Toaster's Handbook Part 186

"How very few statues there are of real women."

"Yes! it's hard to get them to look right."

"How so?"

"A woman remaining still and saying nothing doesn't seem true to life."

"Oh, woman! in our hours of ease Uncertain, coy, and hard to please"-- So wrote Sir Walter long ago.

But how, pray, could he really know?

If woman fair he strove to please, Where did he get his "hours of ease"?

--_George B. Morewood_.

MISS SCRIBBLE-"The heroine of my next story is to be one of those modern advanced girls who have ideas of their own and don't want to get married."

THE COLONEL (politely)-"Ah, indeed, I don't think I ever met that type."--_Life_.

You are a dear, sweet girl, G.o.d bless you and keep you-- Wish I could afford to do so.

Here's to man--he can afford anything he can get. Here's to woman--she can afford anything that she can get a man to get for her.--_George Ade_.

Here's to the soldier and his arms, Fall in, men, fall in; Here's to woman and her arms, Fall in, men, fall in!

Most Southerners are gallant. An exception is the Georgian who gave his son this advice:

"My boy, never run after a woman or a street car--there will be another one along in a minute or two."

Here's to the maid of bashful fifteen; Here's to the widow of fifty; Here's to the flaunting, extravagant queen; And here's to the housewife that's thrifty.

Chorus: Let the toast pa.s.s,-- Drink to the la.s.s, I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the gla.s.s.

--_Sheridan_.

Here's to the ladies, the good, young ladies; But not too good, for the good die young, And we want no dead ones.

And here's to the good old ladies, But not too old, for we want no dyed ones.

When a woman repulses, beware. When a woman beckons, bewarer.--_Henriette Corkland_.

The young woman had spent a busy day.

She had browbeaten fourteen salespeople, bullyragged a floor-walker, argued victoriously with a milliner, laid down the law to a modiste, nipped in the bud a taxi chauffeur's attempt to overcharge her, made a street car conductor stop the car in the middle of a block for her, discharged her maid and engaged another, and otherwise refused to allow herself to be imposed upon.

Yet she did not smile that evening when a young man begged:

"Let me be your protector through life!"

I am very fond of the company of ladies. I like their beauty, I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their _silence.--Samuel Johnson_.

Auld Nature swears, the lovely dears Her n.o.blest work she cla.s.ses, O: Her 'prentice hand she tried on man, An' then she made the la.s.ses, O.

--_Burns_.

Not from his head was woman took, As made her husband to o'erlook; Not from his feet, as one designed The footstool of the stronger kind; But fas.h.i.+oned for himself, a bride; An equal, taken from his side.

--_Charles Wesley_.

_See also_ Mice; Mothers; Smoking; Suffragettes; Wives; Woman suffrage.

WOMAN SUFFRAGE

WOMAN VOTER--"Now, I may as well be frank with you. I absolutely refuse to vote the same ticket as that horrid Jones woman."

Kate Douglas Wiggin was asked recently how she stood on the vote for women question. She replied she didn't "stand at all," and told a story about a New England farmer's wife who had no very romantic ideas about the opposite s.e.x, and who, hurrying from churn to sink, from sink to shed, and back to the kitchen stove, was asked if she wanted to vote. "No, I certainly don't! I say if there's one little thing that the men folks can do alone, for goodness sakes let 'em do it!"

she replied.

MR. E.N. QUIRE--"What are those women mauling that man for?"

MRS. HENBALLOT--"He insulted us by saying that the suffrage movement destroyed our naturally timid sweetness and robbed us of all our gentleness."

"Did you cast your vote, Aunty?"

"Oh, yes! Isn't it grand? A real nice gentleman with a beautiful moustache and yellow spats marked my ballot for me. I know I should have marked it myself, but it seemed to please him greatly."

"Does your wife want to vote?"

"No. She wants a larger town house, a villa on the sea coast and a new limousine car every six months. I'd be pleased most to death if she could fix her attention on a smaller matter like the vote."