Cast No Stones Part 7

I decided that after we had taken our daughters to school the following morning, I would discuss at length all the implications of mother making the visit.

I started by reminding her that America was a very big country and there would be many difficulties. Probably the most important issue concerned her age. She had never flown in her life. The only other country she'd visited was France twenty years earlier. She would need medical insurance. In America she would not be ent.i.tled to free health care. There was no way that a woman of her age should even consider traveling alone on such an arduous journey. Nothing I could say daunted her spirits. She had an answer to all of my concerns. It seemed that she had figured it all in her mind: 'Flying would not be a problem. Older people than me fly regularly. It would be an amazing experience for me. I am in good health and I can buy health care insurance for any possible emergency. It couldn't be too difficult to locate the bus stop at the airport for the ride to Mishawaka. I've got a tongue in my head and I would ask if there were problems. As far as Harry is concerned, it would be very nice to see him again and I intend to go.'

I tried explaining to her that he was practically housebound. He couldn't stand unaided, he couldn't walk and he was incapable of looking after her. None of this mattered to her. She explained that she would soon get to know people and would adjust very easily. I tried telling her that according to his sisters, he didn't have long to live, and from my own observations I could believe it. He could even die while she was over there. Nothing deterred her. Even the isolation from her own family and the difficulties we would face in having to travel out to her in an emergency didn't worry her. She just kept insisting that I was worrying unnecessarily and that she would be fine. I couldn't help thinking that my mother was being carried along on some kind of romantic fantasy.

It was a little embarra.s.sing seeing my neighbors. They knew all about my trip. My mother had been talking to them and told them. I had seen her like this once before. It was the time she came with us to the hospital for an anti-natal x-ray when twins were being considered as a possibility by our doctor. On that occasion she had gone around telling everyone she saw that she had twins, that Margaret was likely to be having twins. I was actually feeling quite stupid in front of the neighbors. Whatever must they have thought? My mother was contemplating something quite idiotic in so many ways. She hadn't seen this man for almost half a century. She had five grown-up children and six grandchildren; she was old, and had practically no overseas travel experience. She didn't even understand the value of the dollar. It could be so dangerous for a woman her age to be alone on such a journey.

No matter how hard I tried to dissuade her from making the trip, I failed in my attempts. I could have refused to help her by not organizing the trip. This would have been an awfully unkind thing to do. I had done my best to explain exactly what she would find; I had left her in no doubt of my views and how reckless it was.

Since she was still intent on going, the next best thing I could do was to organize the trip for her down to the very last detail to make sure she would be as safe as possible and things would go smoothly for her. I also remembered that I had given my word to Harry that if Laura decided to make the trip, I would help her.

Never did I imagine when I began my quest to find my father that it would result in my mother doing this. I am not just blaming my mother either. In my opinion both my mother and father were acting stupidly. What did they expect to achieve by it? Didn't they realize the concerns that we would have about such a risky adventure? In many ways I thought my mother was muscling in on a very intimate issue for me. It was as though she wanted a bit of the fuss. If I was the leading actor in the drama, then she wanted to be the supporting actress.

I was not too happy about what was happening. I had been deprived by her of the information about my father all these years. Now it seemed to me that she was being selfish once again. This was supposed to be my search, my trip, my meeting, my story to tell to my children and grandchildren. Instead she was turning it into some kind of circus that any sane person would have thought was absolutely idiotic.

Despite my innermost feelings being less than charitable, I was determined to do my very best to organize her trip. Laura returned to Nottingham while I made all the necessary arrangements. It was going to take me several weeks. The first thing I needed to do was to obtain a pa.s.sport for her. This would take a week or two. Once having obtained the pa.s.sport, it needed to be sent off to the U.S. Emba.s.sy in London with an application for a British visitor's visa. In the meantime, Harry had sent sufficient money for me to buy her flight ticket. This was to be a one-way ticket because we didn't know how long she would be staying. When she was ready to return, Harry would purchase the return ticket for her. He had also made arrangements to ensure that she had adequate money in her purse for the duration of her visit. Each of her children also gave her some cash to take with her. My brother Graham actually gave enough money to pay for her return flight in the event that she might need to make her own financial arrangements.

I bought travel insurance including medical care cover for one month. Depending on how long she decided to stay, the purchase of additional medical insurance would be a priority. I thought a two week stay would be difficult enough for her. There was no question in my mind of her staying for more than a month. I wrote to American Airlines and explained to them that my mother was not only making her very first flight at the age of seventy-four, but would also be traveling alone. I asked if they could provide a.s.sistance for her. They arranged for her to be met at Manchester Airport and to be chaperoned throughout her journey from the check-in desk at Manchester to the luggage carousel at Chicago.

My sister Ann traveled to Nottingham to speak to my mother about her travel plans. Ann even offered to accompany her on the trip to make sure she was alright. Mother wouldn't hear of it. She kept insisting that she would be fine. She told Ann that I was seeing to everything and that I would organize everything very effectively so that nothing would go wrong. I personally thought that if someone was to accompany her, I would rest more easily. However, this would cause other problems. The arrangement was that Laura was going to stay with Ethel and she only had one spare bedroom. Where would Ann have stayed?

Once the final arrangements were made, mother packed her suitcase, said goodbye to Carol and her daughter, Joanne and caught the bus to Manchester where I met her. We returned to my home and spent the next two days going over all the details of the forthcoming journey. She did appear to be listening intently. I really hoped that she was. I gave my mother four envelopes containing specific instructions about everything she needed to do.

Envelope number one was clearly marked: READ AT MANCHESTER AIRPORT, dealt with the checking in procedure and going through pa.s.sport control; although I would be with her at the check-in to tie up with the airline escort. It also dealt with establis.h.i.+ng and locating the departure gate and boarding the aircraft at the correct time.

Envelope number two was marked: READ ON THE PLANE. It covered what would happen after the plane landed in Chicago. Dealing with U.S. immigration and collecting her luggage from the correct carousel.

Envelope number three bore the legend: READ AT THE AIRPORT IN CHICAGO. It covered locating the bus stop at O'Hare Airport for Mishawaka and getting on the correct bus. It detailed every stop the bus made, all the towns it would pa.s.s en route. It explained where she should get off the bus and that she would be met at the Big Bear by Avilla and Ethel.

Envelope number four was clearly marked: READ BEFORE RETURN JOURNEY. This one contained all the previous information from her outbound flight but in reverse.

After I gave her the four envelopes, I insisted that she repeated back to me the significance of each one. I knew that I was treating her a bit like a child, but I made no excuses for this. As far as I was concerned, nothing was being left to chance. In the event, all this turned out to be a pointless exercise - she never read any of them!

During the time it took to make all the arrangements, Harry was telephoning me every three or four days for an update on the planning progress. I was also telephoning his sister to make arrangements with them to meet her. I know from our conversations that they were not in favor of this visit. Not only did they believe it was stupid, they had serious concerns for what it might do to their brother's health. Avilla was much more down to earth than Ethel and she also expressed concern about Laura's welfare. They had apparently expressed their concerns to Harry, but he'd strongly dismissed their worries. When he raised his voice they obeyed unquestioningly. I had witnessed this myself. Clearly, Ethel and Avilla were experiencing the same level of stubbornness and irresponsibility from Harry as I was experiencing with Laura.

The day of departure finally arrived. I drove my mother to the airport and helped to check her in. A female member of the airline staff joined us and we said our goodbyes, she escorted my mother through pa.s.sport control. Once having cleared all security procedures, the escort found my mother a comfortable chair in the main lounge and asked her to sit there until it was time to board the aircraft in another two hours' time. She explained that she would come and collect her and see her safely on to the plane. I found out later that after sitting around for what seemed to be ages to her, my mother decided to go for a walk round to stretch her legs. The aircraft began boarding but the escort couldn't find her anywhere. An announcement was made over the public address system but to no avail. Eventually, with only minutes to spare before the gate closed, she was located sitting in another part of the lounge having lost her original seat to someone else.

The cabin crew made a fuss of her during the flight. They made an announcement about it being her first flight at the age of seventy-four and that she had chosen American Airlines for her experience. They gave her a gla.s.s of Champagne and a commemorative certificate. She had a lovely flight, hardly any turbulence. She enjoyed it immensely. After landing, airline representatives a.s.sisted her through immigration and with her luggage reclaim. They also ensured that she got to the bus station and boarded the correct bus for Mishawaka. So far, since arriving in America, she had not experienced any problems. Everything was going to plan. She sat back and relaxed on the bus to enjoy the ride.

Over the years she'd read quite a few stories of the original GI Brides going out to their new lives in America. She had once come so close to being one of them herself. She tried to imagine what would have been going through their minds.

As the bus pa.s.sed through the outskirts of Chicago, the Sears Tower skysc.r.a.per in the distance loomed into view. It was the tallest building she had ever seen. The highway she was riding on was the widest road that she had ever seen. The architecture of the houses and farms was very different to anything in England. She was especially fascinated by the large trucks and Cadillac type cars. They were just like those she had seen in the movies. The towns she pa.s.sed through had entirely different pavement and road styles. She noticed the absence of zebra crossings and that traffic lights were not situated on posts but suspended on wires above the road. She could tell from the full parking lots that the roadside diners were very popular places. She noticed another thing she'd only ever see in films; a drive-in movie entrance. Everywhere she looked it was definitely America! She had seen plenty of television shows and movies depicting America - she wasn't disappointed with what she was seeing in real life.

My mother heard the bus driver answering a radio call about a Mrs. Burns being on board. She was thrilled about that. She felt like she was being treated like a celebrity. Eventually the bus arrived at her destination and she was met by Ethel and Avilla. Everything had gone like clockwork except the Manchester Airport incident, which was her own fault. Fortunately, there wasn't any need for her to resort to the envelopes for guidance because of the invaluable a.s.sistance given by the staff of the airline.

Laura immediately recognized Avilla because she looked so much like her brother Harry. Ethel was taller and much slimmer and didn't really look like Avilla or Harry. Ethel commented on how nice Laura looked. She said that her hair and clothing were very pretty. This was a real compliment because Ethel was extremely fas.h.i.+onable and trendy. She actually modeled clothes for the 'older woman.' So any fas.h.i.+on compliment given by her should be cherished. The three of them talked nonstop throughout the short drive to Ethel's home. This would have been quite hilarious because Ethel has hearing problems and Avilla couldn't understand my mother's accent. In turn, mother couldn't understand what they were saying due to their accents. They were all very excited and they certainly had a great deal to talk about.

Harry telephoned Ethel to check that Laura had arrived. She was expected at 5 pm and it was now 6pm. Ethel confirmed that Laura was with her and that it was too late to drive across to see him that day due to her driver's license restrictions.

Harry and Laura spoke on the phone for a few minutes and arranged to meet at his apartment the next day at 9am. After some refreshments, Laura was taken to meet Harry's other sister Oscella who only lived a few minutes' walk away. For the next two hours the conversation continued between Laura and the sisters. Oscella was in poor health, her cancer had worsened since my visit. They eventually retired to bed at about 10pm although Ethel recalled that Laura was wide awake and full of excited energy.

The next morning everyone was up bright and early. Avilla joined Ethel and together they drove Laura over to see Harry. She had made lots of effort and dressed extra special for the occasion. Once again, as they did with me, they asked Laura to wait in the corridor while they checked that Harry was clean and presentable. She was very nervous. It was just like being on a first date. She remembered thinking to herself, 'Will he like me? Will I like him?' She was dying for a cigarette to calm her nerves. After a few minutes Laura was invited in. In her letter to me she told how delighted he was to see her. She was also very happy to see him. He was clean and tidy and wearing a new s.h.i.+rt. Apart from looking a good bit older, he looked pretty good to her, she wrote.

They hugged and kissed and Harry insisted on her sitting next to him and holding his hand; she was happy to oblige. They made small talk and chatted away. Harry was mesmerized with everything about Laura. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Many years ago he understood everything that Laura said, despite her accent. Today he couldn't understand a word! He laughed out loud when she said, 'It's very close isn't it?' She was of course referring to the humidity. He had to explain to his sister's what she meant because they were looking around the apartment to see what was close to her!

After about an hour, the two sisters were readying themselves to leave. Laura had decided to stay all day with him. He had another good laugh when Laura said 'Ta-rah' to the sisters as they made their way out of his apartment. They had never heard this said before and didn't know what it meant.

Harry and Laura talked and reminisced about everything, but particularly about me. Harry couldn't understand why I had never known about him. Laura admitted that in not telling me sooner she had done the wrong thing. My mother learned that Harry was very proud of his son and his new family. They talked about her visit and how long she was staying for. Harry said that she should stay with him rather than Ethel. After all, he said, he was the reason for her visit. She readily agreed and Harry phoned Ethel to tell her to bring Laura's suitcase over the next day. The sisters telephoned me to let me know that my mother had arrived and that everyone was happy - and that she was effectively moving in with him! I didn't know what to think anymore.

It is fair to say that none of Harry's sisters quite knew how to deal with the situation. All three sisters were widowed and only Avilla had children. They had spent many years nursing him and generally leading a pretty quiet life. Now, in no time at all, I had paid a visit, Harry was a grandparent, his old flame from the war years and the mother of his son, was now in his apartment. For the sisters things were happening at an alarming rate. If that wasn't enough, there was a cultural and language difference which was causing problems for all of them. That old cliche 'Two countries separated by a common language' was certainly very true in this case.

During the next two weeks I received two phone calls from my mother. She was clearly happy and enjoying her visit. Harry was like a new man although in spirit only. His state of health was still very poor. My mother's visit had given him such pleasure, since he couldn't remember when. I had to be happy for them both. The joy and enthusiasm in their voices was infectious. How long she intended staying for I couldn't tell. She was most definitely not talking about coming home just yet. I a.s.sumed that she would stay another couple of weeks or so.

Chapter 23 Happy Birthday Albert.

The following week it would be my birthday on May 22nd. I was going to be forty-four years old.

On the 18th May, I received a birthday card from my mother and Harry. As well as wis.h.i.+ng me a happy birthday, they had written on the card that my present was going to be their marriage on the 21st May! I was completely stunned.... I had to read it several times in case I'd made a mistake. I even wondered if they were having a joke with me. Harry had a wicked sense of humor. Margaret said she didn't think they were joking. My daughter, Kay told me that while we were visiting Harry, her grandmother had told her that she was going to America after we came home and that she would be marrying Harry!

What were they thinking of? Were they both out of their minds? Oh my G.o.d! Were they doing this for my benefit? Did they think I would be pleased? Was I pleased? Was I angry? It was my turn now to be bewildered about everything. I didn't know what to think or do. I couldn't just call round to see them. Telephoning them would not only be extremely expensive, it would not be very practical. I felt I needed to sit and talk to them face to face. There just wasn't any time or opportunity to do that. They were getting married in three days' time!

I was left with no choice but to telephone them to ask if they were serious. They said that they were. Harry told me that they were in love and they had never been out of love all these years. I thought Bunk.u.m or something to that effect! I think it's fair to say that any parent would get very angry if their child told them they were getting married three weeks after meeting someone. Although they were not strangers in the true sense of the word, the fact that they had not seen each other for over forty-five years rendered them virtual strangers.

People of their age certainly don't need to seek permission from their children before getting married. However, the sounding out of feelings and opinions would have been advisable. This marriage was going to have implications for my brothers and sisters as well as myself. They were getting a stepfather whether they liked it or not. I was not getting a stepfather. Harry was already my biological father. I was however getting a relative stranger as a father who also happened to be living with my mother. It was not like me getting a stepfather when I was a five year old. This was completely different. This was totally alien to me. For most people, having parents who live together in the family home is perfectly normal. It is also normal to see an aged parent and reflect on the times when they were much younger. We often look back at past events through rose-tinted gla.s.ses, so childhood memories invariably involve mums and dads in happy family circ.u.mstances.

I could not relate to any of this. My 'new' father was an old man. I could accept that. However, I have no memories of a happy family unit of mother, father and child. I can recall times when my mother looked and behaved much younger than she was. She was certainly behaving at the moment like she was very much younger, almost like an adolescent. Because I didn't know Harry very well, I didn't know if this kind of behavior was normal for him. There were so many things they seemed to be totally ignoring. From my viewpoint the most important thing they were ignoring was me and my feelings!

They seemed to have given absolutely no consideration at all to what I might be feeling about their impending marriage. In truth, I didn't really know how I was feeling about their plans. One thing was certain though, if they were truly getting married because they had genuinely realized that their love was so very special, they should have given us the opportunity to be in attendance.

I am not aware of any love story if that's what was - that could equal this one! If they wanted to tell the world that at long last, their unending love for each other which had been denied them, had not only survived for over forty-five years, but it was now going to be formalized in matrimony, then their children should have been invited. It is also fair to say that their children deserved some explanation, not only of the marriage, but of their haste in getting married.

There were also the numerous practical problems that this action was going to create. I could not help feeling that because of the unique circ.u.mstances and distances involved, I had found a father but lost a mother. It should not have been like this. I didn't know when or if I would ever see either of them again.

I was not pleased that they decided to rush into marriage. I wasn't going to congratulate them. I believed they were acting stupidly. I also believed that it would not be very long before they both regretted it.

The wedding ceremony took place in Harry's apartment. It was conducted by the minister of a local church. It was a simple ceremony consisting of the exchanging of vows. In attendance were Harry's three sisters and a couple of friends of Harry's who lived close by.

She wrote to me the following day saying that it was a pity that I wasn't there. This made me both sad and angry. In the letter she also wrote that she'd prepared a buffet wedding breakfast and that n.o.body knew what to do with it - she had to show them how to fill their plates. She wrote that Harry was a little overcome by the occasion and had shed a few tears. Several days after their marriage, I received another birthday card from them. It had arrived too late for my birthday. However, it was a beautiful card, signed 'Happy birthday from Mam and Dad.' I stood looking at it in stunned silence.

The next letter I received was very touching. It was written three weeks after their marriage. My mother wrote about how happy she was. The fact that everyone had taken it in good heart had really touched her. She was referring to her children back home. I don't know why she thought this was the case because it was most definitely not the impression I got from them.

She also wrote: 'I am ok and at last I have found the happiness I should have had years ago. I told you Kevin that he was always with me and us getting married has proved it.'

As I read her words, I couldn't help reflecting on everything that had happened in both my childhood and adulthood in relation to my missing father. There had never been any reference or even a hint of this great love that was apparently hiding in the shadows.

I asked myself, if this really was an enduring flame of an inextinguishable love, how come there'd never been any clues? How come my mother who had been widowed for over twenty years had never made a single reference to it? Personally, I didn't believe it. I was still convinced that she was living in some kind of self-deluded, romantic wonderland.

Over the next few months her letters described the overbearing heat and humidity and how uncomfortable the weather was. They had now been allocated a larger apartment just a few doors away. My mother had worked tirelessly in cleaning and decorating it and generally making things much more comfortable for them both. Ethel and Avilla wrote regularly to me about how hard Laura was working and how well she was taking care of their brother. They both had reservations at the beginning, not only with the trip and marriage, but with Laura herself. To them she was strange and different. Her culture was firmly embedded and both she and they found it hard to understand each other's behavior and motives. Now, they had changed their minds completely. They both agreed that she was a very nice person and that she was doing a magnificent job for Harry. Ethel had even given them the expensive but unusual gift of a burial plot next to hers and her late husband's in Rice Cemetery in Elkhart, so that they could rest together when the time came without worrying about the expense.

There were two major issues now that demanded urgent attention. The first of them was medical insurance; the second was the need to obtain a permanent residence visa. The medical insurance I'd bought for her only lasted for one month. She would be able to purchase medical care at a cost of $85 a month. Harry thought this was too expensive when everyone else was provided freely with basic Medicare. He told her not to buy it. He reasoned that she was in good health and would easily get past the qualifying period set by the Social Security Department - after 12 months she would be ent.i.tled to receive free Medicare. Whenever I raised the subject with her in my communications, she would tell Harry and he would simply tell her to ignore it. Clearly she was caught between the two of us and it must have caused her some concern; although in the end she never took out the health insurance. Harry was in my opinion totally irresponsible in this regard.

In marrying a citizen of the USA, my mother was legally ent.i.tled to a permanent residence visa. She would also qualify for some sort of social security payment, but only after she had lived in the U.S. for a year. It was while this application was being processed that another more serious and urgent situation came to light.

It was discovered that she had not married an American citizen, but a Canadian! Neither of them had any right to be living in the USA and both were technically illegal immigrants! On top of this they had actually broken another law by getting married without seeking permission first. Harry had been born in Nova Scotia, Canada. At some point his family had migrated to the United States. He had enlisted into the American army and had fought for America during the war. He subsequently received a war veteran's pension, but strangely, was still not an American citizen. Somehow the process of his naturalization had never taken place.

Mother was now going through a difficult time. From an administrative point, many things were beginning to get rather complicated. Harry was too old and ill to be concerned about things. This made her feel extremely vulnerable. It was during this period of having to attend formal interviews at government departments, needing to meet with lawyers and fill in ma.s.ses of forms, my mother's resolve began to crumble. Harry was unable to attend meetings due to his infirmity. This exacerbated an already difficult situation. Transportation was a problem. Ethel did what she could but due to her age and medical condition, was only licensed to drive in her own town, and even then only in daylight hours. Some of the government departments were miles away in Indianapolis. Everything now began to be too much for my mother to deal with.

Her letters to me were almost daily and were pretty desperate in their tone at times. She kept asking me to help her. She wrote that if she could get home then she would, but she no longer had her pa.s.sport, some official had taken it off her temporarily. This period was also very stressful for me. I telephoned them as often as I could afford but it was a waste of my money because mother didn't understand what was going on and therefore couldn't explain her experiences to me. I also sensed that it wasn't just the administrative issues that were responsible for her wanting to come home. She was also calling Harry all kinds of things and trying in her way to persuade me that he was actually the real problem and not the American Government. I did try telephoning a few government departments but n.o.body was willing to discuss matters with me due to the Privacy Act. My telephone bill rose to hundreds of pounds in only three weeks, so I had to curtail my calls and hoped that somebody somewhere was sorting things out for them both.

An added problem was that in the UK I was in the process of arranging for my mother's old age pension to be transferred to her new bank account in America. This process was still not complete and she had already spent the money she took with her. Harry was growing impatient with having to keep giving her money and this was upsetting her. It wasn't that he deprived her of anything; she just wanted the security of having her own money and not having to keep relying on Harry. While all these issues were on-going they were summoned to the administration office for their apartment building. Following their marriage they'd been allocated a larger apartment designed for a married couple. Because it was larger the rent was going to be increased. The actual amount payable was based on their joint incomes. However, mother's income was still in a state of flux, she couldn't provide any proof of income. This became problematic after a while because the office was becoming inpatient with them.

To make matters even worse for them, Harry's sister Oscella pa.s.sed away in the midst of all the problems. This upset Harry very much. He was particularly fond of her. While all three sisters were very bright, she was the brightest. She had attended to all Harry's taxation and Medicare doc.u.mentation and took care of his other paperwork. Oscella didn't fuss over him like Avilla and Ethel did. Oscella had been a teacher all her life and she was more pragmatic in her dealings with her brother. I think he respected her for that. My mother had previously written and told me that she really liked Oscella. I could only guess at the effect all of this would be having on my mother at the time. She now had to pay the price for her impulsive irresponsible behavior. She was virtually alone, thousands of miles from her home and family and incapable of dealing with her problems. There was really n.o.body to look out for her and provide the help she needed during these difficult times. She would have been under tremendous stress. Some of her letters to me were quite concerning. I am certain that this had a detrimental effect on her mental health. I believe that mentally, something was triggered during this period that started her slow regression into Alzheimer's disease which was to become quite p.r.o.nounced only a year or two later.

The summer of 1988 rolled into the fall and before we knew, it was Christmas time. Laura made a traditional Christmas Day dinner and invited Ethel and Avilla round to join them. They were most surprised at the large amount and variety of food she'd cooked. They thoroughly enjoyed the day and everyone took turns in telling a true funny story from their lives. Harry had eaten a traditional British Christmas dinner before, but this was a new experience for his sisters. When Laura told them to take home as much of the uneaten food as they wanted, they were overjoyed. By the end of January 1989, most of the issues were in the process of being sorted out one way or another. Her British pension was being paid to her and because of the time taken to sort it out, she received several hundreds of pounds in back pay. This made her feel much better. The issue over her visa was in hand but Harry's naturalization was taking some time. Harry's general health had not worsened and overall, life was less traumatic for them now. Mother was starting to make new friends. Some of her neighbors were inviting her for coffee and to join them on shopping trips. Harry eventually received his Naturalization Certificate in April 1989.

1989 was to be our Silver Wedding Anniversary and we had decided to take our three children to see their grandmother and their new grandfather. We would be going in mid-August and staying for two weeks. Mother and Harry were delighted and excited at the prospect of seeing us. The trip became the main talking point of our conversations for the next few months. I continued sending them tape recorded messages rather than letters. It was one-way traffic. They never sent me any back. I guess mother preferred to sit and write. She had good handwriting and wrote eloquent letters. I imagine that it was also a pleasant way for her to pa.s.s the time.

Over the previous twelve months, Ethel and Avilla also wrote to me from time to time, although letters from Avilla were less frequent. At first, the tone of their letters indicated that they were a little apprehensive of what the future held. After a few months they were predominantly in favor of all that Laura had done and continued to do for Harry. However, by the end of the summer of 1989 the letters were less conciliatory due to their deteriorating relations.h.i.+p with Laura. It seemed that Laura had quarreled with them on a few occasions. From what I could gather, things were happening that they didn't agree with and Laura was telling them to leave her alone and to stop interfering. I imagine they had never been used to someone talking to them in this way - especially since it also concerned their brother. My mother was perfectly capable of sticking up for herself in arguments. However, following an argument, my mother would never dwell on it and would quickly return to behaving as though the quarrel had never happened. This would have confused the sisters and given them the impression that Laura was quarrelling for the sake of it.

Nevertheless, during my telephone conversations during the few months prior to my second visit, it was obvious that she was not happy. Many things were beginning to get her down. She was beginning to say derogatory things about Harry. It was rather like all the issues that I had originally warned her about were now beginning to become less and less acceptable to her. Harry would lie in bed until late morning. After some breakfast he would go back to bed again. He would be in and out of bed several times a day. She told me about one occasion when he got up at 11.45. She had been up since 7.30 and after giving him his breakfast, decided to go down into the garden for a little fresh air. Harry took exception to her going out as soon as he got up. As she was going out of the door he told her not to come back! Clearly there was a problem. On the face of it, Harry either didn't realize or didn't care. He tired very quickly and very frequently. His constant need to lie down in bed was making Laura very miserable and lonely. This was one of the major issues regarding the state of his health that I had warned her about before she left home. Only now was she realizing just how difficult it would be for her.

It saddened me to hear her talk about him the way she did. It reminded me of the old days when she was married to Billy Burns. I knew full well about Harry's state of health and therefore nothing she told me came as any surprise. I felt sorry for them both. In a small way, it made me realize just how my younger brother Graham must have felt when mother criticized his father in front of him. This situation wasn't really much different from that one. Laura and Bill's relations.h.i.+p began to deteriorate almost from the beginning because neither had fully realized each other's real needs. Neither of them could truly have known just what difficulties they would have to deal with.

In addition to Harry's health issues, they had to deal with the kind of problems most newly married couples have to deal with when learning to adjust to living with each other.

With Laura and Harry however, there existed very major problems that they should have been aware of from the start. What Laura had taken on would have been a daunting task for any woman fifty years younger and in her prime. Whatever made her believe that she was capable of the task, I will never know. Harry must have realized the state of his health and the extent of the demands that nursing him would place on anyone. To combine those demands with getting married to a virtual stranger was tantamount to lunacy in my opinion. Surely, after a lifetime as a bachelor, after decades of abusing his health and now approaching his final years, he must have known that it would have been impossible for the relations.h.i.+p to succeed.

Was he being cruel to my mother? Was he using her during his last days? Did he make it abundantly clear to her just what sort of life she could expect with him? Did my mother fully realize and yet still go ahead? I will never know the answers to these questions. These were the kind of things I needed to discuss with them before they talked seriously of marriage. Obviously, they would have been fully aware of these issues if I had been given an opportunity to talk to them. I also believe that in order to thwart me in my attempts to deter them, they rushed into this marriage deliberately and without due regard for the consequences. I harbor no romantic notions about their marriage. I will always believe that it was a most stupid and selfish thing to have done. It would be something that they would have to live with the consequences of. Unfortunately, I and others would also have to live with the consequences. As things unfolded it was clear that over the next two years, it would be mostly me that had to deal with the implications arising from their ill thought out marriage.

I sometimes now sit and wonder about how different things might have been if they had not rushed into things. Maybe I would now be having really nice memories and maybe now I might be thinking just how romantic it all was. I might be doing them both an injustice. Maybe their last couple of years together were just as dynamic and pa.s.sionate as their first two years together were - only in a different way. Maybe it was meant to be this way. Maybe none of it was ever meant to be and we were all just victims of unfortunate circ.u.mstances. Maybe it's like the penny oranges from my childhood - I only ever got half, and even that half was tainted. Maybe it was my destiny to always be denied the luxury of a whole orange with its accompanying juiciness and sweetness...

With plans well advanced for the second visit, I was hoping that their worsening relations.h.i.+p would improve and that my children especially would have a visit to enjoy and remember all of their lives. I know from my telephone conversations with my parents that they were both looking forward to our visit enormously. My three children were also really excited by the prospect of the trip and all that it entailed.

Chapter 24 - h.e.l.lo Grandad.

Direct flights on American Airlines from Manchester to Chicago for the five of us would have cost more money than I could afford. I found that a much cheaper option was for us to drive to Glasgow in Scotland and fly from there to Boston, Ma.s.sachusetts with United Airlines. At Boston we would change aircraft and fly on to Chicago.

The day of our departure eventually came. Unfortunately, our flight was delayed for four hours due to technical reasons and we subsequently missed our onward connection to Chicago. However, once we landed in Boston, United Airline transferred us to another airline and we eventually arrived in Chicago only two hours later than originally planned.

I collected a rental car from O'Hare Airport and drove to our overnight hotel in downtown Chicago. The car was an Oldsmobile and absolutely delightful to drive. The drive itself was a complete nightmare. We found ourselves in the early evening rush hour. The highway from the airport to the central Chicago was like nothing I'd ever driven on before. It was very wide and consisted of about eight lanes in either direction.

Somehow, after weaving through all the heavy traffic, we found the right intersection and eventually arrived safely at our hotel. By now we were all tired, so we had something to eat then had an early night. We spent the next morning sightseeing in Chicago. It was a wonderful experience. After lunch we set off on the 80 mile drive to South Bend. I had booked us into the Jameson Hotel for the next two weeks. The drive was very straightforward along the Dan Ryan Expressway and onto the Interstate 90. I found the Jameson Hotel easily enough and after checking in and unloading our luggage, we set off for the neighboring town of Mishawaka to see my mother and father.

I'd originally arranged with my mother for us to arrive at their apartment at 7pm.We actually arrived at 6.30 and she was outside waiting for us. She was clearly delighted to see us. Within a few minutes we were entering the apartment where Harry was waiting to greet us.

The nerves I remembered from the first visit were no longer there. In their place was an excited desire to see the old man again. It had been over a year since we last saw each other and although we had communicated in a variety of ways, nothing could equal actually seeing each other again. He looked about the same but more tired than previously. He was clean shaven and wearing a nice s.h.i.+rt and pair of slacks. The apartment was very clean and tidy. Something was cooking and it smelled good. All in all, mother had done a good job with everything.

The children stood back and Margaret and I greeted him warmly. We then introduced our children to him, starting with his grandson, Lee then his granddaughters, Kay and Amy. At first he said very little to them. He appeared to be mesmerized by them and just kept looking and smiling. He didn't know them. They were not only complete strangers to him they were also a major revelation. He had never expected to be a father, let alone a grandfather. Soon he began talking to them and asking them questions about themselves. Our children were not shy and chatted quite happily with him. They had some initial difficulty with his accent and to some extent, he with theirs, but it wasn't long before they were able to understand each other. Lee was a young man of twenty-one Kay was now fifteen. It was not really appropriate to expect them to sit and be cuddled, but Amy was only nine and she was happy to sit on his knee and be cuddled by her new grandad.

Mother made us a very nice meal - we were more than ready for it. We sat eating and chatting; Harry was enjoying every minute of it. Mother was clearly happy to have her family with her and she was pleased to be able to show off her new lifestyle to her grandchildren. But I sensed that all was not quite what it seemed.

We stayed with them until 9pm then returned to our hotel to unpack and have some rest. We were all tired again after our early start to what proved to be an exciting and eventful day. Emotionally I felt a little drained as well. I had observed something while we had been in Harry's apartment and I discussed it with Margaret as soon as we were alone. My mother seemed a little highly strung. She was not totally relaxed. She had been less than endearing towards Harry. Even when pa.s.sing him a plate of food - I thought it was given a little begrudgingly. Her mannerisms towards him suggested a little resentment. I wondered whether or not they'd been arguing earlier and hadn't properly made up. I know all couples argue and I know that everyone has experienced having to put on a show when company arrives at the worst possible moment. However, it wasn't quite like that. It was if they hadn't been on good terms for some time - I was sure my mother's behavior was not a reflection of a very recent falling out. As far as Harry's behavior to my mother, he had barely spoken to her. Our presence and the overall excitement had acted as a distraction for him and went a long way toward camouflaging their unfriendly behavior. However, Margaret had also noticed it and agreed with me.

Later in the evening our son Lee asked us what was wrong with his grandmother. He told us that he thought she had behaved pretty badly towards Harry. He thought that his grandad was a nice old man who, despite poor health, had seemed genuinely thrilled by our visit. We told Lee that we had been discussing the same thing. We had no idea why his grandmother was like this, but we would see what the next day brought. We didn't know whether the girls had noticed anything and we couldn't ask them because they were fast asleep in bed after a very tiring day.

The following morning Ethel and Avilla joined us for breakfast in our hotel. Ethel had arranged with the hotel for them to join us for breakfast whenever she wished. They couldn't wait to see me and Margaret again but they were especially looking forward to seeing Harry's grandchildren. We had a long breakfast and a good conversation about everything that had happened since our previous visit seventeen months earlier.

They explained about the issues surrounding Laura's visa application, Harry's naturalization papers, the marriage without having first asked permission and a great many more difficulties related to social security. They were pleased to report that everything was finally sorted out and that if it had not been for Willard driving Laura to Indianapolis and other places, they would have had very serious issues. They also told me that in many instances, my mother was not just being unhelpful but actually hindering some of the processes by ignoring certain things. When I explained to them that Harry was the one that was being unhelpful and preventing Laura from doing some things, they seemed to understand a little better. They both knew that their brother could be very stubborn and he didn't take many things as seriously as he should. They told me my mother had been under a great deal of strain the last twelve months. They'd grown to respect her a lot for what she'd achieved with their brother, but just lately she'd been a little offhand with them. I wondered to myself whether it was a case of mother finding her own comfort zone and beginning to stick up for herself now that she was less reliant on them.

After breakfast we all drove over to see my mother and father (it still feels very strange to say that - I don't think I will ever get used to it). They were up and awaiting our visit. They thought we should have been there hours earlier. They both accused Ethel and Avilla of monopolizing us - although not in a nasty way. In fact there was a definite noticeable change in the way they were behaving towards each other. They were not just being civil but were actually laughing and joking. The atmosphere was really nice. Ethel and Avilla left after about an hour or so.

Mother suggested that we went down into the garden to enjoy the view across the St. Joseph River that ran past the building. Harry climbed aboard his mobility scooter and we descended in the elevator to ground level. It was a beautiful garden with a really magnificent view of the river. Red squirrels played about on the lawns; it was extremely peaceful. Many of the other residents pa.s.sed the time of day with us. Some were clearly friends of my parents and we were introduced to them. Everyone had known we were coming to visit. They were all very excited for another reason. A few months earlier, mother had asked Kay if she would give the residents a little concert during our visit. Kay was a singer and was receiving professional voice training. She was already very well-known in our locality for her singing ability. She had agreed to give a concert. There were plenty of posters advertising it throughout the building. She was being billed as a "Singing Star from England." Everyone was going out of their way to catch sight of her. Harry and Laura were reveling in their new celebrity status as the grandparents of this English singing sensation even though n.o.body had even heard her sing yet!