In Camp With A Tin Soldier Part 3

With which n.o.ble sentiment the little fellow touched his cap to the colonel, and set off, accompanied by a dozen soldiers, to find the cherries, the peaches, the almonds, and the powdered sugar.

CHAPTER III.

MAJOR BLUEFACE TRIES TO a.s.sIST.

The expedition under Jimmieboy's command had hardly been under way a quarter of an hour when the youthful general realized that the colonel had not told him where the cherries and peaches and other necessary supplies were to be found.

"Dear me," he said, stopping short in the road. "I don't know anything about this country, and I am sure I sha'n't be able to find all those good things--except in my mamma's pantry, and it would never do for me to take 'em from there. I might have to fight cook to get 'em, and that would be dreadful."

"Yes, it would," said Major Blueface, riding up as Jimmieboy spoke these words. "It would be terribly awful, for if you should fight with her now, she wouldn't make you a single pancake or pie or custard or anything after you got back."

"I'm glad you've come," said Jimmieboy, with a sigh of relief. "Perhaps you can tell me what I've got to do to get that ammu--that ammu--oh, that ammuknow, don't you?"

"Ammunition?" suggested the major.

"Yes, that's it," said Jimmieboy. "Could you tell me where to get it?"

"I could; but, really," returned the major, "I'm very much afraid I'd better not, unless you'll promise not to pay any attention to what I say."

"I don't see what good that would do," said Jimmieboy, a little surprised at the major's words. "What's the use of your saying anything, if I am not to pay any attention to you?"

"I'll tell you if you'll sit down a moment," was the major's reply, upon which he and Jimmieboy sat down on a log at the road-side.

The major then recited his story as follows:

"THE MAJOR'S MISFORTUNE.

When I was born, some years ago, The world was standing upside down; Pekin was off in Mexico, And Paris stood near Germantown.

The moon likewise was out of gear.

And shone most brilliantly by day; The while the sun did not appear Until the moon had gone away.

Which was, you see, a very strange, Unhappy way of doing things, And people did not like the change, Save clods who took the rank of kings.

For kings as well were going wrong, And 'stead of crowns wore beaver hats, While those once mean and poor grew strong; The dogs e'en ran from mice and rats.

The Frenchman spoke the Spanish tongue, The Russian's words were Turkestan; And England's nerves were all unstrung By c.o.c.kneys speaking Aryan.

Schools went to boys, and billie-goats Drove children harnessed up to carts.

The rivers flowed up hill, and oats Were fed to babies 'stead of tarts.

With things in this shape was I born.

The stars were topsy-turvy all, And hence it is my fate forlorn When things are short to call them tall;

When thing are black to call them white; And if they're good to call them bad; To say 'tis day when it is night; To call an elephant a shad.

And when I say that this is this, That it is that you'll surely know; For truth's a thing I always miss, And what I say is never so."

"Poor fellow!" cried Jimmieboy. "How very unpleasant! Is that really a true story?"

"No," returned the major, sadly. "It is not true."

And then Jimmieboy knew that it was true, and he felt very sorry for the major.

"Never mind, major," he said, tapping his companion affectionately on the shoulder. "I'll believe what you say if n.o.body else does."

"Oh, don't, don't! I beg of you, don't!" cried the major, anxiously. "I wouldn't have you do that for all the world. If you did, it would get us into all sorts of trouble. If I had thought you'd do that, I'd never have told you the story."

"Very well," said Jimmieboy, "then I won't. Only I should think you'd want to have somebody believe in you."

"Oh, you can believe in me all you want," returned the major. "I'm one of the finest fellows in the world, and worthy of anybody's friends.h.i.+p--and if anybody ought to know, Jimmieboy, I'm the one, for I know myself intimately. I've known myself ever since I was a little bit of a boy, and I can tell you if there's any man in the world who has a n.o.ble character and a good conscience and a heart in the right place, I'm him. It's only what I say you mustn't believe in. Remember that, and we shall be all right."

"All right," said Jimmieboy. "We'll do it that way. Now tell me what you don't know about finding preserved cherries and pickled peaches. We've got to lay in a very large supply of them, and I haven't the first idea how to get 'em."

"H'm! What I don't know about 'em would take a long time to tell,"

returned the major, with a shake of his head, "because there's so much of it. In the first place,

"I do not know If cherries grow On trees, or roofs, or rocks; Or if they come In cans--ho-hum!-- Or packed up in a box.

Mayhap you'll find The proper kind Down where they sell red paint; And then, you see, Oh, dear! Ah, me!

And then again you mayn't."

"That appears to settle the cherries," said Jimmieboy, somewhat impatiently, for it did seem to him that the major was wasting a great deal of valuable time.

"Oh, dear me, no!" e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed the major. "I could go on like that forever about cherries. For instance:

"You might perchance Get some in France, And some in Germany; A crate or two In far Barboo, And some in Labradee."

"Where's Labradee?" asked Jimmieboy.

"It's Labrador," said the major, with a smile; "but Labradee rhymes better with Germany, and as long as you know I'm not telling the truth, and are not likely to go there, it doesn't make any difference if I change it a little."

"That's so," said Jimmieboy, with a snicker. "But how about those peaches? Do you know anything that isn't so about them?"

"Oh, yes, lots," said the major.

"I know that when the peach is green, And growing on the tree, It's harder than a common bean, And yellow as can be.

I know that if you eat a peach That's just a bit too young, A lesson strong the act will teach, And leave your nerves unstrung.

And, furthermore, I know this fact: The crop, however hale In every year before 'tis packed, Doth never fail to fail."

"That's very interesting," said Jimmieboy, when the major had recited these lines, "but it doesn't help me a bit. What I want to know is how the pickled peaches are to be found, and where."