The Chalice Of Courage - BestLightNovel.com
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"Did you know this man?"
"I never saw him in my life that I can recall."
"And have you--did you--"
"Did I suspect my wife?" he asked. "Never. I had too many evidences that she loved me and me alone for a ghost of suspicion to enter my mind. It may have been a brother, or her father in his youth."
"And why did you wear it?"
"Because I took it from her dead heart. Some day I shall find out who the man is, and when I shall I know there will be nothing to her discredit in the knowledge."
Enid Maitland nodded her head. She closed the locket, laid it on the table and pushed it away from her. So this was the man the woman had loved, who had begged her to go away with him, this handsome Armstrong who had come within an ace of winning her own affection, to whom she was in some measure pledged!
How strangely does fate work out its purposes. Enid had come from the Atlantic seaboard to be the second woman that both these two men loved!
If she ever saw Mr. James Armstrong again, and she had no doubt that she would, she would have some strange things to say to him. She held in her hands now all the threads of the mystery, she was master of all the solutions, and each thread was as a chain that bound her.
"My friend," she said at last with a deep sigh, "you must forget this night and go on as before. You love me, thank G.o.d for that, but honor and respect interpose between us. And I love you, and I thank G.o.d for that, too, but for me as well the same barrier rises. Whether we shall ever surmount these barriers G.o.d alone knows. He brought us together, He put that love in our hearts, we will have to leave it to Him to do as He will with us both. Meanwhile we must go on as before."
"No," cried the man, "you impose upon me tasks beyond my strength; you don't know what love like mine is, you don't know the heart hunger, the awful madness I feel. Think, I have been alone with a recollection for all these years, a man in the dark, in the night, and the light comes, you are here. The first night I brought you here I walked that room on the other side of that narrow door like a lion pent up in bars of steel.
I had only my own love, my own pa.s.sionate adoration to move me then, but now that I know you love me, that I see it in your eyes, that I hear it from your lips, that I mark it in the beat of your heart, can I keep silent? Can I live on and on? Can I see you, touch you, breathe the same air with you, be shut up in the same room with you hour after hour, day after day, and go on as before? I can't do it; it is an impossibility.
What keeps me now from taking you in my arms and from kissing the color into your cheeks, from making your lips my own, from drinking the light from your eyes?" He swayed near to her, his voice rose, "What restrains me?" he demanded.
"Nothing," said the woman, never shrinking back an inch, facing him with all the courage and daring with which a G.o.ddess might look upon a man.
"Nothing but my weakness and your strength."
"Yes, that's it; but do not count too much upon the one or the other.
Great G.o.d, how can I keep away from you. Life on the old terms is insupportable. I must go."
"And where?"
"Anywhere, so it be away."
"And when?"
"Now."
"It would be death in the snow and in the mountains to-night. No, no, you can not go."
"Well, to-morrow then. It will be fair, I can't take you with me, but I must go alone to the settlements, I must tell your friends you are here, alive, well. I shall find men to come back and get you. What I cannot do alone numbers together may effect. They can carry you over the worst of the trails, you shall be restored to your people, to your world again.
You can forget me."
"And do you think?" asked the woman, "that I could ever forget you?"
"I don't know."
"And will you forget me?"
"Not as long as life throbs in my veins, and beyond."
"And I too," was the return.
"So be it. You won't be afraid to stay here alone, now."
"No, not since you love me," was the n.o.ble answer. "I suppose I must, there is no other way, we could not go on as before. And you will come back to me as quickly as you can with the others?"
"I shall not come back. I will give them the direction, they can find you without me. When I say good-by to you to-morrow it shall be forever."
"And I swear to you," a.s.serted the woman in quick desperation, "if you do not come back, they shall have nothing to carry from here but my dead body. You do not alone know what love is," she cried resolutely, "and I will not let you go unless I have your word to return."
"And how will you prevent my going?"
"I can't. But I will follow you on my hands and knees in the snow until I freeze and die unless I have your promise."
"You have beaten me," said the man hopelessly. "You always do. Honor, what is it? Pride, what is it? Self respect, what is it? Say the word and I am at your feet, I put the past behind me."
"I don't say the word," answered the woman bravely, white faced, pale lipped, but resolute. "To be yours, to have you mine, is the greatest desire of my heart, but not in the coward's way, not at the expense of honor, of self respect--no not that way. Courage, my friend, G.o.d will show us the way, and meantime good night."
"I shall start in the morning."
"Yes," she nodded reluctantly but knowing it had to be, "but you won't go without bidding me good-bye."
"No."
"Good night then," she said extending her hand.
"Good night," he whispered hoa.r.s.ely and refused it backing away. "I don't dare to take it. I don't dare to touch you again. I love you so, my only salvation is to keep away."
CHAPTER XX
THE STRENGTH OF THE WEAK
Although Enid Maitland had spoken bravely enough while he was there, when she was alone her heart sank into the depths as she contemplated the dreadful and unsolvable dilemma in which these two lovers found themselves so unwittingly and inextricably involved. It was indeed a curious and bewildering situation. Pa.s.sionate adoration for the other rose in each breast like the surging tide of a mighty sea and like that tide upon the sh.o.r.e it broke upon conventions, ideas, ideals and obligations intangible to the naked eye but as real as those iron coasts that have withstood the waves' a.s.saults since the world's morning.
The man had shaped his life upon a mistake. He believed absolutely in the unquestioned devotion of a woman to whom he had been forced to mete out death in an unprecedented and terrible manner. His unwillingness to derogate by his own conduct from the standard of devotion which he believed had inhabited his wife's bosom, made it impossible for him to allow the real love that had come into his heart for this new woman to have free course; honor, pride and self respect scourged him just in proportion to his pa.s.sion for Enid Maitland.
The more he loved her, the more ashamed he was. By a curious combination of circ.u.mstances, Enid Maitland knew the truth, she knew that from one point of view the woman had been entirely unworthy the reverence in which her husband held her memory. She knew that his wife had not loved him at all, that her whole heart had been given to another man, that what Newbold had mistaken for a pa.s.sionate desire for his society because there was no satisfaction in life for the wife away from him was due to a fear lest without his protection she should be unable to resist the appeal of the other man which her heart seconded so powerfully. If it were only that Newbold would not be false to the obligation of the other woman's devotion, Enid might have solved the problem in a moment.
It was not so simple, however. The fact that Newbold cherished this memory, the fact that this other woman had fought so desperately, had tried so hard not to give way, ent.i.tled her to Enid Maitland's admiration and demanded her highest consideration as well. Chance, or Providence, had put her in possession of this woman's secret. It was as if she had been caught inadvertently eavesdropping. She could not in honor make use of what she had overheard, as it were; she could not blacken the other woman's memory, she could not enlighten this man at the expense of his dead wife's reputation.
Although she longed for him as much as he longed for her, although her love for him amazed her by its depth and intensity, even to bring her happiness commensurate with her feelings she could not betray her dead sister. The imposts of honor, how hard they are to sustain when they conflict with love and longing.
Enid Maitland was naturally not a little thrown off her balance by the situation and the power that was hers. What she could not do herself she could not allow anyone else to do. The obligation upon her must be extended to others. Old Kirkby had no right to the woman's secret any more than she, he must be silenced. Armstrong, the only other being privy to the truth, must be silenced too.
One thing at least arose out of the sea of trouble in a tangible way, she was done with Armstrong. Even if she had not so loved Newbold that she could scarcely give a thought to any other human being, she was done with Armstrong.