Perfect Behavior Part 12

I have a son--a little fourteen-year-old boy who proudly bears my name. This lad I have brought up with the greatest care. I have spared no pains to make him an upright, moral, G.o.d-fearing youth.

I had succeeded, I thought, in inculcating in him all those worthy principles for which our Puritan fathers fought and--aye--died. I do not believe that there existed in our neighborhood a more virtuous, more righteous boy.

From his earliest childhood until now Mrs. Pringle and I have kept him carefully free from any suggestion of evil. We have put in his hands only the best and purest of books; we have not allowed him to attend any motion picture performances other than the yearly visit of the Burton Holmes travelogues, and, last year, a film called Snow White and Rose Red; we have forbidden him to enter a theater. Roland (for that is his name) has never in his life exhibited any interest in what is known as s.e.x.

Sir, you may imagine my chagrin when my Roland--my boy who, for fourteen years, I have carefully s.h.i.+elded from sin--rushed in last night to where Mrs. Pringle and I were enjoying our evening game of Bezique, bearing in his hand a copy of your magazine which, I presume, he had picked up at some so-called friend's house. "Papa, look," said my boy to me, pointing to the cover of the magazine. "What are these?"

Sir, I looked. Mrs. Pringle gave a shriek, and well may she have.

My boy was pointing to a cover on which was what is called--in barroom parlance--a "nude." And not ONE nude but TWELVE!

Sir, you have destroyed the parental labors of fourteen years. I trust you are satisfied.

Yours, etc., EVERETT G. PRINGLE.

A Letter from a Member of the Lower Cla.s.ses. Particular pains should be taken in answering such letters as it should always be our aim to lend a hand to those aspiring toward better things.

To the Editor: Dear Sir:

I am a motorman on the Third Ave. South Ferry local, and the other day one of the pa.s.sengers left a copy of your magazine on my car and I want to ask you something which maybe you can tell me and anyway it don't do no harm to ask what I want to know is will it be O. K to wear a white vest with a dinner coat this coming winter and what color socks I enclose stamps for reply.

Yrs.

ED. WALSH.

A Correct Letter to the Lost and Found Department of a Periodical, inquiring for a Missing Relative. This should be referred to the persons mentioned in the letter who will probably take prompt and vigorous action.

Literary Editors: Dear Sirs:

I have been very much interested in the clever work of Nancy and Ernest Boyd which has been appearing in your magazine, and I wonder if you could take the time to give me a little piece of information about them. You see there was a Nancy Boyd (her mother was Nancy Kroomen of Beaver Dam) and her bro. Ernest, who was neighbors to us for several years, and when they moved I sort of lost track of them. You know how those things are. But it's a small world after all, isn't it? and I shouldn't be at all surprised if this was the same party and, if it is, will you say h.e.l.lo to Nancy for me, and tell Ernest that Ed. Gold still comes down from Akron to see E. W. every Sat.u.r.day. He'll know who I mean.

Ever sincerely, MAY WINTERS.

LETTERS TO STRANGERS

In writing to a person with whom you have only a slight acquaintance, it is a sign of proper breeding to attempt to show the stranger that you are interested in the things in which he is interested. Thus, for example, if you were to write a letter to a Frenchman who was visiting your city for the first time, you would endeavor, as in the following example, to speak to him in his own idiom and put him at his ease by referring to the things with which he is undoubtedly familiar. It is only a "boor" who seeks to impose his own hobbies and interests upon a stranger, disregarding entirely the presumable likes and dislikes of the latter.

A CORRECT LETTER TO A FRENCH VISITOR

Monsieur Jules La Chaise, Hotel Enterprise, City.

MONSIEUR:

I hope that you have had a bon voyage on your trip from la belle France, and my wife and I are looking forward to welcoming you to our city. Although I cannot say, as your great king Louis XV. so justly remarked, "L'etat, c'est moi," yet I believe that I can entertain you comme il faut during your stay here. But all bon mots aside, would you care to join us this afternoon in a ride around the city? If you say the word, voila! we shall be at your hotel in our automobile and I think that you will find here much that is interesting to a native of Lafayette's great country and especially to a citizen of Paris. Did you know, for example, that this city manufactures 38% of the toilet soap and perfumery je ne sais quoi which are used in this state? Of course, our sewers are not to be compared to yours, mon Dieu, but we have recently completed a pumping station on the outskirts of the city which I think might almost be denominated an objet d'art.

I am enclosing a visitor's card to the City Club here, which I wish you would use during your stay. I am sure that you will find there several bon vivants who will be glad to join you in a game of vingt et un, and in the large room on the second floor is a victrola with splendid instrumental and vocal records of "La Ma.r.s.eillaise."

Au revoir until I see you this afternoon.

Robert C. Crocker.

And above all, in writing to strangers or comparative strangers, seek to avoid the mention of subjects which might be distasteful to the recipient of the letter. Many a friends.h.i.+p has been utterly ruined because one of the parties, in her correspondence or conversation, carelessly referred to some matter--perhaps some physical peculiarity--upon which the other was extremely sensitive. The following letter well ill.u.s.trates how the use of a little tact may go "a long way."

A CORRECT LETTER TO A BEARDED LADY

My dear Mrs. Lenox:

I wonder if you would care to go with us to the opera Wednesday evening? The Cromwells have offered us their box for that night, which accounts for our selection of that particular evening.

"Beggars cannot be choosers," and while personally we would all rather go on some other night, yet it is perhaps best that we do not refuse the Cromwells' generous offer. Then, too, Wednesday is really the only evening that my husband and I are free to go, for the children take so much of our time on other nights. I do hope, therefore, that you can go with us Wednesday to hear "The Barber of Seville."

Sincerely, Esther G. (Mrs. Thomas D.) Franklin.

INVITATIONS

The form of the invitation depends a great deal upon the character of the function to which one wishes to invite the guests to whom one issues the invitation. Or, to put it more simply, invitations differ according to the nature of the party to which one invites the guests. In other words, when issuing invitations to invited guests one must have due regard for the fact that these invitations vary with the various types of entertainments for which one issues the invitations. That is to say, one would obviously not send out the same form of invitation to a wedding as to a dinner party, and vice versa. This is an iron-clad rule in polite society.

For example, a gentleman and lady named Mr. and Mrs. Weems, respectively, living at 1063 Railroad Ave., wis.h.i.+ng to invite a gentleman named Mr. Cleek to dinner, would send him the following engraved invitation:

MR. AND MRS. LIONEL THONG WEEMS

request the pleasure of

MR. WALLACE TILFORD CLEEK'S

company at dinner

on Tuesday January the tenth

at half after seven o'clock

1063 Railroad Avenue.

This invitation would of course be worded differently for different circ.u.mstances, such as, for example, if the name of the people giving the party wasn't Weems or if they didn't live at 1063 Railroad Ave., or if they didn't have any intention of giving a dinner party on that particular evening.

Many prospective hostesses prefer to send written notes instead of the engraved invitation, especially if the dinner is to be fairly informal.

This sort of invitation should, however, be extremely simple. I think that most well-informed hostesses would agree that the following is too verbose:

DEAR MR. BURPEE.

It would give us great pleasure if you would dine with us on Monday next at seven-thirty. By the way, did you know that Mr.

Sheldon died yesterday of pneumonia?

Cordially, ESTELLE G. BESSERABO.

For receptions in honor of noted guests, word the invitation in this manner:

MR. AND MRS. CORNELIUS VANDERBILT