Toaster's Handbook Part 68

The wife of a Prime Minister is called a Primate.

The Greeks were too thickly populated to be comfortable.

The American war was started because the people would persist in sending their parcels thru the post without stamps.

Prince William was drowned in a b.u.t.t of Malmsey wine; he never laughed again.

The heart is located on the west side of the body.

Richard II is said to have been murdered by some historians; his real fate is uncertain.

Subjects have a right to part.i.tion the king.

A kaiser is a stream of hot water springin' up an' distubin' the earth.

He had nothing left to live for but to die.

Franklin's education was got by himself. He worked himself up to be a great literal man. He was also able to invent electricity. Franklin's father was a tallow chandelier.

Monastery is the place for monsters.

Sir Walter Raleigh was put out once when his servant found him with fire in his head. And one day after there had been a lot of rain, he threw his cloak in a puddle and the queen stepped dryly over.

The Greeks planted colonists for their food supplies.

Nicotine is so deadly a poison that a drop on the end of a dog's tail will kill a man.

A mosquito is the child of black and white parents.

An author is a queer animal because his tales (tails) come from his head.

Wind is air in a hurry.

The people that come to America found Indians, but no people.

Shadows are rays of darkness.

Lincoln wrote the address while riding from Was.h.i.+ngton to Gettysburg on an envelope.

Queen Elizabeth was tall and thin, but she was a stout protestant.

An equinox is a man who lives near the north pole.

An abstract noun is something we can think of but cannot feel--as a red hot poker.

The population of New England is too dry for farming.

Anatomy is the human body, which consists of three parts, the head, the chist, and the stummick. The head contains the eyes and brains, if any.

The chist contains the lungs and a piece of the liver. The stummick is devoted to the bowels, of which there are five, a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes w and y.

Filigree means a list of your descendants.

"The Complete Angler" was written by Euclid because he knew all about angles.

The imperfect tense in French is used to express a future action in past time which does not take place at all.

Arabia has many syphoons and very bad ones; It gets into your hair even with your mouth shut.

The modern name for Gaul is vinegar.

Some of the West India Islands are subject to torpedoes.

The Crusaders were a wild and savage people until Peter the Hermit preached to them.

On the low coast plains of Mexico yellow fever is very popular.

Louis XVI was gelatined during the French Revolution.

Gender shows whether a man is masculine, feminine, or neuter.

An angle is a triangle with only two sides.

Geometry teaches us how to bis.e.x angels.

Gravitation is that which if there were none we should all fly away.

A vacuum is a large empty s.p.a.ce where the Pope lives.

A deacon is the lowest kind of Christian.

Vapor is dried water.

The Salic law is that you must take everything with a grain of salt.

The Zodiac is the Zoo of the sky, where lions, goats and other animals go after they are dead.

The Pharisees were people who like to show off their goodness by praying in synonyms.

An abstract noun is something you can't see when you are looking at it.

EXCUSES

The children had been reminded that they must not appear at school the following week without their application blanks properly filled out as to names of parents, addresses, dates and place of birth. On Monday morning Katie Barnes arrived, the tears streaming down her cheeks. "What is the trouble?" Miss Green inquired, seeking to comfort her. "Oh,"

sobbed the little girl, "I forgot my excuse for being born."