Social Life Part 60

If a dinner party is given in honor of a lady, it is the host's place to go in to dinner first, taking in the lady in whose honor the dinner is given. Furthermore, it is proper, under some circ.u.mstances, for the hostess to go in to dinner last with the husband of the lady whom the host is escorting.

It is proper to help all the ladies, including those of the household, before any gentleman is helped, no matter how distinguished a person he may be.

First Attentions for Ladies.

When the visitors are gentlemen, and only a mother and daughter are at the table, the maid ought first to serve the mother, then the daughter and last the gentlemen. If the mother serves tea at luncheon she helps the daughter first, and after her the men guests. The rule is always that a lady takes precedence.

On leaving the table at a public place, such as a restaurant or hotel dining-room, the lady precedes the gentleman.

Apples are pared, and eaten in small quarters, at dessert. Grapes are plucked from their stems, and the pulp squeezed out in the mouth, while the fingers hold the skins, which are laid at one side of the plate. Bananas are peeled, cut in thin slices, and eaten with a fork.

Peaches are eaten after paring, with a silver knife and fork. Oranges are skinned by cutting in quarters, or left whole, and the sections are then pulled apart, and eaten, rejecting the seeds into the hand.

Celery is usually dipped into the salt-cellar, and eaten from the stalk, or it can be cut on the plate, in small bits, and eaten with a fork. When dining at a hotel you can partake of the side dishes on the same plate that meat and potato have been served, or ask the waiter to change your plate, as you prefer.

When fried eggs are used for a breakfast dish, they are put upon your plate, from the side dish; but in many homes, eggs are baked in small dishes, each person being served with a dish, which should be well b.u.t.tered before putting in the egg to be cooked.

It does not matter upon which side of her escort a lady sits at table.

The gentleman will draw out a chair for the lady, if a waiter is not in attendance to do it, and take the next seat himself.

When pa.s.sing your plate to be helped a second time, lay the knife and fork at the left-hand side.

Do not, if talking to a friend, drop all conversation so soon as a child requires attention, or has some childish remark to make.

When in parlor, or drawing-room, if a woman, standing, hands a cup, a book, a flower, or any article to a man who is seated, he should rise to receive it. This rule is without exception.

Minor Usages of the Best Society.

When a man offers a lady any civility, a stranger or an acquaintance, opens a door, hands her a parcel she has dropped, or offers her a seat, he should lift his hat at the same moment.

If a young lady accepts the escort of a gentleman to an entertainment, she should never accompany him, at its close, to a restaurant for refreshments unless she is chaperoned by a lady much older than herself.

"Good-evening" is a proper salutation upon entering a room for a call.

"Good-night" upon retiring at its close.

A man on horseback, who sees a lady wishes to stop him, will dismount and walk by her side, leading his horse, for there are few occasions on which it is permissible to stand talking on the street.

A lady may permit a man walking with her to carry any small parcel that she has, but never more than one.

A lady wis.h.i.+ng to avoid bowing to an undesirable acquaintance, must look aside, or drop the eyes, for if the eyes meet a bow is absolutely necessary.

If a lady asks a man to accompany her to a place of amus.e.m.e.nt, she must provide the conveyance.

If a lady invites a man to drive with her, he should walk to her house, unless the distance is too great, when she should offer to call for him. If this is the case, he should watch, and, if possible, meet her on the way.

Do not refuse to accept an apology; even if friends.h.i.+p is not restored, an open quarrel will be averted.

Do not be familiar with a new acquaintance. One can be courteous without familiarity.

Breaches of Etiquette.

It is a breach of etiquette to remove the gloves when making a formal call.

It is a breach of etiquette to stare around the room.

It is a breach of etiquette for a caller who is waiting the entrance of the hostess to open the piano or touch it if it is open.

It is a breach of etiquette to go to the room of an invalid unless invited.

It is a breach of etiquette to look at your watch when calling.

It is a breach of etiquette to walk around the room when waiting for the hostess.

It is a breach of etiquette for the caller to open or shut a door, raise or lower a window curtain, or in any other way alter the arrangement of a room.

It is a breach of etiquette to turn your chair so as to bring your back to some one near you.

It is a breach of etiquette when making a call to play with any ornament in the room, or to seem to be aware of anything but the company present.

It is a breach of etiquette to remain when you find the host or hostess dressed to go out.

It is a breach of etiquette during a call to draw near the fire to warm your hands or feet, unless you are invited by the mistress of the house to do so.

It is a breach of etiquette to make remarks upon a caller who has just left the room, whether by the hostess or visitors.

It is a breach of etiquette and a positive unkindness to call upon a friend who is in reduced circ.u.mstances with any parade of wealth in equipage or dress.

It is a breach of etiquette for the hostess to leave the room when visitors are present.

It is a breach of etiquette to a.s.sume any ungraceful or uncouth position, such as standing with the arms akimbo, sitting astride a chair, smoking in the presence of ladies, wearing your hat, leaning back in the chair, standing with legs crossed or feet on the chairs, leaning forward in the chair with elbows on the knees. All these acts stamp you as ill-bred and unpolished.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

WAs.h.i.+NGTON ETIQUETTE

[Ill.u.s.tration]

In addition to the ordinary rules of etiquette, official society in Was.h.i.+ngton City is governed by a code of fixed laws. The social observances of the White House are prescribed with great exactness, and const.i.tute the Court Etiquette of the Republic. At the very commencement of the Government under the Const.i.tution the social question became one of great magnitude, and in order to adjust it upon a proper basis, President Was.h.i.+ngton caused a definite _Code_ to be drawn up; but the rules were too arbitrary and exacting to give satisfaction, and society was not disposed to acknowledge so genuine an equality as the code required among its members. Frequent and bitter quarrels arose in consequence of the clas.h.i.+ng of social claims, and at last a code was agreed upon, which may be stated as follows:

The Recognized Head.

The President and his family are recognized as the head and front of the social structure. The President, as such, must not be invited to dinner by any one, and accepts no such invitations, and pays no calls or visits of ceremony. He may visit in his private capacity at pleasure.