I Will Fear No Evil Part 6

"Better security."

"That hotel seemed secure to me. Armed guards on every door, more armed men operating the lifts-I could not get in or out without showing my I.D. at least thrice. Reminded me of the army. Hadn't realized what an armed camp the States are. Isn't it rather a nuisance?"

"Yes. But one grows used to it. Your hotel is safe enough, physically. But the press are onto us now and they can get inside. And so can the police."

Boyle looked troubled but not panicky. "Legal complications? You a.s.sured me that all that sort of thing had been taken care of."

"I did. It has. The donor was married, as I told you, and by great luck husband and wife had given pre-consent. We had a good many thousands of that blood type quietly signed up-and paid retainers-but we couldn't predict that one would be accidentally killed in time; the statistical projection did not favor it. But one of them was indeed killed and there were no complications-no insuperable ones," Salomon corrected, thinking of a bag of well-worn Federal Reserve notes, "and a court permitted it as 'useful and necessary research.' Nevertheless the press will stir up a storm and some other court may decide to look into it. Doctor, I can put you in Canada in an hour, anywhere on this planet in a day-even on the Moon without much delay. If you so choose."

"Hmm. Wouldn't mind going to the Moon, I've never been there. You say my clothes are in your guest room?"

"Yes. And you are most welcome."

"Is there a tub of hot water nearby?"

"Oh, certainly."

"Then I'll ask for another beer and that hot tub and about ten hours' sleep. I've been arrested before. Doesn't worry me."

5.

Johann Sebastian Bach Smith was somewhere else. Where, he did not know, nor care, nor wonder . . . did not know that he was himself, was not aware of himself nor of anything, was not aware that he was not aware.

Then slowly, over eons, he came up from the nothingness of total anesthesia, surfaced into dreaming. The dreams went on for unmeasured time, endlessly . . . Mrs. Schmidt, can Yonny come out and play . . . Wuxtra! Horrible atrocities in Belgium, read all about it! . . . Johann, don't ever ever walk in like that without knocking, you bad, walk in like that without knocking, you bad, bad bad boy . . . under a cabbage leaf . . . more margin before the market opens tomorrow . . . like h.e.l.l a cabbage leaf; it comes out of her belly b.u.t.ton Yoho you don't know nothing . . . Johnny you know it's not nice to do that and what if my father came downstairs . . . a pretty girl is like a melody . . . hey get a load of that not a d.a.m.n thing on her b.o.o.bs . . . sergeant I volunteered once and that's enough for a lifetime . . . Our Father Which art in Heaven hallowed be thy Name of the game is look out for yourself Smith old Buddy you co-signed the note and I have other fish to Friday at the latest and that's a promise Johann darling I don't know how you could even bring yourself to think such a thing of your own wife is a man's responsibility Mr. Smith and I'm sure the court will agree that four thousand per monthlies is a very modest girl would never do such a thing Schmidt and if I ever catch you hanging around my daughter again I'll shoot the whole works they're not worth the paper they're, printed on Johann I don't know what your father will say when he gets home on the range where the deer and antelope play square with me and you'll get a fair shake it, girlie, shake it, shake it twice is regulation shake it thrice pudding with creamed in her coffin my head off and her old man heard us and that queered it not queer Johann just curious you understand me old body boy I aint got no body and no body works very long for some body else if he expects to get ahead in the world o' business girl has got just as much right to be treated like a lady as any body seen my girl's best friend is her cherish as long as you both shall live right and work hard and pay your bills of lading son goes down and the stars come out of my room at once my husband would kill me and the neighbors are always snooping where did you leave your bicycle would pay for itself in no time Pop if I get this paper rout and in full retreat as we go to press me closer Johnny you're so huge national debt will never be paid off and all our companies' policies must be in inflation so borrow now and pay later than you think I'm that sort of a girl simply because I let you go on to college to be a teacher son but now I see by the dawn's early warning system is useless gentlemen without second-strike capabilities of sustained growth when treated last time so it's your treat this time you treat me nice and I treat you nice you-nice Eunice boy . . . under a cabbage leaf . . . more margin before the market opens tomorrow . . . like h.e.l.l a cabbage leaf; it comes out of her belly b.u.t.ton Yoho you don't know nothing . . . Johnny you know it's not nice to do that and what if my father came downstairs . . . a pretty girl is like a melody . . . hey get a load of that not a d.a.m.n thing on her b.o.o.bs . . . sergeant I volunteered once and that's enough for a lifetime . . . Our Father Which art in Heaven hallowed be thy Name of the game is look out for yourself Smith old Buddy you co-signed the note and I have other fish to Friday at the latest and that's a promise Johann darling I don't know how you could even bring yourself to think such a thing of your own wife is a man's responsibility Mr. Smith and I'm sure the court will agree that four thousand per monthlies is a very modest girl would never do such a thing Schmidt and if I ever catch you hanging around my daughter again I'll shoot the whole works they're not worth the paper they're, printed on Johann I don't know what your father will say when he gets home on the range where the deer and antelope play square with me and you'll get a fair shake it, girlie, shake it, shake it twice is regulation shake it thrice pudding with creamed in her coffin my head off and her old man heard us and that queered it not queer Johann just curious you understand me old body boy I aint got no body and no body works very long for some body else if he expects to get ahead in the world o' business girl has got just as much right to be treated like a lady as any body seen my girl's best friend is her cherish as long as you both shall live right and work hard and pay your bills of lading son goes down and the stars come out of my room at once my husband would kill me and the neighbors are always snooping where did you leave your bicycle would pay for itself in no time Pop if I get this paper rout and in full retreat as we go to press me closer Johnny you're so huge national debt will never be paid off and all our companies' policies must be in inflation so borrow now and pay later than you think I'm that sort of a girl simply because I let you go on to college to be a teacher son but now I see by the dawn's early warning system is useless gentlemen without second-strike capabilities of sustained growth when treated last time so it's your treat this time you treat me nice and I treat you nice you-nice Eunice Eunice Eunice! where did that girl go I've lost Rome and I've lost Gaul but worst of all I've lost Eunice somebody find Eunice . . . coming Boss . . . where have you been right here all along Boss-

His dreams went on endlessly in full stereo-sound, sight, odor, touch-and always surrealistic, which he never noticed. They flowed through him, or he through them, with perfect logic. To him.

Meanwhile the world flowed on around him-and forgot him. The attempt at transplanting a living brain offered opportunity for much loose talk by video commentators, plus guest "experts" who were encouraged to add their own mixture of prejudice, speculation, and bias in the name of "science." A judge in need of publicity issued a warrant for the arrest of "Dr. Lyndon Doyle" (sic) but Dr. Lindsay Boyle was outside of jurisidiction before the warrant was signed and long before the name was straightened out. A famous and very stylish evangelist prepared a sermon denoucning the transplant, using as a text "Vanity of Vanities."

But on the third day a spectacular and unusually b.l.o.o.d.y political a.s.sa.s.sination crowded Johann Smith out of the news and the evangelist found that he could use the sermon by changing a few sentences-which he did, understanding instinctively the American l.u.s.t for the blood of the mighty.

As usual, the unlicensed birth rate exceeded the licensed rate while the abortion rate exceeded both. Upjohn International declared an extra dividend. The backing and filling for the upcoming Presidential campaign speeded up with a joint announcement by the national committees of the two conservative parties, the SDS and the PLA, that they would hold their conventions together (while preserving mutual autonomy) for the (unannounced but understood) purpose of reelecting the inc.u.mbent. The chairman of the extreme left-wing Const.i.tutional Liberation Rally denounced it as a typical crypto-fascist capitalistic plot, and predicted a November victory for Const.i.tutional freedom. The splinter parties, Democratic, Socialist, and Republican, met quietly (few members and almost no delegates under sixty-five) and stole away without causing more than a ripple in the news.

In the Middle East an earthquake killed nine thousand people in three minutes and brought close the ever-present possiblity of war through disturbing the balance of terror. The Sino-American Lunar Commission announced that the Lunar Colonies were now 87% self-sufficient in proteins and carbohydrates, and raised the subsidized out-migration quota but again refused to relax the literacy requirement.

Johann Sebastian Bach Smith dreamed on.

After an unmeasured time (how measure a dream?) Smith woke enough to be aware of himself-the reflexive self-awareness of waking as contrasted with the unquestioning and unexplicit self-experience of dreaming. He knew who he was, Johann Sebastian Bach Smith, a very old man-not a baby, not a boy, not any of his younger selves-and was aware of his sensory surroundings, which were zero: darkness, silence, absence of any physical sensation, not even pressure, touch, kinesthesia.

He wondered if the operation had started, and what it would feel like when he died. He did not worry about pain; he had been a.s.sured that the brain itself had no pain receptors and that he was being anesthetized solely to keep him quiet and unworried while the job was done-besides, pain had not worried Smith in years; it was his constant companion, almost an old friend.

Presently he went back to sleep and to more dreams, unaware that his brain-wave pattern was being monitored and had caused great excitement when change in rhythm and peak had shown that the patient was awake.

Again he was awake and this time gave thought to the possibility that this nothingness was death. He considered the idea without panic, having come to terms with death more than a half century earlier. If this was death, it was neither the Heaven he had been promised as a child nor the h.e.l.l he had long since ceased to believe in, nor even the total lack of self he had come to expect-it was just one d.a.m.n big bore.

He slept again, unaware that the physician in charge of his life-support team had decided that the patient had been awake long enough and had slowed his breathing and made a slight change in his blood chemistry.

He woke again and tried to take stock of the situation. If he was dead-and there seemed no longer reason to doubt it-what did he have left and how could he cut his losses? a.s.sets: none. Correction: one a.s.set, memory. He had a recent memory-of-a-memory, vague and undefined, of confused and crazy dreams-probably from anesthesia and no use to him-plus other memories older but much sharper of being (or having been) Johann Smith. Well, Johann you old b.a.s.t.a.r.d, if you and me are going to have to spend all eternity locked in this limbo we had better get to work on total recall of everything we ever did.

Everything? Or concentrate on the good parts? No, a stew had to have salt or it was too bland. Try to remember all of it. If we have all eternity with nothing to play but this one rerun, we're going to want to have all all of it on tap . . . as even the best parts may get boring after a few thousand times. of it on tap . . . as even the best parts may get boring after a few thousand times.

Still, it wouldn't hurt to concentrate-just for practice-on some exceptionally pleasant memory. So what'll it be, partner? There are only four top subjects, the rest are sideshows: money, s.e.x, war, and death. So which do we choose? Right! Right! You're correct, Eunice; I'm a dirty old man and my only regret (and a sharp one!) is that I didn't find you forty or fifty years back. When you were not yet a gleam in your father's eye, more's the pity. Tell me, girl, were those sea-sh.e.l.l doodads a bra.s.siere or just paint on your pretty skin? Euchered myself on that one-should have asked and let you sa.s.s me. So tell great-grandpappy. Give me a phone call and tell me. Sorry, I can't tell you the wave length, dear; it's unlisted. You're correct, Eunice; I'm a dirty old man and my only regret (and a sharp one!) is that I didn't find you forty or fifty years back. When you were not yet a gleam in your father's eye, more's the pity. Tell me, girl, were those sea-sh.e.l.l doodads a bra.s.siere or just paint on your pretty skin? Euchered myself on that one-should have asked and let you sa.s.s me. So tell great-grandpappy. Give me a phone call and tell me. Sorry, I can't tell you the wave length, dear; it's unlisted.

Golly, you looked cute!

Let's try another one-no chance that I'll forget you, Eunice my dear, but I never laid a finger on you, d.a.m.n it. Let's go way, way back to one we did did lay a finger on. Our very first piece? No, you mucked that up pretty badly, you clumsy lout. The second one? Ah, yes, she was the cat's pajamas! Mrs. Wicklund. First name? Did I ever know her first name? Certainly I never called her by it, not then or later. Even though she let me come back for more. lay a finger on. Our very first piece? No, you mucked that up pretty badly, you clumsy lout. The second one? Ah, yes, she was the cat's pajamas! Mrs. Wicklund. First name? Did I ever know her first name? Certainly I never called her by it, not then or later. Even though she let me come back for more. Let Let me? Encouraged me, set it up. me? Encouraged me, set it up.

Let's see, I was fourteen, fourteen and a half, and she must have been . . . thirty-five? I remember her mentioning that she had been married fifteen years. so call it thirty-five at a guess. No matter, it was the first time I ever encountered a female who wanted it, managed to let me know that she wanted it, then without any bobbles could take charge of a lanky, too-eager, almost-virgin boy, steady him, lead him through it, make him enjoy it, let him know she she enjoyed it-make him feel good about it afterwards. enjoyed it-make him feel good about it afterwards.

G.o.d bless your generous soul, Mrs. Wicklund! If you are lost somewhere in this darkness-for you must have died many years sooner than I did-I hope you remember me and are as happy in remembering me as I am in remembering you.

All the details now-Your flat was right under ours. Cold windy afternoon and you gave me a quarter (big money then, a dime was standard) for going to the grocery for you. For what? How good is your memory, you h.o.r.n.y old goat? Correction: h.o.r.n.y old 'ghost.' What have I got left to be h.o.r.n.y with? Never mind, I am am-it's up here here, Doc. Half a pound of sliced boiled ham, a sack of russet potatoes, a dozen ranch eggs (seven cents a dozen then-my G.o.d!), a ten-cent loaf of Holsum bread and-something else. Oh, yes, a spool of sixty white cotton thread at the notions shop next to Mr. Gilmore's drugstore. Mrs. Baum's shop-two sons, one killed in War One and the other made a name for himself in electronics. But let's get back to you you, Mrs. Wicklund.

You heard me bring my bike into the hallway and opened your door, and I carried your groceries on through to your kitchen. You paid me and offered me hot cocoa and-why wasn't I nervous about Mama? Pop at work and Mr. Wicklund, too; that figured-but where was Mama? Oh, yes, her Sewing Circle afternoon.

So while I drank cocoa and was being polite, you cranked your Victrola and put on a record-uh. "Margie," it was, and you asked me if I knew how to dance. You taught me to dance all right-on the sofa.

A life-support technician studied an oscilloscope, noted an increase in brain activity, concluded that the patient might be frightened and decided to tranquilize. Johann Smith slipped gently into sleep without knowing it-to the scratchy strains of a mechanical phonograph. He was "foxtrotting," so she told him. He did not care what it was called; his arm was around her waist, hers was around his neck, her warm clean odor was sweet in his nostrils. Presently she seduced him.

After a long, ecstatic, and utterly satisfying time he said, "Eunice honey, I didn't know you could fox-trot."

She smiled into his eyes. "You never asked me, Boss. Can you reach past me and shut off the Victrola?"

"Sure, Mrs. Wicklund."

6.

Johann Smith became aware that this limbo was no longer featureless-head resting on something, mouth unpleasantly dry and felt crowded, as if with the sort of junk a dental surgeon inflicts on his victims. There was still total blackness but not quite dead silence. A sucking noise- Any sensation was most welcome. Johann shouted, "Hey! I lived through it! I lived through it!"

Two rooms away the monitoring technician on watch jumped up so fast he knocked over his chair. "Patient's trying to articulate! Get Dr. Brenner!"

Brenner answered quietly over the voice monitor. "I'm with the patient, Cliff. Get a team in here. And notify Dr. Hedrick and Dr. Garcia."

"Right away!"

Johann said, "Hey, d.a.m.n it! Isn't anybody anybody here?" The words came out as incoherent grunts. here?" The words came out as incoherent grunts.

The Doctor touched a wand speaker to the patient's teeth, held the microphone hooked to it against his own throat. "Mr. Smith, do you hear me?"

The patient mumbled again, louder and more forcefully. The Doctor answered, "Mr. Smith, I'm sorry but I cannot understand you. If you hear me, make one sound. Any sort but just one."

The patient grunted once.

"Good, wonderful-you can hear me. All right, one sound by itself means Yes; two sounds mean No. If you understand me, answer with two sounds. Two grunts."

Smith grunted twice.

"Good, now we can talk. One sound for Yes, two for No. Do you hurt?"

Two grunts-"Uh . . . ko!"

"Fine! Now we try something else. Your ears are covered and completely soundproofed; my voice is reaching your inner ears through your teeth and upper jawbone. I'm going to remove part of the covering on your left ear and speak to you that way. The sounds may be painfully loud at first, so I will start with whispers. Understand me?"

One grunt- Smith felt gentle firmness as something pulled loose. "Do you still hear me?"

"Uh . . . ko-"

"Now do you hear me?"

"Uh . . . ko. ko. . ah . ee . . oh . . ee . . . oo . . ow!" . ah . ee . . oh . . ee . . . oo . . ow!"

"I think that was a sentence. Don't try to talk yet. Just one grunt, or two."

Johann said, "Of course I can't talk, you d.a.m.ned idiot! Take this junk out of my mouth!" The vowels came through fairly clearly; consonants were distorted or missing.

"Doctor, how the patient can talk with all that gear in the way?"

Brenner said quietly, "Shut up, Nurse. Mr. Smith, we have an aspirator down your throat to keep you from choking on phlegm, drowning in your own saliva. I can't remove it yet, so try to be patient. Besides that, your eyes are masked. Your eye specialist will decide when that comes off. I can't-I'm the life-support specialist on duty at the moment, not the physician managing your case; that's Dr. Hedrick a.s.sisted by Dr. Garcia. I can't do much more than I have till one of them gets here. Are you comfortable? One grunt or two."

One grunt- "Good. I'll stay here with you. And talk to you if you want me to. Do you?"

One grunt- "Okay, I will. You can talk with more than a Yes or No any time you wish. By spelling. I'll recite the alphabet, slowly, and you stop me with one grunt when I reach a letter you want. And so on for the next letter, until it's spelled out. It's slow . . . but neither one of us is going anywhere. Want to try it?"

One grunt- "Good. I've had lots of practice at it; I've been on many a life-support watch in which the patient could not talk but was awake and perfectly rational. As you are," the Doctor added, lying hopefully, one eye on the master oscilloscope. "But bored, of course. Very bored-that's the worst part for a patient in life-support; he's bored silly, yet we can't let him sleep all the time; it's not good for him and sometimes we need his cooperation. All right, any time you want to spell anything, give three distinct grunts and I'll prove I know my abc's."

Three grunts- "A . . b . . c . . d . . e . . f-" Johann grunted at "r."

" 'R'?" Dr. Brenner repeated. "Don't bother to answer if I'm right. Okay, first letter is 'r.' A . . b . . c . . d . .-"

The message read: "Right ear."

"Do you want the plug removed from your right ear?"

One grunt- Carefully the Doctor removed it. "Testing," he said. "Cincinnati, sixty-six, Susannah. Are you hearing with both ears? Does my voice seem to move from side to side?"

One grunt, followed by three grunts- "Okay, spelled message. A . . b . . c-"

Shortly the Doctor said, "'n.o.body'? Is that the first word of your message?"

Double grunt- "All right, I'll try again. A . . b-" He was interrupted by a series of grunts, and stopped. "You don't want me to spell again . . . yet 'n.o.body' is not the first word of your message. But I would have sworn that I got it right. 'n.o.body-' Uh . . . hey! 'No . . . body'-two words?"

One emphatic grunt- "Are you trying to tell me that you feel as if you had no body? Can't feel it?"

Grunt- "Oh! Of course you can't feel it; you haven't finished healing. But honestly," the Doctor went on, lying with the skill of long practice, "your progress has been amazingly fast. Both speech and hearing so soon, that's wonderfully encouraging. In fact you've just won a bet for me. Five hundred," he went on, still lying, "and at that I demanded more than twice the recovery time you've shown. And now I'm going to double my winnings by putting them back and betting that you'll have full recovery of the use of your whole body in no longer time. Because this is a wonderfully healthy body you have even though you can't feel it yet. Marvelous repair factor."

Triple grunt-Then the spelled message was: "How long?"

"How long since your operation? Or how long until you get the use of your whole body?"

Dr. Brenner was saved by the bell. He stopped reciting the alphabet and said, "Half a moment, Mr. Smith; Dr. Hedrick has arrived, I must report. Nurse will stay with you-just let the patient rest, Nurse; this has been tiring."

Outside the door Dr. Brenner stopped the casemanaging physician, saying, "Dr. Hedrick, one moment before you go in. You've checked the remotes?"

"Certainly. Awake-normal, apparently."

"And rational, in my opinion. I have removed the central stopples from both ear pads and we have been talking, spell-and-grunt, killing time until you-"

"I heard you on monitor, a.s.sumed you must have opened the ears. You take a lot on yourself, Doctor."

Dr. Brenner stiffened, then answered coldly, "Doctor-your patient, conceded. But I was here alone and had to use my own judgment. If you wish me to leave the case, you have only to say so."

"Don't be so d.a.m.ned touchy, young man. Now let's go in and see the patient. Our patient."

"Yes, sir."

They went inside. Dr. Hedrick said, "I'm Dr. Hedrick, Mr. Smith, physician in charge of your case. Congratulations! Welcome back to our weary world. This is a triumph for everyone-and vindication for a great man, Dr. Boyle."

Three grunts- "You wish to spell a message?"

One grunt- "If you will wait a moment, we will remove some items from your mouth and you can talk instead." (With great good luck, Hedrick amended to himself-but I never expected the case to progress even this far. That arrogant butcher really is a great man. To my surprise.) "Would that suit you?"

An emphatic grunt- "Good. Hand aspiration, Dr. Brenner. Adjust those lights, Nurse. Monitor watch! Find out what's keeping Dr. Feinstein."

Johann Smith felt hands working rapidly but gently, then Dr. Hedrick said, "Let me check, Doctor. Very well, remove the jaw wedges. Mr. Smith, we will have to aspirate every few moments-I'd rather not have to force you to cough up fluid. Or go after it the hard way. But you may talk if you wish."