted.

Yussuf, who had performed his morning devotions, had reached the banks of the Tigris, and just filled, and hoisted on his shoulders, his ox-skin of water, when the appearance of one of the heralds attracted his attention: he listened to the legal proclamation, and let down his ox-skin with a curse upon all merchants of Moussul.

"Confusion to the scoundrels, who last night prophesied such an unlucky event! If I could but lay hands upon them!" exclaimed Yussuf. "They did but hint it, and behold it is done."

Whilst Yussuf was thus lamenting over his empty water-skin, some of the other water-carriers came up, and began to console him after the fas.h.i.+on of Job's comforters.

"Surely," said one, "you need not be troubled at this edict, you gain more than any five of us every day, and you have no wife nor child to provide for. But I, wretched man that I am, will have the misery of beholding my wife and children starving before the expiration of the three days."

Another said, "Be comforted, Yussuf, three days will soon pa.s.s away, and then you will relish your kabobs, and your rakee, your sweetmeats and your wine, with greater pleasure, having been so long deprived of them."

"Besides," added a third, "you must not forget, Yussuf, that the Prophet has declared that a man is eternally d.a.m.ned, body and soul, who is constantly drunk as you are."

These observations kindled Yussuf's bile to that degree, that he was nearly venting his spleen upon his sarcastic consolers. He turned away, however, in his rage, and throwing his empty skin over his shoulders, proceeded slowly towards the mosque of Zobeide, cursing as he went along, all Moussul merchants, down to the fiftieth generation. Pa.s.sing the great baths, he was accosted by one of the attendants with whom he was intimate, who inquired, why he was so depressed in spirits?

"That cold-blooded caliph of ours, Haroun Alraschid, has put an end to my earnings for three days, by threatening to hang any water-carrier who shall carry his load to the bazaar. You know, my friend, that I never have put by a single para, and I fear that in three days my carcase will become shrivelled with famine, and dried up for the want of a cup of rakee."

"Which thou hast often divided with me before now," replied the other; "so even now will I divide my work with you, Yussuf. Follow me, if you do not object to the employment, which requires little more than strength, and, by Allah, you have that, and to spare. Surely upon a pinch like this, you can take up a hair-bag, and a lump of soap, and scrub and rub the bodies of the true believers. Those hands of yours, so enormous and so fleshy, are well calculated to knead the muscles and twist the joints of the faithful. Come, you shall work with us during these three days at the hummaum, and then you can return to your old business."

"Thy words of comfort penetrate deep into my bosom," replied Yussuf, "and I follow thee."

The bath-rubber then took him in, bound an ap.r.o.n round his waist, and lent him a bag, three razors, pumice stone for scrubbing the soles of the feet, a hair bag, and a sponge. Having caparisoned and furnished him with implements, he led Yussuf into the apartment where was the reservoir of hot water, and desired him to wait for a customer. Yussuf, had not long sat down on the edge of the marble bath, when he was summoned to perform his duties on a hadji, who, covered with dust and dirt, had evidently just returned from a tedious pilgrimage.

Yussuf set to work with spirit; seizing the applicant with one hand, he stripped him with the other, and first operated upon the shaven crown with his razor. The hadji was delighted with the energy of his attendant. Having sc.r.a.ped his head as clean as he could with an indifferent razor, Yussuf then soaped and lathered, scrubbed and sponged the skin of the pilgrim, until it was as smooth and glossy as the back of a raven. He then wiped him dry, and taking his seat upon the backbone of his customer, he pinched and squeezed all his flesh, thumped his limbs, twisted every joint till they cracked like f.a.ggots in a blaze, till the poor hadji was almost reduced to a mummy by the vigour of the water-carrier, and had just breath enough in his body to call out, "Cease, cease, for the love of Allah--I am dead, I am gone."

Having said this, the poor man fell back nearly senseless. Yussuf was very much alarmed; he lifted up the man, poured warm water over him, wiped him dry, and laid him on the ottoman to repose, covering him up.

The hadji fell into a sound slumber, and in half an hour awoke so refreshed and revived, that he declared himself quite a new man.

"It is only to hadjis," observed Yussuf, "that I give this great proof of my skill."

The man put his hand into his pocket, pulled out three dirhems, and presented them to Yussuf, who was astounded at such liberality; and again expressing his satisfaction, the hadji left the hummaum.

Delighted with his success, Yussuf continued his occupation, and attended with alacrity every fresh candidate for his joint-twisting skill. By the time that evening prayers commenced he had kneaded to mummies half a dozen more true believers, and had received his six dirhems, upon which he determined to leave off for that day.

Having left the bath, he dressed himself, went home, took his leathern pitcher, dish, and basket, and went to the bazaar, where he purchased a piece of mutton, and left it at the most noted kabob maker's in the district to be cooked; he then purchased his wine and rakee, wax tapers, and flowers, pistachio nuts, dried fruit, bread, and oil for his lamps.

When he had completed his purchases he called at the cook's shop, where he found his mutton nicely kabobed, and smoking in the dish. Paying the cook, and putting it into his basket, he hastened home over the bridge of boats, exulting in his good fortune. When he arrived, he swept out his room, dressed himself in better clothes, lighted his lamps, spread out his table, and then squatted himself down, with his legs twisted under him, and tossing off a b.u.mper of wine, he exclaimed, "Well, I am lucky; nevertheless, here's confusion to all Moussul merchants, with their vile omens. Allah send their unlucky footsteps here to-night-- that's all."

Here Menouni stopped, and made his salaam. "May it please your highness to permit your slave to retire for the night, for the tale of Yussuf, the water-carrier, cannot be imparted to your highness in one evening."

The pacha, although much amused, was also a little tired. "Be it so, good Menouni; but recollect, Mustapha, that the caravan must not depart, till I hear the end of this story."

"Be chesm, on my eyes be it," replied Mustapha; and they all retired for the night.

"What is the cause?" demanded the pacha hastily, as next day Mustapha listened with apparent patience to the long details of one of the pet.i.tioners for justice.

"It is, O lord of wisdom, a dispute between these men, as to a sum of money which they received as guides to a Frank, who journeyed into the interior. The one was hired for the journey, but not being well acquainted with the road called in the a.s.sistance of the other; they now dispute about the division of the money, which lies at my feet in this bag."

"It appears that the one who was hired did not know the way?"

"Even so," replied Mustapha.

"Then he was no guide, and doth not deserve the money. And the other, it appears, was called in to a.s.sist?"

"Thy words are the words of wisdom," replied Mustapha.

"Then was he not a guide but only an a.s.sistant; neither can he be ent.i.tled to the money as guide. By the beard of the Prophet, justice must not be fooled thus, and the divan held in our presence he made foolish by such complaints. Let the money be distributed among the poor, and let them each have fifty bastinadoes on the soles of the feet.

I have said it."