Toaster's Handbook Part 51

Minister Wu made no comment at the time, but in the evening when he was a spectator at a ball given in his honor, after watching the waltzing and two-stepping for half an hour, he remarked to his host:

"Why don't you make the negroes do that for you, too?"

If they had danced the tango and the trot In days of old, there is no doubt we'd find The poet would have written--would he not?-- "On with the dance, let joy be unrefined!"

--_J.J. O'Connell_.

DEAD BEATS

See _Bills_; Collecting of accounts.

DEBTS

A train traveling through the West was held up by masked bandits. Two friends, who were on their way to California, were among the pa.s.sengers.

"Here's where we lose all our money," one said, as a robber entered the car.

"You don't think they'll take everything, do you?" the other asked nervously.

"Certainly," the first replied. "These fellows never miss anything."

"That will be terrible," the second friend said. "Are you quite sure they won't leave us any money?" he persisted.

"Of course," was the reply. "Why do you ask?"

The other was silent for a minute. Then, taking a fifty-dollar note from his pocket, he handed it to his friend.

"What is this for?" the first asked, taking the money.

"That's the fifty dollars I owe you," the other answered. "Now we're square."--_W. Dayton Wegefarth_.

WILLIS--"He calls himself a dynamo."

GILLIS--"No wonder; everything he has on is charged."--_Judge_.

Antic.i.p.ated rents, and bills unpaid, Force many a s.h.i.+ning youth into the shade, Not to redeem his time, but his estate, And play the fool, but at the cheaper rate.

--_Cowper_.

I hold every man a debtor to his profession.--_Bacon_.

DEER

"The deer's a mighty useful beast From Petersburg to Tennyson For while he lives he lopes around And when he's dead he's venison."

--_Ellis Parker Butler_.

DEGREES

A young theologian named Fiddle Refused to accept his degree; "For," said he, "'tis enough to be Fiddle, Without being Fiddle D.D."

DEMOCRACY

"Why are you so vexed, Irma?"

"I am so exasperated! I attended the meeting of the Social Equality League, and my parlor-maid presided, and she had the audacity to call me to order three times."--_M. L. Hayward_.

_See also_ Ancestry.

DEMOCRATIC PARTY

HOSPITAL PHYSICIAN--"Which ward do you wish to be taken to? A pay ward or a--"

MALONEY--"Iny of thim, Doc, thot's safely Dimocratic."

DENTISTRY