Redemption and two other plays Part 9

PRINCE SERGIUS. Victor Karenin and especially his mother are anxious to know your exact intentions regarding the future.

FeDYA. I've got no intentions. I've given her full freedom. I know she loves Victor Karenin, let her. Personally, I think he is a bore, but he is a good bore. So they'll probably be very happy together, at least in the ordinary sense and que le bon Dieu les benisse.

PRINCE SERGIUS. Yes, but we----

FeDYA (rising, goes L., leans on table). Please don't think I'm jealous. If I just said Victor was dull, I take it back. He's splendid, very decent, in fact the opposite of myself, and he's loved her since her childhood (slowly) and maybe she loved him even when we were married. After all, that happens, and the strongest love is perhaps unconscious love. Yes, I think she's always loved him far, far down beneath what she would admit to herself, and this feeling of nine has been a black shadow across our married life. But--I--I really don't suppose I ought to be talking to you like this, ought I?

PRINCE SERGIUS. Please go on. My only object in coming was to understand this situation completely, and I begin to see how the shadow--as you charmingly express it--could have been----

FeDYA (looking strangely ahead of him). Yes, no brightness could suck up that shadow. And so I suppose I never was satisfied with what my wife gave me, and I looked for every kind of distraction, sick at heart because I did so. I see it more and more clearly since we've been apart. Oh, but I sound as if I were defending myself. G.o.d knows I don't want to do that. No, I was a shocking bad husband. I say was, because now I don't consider myself her husband at all. She's perfectly free. There, does that satisfy you?

PRINCE SERGIUS. Yes, but you know how strictly orthodox Victor and his family are. Of course I don't agree with them--perhaps I have broader views--(with a shrug) but I understand how they feel. They consider that any union without a church marriage is--well, to put it mildly, unthinkable.

FeDYA. Yes, I know he's very stu--I mean strict. (With a slight smile.) "Conservative" is the word, isn't it? But what in G.o.d's name (crossing to C.) do they want, a divorce? I told them long ago I was perfectly willing. But the business of hiring a street-woman and taking her to a shady hotel and arranging to be caught by competent witnesses--ugh--it's all so--so loathsome.

[He shudders--pauses; and sits on bed.

PRINCE SERGIUS. I know. I know. I a.s.sure you, I can sympathize with such a repugnance, but how can one avoid it? You see, it's the only way out. But, my dear boy, you mustn't think I don't sympathize with you. It's a horrible situation for a sensitive man and I quite understand how you must hate it.

FeDYA. Thank you, Prince Sergius. I always knew you were kind and just. Now tell me what to do. Put yourself in my place. I don't pretend to be any better than I really am. I am a blackguard but there are some things that even I can't do. (With a smile and helpless gesture.) I can't tell lies.

[A pause.

PRINCE SERGIUS. I must confess that you bewilder me. You with your gifts and charm and really au fond--a wonderful sense of what's right.

How could you have permitted yourself to plunge into such tawdry distractions? How could you have forgotten so far what you owed to yourself? Tell me, why did you let your life fall into this ruin?

FeDYA (suppressing emotion). I've led this sort of life for ten years and you're the first real person to show me sympathy. Of course, I've been pitied by the degraded ones but never before by a sensible, kind man like you. Thanks more than it's possible to say. (He seems to forget his train of thought and suddenly to recall it.) Ah, yes, my ruin. Well, first, drink, not because it tasted well, but because everything I did disappointed me so, made me so ashamed of myself. I feel ashamed now, while I talk to you. Whenever I drank, shame was drowned in the first gla.s.s, and sadness. Then music, not opera or Beethoven, but gypsy music; the pa.s.sion of it poured energy into my body, while those dark bewitching eyes looked into the bottom of my soul. (He sighs.) And the more alluring it all was, the more shame I felt afterwards.

[Pause.

PRINCE SERGIUS. But what about your career?

FeDYA. My career? This seems to be it. Once I was a director of a bank. There was something terribly lacking between what I felt and what I could do. (Abruptly.) But enough, enough of myself. It makes me rather nervous to think about myself.

[Rises.

PRINCE SERGIUS. What answer am I to take back?

FeDYA (very nervous). Oh, tell them I'm quite at their disposal.

(Walking up and down) They want to marry, and there mustn't be anything in their way (pause); is that it? (Stops walking very suddenly. Repeats.) There mustn't be anything in their way--is that it?

PRINCE SERGIUS (pause. FeDYA sits on table L.). Yes. When do you--when do you think--you'll--you'll have it ready? The evidence?

FeDYA (turns and looks at the PRINCE, suppressing a slight, strained smile). Will a fortnight do?

PRINCE SERGIUS (rising). Yes, I am sure it will. (Rises and crosses to FeDYA.) May I say that you give them your word?

FeDYA (with some impatience). Yes. Yes. (PRINCE offers his hand.) Good-bye, Prince Sergius. And again thanks.

[Exit PRINCE SERGIUS, R. I. FeDYA sits down in an att.i.tude of deep thought.

Why not? Why not? And it's good not to be ashamed----

[Lights dim and out.

CURTAIN

SCENE V

Private room in a cheap restaurant. FeDYA is shown in by a shabby waiter.

WAITER. This way, sir. No one will disturb you here. Here's the writing paper.

[Starts to exit.

FeDYA (as waiter starts to exit). Bring me a bottle of champagne.

WAITER. Yes, sir.

[Exits R. C.

[FeDYA sits at table L. C., and begins to write. IVaN PETROVICH appearing in the doorway R. C.

IVaN PETROVICH. I'll come in, shall I?

FeDYA (sitting L. of table L. C. Very serious). If you want to, but I'm awfully busy, and--(seeing he has already entered) Oh, all right, do come in.

IVaN PETROVICH (C.). You're going to write an answer to their demand.

I'll help you. I'll tell you what to say Speak out. Say what you mean.

It's straight from the shoulder. That's my system. (Picks up box that FeDYA has placed on table--opens it and takes out a revolver.) Hallo!

What's this? Going to shoot yourself. Of course, why not? I understand. They want to humiliate you, and you show them where the courage is--put a bullet through your head and heap coals of fire on theirs. I understand perfectly. (The waiter enters with champagne on tray, pours a gla.s.s for FeDYA, then exits. PETROVICH takes up the gla.s.s of wine and starts to drink. FeDYA looks up from his writing.) I understand everything and everybody, because I'm a genius.

FeDYA. So you are, but----

IVaN PETROVICH (filling and lifting his gla.s.s). Here's to your immortal journey. May it be swift and pleasant. Oh, I see it from your point of view. So why should I stop you? Life and death are the same to genius. I'm dead during life and I live after death. You kill yourself in order to make a few people miss you, but I--but I--am going to kill myself to make the whole world know what it lost. I won't hesitate or think about it. I'll just take the revolver--one, two--and all is over--um. But I am premature. My hour is not yet struck. (He puts the revolver down.) But I shall write nothing. The world will have to understand all by itself. (FeDYA continues to write.) The world, what is it but a ma.s.s of preposterous creatures, who crawl around through life, understanding nothing--nothing at all --do you hear me? (FeDYA looks up, rather exasperated.) Oh, I'm not talking to you. All this is between me and the cosmos. (Pours himself out another drink.) After all, what does humanity most lack?

Appreciation for its geniuses. As it is, we're persecuted, tortured, racked, through a lifetime of perpetual agony, into the asylum or the grave. But no longer will I be their bauble. Humanity, hypocrite that you are--to h.e.l.l with you.

[Drinks wine.

FeDYA (having finished his letter). Oh, go away, please.

IVaN PETROVICH. Away? (With a gesture.) Away? Me? (With profound resolve.) So be it. (He leans over the table, faces FeDYA.) I shall away. I'll not deter you from accomplis.h.i.+ng what I also shall commit-- all in its proper moment, however. Only I should like to say this----

FeDYA. Later. Later. But now, listen, old man, give this to the head waiter. (Handing him some money.) You understand?

IVaN PETROVICH. Yes, but for G.o.d's sake wait for me to come back.

(Moves away.) I've something rare to tell you, something you'll never hear in the next world--at least not till I get there---- Look here, shall I give him all this money?