I Will Fear No Evil Part 14

"Hedrick had most of it removed the middle of the day."

"All right, you stay in the Brown Room tonight; then tomorrow Cunningham can get the Green Suite in shape for you."

"Joan Eunice, what leads you to think I'm moving in here? I'm not."

"I didn't say you were. I said that the Green Suite is yours. Whether you stay a night or a year. Yours without invitation, yours to come and go without bothering to say h.e.l.lo or good-bye. Although I hope it will suit you to say h.e.l.lo to me frequently. Is Hubert, my former valet, still around?"

"Yes. He's tended me the last two nights."

"From now on he'll tend the Green Suite and take care of you whenever you honor us with your presence. Jake, you had better move some clothes here."

"d.a.m.n it-Pardon me, Joan Eunice."

"For saying 'd.a.m.n it'? It's a strange day when my oldest friend must curb his language in my presence. Jake, I've heard you use language that would blister paint at forty yards-and at at me, not merely in my presence." me, not merely in my presence."

"True. But I must now remember that you are a lady, Joan Eunice."

"Please yourself. I'm going to have more trouble learning to be a lady than you will have in remembering that I am supposed to be one. If you slip, ignore it-for you know that I never took a back seat to any muleskinner in other days. You were saying?"

"Well, I was saying, 'd.a.m.n it, we must remember your reputation'-Joan Eunice."

"My what? what? My reputation as a My reputation as a woman? woman? I doubt if I have one-other than as a sideshow freak. Doesn't worry me." I doubt if I have one-other than as a sideshow freak. Doesn't worry me."

"You're not in the news, Joan Eunice, since shortly after the operation. Oh, you will be again when we go into court . . . and perhaps sooner, when someone in your household staff or Dr. Hedrick's staff spills the fact of your recovery."

"So I'll be a sideshow freak again and who cares? A nine-day wonder lasts only a couple of days now; they wear out faster than they did when I was a kid. Jake, I haven't worried about what anyone said about me for over half a century. The image our P.R. men built up was for the company, not for me personally. As for Mrs. Grundy-I think she's dead. The present generation does not care about her opinion-a change for the better in a world otherwise deteriorating. I doubt if Eunice ever heard of Mrs. Grundy." (Sure have, Boss. My fourth-grade teacher. Used to shack with the vice-princ.i.p.al until his wife found out. We kids giggled over it-but you you would have liked her. . . you dirty old darling. Keep working on Jake, dear-time to back away closer.) (Who's driving this car?) (I am.) would have liked her. . . you dirty old darling. Keep working on Jake, dear-time to back away closer.) (Who's driving this car?) (I am.) Mr. Salomon said thoughtfully, "I think you are right about this younger generation, Joan Eunice. Only people my age and older give such matters a thought. But you you know that I should not live under your roof now. And so do I." know that I should not live under your roof now. And so do I."

"Jake, I am not trying to force you. Nor am I trying to compromise you-"

"Eh? Me? Me? It's It's your your reputation I am thinking of. With your servants, at least." reputation I am thinking of. With your servants, at least."

(Why, the old hypocrite. Ask him about the time he crowded me into a cloak closet with Cunningham almost breathing down our necks. Go on, I dare you. Oh, he's a one, that one-courage under fire.) "Jake, that is sweet of you but I don't give a triple d.a.m.n how my servants gossip in the kitchen. But I am able to protect you you from gossip, sir. I have acquired the most conventional of Victorian chaperonage-a respectable lady's maid. She'll sleep just through that door, where Hubert used to sleep. If it frets you, she can always be present when you and I are together." (Hey, what is this? Trying to get Winnie into the act? She might go for it-Jake won't. Watch it, dear.) (Quit kibitzing, Eunice.) from gossip, sir. I have acquired the most conventional of Victorian chaperonage-a respectable lady's maid. She'll sleep just through that door, where Hubert used to sleep. If it frets you, she can always be present when you and I are together." (Hey, what is this? Trying to get Winnie into the act? She might go for it-Jake won't. Watch it, dear.) (Quit kibitzing, Eunice.) The lawyer raised his brows. "You've hired a maid already? Surprising. Though you never were one to dillydally. Or did you s.h.i.+ft around part of your in-house staff?"

"Some of both, Jake. I antic.i.p.ated that Dr. Garcia will insist on my having a trained nurse . . . so I persuaded one of the nurses to stay on, in both capacities. Winnie. You've seen her, the little redhead."

"Possibly I have."

('Possibly' he says. All All you men are hypocrites. If he hasn't patted her b.u.t.t, he's thought about it.) you men are hypocrites. If he hasn't patted her b.u.t.t, he's thought about it.) "I'm lucky to get her. Intelligent. Educated. Able to teach me things I must know and, being a nurse, used to caring for people even more than a maid does. I used the usual argument-money-but I was careful to respect her professional pride; she'll still be my nurse, she'll lady's-maid me as a friendly favor. I think she may be in bed. But she would get up and chaperon us if asked. Shall I send for her?"

"What? Oh, don't be silly, Joan Eunice. You're making a mountain of a molehill."

"It seemed to me that you were, Jake. I do feel defenseless as a woman . . . even though I was far more vulnerable as a sick old man than I am now in this strong young body. But I feel safe safe with you present-and not at all safe when you are away. Jake, I can't urge you to live here . . . but can't you see what a favor it would be to me? As well as-How many rooms do you have at the Gib?" with you present-and not at all safe when you are away. Jake, I can't urge you to live here . . . but can't you see what a favor it would be to me? As well as-How many rooms do you have at the Gib?"

"Two. Adequate for my needs."

"The rooms there aren't large . . . whereas the living room of the Green Suite is as large as this room. We could cut a door from it into the upstairs library and it could be your study. Move anything into it you need for my affairs or your own-plenty of room for files or books. Jake, I don't need this big mausoleum any more than you needed your house. But if I tried to sell it, I couldn't get ten percent of what it cost; I built it during the worst of the Riot Years and the cost doesn't show; it's a prettied-up fortress, stronger than police barracks. Well, we may have such years again; I may yet be glad I spared no expense. In the meantime it's big and safe and comfortable, and you might as well use it. When you wish, I mean, especially when you work on my affairs."

"Well, I have been working on some of your affairs here in the house. Uh, Joan Eunice, as your guardian, I had to take over management of your household."

"Hasn't Cunningham saved you from such picayune worries? I must speak to him."

"Well . . . yes, he has and I've let him go on as before; I've made no changes. But I have had to look over the household books and authorize charges and confound it, they're stealing you blind. Cunningham especially."

"Good!"

"What's good about it?"

"Jake, you told me that it was impossible to spend my income. If my butler is black-marketing two-thirds of what he buys for me and pocketing the proceeds-and he always has-then he's anxious to keep his job. Which means that he has to please me. me. Jake, can you think of a cheaper way to buy the nearest thing to loyalty that can be bought? Let him steal. Do not bind the mouths of the kine who tread the grain. The good horse must always get his lump of sugar." Jake, can you think of a cheaper way to buy the nearest thing to loyalty that can be bought? Let him steal. Do not bind the mouths of the kine who tread the grain. The good horse must always get his lump of sugar."

"Bad precedent. Corrupts the country."

"The country is corrupt. But 'it is the only game in town'; we have no choice. The problem is always how to live in a decadent society. Jake, I want you to live here. I hope you will live here. It will make me feel happy and safe safe for you to be under the same roof. But don't worry about my reputation-and Winnie is here to protect yours. Most certainly don't think about such trivia as household expenses; just close your eyes and sign. But don't hesitate to chew out Cunningham if the service is less than perfect; that's the price he must pay for the privilege of swindling. me. By the way, my chief guard steals, too; I think he has a fifty-fifty split with Cunningham. I've never tried to find out the arrangement; it would embarra.s.s them." for you to be under the same roof. But don't worry about my reputation-and Winnie is here to protect yours. Most certainly don't think about such trivia as household expenses; just close your eyes and sign. But don't hesitate to chew out Cunningham if the service is less than perfect; that's the price he must pay for the privilege of swindling. me. By the way, my chief guard steals, too; I think he has a fifty-fifty split with Cunningham. I've never tried to find out the arrangement; it would embarra.s.s them."

Salomon smiled. "Joan Eunice, for a young-and beautiful-woman, you sound remarkably like a cynical old man I used to know."

"Do I, Jake dear? I must learn not to sound that way. I must now leave the 'cynical old man' things to you and try to behave like a lady. If I can. But please don't disrupt a smooth household by trying to reform it-or it will wind up like a reform administration: less efficient and still more expensive. Didn't your servants steal from you?"

The lawyer looked sheepish. "Well . . . yes. But I had the best cook in Safe Harbor enclave. If I had fired her, I might have wound up with one just as expensive-who put sugar in gravy. I think I was groused that they were stealing from you-when you were helpless. But I didn't want to tamper with your household while there was any chance that you might recover. Wanted to hand it back as it was. And I have. Or shall."

"Thank you, Jake. At the moment, while I may not yet be a lady, I feel not at all like a cynical old man. I find that I feel like a woman who has been ill and is not yet fully recovered. I had best go to bed. Will you help me?"

"Uh, I'll call the nurse."

"Jake, Jake-this is the body I have; we must quit being jumpy about it. Here, lend me your arm. I can stand if you'll help me . . . and walk to the bed if you'll let me lean on you."

Salomon gave up, offered her both hands to help her out of the chair, steadied her with his arm to the bed. Joan Eunice got into it quickly, slid her negligee off as she slid under the sheet. "Thank you, Jake."

"My pleasure-Joan Eunice."

"Will you have breakfast with me? Or lunch if you want to sleep late?"

"Uh . . . lunch."

"I'm looking forward to it." She put out her hand. He took it, bowed over it-hesitated only slightly and kissed it firmly.

Joan Eunice kept his hand and pulled. "Come closer, Jake dear." She reached up, took his face between her palms. "You loved her."

"Yes."

"I loved her."

"I know."

"Say my name. My new name."

"Joan-Joan Eunice."

"Thank you, Jake." Unhurriedly, she pulled his face down, kissed him softly on the lips. "Good night, dear friend."

"Good night-Joan Eunice." He left quickly.

(Joan you b.i.t.c.h, you're pus.h.i.+ng him too hard.) (I am not! not!) (The h.e.l.l you aren't. For a second I thought you were going to drag him right into bed.) (Ridiculous!) (And you're pus.h.i.+ng yourself too hard, too.) (Eunice, quit crabbing. I could have backed out up to the last split second. I found that I did not mind it. After all, there are many cultures in which men kiss men, as a gesture of friends.h.i.+p.) (In case you haven't noticed, you are no longer a man-you're a mixed-up chick.) (I've noticed. Look, snoopy, it was a necessary symbol. I had to show Jake that he could touch me, even kiss me good-night . . . and not have it be tragic. And it wasn't. Reminded me of my father kissing me good-night . . . which he did until I was a big boy.) (Well . . . perhaps Jake is going to settle for being fatherly. But don't count on it, Joan. Let me warn you, Sis-Jake can kiss much much better than that. He can kiss so well that your insides melt down, starting at your belly b.u.t.ton and spreading in all directions.) (A possibility. A remote one. Now will you shut up, and let us sleep? I really better than that. He can kiss so well that your insides melt down, starting at your belly b.u.t.ton and spreading in all directions.) (A possibility. A remote one. Now will you shut up, and let us sleep? I really am am tired.) (Love me, Boss?) (I've never stopped loving you dear-and never will.) (Me, too-and wish I could kiss you good-night. Sleep, Boss-everything's going to be all right.) tired.) (Love me, Boss?) (I've never stopped loving you dear-and never will.) (Me, too-and wish I could kiss you good-night. Sleep, Boss-everything's going to be all right.) Before she could get to sleep, Winifred. came in, in robe and slippers. "Miss Joan?" she said softly.

"Yes, dear? Put the floor lights on."

"Mr. Salomon said that you had gone to bed-"

"And you look as if you had. Did he wake you?"

"Oh, no. I was chatting with Mrs. Sloan; she's on watch. But Dr. Garcia left word that your bed was to be all the way down-and I see that it isn't. How do I put it down?"

"I do it myself, right from the bed-down, like that-or back up, like that. I wasn't asleep yet. It's all right, I'll put it all the way down before you leave . . . and you can tell Doctor that I was a good girl."

"Fine! You can have this capsule if you want it. You don't have to take it, Mrs. Sloan says that Doctor says."

"I'll take it; I want to go right to sleep. If you'll hand me the water there . . . and kiss me good-night. If you won't, I'll sulk and ring for Mrs. Sloan and ask her her to kiss me good-night." to kiss me good-night."

The little nurse grinned. "I'll force myself."

Winifred left about sixty seconds later. (Well, Eunice? How did that one stack up?) (Quite well, Butch. Say eighty percent as well as Jake can do.) (You're teasing.) (You'll find out. Winnie is sweet-but Jake has had years more practice. I'm not chucking asparagus at Winnie. I thought you were going to drag her right in with us.) (With Mrs. Sloan outside and watching our heart rate? What do you think I am? A fool?) (Yes.) (Oh, go to sleep!)

12.

Peace Negotiations, both in Paris and in Montevideo, continued as before. Fighting continued on a token basis, and the dead did not complain. Harvard's new president was dismissed by the student government, which then adjourned without appointing a successor. The Secretary of H.E.W. announced a plan to increase the water content of San Francis...o...b..y to 37%; the Rivers & Harbors Commission denied that H.E.W. had jurisdiction. In Alma-Ata a Morale Corps sergeant gave birth to a healthy two-headed boy by Caesarean section; it was watched worldwide and on Luna, via satellite, to a specially arranged chorus of the Thoughts of Chairman Lu. In Was.h.i.+ngton the I.R.S., acting under Budget Executive Order (Emergency) of '87, announced an additional temporary surtax of 7%. In Miami Miss Universe (Miss Ghana-42-22-38), speaking through her press secretary & interpreter, revealed that she intended to be the first stars.h.i.+p commander and had been studying neo-Einsteinian ballistics under hypnosis for two years. The General Secretary of the People's Fraternal Society of Cosmonauts, Astronauts, & s.p.a.ce Engineers (A.F.L.-C. I.O.) wondered publicly as to Miss Universe's ability to do simple arithmetic with her shoes on. Madam President of the Federated Women's Clubs of the World stated that the Honorable Secretary was a counterrevolutionary rat-fink and a typical example of male arrogance. In Los Angeles smog deaths were down 3% under emergency pollution-abatement measures and a brisk west wind.

In a big, ugly, ornate, old house Miss Joan Eunice Smith sat in Lotus on a mat in her dressing room near a large mirror and facing her nurse-companion-maid, also in Lotus. "Comfortable, Winnie dear?"

"Very."

"I think you're even more limber than I am. All right, let's get into the mood for exercise. You start it."

"All right. But, Miss Joan? What does it mean mean? Oh, I like it; it's very relaxing. But what what jewel in jewel in what what lotus, and lotus, and why why?"

"It means nothing. And everything. If you must have words, it means peace and love and understanding and anything that you think of as good. But it's not for thinking, dear; it's for being being. Let yourself be open to it, don't think. Don't even try not to think. Be. Be."

"All right."

"Start us. Remember the breathing. I'll get in step."

"Om Mani Padme Hum."

(Om Mani Padme Hum. See that aura round her, Boss? She must have had quite quite a night.) (Shut up, Eunice; these prayers were a night.) (Shut up, Eunice; these prayers were your your idea.) "Om Mani Padme Hum." idea.) "Om Mani Padme Hum."

"Om Mani Padme Hum." (Om Mani Padme Hum.) "Om Mani Padme Hum." "Om Mani. . . . . . . . . . . "

(That's enough, Joan.) (So short, beloved? Clock says only twenty minutes.) (I use a different clock. We're warm all through, we're ready. Winnie is more than ready; you'll have to call her back.) "Om Mani Padme Hum. Winifred. Winnie darling, hear me. The sun is rising and so must we."

The little redhead was still perfectly in Lotus, soles of her feet turned upward on her thighs, hands in her lap, palms upward. She was still intoning, with her breathing paced exactly with her prayers. But her eyes had turned up; only the whites showed. "Come back, Winnie. Time."

The girl's eyes turned down to normal; she looked puzzled, then smiled. "Already? Seems like only a moment. I must have fallen asleep."

"Happens. Are you ready? Warm and loose and your muscles soft as cotton?"

"Uh . . . yes, I am."

"Then let's try some singles." Joan Eunice flowed upward from the mat like a flower unfolding and was standing. "You criticize me and I'll criticize you. Then we can have companion exercises for dessert." Joan looked at herself in the long gla.s.s. "I think my belly is firmer every day. I keep telling myself."

"It's perfect and you know it." The redhead got up more slowly, caught herself in a yawn.

"Still sleepy, dear? No pleasant dreams last night?"

The girl barely blushed, then shrugged and smiled. "Pleasant all right but not enough hours. I hope we didn't disturb you."

"Didn't hear a sound. Wouldn't have guessed if you hadn't told me when you came in to kiss me good-night. Dear, if you're short on sleep, maybe you'd rather just criticize."

"Oh, no, I'm getting more out of our exercises than you are-don't want to miss a day. But-yes, I'm short on sleep. Paul-Oh, dear! But I didn't say his last name."

"Didn't hear you, I was rubbing my ears."

"Fibber. He didn't leave until half past two. So I did lose sleep. Not that I minded!"

"I'm sure you didn't. Winnie dear, I did not not mean to snoop. Oh, normal curiosity-being a virgin myself." mean to snoop. Oh, normal curiosity-being a virgin myself."

The nurse looked startled, said, "But-" and shut up.

Joan Eunice smiled. "Sho', sho', hon, I know what that 'But' means. Mrs. Branca was married . . . and Johann Smith was married four times, not to mention jumping out of windows. But Joan Eunice is a virgin-dig me, doll baby?"

"Well, looked at that way-"

"Only way I can can look at it. So I'm curious as a Girl Scout. But telling me would still leave me knowing nothing, even if you wanted to tell, which I'm sure you don't. Someday-no hurry-I suppose I'll find out for myself. So don't you dare blush again and let's get on with our exercises. I'll run through the Tortoise variations and you push me if I need it." look at it. So I'm curious as a Girl Scout. But telling me would still leave me knowing nothing, even if you wanted to tell, which I'm sure you don't. Someday-no hurry-I suppose I'll find out for myself. So don't you dare blush again and let's get on with our exercises. I'll run through the Tortoise variations and you push me if I need it."

After an hour of twisting and stretching and posing Joan Eunice said, "Enough. Much more and we'd be sweating instead of glowing. Ready for gruesome twosomes?"

The high note of the outer door sounded in the bath-dressing room. "d.a.m.n," said Joan. "I mean a ladylike 'dam.' d.a.m.n. Into your tights, dear, and I'll drop your smock over your head. Tell 'em 'No ice today.' "

"Right away." Dressed in seconds, the girl left.

(How'd we look today, Eunice? t.i.ts beginning to suit you?) (We're more than halfway there, Joan; in another week you can cut the time down.) (Not anxious to; it's the most fun of the day . . . except when our lord and guardian deigns to dine with us. Tell me, hon-have you been fretting about those negative reports?) (No, you you have been fretting; they were what I expected. n.o.body knows how memory works except that everyone is sure he knows and thinks all the others are fools.) (I've been thinking about those flatworms. If you can chop up a trained flatworm and feed it to another flatworm and then the second one seems to remember what the first one learned, then-) (Boss! I keep telling you, I am have been fretting; they were what I expected. n.o.body knows how memory works except that everyone is sure he knows and thinks all the others are fools.) (I've been thinking about those flatworms. If you can chop up a trained flatworm and feed it to another flatworm and then the second one seems to remember what the first one learned, then-) (Boss! I keep telling you, I am not not a flatworm! I told you a long time ago that the body remembers, and-let's table it; here comes the fuzz.) a flatworm! I told you a long time ago that the body remembers, and-let's table it; here comes the fuzz.) "Miss Joan, it's Dr. Garcia and Mr. Salomon."