The Queen's Confession Part 34

Elisabeth's natural saintliness was increased. She was always with me and the children. Together we set about making a tapestry rug, which filled long hours of that winter as pleasantly as could be expected.

After dinner the King would slump in his chair and sleep, or go to his apartment to do so. He was gentle with the whole family and could always soothe the hysterical outbursts of the aunts which they could not help letting escape from time to time. They longed so much for a return of the old days; they, more than any of us, found it hard to adjust themselves to the new regime.

I lived for Axel's visits. We could not be alone together, but we held many whispered conversations. He told me he could not rest while I was here in Paris. He thought continually of that terrible drive from Versailles to Paris.

"Those canaille ... How I loathe them! How I despise them! G.o.d knows what harm they might have done you. How can I tell you of the agonies I suffered when I knew you were in their midst? I tell you I will never rest until you are out of this city. I want you right away ... where I know you shall be safe."

I smiled and listened. His love for me, my children's affection for me, and my husband's tenderness were all I cared to live for.

And during that long winter the theme of my lover's discourse was Escape.

After a while my fears were lulled a little. We were in a sense prisoners, but at least at the Tuileries we had a semblance of a court. La Fayette was a constant visitor and he a.s.sured the King that he was his servant. La Fayette was a man of good intention, and in this respect he was not unlike Louis. He failed to be on the spot at the important moment; he was always too late when the decision should be made promptly and too quick when it needed a great deal of consideration. But we were glad of his friends.h.i.+p.

He had evidence that Orleans had helped to arrange the march on Versailles and was certain that those people who swore they had seen the Duc disguised in a slouch hat had not been mistaken and for this reason he believed that Orleans should be sent where he could do no more harm.

The King could not believe that his own cousin could be such a traitor. But La Fayette cried: "Sire, his plan is to dethrone you and be Regent of France. The very fact of his birth makes this possible."

"What proof have you!" asked the King dismayed.

"Plenty, Sire. And I can get more. The rabble which marched on Versailles was strongly augmented by men in women's clothes. They were not the women of Paris as we were meant to believe. They were paid agitators many of them and one of those who organized the march was Monsieur d'Orleans."

"It is incredible," insisted the King; but I pointed out to him that it was not incredible at all. Orleans had been my enemy from the days when I had first come to France; and I could well believe this of him.

The King looked at me helplessly, but La Fayette, sure now of my support, went on: "Sire, some heard the cry 'Vive Orleans, notre roi d'Orleans!' I think that makes it clear. He plans to destroy you and the Queen and set himself up in your place. He should be sent out of the country."

"Let him go to England," said the King. "But I think it should be said that he goes on a mission for me. I would not wish publicly to accuse my cousin of treachery."

So to London went Orleans; and there he met Madame de la Motte and together they planned what further calumnies they could pile upon me.

Those long winter days! Those drafty corridors! Those smoking lamps! And our privacy continually disturbed by the guards!

I do not think I could have endured that winter but for Axel's presence. I missed Gabrielle sadly. The Princesse de Lamballe was a good friend and I loved her dearly, but she had never had the place in my feelings which I gave to Gabrielle. Elisabeth was a constant consolation - and of course the children. My daughter was growing into a sweet-natured girl. She was resigned and accepted hards.h.i.+p without complaint. She was greatly influenced by the att.i.tude of her Aunt Elisabeth and the two were always together. Sometimes when I was particularly sad, I would send for my little chou d'amour and he would enliven me with his precocious sayings. Like the child he was, he had quickly adapted himself to the life at the Tuileries and I sometimes thought that he had forgotten the splendors of the Trianon and Versailles.

"We must be careful not to spoil him," I told Madame de Tourzel, "but he is such a darling, it is difficult. We must remember, though, that we should bring him up to be a King."

She agreed with me, and I often thought how fortunate I was to be surrounded by so many true friends; and that it could only be in times of misfortune that we could discover them.

The King was relying more and more on my judgment. He seemed aware of the change in me and I remembered how in the beginning he had declared he would never allow a woman to advise him. We had both changed.

But there was one quality in him which never altered - that unnatural calm. It almost seemed that he lacked interest in his own affairs.

I heard one of his ministers say that to discuss affairs with him made him feel that he was discussing matters concerning the Emperor of China instead of the King of France.

For this reason I found myself being drawn more and more into affairs. I had tried to keep out of them, but Mercy had warned me that if I did not play a part in them, no one would. Someone must be at the helm of a s.h.i.+p which was being buffeted by a fierce storm. This was said by Mirabeau, who now that Orleans was no longer in France was the one man who could hold back the Revolution.

That man was right. He was brilliant, I knew. Mercy wrote of him often; Axel spoke of him. He was a rascal, said Axel, and we should not trust him; but at this time he was the most important man in France and we should not ignore him.

It was noticed that I was taking a part in affairs. The King would never agree to anything without, as he openly said, "consulting the Queen." The new person I had become, although ignorant of much, at least had a firm opinion on what should be done and this was better than the att.i.tude of the King, which was never the same for two days running. I was for standing firm against the revolutionaries. We had conceded enough, I declared. We should concede no more. Axel confirmed me in my opinions. Perhaps I drew on him for them. He was not only my lover; he was my adviser; and the fact that he and Mercy were in agreement on so many points pleased me.

Mirabeau began to change his mind. He now remarked: "The King has only one man with him - his wife."

And this meant that Mirabeau considered me a greater power in France than the King.

"When one undertakes to direct a revolution," Mirabeau was reported to me as having said, "the difficulty is not to spur it on but restrain it."

I gathered from that remark that he wished to restrain it.

In February my brother Joseph died. I felt numbed when I read the letter from Leopold, who had succeeded him. There had been a bond between Joseph and myself, although his criticism had irritated me; but I realized now that he had meant to help me and how much wisdom there had been behind his comments. Leopold and I had never been so close, so now I felt even the links with Vienna slipping away from me.

We were all suffering from colds; the King had put on more weight, for he missed the violent exercise he had been accustomed to take, and an occasional game of billiards could not make up for it. I myself was far from well and I could not contemplate a long summer in the unhealthy atmosphere of the Tuileries. When I suggested that we go to Saint-Cloud for the summer, there was only the mildest dissension. I felt very relieved and in lighter spirits than I had been for a long time, because when we got into our carriages in order to make the journey, only a small hostile crowd tried to stop us and a much bigger crowd shouted that we needed the more salubrious air and called out: "Bon voyage au bon Papa!" which delighted the King and raised my spirits even higher.

I really believed that the Revolution was over and that in time we should be allowed to return to Versailles - to a different life, it was true, but a dignified one.

What a joy to be at Saint-Cloud! The air was invigorating and how beautiful it seemed compared with gloomy Tuileries, which I hated. I felt the old days were almost back. It was not the Trianon, of course, but it was the next best thing.

Mercy, who was in Brussels, was writing to me urging me not to ignore the advances of Mirabeau, who was eager to bring about a rapprochement and was the one man in the whole of France who could end the Revolution and put the King back on the throne.

I considered the man - an aristocrat by birth who had not been received well by the n.o.bility and had no doubt for this reason allied himself with the Third Estate. He had given his talents to Orleans, but Orleans was now an exile; and Mirabeau wished to turn around and end the Revolution which he had helped to start. Perhaps he had not intended it should go the way it did. Perhaps he had really wished to make changes const.i.tutionally. In any case, that was what he apparently wished now.

He had written letters to the King, who had not answered them. I had read these letters and had not persuaded my husband to pay attention to them, for I believed that any man who could have been responsible for setting the whole tragedy in motion should be shunned forevermore. He wrote: "I shall henceforth be what I have always been, the defender of monarchical power regulated by the laws, and the champion of liberty as guaranteed by monarchical authority. My heart will follow the road which reason has already pointed out to me."

I heard a great deal of this man. Axel talked of him continuously. He was too important to be ignored, he said. We could use him. He had led the people once; he would lead them again. He, and he alone, was able to put an end to this intolerable situation.

"And you suggest that we should make terms with such a man?" I asked.

"I do," answered Axel.

"Why does he wish to join with us now?" I demanded. "Only because he will want to be the President of the National a.s.sembly, at the King's right hand, the first minister. In truth, he wishes to be the ruler of France."

Axel smiled at me tenderly. "When he has restored the Monarchy, the King and the Queen will be in a strong enough position to deal with him, perhaps."

"I see how your mind works."

And because Axel was in favor of employing this man, he was gradually making me realize that it would be an excellent idea. Perhaps Mirabeau himself touched my vanity, for it was to me he wished to make known his plan ... not to the King.

I wanted that summer to go on and on. I dreaded our return to the Tuileries. Axel was staying nearby in the village of Auteuil and after dark he would slip into the chateau and would stay with me until just before dawn. We were reckless, but these were reckless times. Our pa.s.sion had reached a fervor no doubt because we did not know which would be the last night we should ever spend together.

One of those who had been sent to guard us saw him one early morning and watched to see him again. Then he thought fit to report the matter to Saint-Priest.

Saint-Priest spoke to me when we were alone one day and said: "Do you not think that the visits of the Comte de Fersen to the chateau might be a source of danger?"

I felt my face stiffen. I hated this perpetual spying.

I said haughtily: "If you think it right to do so, you should tell the Comte."

Saint-Priest said nothing to Axel, but I told him of this. He was disturbed and said he must not come so often and for a few nights he did not; but he could not stay away and I could not bear to be without him, so the visits continued.

Meanwhile he was persuading me to see Mirabeau and I agreed to meet the man in the park at Saint-Cloud so that our meeting could appear casual. This must be arranged with secrecy, of course, and I was reminded of that other meeting which was supposed to have taken place in a park, between the Cardinal de Rohan and myself. This meeting should be in daylight. Mercy, who knew of the plan and supported it wholeheartedly, wrote expressing pleasure that I had listened to the advice of my good friends. Like Axel he was eager to see the Monarchy restored and since these two were so wholeheartedly in favor of the rendezvous with Mirabeau, I could only believe that it was the best thing possible, so I threw myself into the scheme with enthusiasm.

I wrote to Mercy: "I have found a place which, though not as convenient as it might be, is suitable for the proposed meeting and free from the inconvenience of the gardens and the chateau."

I chose Sunday morning at eight when the Court would be asleep and the grounds therefore deserted, and I went out to meet this man.

I had heard a great deal about him, but I was yet unprepared for his ugliness. His skin was deeply pitted with smallpox and his hair stood up like an untidy mat about his head; this was a brutal face suggesting great strength and vitality. I had heard too that at the first meeting women shuddered and in time grew to love him pa.s.sionately. This was the man of a hundred seductions, who had spent years in a French prison; who had written many pamphlets; who was in fact the most vital, the most powerful man in the country.

When he spoke, I thought his voice one of the most beautiful I had ever heard, but perhaps this was in contrast to his repulsive appearance. His manners were gracious and he treated me as though I were indeed the Queen and with a respect which I so often missed during these days.

He told me that he had pa.s.sed the night at his sister's house in order to be in time for the appointment and that I need have no fear that any of those who spied on me should know of the meeting, as he had taken the precaution of disguising his nephew as a coachman in order to drive his carriage here.

He then began to explain how he wished to serve us. He could do this. He would bend the people to his will. What he needed me to do was persuade the King to receive him that he might lay his plans before us both.

I listened to him. I was excited by his enthusiasm, which was in such contrast to my husband's lethargy. He reminded me of Axel, who was so eager to save me - except that Axel was beautiful, and this man so ugly.

I believed him capable of doing all he said and I told him so.

For his part, I am sure he was sincere when he laid his hand on his heart and said that in the future it would be his greatest desire in life to serve me. From now on I could count him as my champion.

I told him that he had given me fresh hope and he replied that I might well hope, for soon all the humiliations I had suffered would be behind me.

There was such a sense of power in the man that I could not fail to believe him.

I left him feeling that the interview had been one of marked success. Axel was delighted; so was Mercy. I felt all we had to do now was wait for Mirabeau to act.

When I heard that he had written to the Comte de la Marck, who was one of the go-betweens in the affair: "Nothing shall stop me. I would die rather than fail to fulfill my promises!" I was exultant.

The autumn had come and we must leave Saint-Cloud and return to the Tuileries. It was with great sadness that we returned to our dank dark home.

The aunts were wretched. They could only vaguely understand what had happened and they hated the crowds who were always watching us and treating us with no respect; they loathed the guards who spied on us so insolently.

They were constantly in tears and their health was failing. They envied poor Sophie more than ever. Anyone who had died before this terrible thing had happened was to be envied, declared Adelaide.

Mirabeau was in touch with us and the King was receiving him. I pointed out that if some plan was formed which might involve our leaving Paris, it would be as well to have the aunts safely out of the way. Louis agreed with us but in his usual way did nothing about it, so I consulted Axel, who said that we should arrange for them to slip away. They must cross the frontier and perhaps go to Naples, where my sister would undoubtedly receive them.

I shall never forget the day they left. They were desolate, like two lost children. They embraced me fondly and Adelaide cried that she wanted me to come with them ... myself, dear Louis, and the darling children. I said we could not and she looked at me mutely and I knew she was asking my forgiveness for all the spiteful malice of the past. I wanted her to understand that I bore no malice. In the past I had been too careless to do so; now I realized that there was too much hatred in the world for me to wish to add to it.

I kissed them. I said, without believing it for one moment, that perhaps soon we should all be together. And they went out into the courtyard, where the carriages were waiting. I was horrified to see that a crowd had gathered and some effort was made to prevent their leaving.

I heard a voice shout: "Shall we let them go?" And I listened, my heart beating wildly for the answer.

There was a pause, but when, during it, the coachmen had whipped up the horses and the carriage moved off, no one attempted to follow them.

It was only Mesdames - the mad old ladies.

I stood at the window looking out without seeing anything.

They had gone now ... another phase was over.

It was a long time before I heard from them. Their carriage had been stopped on the way; ugly faces had peered at them. As they could not be the Queen disguised, they were allowed to pa.s.s on and eventually they reached Naples, where my sister Caroline welcomed them.

I heard that they spoke of me with something like reverence. So they must have been truly sorry.

Orleans had returned to Paris. Why should he stay away? Because the King had sent him into exile? But what power had the King? The people of Paris welcomed him back. And with him came Jeanne de la Motte. Why should she stay away? There was no danger now of her being asked to pay the penalty for her part in the diamond necklace fraud. Everyone believed that she had been the scapegoat and that I had had the necklace.

She set herself up in the Place Vendome and devoted her time to the writing of fiction in which I was always the central character. She wrote her newest version of the Diamond Necklace scandal. Her works were received with enthusiasm, for their purpose was to revile me.

Meanwhile Mirabeau was bringing all his energy to the problem of restoring the Monarchy. I believe now that he could have done it He was working with the National a.s.sembly and with the King and we were closer now to reconciliation than we had been for a long time. Mirabeau could have saved us. I realize that now.

He was not entirely altruistic. He wanted power for himself and he wanted riches too. His debts were enormous. The King must provide a million livres which would pa.s.s into Mirabeau's possession when he had brought the Revolution to an end and the King was firmly back on the throne. His, Mirabeau's, debts would be naturally settled and he would earn the undying grat.i.tude of the King.

With his golden voice and his mastery of words he could sway the a.s.sembly. Marat, Robespierre, and Danton were watchful. So was Orleans. It must have seemed to them that Mirabeau was planning to destroy all they had agitated for.

He talked fiercely to the King.

"Four enemies," he said, "are marching upon us: taxation, bankruptcy, the army, and the winter. We could prepare to deal with these enemies by guiding them. Civil war is not certain, but it could be expedient."

Louis was horrified. "Civil war. I could never agree to that."

"Law and order would merely be arms to fight the mob. And does Your Majesty doubt which would win?"

The King looked at me. "The King would never agree to civil war," I told him.

Mirabeau was exasperated.

"Oh, excellent but weak King!" he thundered. "Oh, most unfortunate of Queens! Your vacillation has swept you into a terrible abyss. If you renounce my advice, or if it should fail, a funeral pall will cover this realm. But should I escape the general s.h.i.+pwreck, I shall be able to say to myself with pride, 'I exposed myself to danger in the hope of saving them, but they did not want to be saved.'"

And with that he left us. How right he was. How foolish we were. But the King would only say: "I would never agree to civil war."

I, too, was afraid of it - too much afraid to attempt to persuade him, which no doubt I could have done.

Mirabeau was not the man to give up because we had rejected his first plan. He knew of Axel's devotion to me and they talked together of the necessity of getting us out of Paris. Mirabeau believed this to be a good plan and suggested that Axel should go at once to Metz near the frontier where the Marquis de Bouille was stationed with the loyal troops. Axel was to discover the position there, explain the plan to Bouille, and then return to Paris with all speed so that the arrangements could begin.

Axel came to say good-bye to me and I was terrified.

"Do you realize," I asked him, "what these canaille would do to you if they knew you were working for us?"

He knew, he replied. But they were not going to discover. The plan was going through. He was going to transport me to safety.

"They would not care that you were a foreigner," I cried. "Oh, Axel, go away from France. Stay away ... until all this is over."

He merely smiled and took me into his arms. He said that he would soon be back from Metz and then there should be no delay. He would be leaving Paris ... and I should be with him. So he went to Metz and I tried to settle into the routine of the new life - so monotonous, but like a smoldering fire which will at any moment burst into a wild conflagration.

It was wonderful to see Axel safely hack, but the news he brought was not good. Bouille was growing anxious, for the troops were becoming restive. News of what was happening in Paris was coming to them - often highly exaggerated, and he was less sure of their loyalty than he had been. Bouille believed that inactivity was responsible. If decisive action was to be taken, there should be no delay.

Axel agreed wholeheartedly; so did Mirabeau.

"You should begin making plans for the escape," Mirabeau told Axel. "As a Swede you are less suspect than a Frenchman would be." In the meantime he still clung to his first plan. He wanted boldness on the part of the King; he wanted him to behave as though he were a King, to go into the streets, to show himself. He was not disliked, the people showed their affection for him by calling him their little papa.

"I think it would be unwise for the Queen to appear in the streets," said Axel.