The Foolish Almanak - BestLightNovel.com
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MONDAY
TUESDAY (2000 B.C.) Proverbs invented by Solomon, who gazed upon his wives and exclaimed, "Variety is the spice of life!"
P.S.--Adam couldn't say this because he was handicapped.
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY (1258) "Mad Parliament" meets.
(1906) Congress "mad," still in session.
FRIDAY
SAt.u.r.dAY If a man tells you that he "had darned hard work getting out of bed this morning," the chances are that the bed was a folding one.
JUNE
Woman's love is chaotic; man's idiotic.
DECKLE-EDGE FRECKLES
Summer begins June 20. By this time your freckles ought to have a good start.
Do you know what a freckle is, children? It is a golden-brown splash on the northwest corner of a young woman's nose, although her dearest friend says it is a fright.
A freckle is the same to a druggist as a pipe line is to Rockefeller--ready money and a lot of it.
One large deckle-edge freckle will cause a girl to buy nine kinds of cold cream, a dozen lemons, a pint of three-ply acid, and a gross of poudre-de-phiz every Sat.u.r.day afternoon.
All this gives vigor to the freckle.
[Sidenote: _Incendiary Warning_: To save money from fire,--don't burn it.]
[Sidenote: _Etiquette Query_: Is the game worth the scandal?]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
SUNDAY
MONDAY About a year ago the Ground 'og cast a shadow in Packingtown.
What's the answer?
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY (1904) It was reported that Ca.s.sie Chadwick and 'Lijah Dowie had formed a Confidence Trust, whereupon Madam Bartrand prayed the Interstate Commerce Commission to issue an injunction against them under the plea of restraint of trade. The injunction was issued, and withdrawn later when the Supreme Court decided that confidence was too universal to be made the basis of a monopoly.
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SAt.u.r.dAY
JUNE
The poet a.s.sociates his larks with high heaven; the realist a.s.sociates his larks with high-b.a.l.l.s.
RAISING CORN
Great care should be exercised in raising corn, especially the variety _Johnus Barley-cornicus_. This may be raised with either hand. Some superst.i.tious agriculturists believe in the efficacy of a simple incantation to be used in the act of raising this variety, such as "Here's how!" "Over the hot sands!" etc.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
This kind has never been known to fail in getting to a head.
"Kernels" of Barleycorn originated in Kentucky.
[Sidenote: _Pest Note_: If troubled with Junebugs try sweeping the cobwebs out of the attic; if troubled with aunts close up the house and go to the country.]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
SUNDAY
MONDAY (390 B.C.) Rome saved by the cackling of geese.
(1905) Reputations ruined by the cackling of Alexander and Hyde.
