Claire Malloy - Poisoned Pins Part 1

Poisoned Pins.

by Joan Hess.

1998.

I would like to thank Lieutenant Mike Terry of the University of Arkansas Police Department for sharing his time and expertise with me. I would also like to thank Barbara Rose for some of her amazing sorority stories, and several other sources who prefer to remain anonymous (for obvious reasons). Also, Sharyn McCrumb and Les Roberts were kind enough to offer specialized information and deserve my thanks.

1.

Summer can be deadly. Oh, itas got some positive points, I suppose, such as not having to shovel ashes out of the fireplace or drape innocent conifers with tinsel. No sleet, no arctic breezes, no bouts of the flu. On the down side, however, there are virtually no customers in the Book Depot, which leads to no income for its proprietor, who is then obliged to stare gloomily at the pedestrianless sidewalk and think longingly of the other nine months of the year, when Farber College students are burdened with reading lists and a thirst for the sort of a.n.a.lytical insights available from slim yellow study guides.

I was doing just that, rather than battling the piles of paperwork that awaited me in the cramped office at the back of the renovated train station. Iad bought the bookstore more than a decade ago, only a few months after my husband of the moment had a most unfortunate encounter with a chicken truck. Business was never what Iad describe as brisk, but I knew with bleak certainty that the next three months would feel like an eternity as my bank balance dwindled, my spotty old accountant hissed about my delinquent quarterly tax payments, and my spirits inversely reflected the temperature.

The bell above the door tinkled, and I looked up with what optimism I could muster. After a brief struggle with the door, a girl with a towering armload of textbooks staggered across the floor and crashed into the counter with a muted gurgle.

aLet me help you,a I said as I came around the counter and began to unload her. A face emerged, framed by wispy bangs and dull brown hair that needed to be washed. Her eyes were small and yellowish, her nose broad, her lips almost puffy. I continued taking books from her and piling them on the counter until wead completed the task and the rest of her was visible. The rest of her turned out to be skinny to the point of angularity, with no discernible bust, waist, or hips. Beneath the hem of a wrinkled brown skirt, thick calves provided the only convexity.

She was watching me so nervously that I went back to my stool and sat. aWhat can I do for you?a I asked in the dulcet tones of a mild-mannered bookseller intent on a sale.

aDo you buy used textbooks?a I inwardly winced at the nasality of her voice, but merely shook my head and said, aNo, I donat, but Rock Bottom Books does. Itas about four blocks past the tracks, on the opposite side of the street.a aFour blocks? I barely made it this far. I was scared my arms were gonna fall off.a She tried to smile, but her enthusiasm must have fallen off along the way, too. aAre you sure you donat...

aVery sure,a I told the witless wonder. aI do, however, sell books, and youare welcome to look around.a aThank you.a She drifted behind a rack of science fiction paperbacks. aYou sure have a lot of books, maaam.a aBookstores are like that,a I said as I glanced at the spines of the textbooks. t.i.tles ran the gamut from computer technology to medieval poetry to botany, an impressively varied array for someone amazed by the presence of books in bookstores. aWhatas your major?a I asked the top of her head.

aElementary ed. Iam going to be a teacher when I graduate. Thereas something really special about kids, isnat there? I mean, theyare so young and everything, like little sponges ready to soak up everything they can.a Was a sale so important? It was well past the middle of the afternoon, and not a completely unreasonable hour to close the store, meet Luanne at the shady beer garden across the street, and drown my financial sorrows while gazing numbly at the desultory old hippies who came out only while the majority of Farber College students were gone for the summer. Pabst, pretzels, and piteous whininga"not an unappealing combination for a summeras eve.

Or I could call Peter Rosen, a man of considerable charm with dark, curly hair, eyes as deceptively guileless as puddles of mola.s.ses, a hawkish nose, and an uncanny talent in matters of pa.s.sion. In other matters he could be somewhat irritating, alas, along with tedious, humorless, dictatorial, and blunt. Cops can be like that. As can men in general, I amended.

aI guess Iad better try to find that other store,a the girl said as she reappeared. I helped her pile the books in her arms, escorted her out the front door, and watched her for a few minutes as she reeled up the sidewalk, oblivious to the potential peril of the uneven pavement. Entertainmentas not easy to come by in Farberville, a mundane place made tolerable only by the slight infusiona"or illusiona"of culture from the college.

I was reduced to reading the local newspaper when the bell again jangled. This time the door banged open and the sunlight splashed on my face as my daughter Caron careened into the room with the finesse of a runaway locomotive.

aMother!a she shrieked. aI have this absolutely incredible way to earn thousands and thousands of dollars! That way I can buy a car at the end of the summer! Arenat you excited?a Caron is fifteen, an age that precludes pleasantries. Although we are similarly equipped with red hafr green eyes, and freckles, she has such an aura of intensity that I feel obliged to offer a disclaimer when I introduce her to the unwary. Sheas capable of the brightest explosion or the darkest implosion, neither remotely predictable and both equally alarming. Before she was deluged by demon hormones, shead not been an unreasonable person with whom to converse. I fully intend to resume such motherdaughter intimacy when itas no longer a life-threatening proposition.

Following more sedately was her best friend, Inez Thornton, also fifteen but without Caronas melodramatic flair. Inez is drab and soft-spoken, a perfect counterfoil to my burgeoning Broadway star. Her hair is brown in an oddly colorless way, her face rounded with the vestiges of childhood. The thick lenses of her gla.s.ses give her an expression of mild alarm, but if I were in Caronas wake, Iad look that way, too.

aThousands of dollars?a I said cautiously.

aThousands and thousands of dollars!a Aglow with greed, Caron began to dance disjointedly in front of the cotmter~ twirling on one foot and then the other, s.n.a.t.c.hing invisible bills from an invisible money tree. aI think Iall get one of those foxy little red convertibles. Rhondaas getting some really stupid car that her brother used to drive. Sheall Absolutely Puke when I pull up in front of her house. Canat you see her face when she realizes Louis Wilderberry is in my pa.s.senger seat?a She wafted away between the racks, lost in this consummate vision of revenge. aOh, Rhonda,a she continued in a syrupy simper, aLouis and I are going to the drive-in movie. Wead invite you, but itas too cozy for three. Bye-bye, Miss Cellulite Thighs!a aCaronas kind of mad at Rhonda,a Inez contributed with a sigh. aWe called to see if she wanted to go to the mall, but she said she had to stay home and baby-sit for her nerdy little brother. We went by anyway, and Louisas car is parked in her driveway.a aOh,a I said wisely. aHow does Caron intend to chance upon enough money to exact this retribution?a Caron capered back into view. aIam going to be a consultant for My Beautiful Self, Inc. Itas this unbelievably brilliant opportunity for me to make as much money as I want this summera Her smile vanished, replaced by a look of sheer agony. aBut wait! I canat have a red convertible!a An observer who might a.s.sume I understood any of this would be severely overestimating my maternal ac.u.men, which, as usual, hovered near zero. I wasnat about to ask any questions or demand any explanations, however~ and merely watched as she slumped against the self-help books and rubbed her face.

aI canat have black, either,a she said in a dull voice. aIam Friendly, so I suppose Iall have to get a bronze or forest-green convertible. I just canat risk red.a aIam Elegant,a Inez said to me. aI could have a raspberry-colored car, but my parents probably wonat even let me drive until Iam twenty-one because of the insurance rates.a I waited for a moment, but both of them seemed lost in despondency. Despite the innumerable occasions when I should have kept out of it and suffered accordingly, I said, aFriendly and Elegant? I suppose thatas better than being toady and dowdy.a aOh, Mother,a Caron said, lading the words with contempt as only a seasoned teenager can do, an.o.bodyas toady or dowdy. Thereas only four categories: Sophisticated, Elegant, Lively, and Friendly, as in S-E-L-F. Thatas to help you remember them when youare doing a My Beautiful Self a.n.a.lysis.a aAnd this leads to thousandsa"and thousandsa"of dollars?a aMy sixteenth birthday is the week before school starts, so youad better hope it does. I have to have a car, you know, and not some ugly old pickup truck with dents all over it and a gun rack and horrible splotches of mildew.a aMildew?a Inez said, then slithered behind a rack as Caron glared at her aWho said anything about a pickup truck?a I asked.

aWere you planning to buy me a new Camaro?a I closed the ledger and locked the cash register. aFrankly, my dear, I wasnat planning to buy you anything more complex than new loafers. We cannot afford a second car, especially in a recession. Weall be lucky to survive the summer, and Iam going to have to figure out a way to increase inventory for the fall semester without selling you into white slavery.~~ Caronas lower lip shot out. aI am not going to be the only person at the entire high school without a car. Everybodyall have a car this year, except maybe the nonent.i.ties who take welding and home nursing and disgusting things like that. Maybe I should forget about Honors Algebra and sign up for Teen Living? Thatas the course where you carry around an egg all year, waiting for it to take its first step and call you Mama.a aAllison Wade fried hers in the middle of the semester,a Inez said, aand the teacher flunked her.a aHow about omelets for dinner?a I suggested, then locked the store and herded them up Thurber Street toward our duplex across from the lawn of Farber College. Sally Frombergeras caf was closed for the summer, I noted unhappily, as were the renovated theater and pricey sportswear store. Their proprietors had acknowledged the inevitable, and if they were starving, they were doing it without the daily humiliation of silent cash registers.

aDonat you want to know more about how Iam going to get rich?a Caron asked, the lip having retreated for the moment. I nodded. aWell, one of the girls from the sorority house next door came by while I was putting out your garbage anda"a aMy garbage?a aItas certainly not mine. Anyway, she asked if I was interested in making a whole lot of money this summer. Then she told me all about how I could become a My Beautiful Self consultant, and how by the end of the summer Iad probably need a stockbroker and a bank account in Switzerland anda"a aA My Beautiful Self consultant?a I interrupted before we moved into the realm of treasury bonds and retiring the national debt.

We were in front of the sorority house, an imposing white brick structure reminiscent of a plantation with its pillars and green shutters. It would have been imposing, that is, had the paint not been peeling, screens missing from some of the windows, a shutter hanging crookedly, the sidewalk cracked, the shrubbery brittle, the lawn yellowish-brown and crisscrossed with worn paths. Although Iad walked past it numerous times a day for years, Iad never so much as paused to study it. It took me a moment to interpret the Greek letters on the sign: Kappa Theta Eta.

I heard rock music coming from an open window on the first floor aI thought all the fraternity and sorority houses closed for the summer~~ aNot this one,a Caron said impatiently. aAnyway, Pippaas going to train me, and when Iam a certified consultant, I can charge people for sessions and make as much money as I want. I can even recruit new consultants and train them myself. Then when their clients order cosmetics and stuff, I get ten percent.a I tried to keep my voice light. aAnd this sorority girl spotted you clutching a garbage bag and realized you were the ideal candidate?a aShe said sheas always looking for potential trainees, and sheas noticed me walking past the house and thought how perfect Iad be. There are a few consultants in the dorms and other sorority houses, but thereas no one working the high school market. It ought to be a gold mine.

aAnd she gets ten percent of the gold you dig up at the high school?a I asked. aIs tbis Legitimate?a Inez nodded. aItas this big company with regional supervisors and catalogs and brochures and everything. My mother had some of her friends aver one nighta"a aOf course itas legitimate!a snapped Caron. aThe founder is this Hungarian aristocrat who wanted to share her beauty secrets with the world. The trainingas very involved and you end up with a certificate and a card to carry in your purse. You have to sort of make an investment in the beginning, but you earn it back right away, and after that, everythingas clear profit.a The last sentence had been said in a fast mumble, but I caught it nevertheless. aHow much of an investment?a aNot that much,a she said in such a defensive tone that I knew I was going to hear a real whopper aYou have to order the official My Beautiful Self kit, but itas no big deal and itas totally necessary for when you do the sessions. Iall be able to pay you back at the end of thea"a I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. aPay me back?a The long-suffering martyr rolled her eyes in a heavenly direction. aWeare talking sixty dollars or so, not a zillion.a aDonat forget the s.h.i.+pping and handling charges,a Inez added. aThat adds another twelve dollars and eighty cents, for a total of seventy-two dollars and eighty cents.a Caron did not sound pleased with this display of arithmetic astuteness. aSo thereas s.h.i.+pping and handling. The point is, Mother, that Iall pay you back within a few days when I sign up all my friends. I can charge whatever I want, but Pippa says I should get a minimum of ten dollars for the basic a.n.a.lysis, and as much as twenty for an accessory awareness session. I get twenty-five percent of all the orders I generate, and ten percent of the orders of my trainees for the first six months.a Before I could share my feelings about what might well be immoral, a silver Mercedes parked at the curb. A battered green truck pulled up behind it, and both drivers emerged from their vehicles. One was a slender middle-aged woman in a beige silk suit and matching heels, who moved with the brisk self-a.s.surance of a Junior League president. The other was a shambling man with a stubbly face, thick wet lips, red-rimmed eyes, hair that might have been styled with pruning shears, and paint-spotted overalls. They started toward the sorority house.

I tried to nudge Caron and Inez into motion. aWe will continue this discussion when we get upstairs,a I said in a cold, curt voice. I was actually rather proud of myself, in that my stomach was twisted into a cruel knot and I was having difficulty breathing. Clouds had not crossed the sun, but everything seemed to glow in an eene way.

aDid you see who that was?a gasped Caron. Apparently Inez was too flabbergasted to do anything more than goggle at the figures on the porch of the sorority house.

aItas none of our business,a I said.

Inez finally found what there was of her voice. aItas Arnie. You remember him, donat you, Mrs. Malloy?a aYes, I do.a I grabbed their arms and propelled them through the door and up the stairs to our apartment. Once we were safely inside, the door locked and the chain in place, I abandoned them and headed for the kitchen to make myself a stiff drink. Minutes later, I made myself another aArnie?a Peter choked on the name, spraying the coffee table with a mouthful of beer. aNot Arnie, please. Seeing him was just some form of recurrent hallucination brought on bya"a aLack of sales?a I leaned my head on his shoulder and stared at the living-room ceiling. aThe girls recognized him, too. Heas driving a disreputable green truck instead of that hideous Cadillac he used to have, but heas the same Arnie right down to his neon nose and s...o...b..ry lips. No better, no worsea"just good ola Arnold Riggles. Canat you keep him in jail for more than ten minutes?a aHe was in the county jail, and your estimate of ten minutes is apt to be accurate. The facilityas crowded, and someone charged with a misdemeanor hardly qualifies for a lengthy period of free room and board. All he did was steal a couple of dogs and a cat, Claire.a aAnd the other times? Drunken driving, drunken hiking, car theft, fleeing the scene, being a nuisance, accusing me of beinga"a aAll misdemeanors, Iam afraid,a Peter murmured, trying to sound soothing despite the edge of amus.e.m.e.nt in his voice. aWe almost nailed him with a felony a couple of months ago, but the prosecutor decided to ignore the small fry and go after the big fish.a I was not in the mood for piscatory puzzles. aWhat are you talking about, Peter? Rigging a ba.s.s tournament?a aNothing that interesting. We learned that the man who had the p.a.w.nshop out in the strip mall east of town was a fence, and we finally got around to busting him. Arnie was one of the regular customers.a aWhy wasnat he hanged?a aWe couldnat prove that he was bringing in stolen property. He claimed a certain necklace had belonged to his mother, and it wasnat on any of our lists. He also brought in a portable television set that might have been taken in an apartment burglary, but the student hadnat recorded a serial number and Arnie swore head won it in a poker game.a aAnd you were gullible enough to believe him?a I rolled my eyes as Caron had done that same afternoon. aSurely you could have found evidence that would be adequate to keep him off our streets for a few yearsa"if youad tried, that is.a He patted me on the shoulder as if I were a faithful dog curled in his lap. aLetas not talk about Arnie anymore, okay? I had a call from a guy I trained with. He owns a cabin about fifty miles from here, and he offered to let me use it anytime this summer Itas fairly rustic, but itas got a fireplace, a great view of the lake, and a king-size bra.s.s bed. We can sit on the deck all day and watch the birds and the bees, and then at night .

He was in the midst of some intriguing remarks concerning other aspects of nature when footsteps came pounding up the stairs. Caron flew into the room, took a deep breath, and said, aIt really is that Awful Arnie Person!a Iad moved to the respectable end of the sofa. I wiggled my eyebrows at Peter, then looked at my daughteras flushed cheeks and air of triumph. aWhat did you learn?a aHeas going to paint the sorority house.a She grabbed a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the coffee table and stuffed them in her mouth as she flopped across a chair aHe works for the contractor, some guy named Ed Whitbred whoas a real painter but was across town finis.h.i.+ng another job. Mrs. Vanderson thought she was meeting Ed, but Arnie showed up, so she had to deal with him. Mrs. Vandersonas what Pippa calls the house corps president, which means sheas in charge of the house maintenance and pays the bills and stuff. The house is going to be painted this summer so they can do better at rush in the fall. They had a real crummy pledge cla.s.s this year because the Kappa Theta Eta house is the nappiest on campus, even worse than some of the fraternity houses. The pledges have to sleep on the third floor, and the roof leaks so badly theyare afraid itas going to crash down on them someday.a aGood detective work,a Peter drawled.

She gave him an offended frown. aI wasnat snooping around the way Mother does. I merely went over to the house to talk to Pippa about my training. I may have gotten lost on my way to her room, but thatas hardly my fault if all the halls look exactly the same.a aYou were prowling around the sorority house?a I said, appalled. aDonat you realize thatas trespa.s.sing?a aIt is not, and it doesnat matter, anyway. There are only four girls living in the house this summer, along with the housemother and her cat. During the regular year, there are over sixty girls in the house and visitors all the time.a Peter had been grinning, but he grew stern. aYou really shouldnat wander around the sorority house, Caron. Thereare always a lot of thefts in the houses, and an unauthorized person is likely to be considered a suspect. Iave seen the data from the campus security force; the number of reported thefts has doubled in the last five years. You donat want to find yourself accused of stealing.a aMe?a she said, now the epitome of innocence. aHow could anybody accuse me of theft? I donat have a dollar to my name, and Mother seems to think itas perfectly fine for me to wear shoes with holes, tatty old sweaters, clothes from the Salvation Armya"a aGo away,a I said.

aBut Iam going to earn money, anyway,a she continued. aPippa says sheall let me use her kit until I can afford my own. All I have to do is line up eight appointments and then Iall have more than enough money. Once I have the kit, I can train all my friends and really start making scads and scads of money. Iad better make some calls.a She sauntered down the hall to her bedroom and closed the door Peter wanted to talk about the cabin. I didnat, and after a few more efforts on his part, he left. He didnat exactly stalk down the stairs, but I heard every last footstep and the door slammed with unnecessary vigor.

Going away with him was too much like a honeymoon, I thought as I tidied up the living room and took our gla.s.ses to the kitchen. My territory was well defined, and I preferred it to be so. I rarely went to his house, and never stayed the night, even when it required a lonely and often chilly drive to my apartment.

I turned off the lights and went to my bedroom. Access to my bed was by invitation only; the concept of anyone a.s.suming a proprietory interest in one of the pillows was disturbing. Iad tried that with a husband, and although the marriage had not resulted in shackles and submission, I felt no need to take on the responsibility of a relations.h.i.+p, to make compromisesa"especially when the compromises tended to resemble total capitulations.

Then again, I reminded myself as I studied the newest set of wrinkles while I brushed my teeth, Caron was within a few months of turning sixteen, which meant I was in the same proximity to forty. I claimed to be selfsufficient, but Iad wasted the day wondering how to pay the rent all summer and I had to find a way to get in new stock for the fall semester A few publlshers had threatened to cut off my credit; others were making inelegant remarks about delinquent payments. The roof leaked and the c.o.c.kroaches were a noticeable addition to the office decor. There were unpaid bills piled in the kitchen. In a few years Caron would have to be sent to college, preferably in a remote state.

Peter earned a decent salary as a lieutenant in the Farberville CID, and there was some family money that kept him expensively dressed right down to his Italian shoes. Head made it clear that he wanted to get married, and would a.s.sume the burden of Caronas education and my dedllne into old age (slated to begin within a matter of months). The Book Depot could become my hobby rather than my source of incipient ulcers.

I was musing over the heretofore hidden mercenary aspects of my personality when I heard a terrified scream.

2.

aWhat was that?a shrieked Caron as we b.u.mped into each other in the hall. Although I was foaming at the mouth, I was still dressed; shead pulled on her s.h.i.+rt and was fumbling with shorts.

Having envisioned her with blood spurting from a maj or artery; I slumped against the wall and waited until the gruesome image faded. aIt was a scream, and it sounded as if it came from directly below my bedroom window. 1 looked, but I couldnat see anybody. Wead better call 911.a aYeah, do that.a She veered around me and headed for the llving room.

I lunged and managed to catch her shoulder before she could rush into the welcoming arms of the neighborhood ax murderer. aYou wait here. Iam going to make the call, and then weall try to see something from my window.a I went into the kitchen, but as I picked up the receiver to punch the appropriate digits, I heard the front door open and close. Caron was going to find Her Beautiful Self grounded until school started, I thought, torn between anger and fear.

When the dispatcher answered, I tersely described the situation and was informed that the grounds of the sorority house were in the campus police departmentas jurisdiction.

aCanat you notify them?a aWeare only allowed to respond to emergencies within our jurisdiction. I can give you the proper number, ma am.

I was back to envisioning Caron drenched in blood, so I eschewed further debate, noted the number, and dialed it with an uncooperative finger. aSomeone screamed at the Kappa Theta Eta house,a I announced, then hung up in the middle of a demand for further details, righteously a.s.suring myself I had none. I hurried downstairs and out to the porch. Caron had vanished. The street was dark and still, as was the sidewalk. The ground floor of the sorority house was lit up as if in antic.i.p.ation of a Shrinersa convention, however so I cut across the adjoining yards, growling Caronas name with every step, and went to the front door It was ajar, and from within I heard hiccupy sobs interspersed with murmurs and silky a.s.surances that ashea was safe. I wasnat sure if ashea was the screamer or Caron, but it seemed likely that Iad found the origins of the crisis, whatever it was. I went inside and paused in a large reception room with pink flocked wallpapei a parquet floor, a small desk with a telephone and a solitary plastic rose in a bud vase, and innumerable group photographs of young women endowed with more than their fair share of glistening white teeth and moist pink gums.

The voices were coming from a room to the left of a staircase. Unlike Caron, I was not pleased with the o~ portunity to trespa.s.s in the Kappa Theta Eta house, but I continued in the direction of the voices and found myself in a lounge with several groupings of shabby ~trni-. ture.

The most central one was occupied by a huddle of womena"and by Caron Malloy, who was soaking up the potential drama with a facade of sympathy. She looked dismayed by my entrance, but managed to say, aThere was a prowler, but heas gone now.a I pointed at her. aGo outside and wait for the police. They should be here any-minute, but they wonat know to come in here.a She hesitated, then realized that anything short of prompt obedience would result in a lengthy sentence that precluded a car, a telephone, and everything else near and dear to hen Once she was gone, I approached the occupied sofa and tried to sort out the players. Without a scorecard.

A girl was sprawled in the middle, her face hidden by her hands and her shoulders twitching. The sobbing, although somewhat tempered, was still audible. Three young women surrounded her, all patting her shoulders, stroking her head, and a.s.suring her that she was safe.

A much older woman, dressed in a robe and slippers and carrying a gla.s.s of water, came into the room. She halted as she spotted me, her forehead creased harshly and her lips puckered with confusion. aYou.., you look familiar, but I canat quite place you,a she said. aI know Iave seen you somewhere. Iam so sorry that I donat remember your name, dear.a aIam Claire Malloy. I live next door, so itas probable youave seen me walking by the house. Several minutes ago I heard someone scream. Iave already called the police. They ought to be here soon.a aThe police?a She gave the ~la.s.s to one of the girls and came across the room. She was significantly less than five feet tall, with frizzy gray hair and a smooth, pale complexion that belied her age only with a webbing of fine wrinkles around her eyes and the slackness beneath her chin. I would not have been surprised to learn shead been born somewhere over the rainbow.

She continued, her voice still high and uncertain, aIam Martha Winklebury, but the girls call me Winkle. Iam the Kappa Theta Eta housemother Itas so very nice to meet you, Mrs. Malloy; you must stop in for iced tea and cookies some afternoon. But as for now, Iam afraid I donat understand why you called the police. As Iam sure all of us can see, the girl is simply upset.a aShe screamed,a I said evenly. aIam accustomed to a certain amount of noise from this place, but this went beyond girlish squeals and shrieks. What happened?a aItas quite silly. Debbie Anne was coming in from the library and thought she saw a prowler in the shrubbery. Iave told the girls again and again not to cut through the side yard when itas dark, but to stay on the sidewalk where thereas plenty of light, even if it means going an extra few feet. Her imagination ran away with her.a aIf it did, it ran into me and knocked me down,a said the accused from the middle of the sofa. Despite her splotchy, tear-streaked face and tremulous voice, I recognized her as the girl whoad tried to peddle used textbooks at my store. She blinked as she realized who I was, but looked down at her tightly clenched hands and let out a groan punctuated with a loud hiccup.

aCouldnat it have been a fraternity boy?a the housemother asked. aThose dreadful Betas are forever trampling down our gra.s.s on their way to the bars on Thurber Street. Iave complained numerous times to their housemothet but she cannot control them. They. .

She dribbled into silence as two uniformed officers came into the room. Neither looked old enough to be a policeman, but they were burly and armeda"aM therefore exactly what Iad ordered.

aIam Officer Terrance,a one of them said, aand this is Officer Michaels. Whatas going on?a Despite her shortness that put her at a disadvantage of more than a foot, Winkie managed to peer down her nose at them, although with a slightly cross-eyed effect. aOh my goodness, men are not allowed in the back of the house. If youall come with me to the living room, Iall explain what happened so you can be on your way.a aDid you make the call, maaam?a asked Officer Terrance. His partner seemed to prefer to enjoy the view of nubile young bodies, two of them clad only in skimpy gowns.

aI made the call,a I said, wiggling my fingers, aand the girl on the sofa is the one who screamed.a aHer nameas Debbie Anne Wray,a Winkie said with a sputtery sigh. aThis has been blown entirely out of proportion, but I suppose we d better get it settled so the girls can go on to bed. All four of them are carrying full schedules this summer Come along, Debbie Anne, and do stop that sniveling. Kappas do not snivel.a She went out of the room. Debbie Anne trailed behind her, sniveling more quietly but with no appreciable lessening of drippage from her raw red nose.

Officer Terrance looked at me. I shrugged and said, aAll I know is that I heard a scream about five minutes ago. I called the emergency number, then came over here toaa"I saw no reason to indict Carona"aflnd out what happened. I didnat see anybody in the yard or running down the sidewalk. No cars in the street.a Terrance scratched his chin while he tried to grasp what he must have felt were the unspoken complexities in my story. He apparently had no success, in that he said, aYouad better wait here until weave questioned the I considered my chances and realized they were naught. aOkay, but be quick about it, please. All I did was my civic duty, and Iad like to go back to bed before dawn.a aWouldnat we all?a he said as he left the room. Officer Michaels reluctantly followed him.

The three girls on the sofa were regarding me with dark suspicion, if not outright alarm. After a muted conference, the two in gowns left through a doorway and the third stood up and approached me with an outstretched hand. She had dark hair cut in a short wedge, flawless if uninspired features, a trim body marred only by overly broad shoulders, and the bright appraisal of a lioness contemplating a crippled eland. Her pale pink sweatsuit had not come from a discount house; her expensive athletic shoes had never so much as walked through the doorway of one.

On her chest was a glittery pin adorned with tiny chains that led to smaller glittery pins. For a brief, stunned moment, I thought it was meant to be symbolic of a skull and crossbones, but as she came nearer, I realized it was nothing more sinister than her sorority pin. I also realized it was much too late to be gadding about the neighborhood.

aIam Jean Hall, Ms. Malloy,a she said as she shook my hand with the precise degree of firmness for the occasion. aI was the house committee president last year, and Iad like to welcome you to Kappa Theta Eta, even though this is not how we prefer to have an open house.a She gave me a pearly smile that went no deeper than the sheen of makeup on her face. aIt seems as though weall be up for a while. Please sit down and make yourself at home. May we offer you coffee or tea?a aNo, thank you.a I sat down on the nearest chair and willed myself not to be intimidated by her aura of determined congeniality. aWhat exactly happened to Debbie Anne?a Jeanas smile tightened. aItas impossible to say. Debbie Anneas a nice enough girl, considering her background, but sheas a teensy bit unreliable. Weave had a problem or two with her during the year, and Iave made a point of doing everything I can to help her adjust to the Kappa Theta Eta way of doing things. I hate to say it, but this may be nothing more than another manifestation of her ... msec.u.n.ties.a aInsecurities?a I echoed.

aI donat quite know how to phrase this tactfully. Sheas hardly the s.h.i.+ning beacon of scholars.h.i.+p in the house. In fact, sheas the only one in her pledge cla.s.s that we didnat initiate during the year Even though she took intellectually demanding courses like bulletin board design and kiddy lit, she was put on academic probation second semester I personally made sure she attended study hall every night, and even excused her from pledge duties so she could spend extra time at the library on weekends. I finally had to tell her that if she canat get her grade point average up this summer, she ought to consider switching to history in the falla"because as far as the Kappas are concerned, thatas what sheall be.a I was a little disconcerted at the lack of compa.s.sion between sisters. aBut what about tonight?a Jean sat down across from me, folded her hands in her lap, and crossed her ankles. aShe was incoherent, which is nothing novel, but her story was that she came up the side yard just as a man stepped out of the shadows. She screamed, and he knocked her down as he fled.a She paused as if hesitant to further malign Debbie Anne, and made a pretense of choosing her words ever so carefully before going in for the verbal kill. aShe attended some little country school where she actually was a majorette. And there was something about being secretary of the Future Farmwives of America, but I donat recall the details. Sheas had a great deal of difficulty fitting in with the others. Her clothes arenat quite right, so all year long Iave lent her mine and done what I could to instill a sense of fas.h.i.+on. Somehow, she always looks as if sheas stepped off the pages of a Sears catalog. Andrew, bless his heart, was in tears after head worked on her hair. Iave tried and tried with her, but I simply cannot get through to her that Kappa Theta Etas are a special breed. Several times last year, she pulled pathetic stunts for the attention.a aLike screaming b.l.o.o.d.y murder at midnight?a aNot exactly,a Jean said with a bloodless little chuckle. aOnce she claimed someone had stolen her motheras diamond earrings. Her roommates finally got tired of listening to her whine and searched her things while she was in study hall. The earrings were at the bottom of her laundry baga"and they were rhinestone. Another time she was accidentally locked in the chapter room after a meeting. She was in absolute hysterics by the time I found her all of five minutes later Youad have thought the room was haunted by hundred-year-old alumnae staggering around like mummies. It was too funny.a aAnd you think this alleged encounter tonight is another stunt to get attention?a aWell, we all dashed out to the yard and carried her into the house. Winkle was fluttering about like a dazed moth, alternately suggesting cold compresses and hot tea. Now youare here, along with the police. Iad have to say she certainly is getting attention, although, of course, itas not exactly the kind to which Kappas aspire.a The housemother came into the lounge. aJean, the officers think we should have a locksmith come by tomorrow and check the security system. I have something on my calendar Will you take care of it?a aOf course, Winkle. What about Debbie Anne? Are they done with her?a aIave sent her to bed. There was so little she could tell them that it was hardly worth their coming.a She looked at me as if Iad just popped up from the upholstery. aTheyare waiting for you in the foyer. I do hope youall avoid causing any more disruptions, at least for tonight. Katie and I would like to get some sleep.a aKatie?a I said despite myself.

aKatie is the house cat,a Winkie said. aItas traditional for all Kappa houses to have cats named Katie. Please lock up, Jean, and turn off the porch lights. Good night, girls.a She veered around the sofa, barely avoiding an end table, and weaved out of the room.

I glanced at Jean, who was watching the housemotheras retreat with a faint sneer She appeared to be enjoying whatever condemnatory thoughts she entertained, so I did not wish her sweet dreams on my way to the foyer and the local version of the Spanish Inquisition.

I repeated my succinct story, and after a few avowals that Iad seen no one in the vicinity, I was escorted to my door and thanked for my overly zealous call. The adjective was mine, but the snickers were all theirs. This may have resulted in my unnecessarily elaborate expression of grat.i.tude for their prompt arrival and subsequently thorough and piercing investigation, but in the midst of it, I realized I hadnat seen Caron in over an hour and went upstairs.

The child was nestled and snug in her bed, snoring gently while visions of convertibles danced in her head. I thought about waking her long enough to tell her she was grounded in perpetuity, but finally went on to bed, where I devised even more intricate forms of torture. In the middle of scheming to adopt Rhonda Maguire and make Caron share her bedroom, I fell asleep.

The next morning she was gone. The fact that her bed was made and her room marginally tidy, coupled with the neatness of the kitchen and lack of toothpaste smears in the bathroom sink, led me to believe she knew what lay in store for her Smart kid, although we both knew she couldnat dodge me indefinitely.

I started coffee, then went downstairs to fetch the morning newspaper This usually required a rigorous search under shrubs, behind trees, and more often than not in the gutter, where it could soak up grime or be flattened by cars. To my surprise, it lay in the middle of the porch, with a pink construction-paper cutout propped against it. I gathered both and returned to the kitchen. The cutout was that of a fat, stylized cat, and the printed message read: aKatie the Kappa Kitten Says Thanks!a Handwritten below that was: aFor being such a good neighbor!a It was signed by Jean Hall.

Somehow or other, this was all Caronas fault, I decided as I drank a fast cup of coffee, tucked the newspaper under my arm, and headed back downstairs. Even though it was two blocks out of my way, I turned right and took the long route to the Book Depot, unwilling to be confronted by a single Kappa, much less by a pink apparition that purported to be overwhelmed with grat.i.tude. I felt queasy, and I doubted it was because of the coffee.

No one disturbed me all morning, Iam sorry to say, and I was packing up returns when the first tinkle of the day lured me out of the office. A young woman with an ashblond helmet of hair and glittery blue eyes was waiting for me, her plump cheeks dimpled with antic.i.p.ation. Had she not been wearing a pink sweats.h.i.+rt emblazoned with the Greek letters kappa, theta, and eta, I might not have recognized her. Had Caron Malloy not been hovering behind her, an exceedingly leery expression on her face, I might not have leaped as swiftly to the conclusion that I did, albeit regretfully.

aHi, Mrs. Malloy,a the woman said, dimpling madly. aIam Pippa Edmondson, and I wanted to come by to thank you for being so swell last night. We were all so stunned by what happened to poor Debbie Annea"or what she said happeneda"that we didnat even think to call the police. I canat remember when weave ever had them at the Kappa house.a aYouare more than welcome,a I said pleasantly to her, although I shot a vexed look at my darling daughter. aI was relieved to find out no one was harmed. Thatas all that matters, so I suggest we let the matter drop and go on about our separate ways.a aNo way,a Pippa protested, widening her eyes as if she were choking. aWe talked it over with Winkie, and we want you and Caron to come for dinner tonight. It wonat be anything fancy, since the cooks are off for the summer and we take turns in the kitchen, but National stresses the importance of being on friendly terms with our neighbors, and right now you must think weare dreadfully rude to disturb you so late at night. We really, really would like to prove to you that weare not the least bit that way, and that weare grateful that you cared enough about our safety to call the police.a I edged back into the office doorway. aAll I did was dial a total of ten digits, which hardly ent.i.tles me to a medal of valor or even a free meal, and someone else would have called if I hadnat. As I said, Iad prefer to forget the incident.a Pippa advanced like a rabid cheerleader, flecks of saliva gathering in the corners of her mouth and her voice rising in pitch. aOh, please come for dinner~ Mrs. Malloy. We have this darling pin that we present to special friends of Kappa Theta Eta, and a little song we sing about the importance of good neighbors.a It was getting worse with each sentence she uttered. Was I to be dressed in a pristine pink robe and required to hold a candle while they crooned to me? Would I be rewarded with a pastel cat to take home and nurture? Did they plan on a ritual involving the letting of blood and some sort of irrevocable lifetime relations.h.i.+p?

aIall . .. uh, Iall be back in a minute,a I stammered, then ducked into the cramped office and closed the door before she could sink her sororal fangs into my neck. Iad attended a large university with numerous fraternities and sororities, but Iad done so during the early seventies, when political radicalism overshadowed the dubious rewards of communal living among the reactionaries who were more concerned with future country-club members.h.i.+p than with the war in Vietnam. While we picketed all day and stayed up all night grinding out primitive pamphlets denouncing almost everybody, they partic.i.p.ated in sports, filled the positions on the Homecoming court, and posed for yearbook photos. I donat seem to recall any great animosity between the two factions. They went about their business, which was to find suitable spouses, complete degrees that would result in good jobs, establish bonds for future networking, and have elaborate parties at which either bedsheets or tuxedos and formals were proper attire.

And now I was trapped by one. I, a woman approaching forty, equipped with her own business, apartment, car payment, overdue quarterly tax estimate, and stretch marks, was leaning against the door, holding my breath as I strained to hear any sound, even the tiniest squeak, that might indicate Pippa and my treacherous daughter were leaving.

There was a back door that led to the weedy parking lot. On more than one memorable occasion, Iad fled through the door, dashed along the railroad tracks, and eventually climbed up the overgrown banks. But those flights had been necessary to avert such petty annoyances as being arrested. Surely I was capable of dealing with a lone sorority girl, even if she was burdened with a cute nickname and dimplemania.

I inched the door open and heard Caron say, aI used to adore those dopey romances by Azalea Twilight, but that was a long time ago.a aMe, too,a gushed Pippa. aDid you ever read the one about the gorgeous nuclear physicist who falls in love with the Russian spy whoas actually a double agent for the CIA? I thought Iad die when he ..

I went out the back door and stood in the parking lot. The railroad tracks stretched into the distance and flnally curled out of sight beneath an overpa.s.s. The brush on the banks was pale green, dotted with small yellow splashes of hawkweed and lacy white yarrow. What thorns and thistles I knew were there were invisible; the growth looked as innocuous as a pastel baby blanket. There was a path near the overpa.s.s that zagged up to a street not more than three blocks from my apartment.

Was I a woman or was I a wimp?

More pertinently, was I willing to risk running into good ola Arnie or yet another Greek bearing a construction-paper gift? I finally squared my shoulders and went back into the office, rehearsing polite if fanciful refusals in my mind. My favorite involved ministering to lepers in the bas.e.m.e.nt of the hospital, but it proved unnecessary when I again inched open the door and ascertained that Caron and her mentor were gone.

Feeling as if the commandant had canceled the firing squad at the last nanosecond, I made sure they werenat hiding behind a rack, then went to the counter to see if Caron had pilfered the pitiful contents of the cash register. There, propped on the keys, was another pink paper cat. The printed message still read: aKatie the Kappa Kitten Says Thanks!a This time the handwritten one read: aFor coming to dinner at seven oaclock tonight!a Cursing under my breath, I searched the store and made sure I had the only perfidious pink cutout. I considered the pleasure I could find in ripping it into a fine pile of pink flakes and sc.r.a.ping them into the wastebasket, set it back on the cash register, and called Peter at the Farberville Police Department.

When he came on the line, I dismissed the idea of accusing the Kappas of terroristic activity and said, aLetas go to the cabin tonight, okay? Iall grab a couple of steaks salad, and a bottle of red wine. All youall have to do isa"a aI canat waltz off in the middle of the week,a he said, sounding rather grumpy considering the graciousness of my invitation. aNeither can you, for that matter You spent two hours last night telling me how poor business is in the summer If you close the bookstore, itas liable to be worse than poor~~ aI didnat say I would close the bookstore. Caron can handle it for a day or two.a aWell, she canat handle this mess Iam into this weeka" and donat get any wild ideas about mysterious deaths caused by poisonous South American tree frogs or blunt objects. Things are so slow around here that Iam temporarily on the community relations and crime prevention squad.a aHow exciting,a I said with a yawn. aWhat cnmes are you preventing?a aThe one weare not preventing is shoplifting. Now that the kids are out of school, they seem dedicated to stealing the contents of the mall, one piece of merchandise at a time. Some of them are happy with a ca.s.sette or a pair of sungla.s.ses, but weare dealing with some slick professionals, too.a The Kappa Kitten leered at me. aSurely you can get away for one night,a I said, lapsing into a despicable female wheedle. aIt doesnat get dark until after nine, so we donat have to leave until youare off duty. Weall be there in time to sit on the deck and watch the sunset, then broil steaks while the stars come out.a aLast night you were more concerned with mosquitoes than starlight. I distinctly remember some caustic remarks about the menace of Mother Nature and your unwillingness to risk what was apt to be a saggy bed and a dearth of hot watera Iad been pretty d.a.m.n eloquent, too. aIave changed my mind, Peter I think we really need to get away, if only for one night, to discuss our relations.h.i.+p.a aDo you?a he said in an infuriatingly mild voice. aI have to meet with mall security at nine, but I can come by after that to ... discuss our relations.h.i.+p.a The Kappa Kitten licked its lips. aThatas too late. We need to leave for the cabin no later than six oaclock. We canat discuss anything when Caron might barge in with some new scheme to make her first million. I donat understand why you canat tell Jorgeson or somebody to meet with the mall cops.a aBecause I canat. Listen, if youare so frantic to go to the cabin, let me call my buddy and see if we can use it this weekend. We can have a couple of lazy, peaceful days to discuss whatever it is that you find so urgent, and Caron wonat have the slightest idea how to find us.a aThen you refuse to go today?a I asked coolly.

aWhatas wrong with this weekend?a aNothing at all. I suggest you warn Jorgeson to stock up on bug spray. Iam sure heall be great company for you in the bra.s.s bed!a I slammed down the receiver, and when it rang seconds later, I grabbed the feather duster and stalked around the counter to attack the cla.s.sics with serious dedication.

3.

aWelcome to Kappa Theta Eta, Mrs. Malloy,a said the girl who must have been hovering just inside the doorway of the house. Iad seen her the night before, but only briefly before she and the one I now knew as Pippa had retreated. She was a beautiful girl, with waist-length black hair, deep blue eyes, dramatically sculpted cheekbones, and a dusky complexion that hinted of exotic forebears. aIam Rebecca Faulkner,a she continued in the mellifluous voice of a well-trained singer. aItas so kind of you to accept our invitation, and Iad love to show you the house.a aIs Caron here?a I said as I forced myself to step over the threshold of a residence that produced pink paper cats with the efficiency of a factory line.

aSheas in Pippaas room.a Rebecca took off like a tour guide, and I followed like a tourist plagued with blisters. I admired the foyer and the living room, which were the only rooms in which men were permitted, and then the lounge, the dining room (apparently busboys were a subspecies), the door to the kitchen, and a short hallway lined with closed doors. All of it was decorated in pink, since, as Rebecca told me, their official colors were pink and white. I was not surprised. I subsequently learned that their official flower was a pink rose, their official mascot the beloved Katie the Kappa Kitten, and their official chapter name Delta Delta. Fearing I was on the verge of learning the brand of their official toothpaste, I declined an invitation to explore the two upper floors and asked to speak to Caron.

aBut we havenat been to Winkieas suite,a Rebecca said, visibly dismayed by my presumptuous intrusion into the itinerary aAll guests have to be formally introduced to the housemother. Itas a rule from National. I escort you to her suite and introduce you, then you and she come to the dining room together.a She looked over her shoulder nervously, as if a spy from National might be lurking in a corner, grimly recording this unseemly deviation from procedure. aThen youall have a chance to meet Katie, Mrs. Malloy. Donat you want to meet Katie in person?a I did not point out the oxymoronic reality that one does not meet an animal in person, nor did I mention my animosity toward the species. It was clear to me by now that there was no hope of winning a battle, or even a minor skirmish, with an organization that dictated the color of the toilet seats.

aBy all means, then,a I said, aletas visit Katie.a Rebecca led me across the foyer and knocked on a door. aMrs. Malloy is here, Winkle,a she called, almost reverently.

Winkie opened the door and invited us in. aIam so pleased you accepted our invitation, Mrs. Malloy. Kappas should be on friendly terms with their neighbors, and the girls should have invited you and your daughter to visit us years ago.a Her tiny living room was decorated in pink (surprise, surprise), and there was a dusty arrangement of pink silk roses on a coffee table. On the sofa was a long-haired cat; its white fur was the only relief thus far from the relentless pinkness. It gazed at me without interest, and I reciprocated in like.

aMay I offer you a gla.s.s of wine?a Winkie said in a conspiratorial voice. aAlcohol is forbidden in the house, but since there are so few girls this summer, I decided it might be all right to have a little nip now and then.a I realized that Rebecca had faded away. aThat would be lovely, Mrs. Winklebury.a aYou must cal] me Winkle. Sit there right by Katie and Iall get the gla.s.ses and the decanter.a She moved out of view, but continued talking. aI do hope you were able to get to sleep last night after that minor bother. Debbie Mne never stops to think what effect her actions may have on others. We had a long talk this afternoon, and I feel confident that sheall behave more appropriately in the future.a aDid the police officers catch the prowler?a I asked as I sat down at the opposite end of the sofa from Katie, bleakly suspecting my dark slacks would be covered with cat hair forever after That particular kind of magnetism seems to be the tribulation borne by non-cat fanciers.

Winkle returned with two gla.s.ses and a chipped decanter. aIs burgundy all right? I have a little chablis, but itas old and might not be any good.a She served the wine and settled into a rocking chair, her shoes barely touching the worn pink carpet, her dress smoothed over her knees, her face crimped with pleasure in antic.i.p.ation of a cozy chat, She reminded me of a child playing in her great-grandmotheras parlor. aFrankly, Claire-if I may call you that?-I doubt there was a prowler The girl has a vivid imagination, to put it kindly, and on other occasions has disrupted the house and caused scenes.a aThatas what Jean said last night. Itas none of my business, but why was Debbie Anne invited to join the sorority if sheas so disliked?a aItas unfortunate that weare obliged to take girls who arenat Kappa material, but itas based on economics. We cannot afford to have vacant beds, much less vacant rooms. The budgetas so tight that we have to fill the pledge cla.s.s as early in the fall as possible; the alumnae and members spend most of their summer having parties and luncheons for potential pledges. All the girls are required to live in the house for a minimum of six consecutive semesters, and we encourage them to stay here all four years.a aIave noticed most of the other houses are closed for the summera I said.

aWe usually close, too, but our house corps president, Eleanor Vanderson, raised enough money for us to do some much-needed redecorating in preparation for rush and for a visit from the financial adviser from National. Sheas coming in August to audit the books, and we dearly hope she can offer some suggestions to improve our situation. When I agreed to be here to supervise the workmen, the girls asked if they could stay. Two of them are taking graduate cla.s.ses, and the other will be a senior. Debbie Anneas technically a freshman and I was opposed to having her.a A dark look crossed her face, then vanished as she gave a rueful laugh. aBut Eleanor determined that we needed four monthly residence fees to cover the utilities, and Debbie Anne was the only other girl in summer school.a aWell, good,a I said lamely, not at all interested in the subject or much of anything else, with the exception of surviving the ordeal and achieving the sanctuary of my own sofa. Winkie was swirling the wine in her gla.s.s, apparently content to sit in silence for what might be a very long time. To cover the sound of my rumbling stomach, I asked, aHow long have you been the housemother?a aThree years. After the divorce, I worked in an exclusive dress shop for almost ten years, but then my back began to trouble me and I was forced to give up my job. This position rescued me from a very bleak situation. A year from now Iall be eligible for social security and a nice pension from a fund established by the National Board. Iall miss the excitement, but it will be a relief to have my own apartment where I can do as I please. Here, I must admit, Iam basically on duty twenty-four hours a day, supervising the kitchen and custodial staffs, handling deliveries, counseling the girls, attending training and social functions for the campus housemothers, and serving as hostess for the house. There are so many restrictions that I sometimes feel as if I have more rules and regulations than the girls.a aIndeed.a I artlessly looked at my watch and then at the cat, which, like any sensible creature, had gone to sleep during Winkieas whiny discourse on her job description.

She caught the hint and stood up. aShall we go to the dining room, Claire?a I rose with alacrity. aThatas a wonderful idea. I havenat seen my daughter all afternoon, and while Rebecca was showing me around, she mentioned that Caron was already here and in Pippaas room.a aAll the girls are staying in the wing off the lounge. It saves on utilities. During the school year, those rooms are used by the house officers, but with just the four..

She stopped to stroke Katieas head, then led me out to the foyer and paused in front of two portraits of women clutching white cats. The cats had uniformly bulgy eyes, as did one of the women.

aThese are the previous housemothers,a she told me. aThe chapter was organized eleven years ago by a group of dedicated alumnae. m.u.f.fy was the first housemother, and she stayed nearly seven years. Sheas out on parole now and dropped by to visit just last month. Pattycake was here only a year before she decided to find other employment. She wasnat a Kappa, and the girls did not find her sympathetic. Some of the seniors still remember how detached she was when her first Katie was run down by a garbage truck out back. One of them told me, in the strictest confidence, of course, that Pattycake was never pleased when they dropped by to say good night to Katie or leave little gifts of catnip and squeaky toys.a aImagine that,a I said, trying not to do so myself as we went through French doors to the dining room.

Pippa, Rebecca, and Jean leaped to their feet as if wead brandished automatic weapons, their ubiquitous sorority pins sparkling madly on uniformly pink expanses. Caron glanced curiously at them but kept her seat as Winkie formally introduced them to me, escorted me to a chafr, and told them to sit back down. The majesty of the moment ended with the shatter of crockery from behind the kitchen door, followed by the dispirited wail of someone who was not Kappa material. Eyes rolled like loose marbles, but no one was motivated to go to the kitchen and investigate the disaster aIam so excited that Caronas my new trainee,a Pippa chirped, dimpling at me. aSheas going to make a swell My Beautiful Self consultant, donat you think? Sheas got such motivation, and youare going to be astounded at how well she does once she starts working the high school market, where there truly is a need. The school colors are purple and gold, so you can imagine what a challenge itall be. But I just know sheas going to stick with it and become one of my top earners.a aAnd you do get a cut, donat you?a I said.